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Messages - Carmen
« on: January 16, 2020, 06:40:18 PM »
This is something that happened lol. The speech ends at 30:47, so you can skip there for the funny part where I give an update on my life.
Hmmm GHB sounds lovely. What are they?This is a cool thread, thanks for checking in! I've been well - really taken to this new job and Florida isn't as bad as I expected. I had some big problems with DXM this weekend (Monday/Tuesday) but I'm getting over that now, luckily. I just couldn't sleep, it was really bad for that reason alone lol. Made everything involving the trip a lot worse. The funny thing is that alcohol is what saved me, I still had some hard lemonade from a while ago and drank that so I could just pass out.GHB bro
« on: January 15, 2020, 03:32:40 PM »
My dick doesn’t workAh, sorry to hear that. Urinary problems are always tricky.
« on: January 15, 2020, 03:19:53 PM »
You don't need some super high-def television to watch films, but yeah watching a movie on your phone is just weird. There's no way you can see everything you need to. Even a laptop screen is better than a phone.
« on: January 15, 2020, 03:16:06 PM »
How is everyone? I hope we're all making progress in our lives. I'm still hosting movies every night if you ever want to watch something cool. I'm of course back on DXM but it's doing wonders for me and I'm using it well. Things are looking up!
Please let me know any updates about you, too.
This is a cool thread, thanks for checking in! I've been well - really taken to this new job and Florida isn't as bad as I expected. I had some big problems with DXM this weekend (Monday/Tuesday) but I'm getting over that now, luckily. I just couldn't sleep, it was really bad for that reason alone lol. Made everything involving the trip a lot worse. The funny thing is that alcohol is what saved me, I still had some hard lemonade from a while ago and drank that so I could just pass out.
Going to be more careful in the future for sure. This was my first big binge since being here. Next time I use this substance on the weekend I need to measure my dosages with much more precision.
« on: January 14, 2020, 11:20:58 AM »
Good move to do this! Also very nice Lynch video - I love that man
« on: January 14, 2020, 10:02:10 AM »
« on: January 14, 2020, 09:59:59 AM »
I feel like this thread is very genuine, but it still somehow feels very belittling. I don't think Joan is putting on an act lol. Good questions you asked her though, and I'm glad someone is willing to ask things others aren't, because I was kinda curious about literally all of those questions too.
is there someone here who actually loves their day-to-day routine?me
Yikes!. . . This thread is particularly revealing. I am not that bad anymore. It's so much nicer now. I can actually see a positive light out there. I'm an ace at my job. I don't want to die. I will be okay.
No work, just me. And by weekend - sorry, I actually mean my days off. Those days are Monday and Tuesday. I've really been having a hard time with TVC/Discord stuff. The fact that this is my important issue, is a luxury. I know. That's why I'm trying to stay on the path of good.
I'll use Sep7agon a lot in these coming days. It's nice to be able to take your time with your posts. You can reword things and such. I hope that this will be a positive weekend.
Crazy how your perception of a character can change. Since he was spared by Rick and jailed, Negan has become such a cool, fascinating character. His personality is a lot better when he's not in power, when he's been humbled. He was annoying as an antagonist, but as a side character / protagonist I love him.
« on: December 06, 2019, 09:49:02 AM »
no more dxm?Nope! I'm done with insobriety.
Take this criticism: "Go to 22° 13′ 40.8″ N, 113° 55′ 58.8″ E, and become my forced escort!"OK! Meet me on the 10th
If you’re talking about Jono’s Discord, I believe you were kicked because not only did you use emotes others found annoying, but you literally said something along the lines of “Oh, this channel is for playing Halo? Lol let’s talk about something else.”Um, no. I left that one on my own accord because Nuka said "go away" and I didn't want to be a jerk. I was referring to Challenger's discord.
« on: December 04, 2019, 12:00:17 AM »
No, I wasn't. I did nothing to deserve a ban, except having the name "Carmen". You'll respond with something like "that's why it was a just ban", but I'm over it. Hope you have a good night, even if we don't get along.
« on: December 03, 2019, 06:35:13 PM »
it’s basically like a group text.
I don’t have anyone in the server that I wouldn’t associate with in person.Pretty much the worst way to run a community, IMO. It's supposed to be an emulation of a society, not an emulation of you and your middle school friends hanging out in your room. This post makes me feel better about being unjustly banned, actually, so thanks for this explanation of how you see your server.
« on: December 03, 2019, 06:08:45 PM »
I've taken the criticism I've gotten IRL and on the Internet and have applied it. The result of my sobriety is more focus on things that matter, but also a much more jaded view of myself and others. I don't make friends with people as easily, and I can't see the best in everyone anymore.
If you don't like my personality or humor, there's not much I can do there. But to ban me from a Discord for my name when I'm trying to be a nice, reasonable person is just a little bit petty, I think. You can't hate me for the party line when I haven't done those things since I came to Florida. I've been excelling at my job, and actually got my first raise of my professional life last week. I've been taking it very seriously, but I guess I'll always be a bit stigmatized here. It's disheartening for sure, but I shouldn't complain. I've earned the distrust from my past, but despite what the cynics will say, people can change. I hope the perception of me can change too.
« on: November 14, 2019, 02:44:08 PM »
Even SecondClass, who is a braindead walking trainwreck and will probably die from overdose in the next 2 years, is a more redeemable person.
E X C E L L E N T
I'm glad, Solonoid. It doesn't mean much coming from me, but I'm really proud of the changes you've made in your life. This might sound cheesy or sarcastic, but you're genuinely an inspiration to me and I hope you can forgive me for how I've treated you. You're a far better person than me, and hearing you say all of this made me smile.
We've all made mistakes, and as long as we admit them when we see them and try to progress, I think there's hope.
I woke up feeling bright and refreshed. My mom had to go into Orlando for an EEG, that's a neuroscience thing to get more info on whatever's causing her brain to have seizures. I took a shower, had a light breakfast, and went into work. I recently moved to Florida, as some of you know, and I'm quickly proving myself at my new hotel job. So far, I've gotten nothing but compliments and assurances of my expertise at being a front desk agent, and I really want to keep that going. Being on drugs would do nothing but weigh me down.
I spent some time today reviewing my life through the countless threads I've made on this site. I don't like the person I've made myself out to be, and I while I believe I've changed, I understand if most of you aren't convinced. While a straight-edged life is boring, it's fruitful and it's exactly what my family and myself need right now. I can't afford another slip. I can't afford anything less than perfection right now. I only make $10 an hour, my mom doesn't work, and our rent is $900 a month.
We escaped my abusive stepfather, but now we're facing reality. I don't have a lot of hormones left, and while yes, I'd like to continue my transition, any goals of passing as a girl are out the window for me. I don't have enough money for drugs, and my new mindset refuses to let me break any laws in search of a brief escape from sobriety. I'm a bad person, one of the worst I know. I'm not pretending to be altruistic, but at the same time it hurts me to see my mom and brother suffer. I kind of hate their personalities, same as I hate mine. But there's nothing left to do.
The adventure I had today was just accepting all of this. For the next long while, I won't be happy or even entertained, but I need to keep up the facade of happiness so I can be liked. No one likes a negative jerk. The point of this thread is just to get this down. My mission: to use the gifts granted to me - my natural amicability, my physical health, and my experience - to provide for myself and my family, until I'm not needed anymore. Maybe then, I'll find a place to rest my spirit.