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Messages - E

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1
The Flood / Re: Happy Post Nut Depression Day
« on: May 05, 2021, 10:46:48 PM »
If you're not feeling post nut clarity something is wrong.
I still dont understand what this clarity is or is supposed to be
It's apparently more noticeable for people who get addicted to porn and end up watching more extreme/odd content to fit the bill. The clarity part hits and makes people suddenly feel disgusted with what they just watched, or shows up in some other form such as depression coming back to fill the void from the high of masturbation.
personally, i've cut down to watching porn maybe once a month, and what i watch is extremely vanilla by internet standards, and i still get "post-nut clarity"

there's actually a much older french term for the phenomenon: la petite mort, which literally translates to "a little death"—it's like the brain is distressed that it allowed itself to be overcome by carnal desire once again

the fact that casper doesn't understand it also leads me to think the phenomenon may be linked with intelligence

Wow colour me surprised I didn't think the most intellectual interaction I'd have today would be about basement dwellers and depressed millenials blowing their loads over bell delphine's bathwater. God works in mysterious ways as they say.

I don't get no magic nut clarity since my ability to produce dopamine and serrotonin were fucked a long time ago, so no need to wank into a sock for me, I guess if we're gonna sit around and talk about that shit like drinking buddies.
Like, if the "clarity" is just the feeling of moving onto something productive, then yeah I get that.  Maybe being on hrt affects things too.  But I've noticed that compared to my friend, or whatever you'd wanna call him, he gets tired afterwards but I feel more awake.  Idk im not sure what the nut has top do with the clarity of my conscious tho, when dwelling on things is my default state

Ten thousand percent not about the main topic, but while we're on the topic of hormones I may as well shoot. Lately I've read up on studies being done on soy and why it's bad for for either men or women because it disrupts their hormone levels. Too much of that is associated with cancer.

Been a question I've had on the mind for a long while now. If disrupting hormones increases the likelyhood of cancer by quite a bit, then is there a possibility in the following decades that we'll see a massive spike of cancer in people who've undergone hrt? I don't wager you've got an answer, but the mention brought the question up.

2
The Flood / Re: Happy Post Nut Depression Day
« on: May 04, 2021, 10:54:39 PM »
If you're not feeling post nut clarity something is wrong.
I still dont understand what this clarity is or is supposed to be
It's apparently more noticeable for people who get addicted to porn and end up watching more extreme/odd content to fit the bill. The clarity part hits and makes people suddenly feel disgusted with what they just watched, or shows up in some other form such as depression coming back to fill the void from the high of masturbation.
personally, i've cut down to watching porn maybe once a month, and what i watch is extremely vanilla by internet standards, and i still get "post-nut clarity"

there's actually a much older french term for the phenomenon: la petite mort, which literally translates to "a little death"—it's like the brain is distressed that it allowed itself to be overcome by carnal desire once again

the fact that casper doesn't understand it also leads me to think the phenomenon may be linked with intelligence

Wow colour me surprised I didn't think the most intellectual interaction I'd have today would be about basement dwellers and depressed millenials blowing their loads over bell delphine's bathwater. God works in mysterious ways as they say.

I don't get no magic nut clarity since my ability to produce dopamine and serrotonin were fucked a long time ago, so no need to wank into a sock for me, I guess if we're gonna sit around and talk about that shit like drinking buddies.

3
Thanks guys, glad to hear you’re all doing decently well

What makes ya figure your job's on the line?

Job is making cuts and putting extreme pressure on my manager. Even though I’m the top performer in our entire location, he’s getting desperate and wanted me to do something unethical which I refused, now he is after me lol.

I’m not too worried about the job tbh. It’s a good job but I have enough money to survive 6-10 months normally and can find another quickly. If anything it’s welcome, I feel like I cannot even preform well in the mental state I’m in

My breakup is messing me up so bad. I feel like it’s bringing up years of childhood traumas and deep underlying issues I’ve had. This girl was incredibly good to me, loyal and full of love. And my pure selfishness is what ruined it. I ruined an incredibly beautiful relationship because of my need for validation and lack of true love for myself. It has brought up years of instances since childhood where I was completely inconsiderate and selfish to the people who loved me most. I feel like my entire sense of self is just disintegrating. Like I am being torn apart in a blender. Really intense :/

If it was unethical then your manager can't lay you off unless you yourself actually trip up and do something to warrent getting fired. The most he can do is the walmart trick. Assign you the toughest/shittiest tasks until you break and quit yourself, or cut your hours until your fold and find another job. That or just be a passive aggresive bag of dicks, which is easy to counter by just not giving a shit.

As for the breakup and past fuckups, only thing I can say is this. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I've gone through a lot of shit. Don't ever wallow in your own trash. Get the fuck up and make your mistakes mean something by learning from them so that you don't repeat them.

You are being ripped apart in a blender because you just lost somebody you did give a fuck about. You're going to be going over it all again and again in your head and it's just going to stew because you helped make the situation you're in now. It'll burn a lot because you had something, and you lost it.

It's natural to grieve and feel like shit. But I've a question for you. What's been the worst day of your life? And was the worst day comparable to what you're going through now, or is what you're going through now the worst day so far?

