Climb the ladder and go up top, and the drake fire will kill everyone on the bridge, netting you a bunch of souls. Then jump back down to the bonfire and repeat.

His piercing blue eyes stared directly into hers, his quivering lips just barely out of reach of the mouth that so desperately wanted to kiss them. She gazed at him longingly, waiting for him to lean in closer and take her in his passionate, welcoming embrace. He bit his lip playfully, daring her to lean towards him but he pushed her back gently every time. He was a teasing, playful lover that took pleasure in making his lady grow hungry with each bated breath. They lay together on the soft fabric of the bed, the soft droplets of rain making gentle tapping sounds as they hit the window, trickling slowly down the steamy pane. He finally leaned in close to her and she could feel his hot, minty breath bearing down on her skin, driving her wild with lust. She grabbed him tight and forcefully rolled him onto his back, placing a single finger on his lips and giving him a mischievous wink. She began to kiss his forehead gently, slowly making her way down his inviting body. She was about to- Hal was unable to read the rest, due to a large chunk of the page having been unevenly cut out by Jeff.
  Turning the page over to the other side, he could see that there had been a competition on the page that Jeff had no doubt entered, and probably lost. Above the missing area of page, there was a large piece of text that announced a fabulous competition to win a brand new ‘Roaster Toaster, for all your crispy, crunchy and crusty needs!’ What Jeff needed a new toaster for, Hal had no clue. They had a perfectly good toaster in the ship’s kitchen, albeit without the amazing ‘roast’ function.
   Grumbling, he turned over to the next page, where the readers’ letters were published, most of which were completely made up. There wasn’t much to read on board the Maria, the only books they had owned were the instruction manuals, which Jeff had sold weeks ago. The only reading material that was currently on board happened to be a small pile of women’s magazines that Jeff had taken from the waiting room of the hospital station, while Hal was having his monthly check up. The content of the magazines wasn’t too much of a stimulating experience in the way of literature, but it was better than nothing. The fan-written stories and letters could often be quite an interesting read, in moments when there was nothing else to do.
  Hal rose from his pilot chair, stretching his arms as he did so. He had been wedged comfortably there for a few hours, trying to pass the time until they arrived at Joy Station. The ship was in drift mode, sailing automatically towards the station on a pre-selected course that Hal had activated.     Jeff and Hollo’s child were both asleep but Hal had trouble with it sometimes. There were nights where he just couldn’t rest, so he had to find ways to occupy himself until he hopefully eventually got tired. Usually he just listened to his music, but since meeting the lead singer of The Afterburners during a bizarre hallucination he had decided to give it a break. He had searched the ship for something to do, checking to see if all the systems were working fine, and nothing needed doing. There were repairs needed of course, but nothing he could do out in space alone. He had settled on the women’s magazines, and he had burned through about four of them before he decided to get up and go for a walk. The low hum of the engines was comforting, total silence probably would have driven him insane.
  He stopped at the engine room, deciding that the whirring sound of the mini-turbines would be soothing to his restless mind. A large pile of empty cardboard boxes were stacked in the corner of the room, perfect for a temporary seat. The pile of boxes was vast, so Hal simply lowered himself on to them instead of taking one or two to use as a makeshift chair. The mini box-lounge was actually extremely comfortable, and coupled with the almost hypnotic sound of the turbines, Hal found himself drifting into a comfortable sleep.

  Jeff rose from his bed with a great yawn, stretching his arms widely. He checked the time on his info pad, and yawned again. It was just past midnight, and he really had to use the bathroom. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed and into his patterned blue slippers, he grabbed his lilac dressing gown and made his way to the ship’s bathroom. All was still, the only movement coming from the small bubbles in Holly’s tank as Jeff passed by. They had decided to name Hollo’s son Holly for consistency’s sake. He was young and curious, always eager to learn more about the galaxy, and Jeff did the best he could do teach him all he knew. Recently he had been learning all about the wonders of television, and the amazing number of shows that were all waiting to be seen. Scratching under his armpit and blinking sleepily, Jeff continued on his quest, reaching the bathroom at the end of the hallway. He sat down very slowly, as the toilet seat was chilly due to the lack of heating on the ship. Lowering himself cautiously on to the seat, he grabbed a nearby magazine and began to do his business.
  About five minutes later, Jeff was finished. He reached out to grab the toilet roll, but his effort was in vain. The roll was empty. Gone. Kaput. A wave of intense dread swept over Jeff as he desperately tried to think of a solution. He did not want to ruin his dressing gown, and his hand was out of the question. Remembering that there was a large stack of boxes containing toilet paper in the engine room, Jeff clambered off the toilet seat and began to waddle down the corridor to the room where his soft, tear-resistant saviour was waiting for him. It was a perilous journey, Jeff had to make sure to walk with his legs apart to avoid spreading the mess, and it was an almost comical sight. He almost looked like something out of an old Western, doing that strange walk the cowboys did, though this was no made up cowboy movie, this was very real and very serious.
  He entered the engine room and waddled over to where the lightswitch was, almost tripping over a small box that was left on the floor. Flicking the switch, Jeff breathed a sigh of grateful relief as he spotted the tremendous heap of boxes, some of which were open with the welcoming rolls of toilet paper peeking out of the top. They were stacked quite high though, so Jeff would have to grab one of the rolls from the bottom. As his eyes travelled down the pile, he noticed the sleeping body of Hal, snoring away, almost in tune with the sound of the turbines. It would have been a pleasant sight, if not for the fact that Hal was fast asleep on the very resource that Jeff currently needed most in this world.
  Not wanting to wake him from his beauty sleep, Jeff began to climb over Hal to reach one of the higher up boxes. Jeff wasn’t the brightest star in the galaxy, and he failed to take into account the fact that he had yet to actually use the toilet paper, and he was only wearing a dressing gown. Stumbling slightly as he climbed, he bumped into Hal, their bodies making contact in a moment of severe unpleasantness, and yet Hal still slept. Jeff successfully managed to grab a toilet roll from the box and climbed back down carefully, taking great care not to wake Hal.
   He was almost safely out out of the engine room until his info pad beeped loudly, announcing its low battery level. Hal stirred, mumbling sleepily as he lifted his head and squinted at Jeff, who was frozen to the spot, legs spread apart with toilet paper in hand. “Please tell me I’m still asleep,” Hal yawned, “because I feel like I’m having some kind of messed up nightmare.”

  Jeff pulled his dressing gown even further to hide his embarrassment. “I just needed toilet paper, okay? I didn’t wanna wake you. Just go back to sleep, this is all in your mind,” he said with a mysterious-sounding voice.

  “Okay, I’m going to go back to sleep and hopefully you’ll be go away. And don’t come anywhere near me with that mess.” Hal lay back down and closed his eyes, falling asleep almost instantly.

  Jeff retreated back to the bathroom hastily, finally finishing up. The paper didn’t feel as nice and soft as he’d hoped. He climbed back into bed and hoped that this was all just a bad dream.