4
The Flood / Re: Happy Post Nut Depression Day
« on: May 04, 2021, 05:04:17 AM »
If you're not feeling post nut clarity something is wrong.
I still dont understand what this clarity is or is supposed to be

It's apparently more noticeable for people who get addicted to porn and end up watching more extreme/odd content to fit the bill. The clarity part hits and makes people suddenly feel disgusted with what they just watched, or shows up in some other form such as depression coming back to fill the void from the high of masturbation.

5
What makes ya figure your job's on the line?

6
Serious / Re: Coronavirus panic room thread
« on: April 30, 2021, 11:18:02 PM »
So Boris allegedly said "let the bodies pile in their thousands" during talks for the second lockdown.

For any other politician this would be a resigning matter, but it comes at a time when people whose sole personality trait is "alcoholic" will be willing to defend Bozza because they can finally go to the pub again.

I thought it was pretty rich that at the start of everything all alcohol stores in the province were declared essential because apparently saskatchewan communities have a pretty high threshold of alcohol dependents in them who'd go into shock/die, enough to flood the hospitals into overcapacity while dealing with covid. Let's make a deal. Just send all your boozers out here.

7
The Flood / Re: I miss you guys
« on: April 30, 2021, 11:09:12 PM »
What is everyone busy with?

Enough micromanaging to make me irritable. Job for one half the week, helper/taxi driver for niece and sister the other half.  Trying to deal with the long term diagnosis that my heart's fucked with a nice disease and some other discoveries. Been doing a lot of exercising as of late to try and raise my stamina ceiling. I figure it can't hurt now that I'm throttled so badly. Move the ceiling up, maybe move the exhaustion threshold as well.

8
The Flood / Re: the witcher netflix series
« on: April 23, 2021, 10:42:30 PM »
The TV series is actually what got me started both on the games and books. Cavill did a fantastic job playing Geralt.

Little bit of forewarning though. Maybe it was because I knew absolutely nothing about witcher when I watched the show, if you watch it, you're just going to be asking "what?" for a while. And if you're expecting the show to adhere to established lore either within the books or the games, don't. I know it takes some liberties in places (such as the nilfguardians being portrayed as generic bad guy ruler and bad guy army).

Witcher also got caught up a bit in identity politics. Both the books and the games are based off dutch folklore I believe, so most people you meet are pasty whities minus in-lore cultures like the ofieri people or zerikanians. It drives a bit of a wedge when you're watching the show and you kinda get the feeling that certain characters were dropped in there for the sake of diversity rather than lore accuracy. But that can be overlooked if the actors are at least doing a good job.

I think in earnest, it's decent, but clunky and unrefined. I think if the showrunners overcame some of their pacing issues, stepped out of the political spotlight, and stuck a bit tighter to the lore of either the books or the games, they'd have a great series on hand.

9
The Flood / Re: Happy Post Nut Depression Day
« on: April 19, 2021, 10:27:05 PM »
Fuck dude how can I be sad when I have a whole jar of peanut butter to eat

10
The Flood / Re: Happy International Horny Day
« on: April 18, 2021, 01:22:46 AM »
God I hate women so much.  Time to fap.

If you hate women I got something for you

Search up Asanagi
He draws some good faces but he's straight up sexist lol

The Japanese destroyer Asanagi (朝凪, "Morning Calm") was one of nine Kamikaze-class destroyers built for the Imperial Japanese Navy (IJN) during the 1920s. During the Pacific War, she participated in the occupation of the Gilbert Islands and the Battle of Wake Island in December 1941 and then the occupations of New Guinea and the Solomon Islands in early 1942.

11
Gaming / Re: Next-gen consoles
« on: April 12, 2021, 11:01:13 PM »
Haven't kept up with much for gaming news really. I honestly didn't even know there was new consoles out.

Don't have much in the way of time or space to do much gaming anymore. Couldn't cram my flatscreen into my camper if I wanted to.

12
Gaming / Re: Super Smash Brothers
« on: April 09, 2021, 06:41:14 PM »
Pardon my killing time for a bit. Surprised you never changed your stance on mods Verb(minus the half hearted jest here).

Popped into my head recently while idlely thinking how many ways you can technically poke holes in the mods r bad motto you carry via asking questions.
when it comes to mods, i've changed my stance insofar as i care significantly less when other people do it—so long as they're not trying to tell ME to do it, because that would be obnoxious

the least offensive mods to me are those that fix game-breaking bugs, and add functionalities like netplay to games that didn't previously have them (such as Super Smash Bros. Melee), or anything installed after you've already beaten the vanilla game at least once

but even with the former category, that's getting into a sketchy territory on the basis that it shouldn't be up to the players, on principle, to fix your broken-ass game for you—and don't get me started on "lore-friendly" mods, which are, more often than not, far from it

anything that defies developer intentions is an obvious no-go, but even things outside of that still rub me the wrong way, just because i've always valued having an authentic experience with a game

i'm not out here, like most people, playing games strictly for entertainment purposes—i'm out here to figure out what the best games ever made are, because i actually think of games as works of art worthy of critical evaluation, and part of a good critical evaluation is coming to the understanding that a game's flaws make up an important aspect of what that game is at its core, in the same way that a movie's flaws are an important aspect of what makes the movie what it is—and yet, we don't really see people modifying movies very often (although i'm sure there's some weirdos who do that—solonoid just posted an edit of GvK, but stuff like that is pretty outside of the norm)

being able to face up to those flaws, rather than trying to sweep them under the rug with a mod, will allow you to have a stronger grasp of what your tastes are, what the best games for you are, and what kinds of flaws and issues you're willing to put up with in order to play an otherwise fun game—and then, rather than modding those problems out, the best solution is to find a similar game that doesn't have that flaw, and then you won't have to mod anything (because you shouldn't have to—games should just be good out of the box)

now, granted, i do understand now more than ever that 99% of gamers just don't give a fuck about anything to do with what i just said, and just wanna have their dumb fun doing all kinds of stupid shit in their video games, because video games are strictly an entertainment medium for them—and i'm able to concede, at this point in my life, that that's probably fine

i still have a different perspective, though, and i think my way of thinking tends to lead to more fulfilling gameplay experiences—my vanilla skyrim may not be as fun to play as your ultra-modified version of it, but for me, part of a game's fun factor is having the opportunity to experience, discuss, and criticize its imperfections, which you'll miss out on entirely if you decide to mod those imperfections out (whether you care or not)

i don't think any of these thoughts should be controversial or unreasonable—i'm not saying anyone needs to agree with me by any means, but in order to understand where i'm coming from even more, think back to how george lucas likes to keep editing the original star wars movies

regardless of how strongly you feel about the edited star wars films, there's a good chance that you probably disagree with lucas's decision to make these alterations—but why?

probably for the same exact reasons that i don't like modifying games

Glad I get something interesting to ponder and talk about today. Apologies about the possible length. Broad subject to talk about. My intent isn't criticism. But I like analysis. It's an interesting take you've got. But I spot possible holes in your foundations.

Really, where this duscussion stems from was some humor of mine some time back. I got into modding skyrim a little while ago. When I started it, I joked to myself that I ended up on your "people who belong in hell list" for having trangressed upon your moral tenants. Something interesting happened on two fronts as I learned more about modding. I thought about your particular ideals, and I also thought about why I was downloading mods and experimenting as I refined a list of what mods I liked and didn't like, while working with the constraints of console limitations because I'm a peasant.

Let's start by going backwards. I don't particularily care for Lucas's edits because it's just what I refer to as fluff. It's extra for the sake of extra, and it doesn't really add to the core content of the movies. So, for the same reason I don't care for the edits, I'm very picky on what mods I dump on skyrim, because I'm not after "fluff," I'm focused on refinement, as in, taking what's already there and making some additions to that so that what's already there is honed to it's maximum.

Although you're absolutely right, part of the enjoyment in games or media comes from studying strengths and weaknesses. The hole in your reasoning here though is the assumption that we miss out on discussing or experiencing the weaknesses. The core reason I see for many mods being made is because people are aware of a weakness to begin with, but they've taken it a step further into their own hands to fix what they percieve as a weakness. That doesn't negate your view though. I think both are valid for different reasons.

This also stretches onto your thinking of mods acting as a rug sweeper rather than facing up to flaws. I can easily invert that line of thinking and say that when people mod(depending on why of course), they also gain refined knowledge of what they want to see in their games and their tastes about things. They actually like the game enough to put more effort and care into it rather than ditching it for another game down the road that fullfills stuff from the start. And that's because no two games are ever truly alike. Even rip-off games, although clearly being a rip-off, generate different feelings for the player.

The statement about games being good out of the box is also highly counter-intuitive if we're taking your line of reasoning as a stance. If games should just be good out of the box, then there's not much point left in critisizing their flaws, because if devs were extremely focused on "good," there would be little left to discuss or face up to in terms of flaws. However, I know that objectively there's a line somewhere between actual quality development and poor development. Ideally, yes, it'd be peachy if games being released were good out of the box.

I'd also agree that you shouldn't have to mod a game to make it better. But you know, in my time spent listening to mod communities, many people aren't doing the modding because they feel like they have to. They do it for fun, for their own various reasons. In that sense they've gone a bit past the average gamer who plays shit just for fun. They've taken their appreciation or dissatisfaction to an entirely new level.

Another spot you missed. You still are playing games for entertainment purposes. Even if you're not playing the game itself strictly for entertainment alone, your enjoyment comes from analyising the game at an artisitc level and lense. Very much like certain modders, you've taken what you enjoy to another level with you.

And as for movies, I can give you that one, but only half. But only because the ability to edit movies is more difficult than modding. I think that if some new app or tech came out that allowed people to edit movies to the level that you can with games, you'd have a "movie modder" community in no time.

Theoretically they already exist. Ever stumble across music videos on youtube coined as "multi-fandom" Verb? People taking clips from dozens of movies and editing them together into a composite work to tell their own story or create their own feeling? Most are simplistic, others knock it out of the park. Can't forget the meme edits of movies too. Granted those are micro edits, and not the entire movie, but it's the same principle. Some mods alter micro sections of a game.

I will acknowledge the downside of mods though, although it's heavily dual. It is a shame that devs use mod intergration as a means of putting the work into their games to make them run better by letting the communities do the work. But on the other hand, it's also... inspiring I guess, because in those instances it's the communities's manifestation of just how much they love their fandom.

You talk about art, Verb. At its core, art is about emotions, ideas, and expression in any form. I won't say that what all modders do is art. But what some of them do on principle is the same principle as art. They manifest emotions into something. And in reality, some of what they do is art. I've played a few quest mods in skyrim done by the fans. And some of them are either so seamless they either fit into the game like they were there all along, or they tell a unique and thoughtful or just plain up awesome story. And that could have never happened had the game not been modded, because those micro-developers chose that game as a base to tell their story.

I'm certainly not ragging on you that you enjoy an authentic experience. But even that falls on shady ground Verb. What defines an authentic game experience for you? If the devs release a patch to fix an issue, or like they did in the old days, an expansion pack on another disc, does that ruin the baseline authentic experience for you? Or does it just still count as the authentic experience solely because it's the devs who did it?

And if that's the case, why does the title of developer enable so much possible leeway? The only difference between a developer and a modder is that they weren't hired by a conglomorate of people working under a unified name and getting paid for it.

And lastly. Here's some food for thought Verb. I recently watched a Dark Souls challenge video. The game was modded so that every single enemy was replaced with Gwyn. I both laughed my ass off and was superbly inpressed by the guy's devotion to beat the game at that level, especially the starting area. You yourself would never mod the game to do that, and neither would I. And yet through modding I got to witness that absolute spectacle and enjoyed every minute of it.

Again Verb, I'm not arguing that you change your stance because I can indeed understand it. But in certain instances, I can understand why mods are a thing as well. They're the exact same manifestaion of why you treat games like art, but taken in a different direction due to psychology.

I've a bit of a theory. Ever notice how most modders are dudes? I'd say eight out of ten are dudes. (Not just for the big titty mods either). Specifically the ones who fix stuff or try to enhance things. I think why modding in certain circles has cropped up is because it appeals primarily to male psychology and instincts. When you compare men to women, on average men are naturally more inclined to fix, create, or enhance something. I think modding, to a degree is an expression of this average innate trait.

But that's enough for me. Like I said. Not trying to convince you, just offer some thoughts on an intriguing subject.

13
Gaming / Re: Super Smash Brothers
« on: April 08, 2021, 10:50:36 PM »
so i got the guy who got blown up on twitter for making an "exaggerated jiggle physics" mod to give me a tutorial on how to reduce the jiggle physics to 0

hey guys, i changed my mind—mods are pretty cool after all

Pardon my killing time for a bit. Surprised you never changed your stance on mods Verb(minus the half hearted jest here).

Popped into my head recently while idlely thinking how many ways you can technically poke holes in the mods r bad motto you carry via asking questions.

14
The Flood / Re: Nut?
« on: March 25, 2021, 04:15:03 AM »
YouTube


Speaking of nut here's some great cursed shit.

15
Gaming / Re: Game collecting
« on: March 12, 2021, 02:00:56 AM »
How much have you spent on this collection
over the course of ten years, probably at least $2000, with about half of that being spent over the last couple

if you think that's irresponsible, you should see CIB collectors

Two grand's not bad, really. That's a decent vehicle in good condition for a relative steal. Least you're not me. I've dumped 7k into the lunacy that is the stock market over the last two months. I could fuck off from my job if I dump 20k into things, but the mark I set is 60k. All just money anyway. Made to be spent.

16
I don't know if you wanted school themed stuff or not. I don't got none of that.

I was never a huge fan of cities or dense populations. I still don't like them, but I've mellowed out on how hardline my stance is. I kind of miss being an anonymous passerby. I could just put my headphones on, walk around and stop somewhere, talk to people, hear some interesting stuff, and then take my leave.

I also miss all night places. None of those in the countryside unless you want to deal with drunk hicks. Rather than being unable to sleep in the city and stewing myself to death at night in slow burning misery, I could just go out and have a coffee somewhere. Talk to the other late nighters, or the waitresses and waiters that got to know my face.

If you'd like a joke, I thought I wouldn't like continued living.

17
Gaming / Re: Halo.Bungie.net is going to shut down on February 9th
« on: March 06, 2021, 11:09:38 PM »
Kinda wanted to take one last look at my first profile before the nuke, but I never got around to it. Too bad.
You're just the master of procrastination aren't you. Memory's dim on that one, but how the hell'd you get into Halo in the first place? Or did you just stumble onto the bungie forums and just make a home there?
More of the latter, yeah. Never cared for Halo, but I had a few friends who did. One of them told me all about B.net—how cool the community was, despite being a Halo forum, and how the Flood was the most popular board anyway, so if I were to join, I would never actually have to talk about Halo.

Much like a hipster atheist choosing to wear a cross necklace "because it's ironic," I signed up because the idea of posting on a website centered around something that I don't like was incredibly amusing to me—and as my friend indicated, the off-topic board was where most of the activity was anyway, so I spent most of my time there (until I found private groups).

My one regret—just kidding, I have a lot—but a smaller one that I've never really disclosed before, is that I never really had a turnaround on Halo. It'll never not be that one stupid shooter series that my dumb friends forced me to play with them as a kid, after they "grew out of" playing Nintendo games (even though they were still only 12).

I've since played through Halo: CE's campaign on my own in the interest of having a more adult perspective on it, and I wasn't terribly impressed. The music was good, and it felt great to play and shoot stuff, but the guns themselves were hella boring, and the combat was repetitive and monotonous—I also didn't find myself particularly invested in the story, either. It's just one of those games that doesn't really do a whole lot for me, which is a shame, given how special and resonant the series was to pretty much everybody here.

Then again, even if I did turn around on it, it would be difficult to dissociate it from those bad childhood memories. That built up a lot of resentment within me, not only for Halo, but for the FPS genre itself—though at the very least, that sweeping hatred has pretty much fallen by the wayside at this point. I've had a lot of time to try out a lot of different shooters since then, and while it's still not my favorite genre, I'm at least capable of naming a decent number of shooters that I've enjoyed quite thoroughly, such as Half-Life and Borderlands.

That said, I guess I would have to concede that Halo probably opened the floodgates in terms of how modern shooters are designed (for better or for worse), so I guess you could say that I have an appreciation for it on that angle.

Been thinking on that for a bit because it's an interesting insight and it's not one really talked about. I noticed something a couple years ago. There's a buddy I vaguely keep in touch with out here. I probably see him once a year round christmas time when he comes back into the area to visit family. Knew him as a kid. He's got aspergers.

So he and I sit down and play a few rounds of whatever he's hauled along with him. He loves the hell out of anything nintendo. And in a way I honestly kind of envy him a bit. Aspergers keeps his mind locked into a sort of state of semi-innocence and naiveness. To him most of the stuff he played as a kid is stuff he can still play today with sort of the same enthusiasm, whereas I cannot.

This is going to be a longer post because your thoughts touch on a tangent I've had rolling around in my mind for a while, and it's scattered and incohesive to put together. This little realization about my friend also branched out to other things gaming related. Sometimes I listen to community discussions about stuff too, and I often see people talking about newer Halo games and talking about what they'd like to see from the old games make a comeback.

And I really can't help but ask, do these people not see the disconnect in how their mind's changed from when they were younger up to now?

I loved the hell out of Halo when I was a kid, but that was also because it was really the first video game I ever picked up. Being the very first one that I got into, of course it just pulled me right in because everything was so fucking amazing to me. And as the years went along and the campaigns lost some of the magic touch they had, where I could no longer reply them on repeat and just dick around, what replaced that particular magic was multiplayer and the community. The friends made through those connections. Over the years that magic is of course gone as well.

So in the light of that enthusiasm being gone, I often wander back through older games and experiences of mine and ask myself if it was just a combo of my youth, inexperience, and the fact that I wasn't a dead husk yet, or if it was the game itself that was genuinely decent.

What baffles me Verb, is how I see so many communities continue to hold on to this kind of enthusiasm and sense of wonder about their favorites, and not just Halo in particular. In the same way my buddy with aspergers hasn't lost that particular love of the very same old games he and I used to play together.

I guess what part of that tangent touches on is your initial view of Halo as a child. It certainly wasn't likely your first game, so it didn't have the pull with you like it had with so many others, probably primarily because it wasn't a first experience for you.

But that's enough of facing up to emptiness for me today. Catcha round Verb.

18
Gaming / Re: Halo.Bungie.net is going to shut down on February 9th
« on: March 05, 2021, 11:01:37 PM »
Kinda wanted to take one last look at my first profile before the nuke, but I never got around to it. Too bad.

You're just the master of procrastination aren't you. Memory's dim on that one, but how the hell'd you get into Halo in the first place? Or did you just stumble onto the bungie forums and just make a home there?

19
The Flood / Re: Moved to Utah (rant)
« on: March 03, 2021, 11:12:31 PM »

Got an update. He's doin' okay. Might take him some time to respond. We'll all have to wait I'm afraid.

20
The Flood / Re: Moved to Utah (rant)
« on: March 03, 2021, 08:57:43 PM »
Nut Busta, please respond.

I've got a line to him. I checked yesterday. He's doing okay. (Least as okay as he can be) I trust the line I've got, and they've not said that anything else is up today, but I'll be checking up in a bit. Let ya know what's up.

21
The Flood / Re: Moved to Utah (rant)
« on: March 01, 2021, 10:19:07 PM »
Debated on PM's or here. Personally I've no qualms about talking wherever around whoever. Plus Nick's offered help. So I think if any others come along and suggest something in here, better to be open about things. So, there's four rough scenarios here that I thought up as to how things can go from this point onwards.

The first scenario is that you stick it out over there. You keep looking for a job. If I can help, I'll pull on contact strings. Maybe I can find you a place that's out of the shit part of town, or maybe help you find some work. I think it's important to note something here. You had some sort of deal with corporate, so I assume that you've got qualifications for something.

If you're really hopping for a job here, you might have to try and expand out of what you're qualified for. Or dare I say it, pick a shit job or low end job. I only say that from my experiences out and about. I'm a good construction worker and I can do carpentry, but if there's no work, I gotta go with the flow and work on the docks building ships or sign on with a grocery store. Something coming in is better than nothing.

The second scenario is that you turn round and go back home. But I'm willing to bet that comes with problems. You left home because you couldn't find work. Heading back out there likely won't change much. But it's still an option on the table.

I want to talk to you about risks. Because there's a big one here. Your fiance. Listen. I know that love is love and all that. But in a lot of cases I hate to say it, most other people out there seem to have limits to what they consider their love. Unless your fiance's got a will of iron and loyalty just as strong, if you go back to her and nothing changes, over time the chances of her leaving multiply.

If you find a job out where you are, and you don't find a way to close the gap and get your fiance out with you, the chances of her leaving multiply. These are worst case scenarios. I'm not saying that they're going to happen. But they could. And if either of these scenarios did happen, I'll just be honest. I know you wouldn't make it. You'd be in no state to weather that. So, thinking ahead, we opt not to create a situation where that happens. If she's been with you up to now, I'd wager she's pretty loyal. But I know everybody has limits.

Scenario three and four I reserve for last because they're oddball. They'd take time and lot of variables to pull off. But here goes.

Scenario three. Give me one year. I dump 15k into my investments at my workplace to get myself rolling. I get my passport. Take some money with me and take a holiday off work. I either drive down to where you are, hop a plane or take a train. This is under the assumption that you stay in salt lake and get a job.

Scenario four. You get your passport, get some bucks and find a way to get out here where I am for a while. I'd cover your expenses if you bunked with me for a while. Or perhaps long term, we take a look at immigration. But that's very far off longshot.

The reason I add myself into the picture here is because I'm reaching the limit of what I can do to help via text. I can talk to you and speculate about shit. But that all goes so far. And if you're feeling bad enough to try suicide as you did, then I know I'm really at the limit to what I can do with text.

I can help you in person. I can help because in person it's ten times easier to gauge people. You and I could talk in person. We'd find ways. And I could show you a way out of things. The trouble is, I can't do any of this shit over text. So it's either I find a way to haul my ass over to you for a short while, or you find a way to get your ass out here for a short while.

You understand the depth of this? I'll get in my camper and drive all that way if I have to. I'm committed to this if you are. And I know you are. You don't want to die. You just want to live a normal life. I can help you dismantle what's wrong, and I can help you start fixing yourself. But I gotta be there in person to do it. We can make a plan to pull this off. But it all depends on what you want to do and where you want to go. Fuck, if you go back home I'll drive down there if I have to. Take a plane at worst.

I still have some more thoughts, but I'm getting tired now. Long day. I'll just say this. Glad you're alive as well. You shoulda contacted me before trying suicide. You could get ahold of me any damn time of day or night and I'd take the call, even if you borrowed somebody else's phone since yours got nabbed apparently.

You really gotta take me seriously here. Call my ass up or text me and I'll call you, no questions asked, nothing. I don't have the financial leverage to come see ya right now, but if we set this up, I will. I promise you that. We can undo this if both you and I try. You have a way out. And I'll do my best to help you get there, okay?

22
The Flood / Re: Moved to Utah (rant)
« on: March 01, 2021, 01:40:26 PM »
I've got a bit of time before I hit the road.

I'll tell you straight up, don't pursue the fantasy of abandoning everything. You'll end up like I did. Don't isolate yourself or alienate yourself. The more you do, the deeper you're going to spiral. If anything, talking to those that will listen will help.

And if you want my earnest opinion, it's a good thing that the facade's down and that people know something is up. Facades don't do anything worthwhile for anybody. If the price is that nobody believes you, then it's their problem and not yours. You actually know how much certain people care for you at that rate. The ones that actually give a fuck about ya will try to help you, like your fiance. At least now, everything is open and out on the table. You don't have to hide anything, which is a weight gone in itself.

That has to happen if you're going to get out of this. You've gotta be real with yourself, and you've got to be real with the people that are close to you in life. No facades.

I also think you're being too hard on yourself. Think about it. You bump into somebody else who you know is going through the same stuff you are. Would you be as harsh with them as you would be yourself? Probably not.

And I get it. I understand the tiredness, and I understand the rage. The rage is important. That you still have that means something very important. Most of all, you've got a means to do something. If you do it right, rage is a motivator if you control it and you aim it at something.

You're tired of your state? Of being in such a shit condition. Can't find a job? Then fuck it. Tell all of it to go to hell. Tell your condition to go to hell, and get up and use that rage to move and do things. You'll find a job if you search, and keep trying. Take that rage and turn it back inwards. Not at yourself, but at being trapped, stuck in this useless shit. Treat your conditions and your state of mind like it's the enemy. You going to let your enemy walk all over you and just do what it pleases? Or are you going to make damn sure you tell it to go fuck itself even if it kills you?

I'm outta time. I'll be back.

23
The Flood / Re: Moved to Utah (rant)
« on: March 01, 2021, 11:18:52 AM »
Before I get running today. Nick is right. You should get your teeth looked at. Leave em' open like that and they'll be liable to start rotting or get infected if the root's exposed. Spending money you don't have is probably the last thing you want to hear.

Unfortunately money's one of the issues we should focus on at the moment. Get you some kind of job to get some kind of paycheck coming in. I'd be willing to bet your fiance is helping to fund ya, but I know that usually doesn't last forever.

So here's what we can try to do. I'm trying to get my truck camper into the parking lot of my workplace so I can cut down both a shit ton of gas money and useless travel time. I'm really trying to crunch down on my money so that I can hit the investment marks I need to bail from my job, but if you want me to, I can manage my books and see how much I can skim off to send your way if you need help. I can't offer much, and conversion rates will pretty much halve whatever I can send to you, but I'll try if that's something you're willing to look into.

24
The Flood / Re: Moved to Utah (rant)
« on: March 01, 2021, 10:46:54 AM »
And you're beating yourself up for nothing too. Be real about this. You still got family. They're all still alive back where you left em. You're still alive to see them.

You might feel like an ass if you can get back to them. You might feel like an ass just telling them what happened. But they're still there for you, even if you goofed. Ideally, that's what family is. And you really didn't goof from the sounds of it. You met assholes, both corporate and bums on the street. That's not your fault.

Ask yourself a question. Is right now on par with the worst day you've ever had in your life? If it's not, you can beat it. And if it is, then try anyway.

I can only offer one more bit of commentary in the meantime. You've got a girlfriend that gives a shit about you and cares about you. And it sounds like she cares enough about you to help you out. Just go back to her, man. Tell her you're sorry, you tried, and you love her. If she's a decent human being who really gives a fuck about you she'll stand by you. That alone should be enough to get you back up.

Put the ashamed feelings and the desperation aside because they're not going to do you any good. Get up and fight it. Make you a deal. If you can weather the shit that's hitting you right now, then I'm willing to try to keep fighting the shit that's hitting me right now. Come on. You can do it.
I'm just tired of this, Q. I was in a bad place before this garbage, and now I'm in an even worse spot. I can't eat, I sleep maybe three hours a day because all I dream of is dying, and I don't know what the fuck I should do. The fantasy of abandoning everything is becoming more of a necessity because no one I know really understands. I've alienated myself, and the one person who I thought might understand now just thinks of me as some pill junkie looking for kicks. My own fucking dad OD'd, I refuse ALL pills, but he doesn't see that. No one (except you) believes in me. I'm basically a walking corpse, with the façade I've given them shattered.

I just don't know what to do anymore. No one will hire me, no one trusts me, and I'm basically a stranger in a strange land. My fiancé wants me to see someone, but all they do is push fucking pills. I've had sixteen years of that shit to know that's exactly what's going to happen, and I refuse. I don't want to hear "you just haven't found the right one" anymore. I want to be stable, I want to feel something other than suicidal depression or boiling rage at my own inability to feel the former. I want to be fucking normal.

It just feels like I'm broken, with no way out.

Tell ya something. I brought some flowers out to the marker on my property for my SO for valentines. I sat down and I talked to her. I remember looking out at the sky, and I realized I haven't heard her voice in nine years. And that made me tired. Really tired. Like I got up afterwards and I was just empty. And not just that, but I was fully aware of just how much there's a part of me that still wants to die. To just quit. It was like the full weight of how long I'd been carrying this hit me in full, and it just knocked me down. The only thing stopping me from not eating and just starving myself in bed was the promises I made to past friends, and to her. So when I say that I'm tired, I mean it.

Right now I can't see a future ahead of me. But I have my jobs to do. Family needs me and a couple friends out here count on me. If I can make their day, give them something, that's enough. And maybe, depending on how or if I find a way to deal with this new situation in my head, I won't have to worry about not seeing a future ahead. But that's me. Let's get to your side of the fence.

I get it about the pills. I've developed immunity to at least two kinds of anti-depressents. And the problem with all doctors these days is that they push the pills, but they don't give you solutions to what's causing the problems in your life. The pills might actually work for upping you for a while. But if you don't solve the shit that's causing issue in your life then they're useless for the time that they give the boost to you.

How they should be applied is such. You take them, they give you a boost, and in that boosted state you solve issues in your life and fix shit. And then when that's settled and you build up more immunity, you go off the pills and you become stable on your own. So if I were to suggest anything, don't write off the pills entirely. But before you do anything at all with them, you need to understand the components of why your life is not working properly.

I've got a lot to write out to you because I've got a lot of ideas, but I need some time to put them together. So I'm gonna do my stuff today, and I'm gonna think about it. I'll write more later tonight.

Here's some loose ideas for you. You've got trouble talking. If you trust me enough, let me talk to your fiance. I can explain things to her. That's only if you feel like there's gaps in communication with her. One of the things that will help you out is communication, and if you start communicating with her, that will help. If not communication, she needs a better understanding of what your situation is.

The second loose idea is this. You're down in Utah. You're not far from the canadian border, specifically saskatchewan. If you've got a passport and enough money, you can camp out in canada for a period of six months if you get a visa or working visa. Assuming they'd let you through with covid, if you could find a way to get into Saskatchewan, I'd help you.

I don't have much for contacts in utah, probably zero to be honest, but I could help you with the job searching. The wonders of the internet and word of mouth, right?

But that's all for now. I'll get back to you later tonight, promise.

25
The Flood / Re: Moved to Utah (rant)
« on: February 28, 2021, 06:00:34 PM »
And you're beating yourself up for nothing too. Be real about this. You still got family. They're all still alive back where you left em. You're still alive to see them.

You might feel like an ass if you can get back to them. You might feel like an ass just telling them what happened. But they're still there for you, even if you goofed. Ideally, that's what family is. And you really didn't goof from the sounds of it. You met assholes, both corporate and bums on the street. That's not your fault.

Ask yourself a question. Is right now on par with the worst day you've ever had in your life? If it's not, you can beat it. And if it is, then try anyway.

I can only offer one more bit of commentary in the meantime. You've got a girlfriend that gives a shit about you and cares about you. And it sounds like she cares enough about you to help you out. Just go back to her, man. Tell her you're sorry, you tried, and you love her. If she's a decent human being who really gives a fuck about you she'll stand by you. That alone should be enough to get you back up.

Put the ashamed feelings and the desperation aside because they're not going to do you any good. Get up and fight it. Make you a deal. If you can weather the shit that's hitting you right now, then I'm willing to try to keep fighting the shit that's hitting me right now. Come on. You can do it.

26
The Flood / Re: I work at a call center now
« on: February 25, 2021, 09:52:42 PM »
Gods be with yee. Customer service is always a fuckin' nightmare.
I love customer service what are you talking about

Any job I can sit a a desk all day and do no manual labor is a good job

How much do you get paid
I start at $13

I've never had a customer service job that didn't make me want to tie a noose and do a backflip off the chair. Guess it depends on the clientele. Only time people weren't total assholes was when I was painting houses, just picky, which is okay.

Guess we're opposites on that front. Couldn't pay me to sit round all day. Have to keep moving otherwise I'll start getting depressed. If you rolled an okay CS job, then count yourself lucky and hope it's not just a calm before the storm deal.
I'd say it's less about the clientele and more about the client. That is, some people are more tailored for customer service interaction, and some are more tailored for other things.

For example, I know a lot of people who work manual labor jobs, and love the exercise, being outside, etc. Me personally, I would absolutely despise any job where I had to exert myself all day. Some people have no tolerance for bullshit and wouldn't be able to put up an amicable front to annoying customers all day. I have no problem doing that, and in fact look forward to calls to kill time and let me do stuff.

It just depends on what the person is suited for. Sorry for not responding to your PMs btw, I'll get to them soon I just don't go on the internet as much as I used to.

All good. Just leaving you a heads up. I'm gutting the interior of my truck camper to insulate it for the winter and refurbish it. I've got a trailer being built that can support the camper without bottoming out the shocks over a few years. This stuff'll all be coming together in the next month or so.

I'm striking up a deal with my workplace to see if I can live in their parking lot like a typical homeless millenial. It'll save me a lot of gas money and travel time, and probably a lot of wear on my heart which can't afford the beat downs anymore. Only catch is parking lots don't have internet. So I'll likely be going dark for long stretches of time unless I want to haul my sorry ass and a labtop to a tim hortons or something.

Depending on when I next hop around, take care of yourself Class. Don't be a shit person and don't let whatever shit you got behind you rule your life. Good luck out there.

27
The Flood / Re: Welcome to Cockbuster
« on: February 21, 2021, 01:19:55 AM »
Let's go with Gushing Grannies 12, a true classic

28
Serious / Re: Coronavirus panic room thread
« on: February 19, 2021, 10:32:06 PM »
Lockdown extended till April 18th.

Send help.
I haven't seen my friends for a year now. Haven't seen my grandparents for over a year.
There were some reports that this was not a bat but some experiment gone wrong since the alleged Wuhan wet market did not actually sell bats and also the other SARS coronavirus variants were not as potent and could not evolve so fast from SARS of 2018/2019.
Whatever caused it, its a poopy-doody and I don't like it.

There's been suspicions for a while now that corona was active long before China had its outbreaks, and that it didn't originate in China. I know the year before cooties showed up, some weird ass cold(with a hell of a lot of symtoms lining up to cooties) passed through some communities out here and caused surprise deaths due to pneumonia. I picked the damn thing up and it just about had me hospitalized with what it did to my lungs.

Course there's a lot of theories about it being tampered with as well, or spread on purpose even if it was naturally occurring. Either way guess it's around now. Just wish the governments would stop acting like a bunch of fuckwits in their policies and pretending they give a fuck when they had their chance at the beginning of this shit and they did nothing.

29
The Flood / Re: I work at a call center now
« on: February 19, 2021, 10:22:26 PM »
Gods be with yee. Customer service is always a fuckin' nightmare.
I love customer service what are you talking about

Any job I can sit a a desk all day and do no manual labor is a good job

How much do you get paid
I start at $13

I've never had a customer service job that didn't make me want to tie a noose and do a backflip off the chair. Guess it depends on the clientele. Only time people weren't total assholes was when I was painting houses, just picky, which is okay.

Guess we're opposites on that front. Couldn't pay me to sit round all day. Have to keep moving otherwise I'll start getting depressed. If you rolled an okay CS job, then count yourself lucky and hope it's not just a calm before the storm deal.

30
The Flood / Re: I work at a call center now
« on: February 19, 2021, 01:19:30 AM »
Gods be with yee. Customer service is always a fuckin' nightmare.

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