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Messages - E
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121
« on: July 03, 2021, 03:07:12 PM »
1997 Jeep Wrangler TJ
goes hard i love it
I need that winch buddy.
122
« on: June 21, 2021, 01:32:46 AM »
I'm still earnestly a bit stumped as to how or why I got carjacked last week when I was out at my sister's farmstead. Like she's out in the middle of fucking nowhere. Course that was the only night I left my keys and wallet in the car right? The fucking odds I swear.
Chucklefuck made it all the way into manitoba before being pulled over. Spent all my food and gas money for the next two weeks on booze and scrapped the brakes on the car.
At least I got the car back but it was a bitch to get to.
Ah the ol' pull the sun visor down to get the car keys movie cliche.
What kind of car was it?
2005 Ford five-hundred. Fucking stupid, honestly. I've always been very careful when it comes to cars. Leave nothing valuable in them, always put my shit in my pockets and take my coat in with me. My reasoning always was, all it takes is one time. Sure enough, the one time I slip up and I paid for it. I spent three days walking on foot to manitoba, got lucky enough to be picked up by somebody who didn't find me suspect or tried to kill me who drove me the rest of the way. Asshole spent the five hundred in my wallet on booze and gas. 167 bucks lost on impound fees and another 50 lost on gas getting back into my province. Costly lesson just to remind me on why to never ever take a chance on anything.
123
« on: June 20, 2021, 06:20:02 PM »
What even is this game?
I've seen it used for benchmarking but nothing about the game itself
I've played it for a bit. Not beaten it yet but here's the gist of it. Imagine sort of a crossover of the SCP universe with run and gun gameplay and supernatural abilities set inside an interdimensional containment building. I can't really comment on the story yet.
124
« on: June 20, 2021, 06:14:24 PM »
I'm still earnestly a bit stumped as to how or why I got carjacked last week when I was out at my sister's farmstead. Like she's out in the middle of fucking nowhere. Course that was the only night I left my keys and wallet in the car right? The fucking odds I swear.
Chucklefuck made it all the way into manitoba before being pulled over. Spent all my food and gas money for the next two weeks on booze and scrapped the brakes on the car.
At least I got the car back but it was a bitch to get to.
125
« on: June 10, 2021, 01:25:34 AM »
My dishwasher and my furnace are ready to collab on a hot new two hour dark ambient album
I'll be ready to take a recording of the howling winds across this desolate flat shithole.
126
« on: May 26, 2021, 01:08:45 AM »
I really want Vebatim to post ITT.
well, if you insist
i don't have a lot to say, though, because i'm willing to bet that i've probably changed the least out of anybody still using this website
i joined this forum during my first semester of college, and after seven grueling years, i can finally expect to get my worthless degree by august, whereupon i can spend the rest of my days worrying about how i'm going to pay the government back for the stupidest decision i've made in my life
i haven't really changed any of my beliefs over the past seven years, and if anything, i've only doubled, tripled, or quadrupled down on the majority of them (because the world only continues to prove just how right i am about fucking everything—and yeah, my bitterness has also increased tenfold)
if anything about me has changed, i'd say i've gotten a little bit better at communicating with people; i find it much easier to express myself in ways that regular people will actually understand now, and i also find myself a lot more tolerant of people's bullshit in general—but at the core, i'm still a pretty angry and spiteful person who doesn't enjoy life very much, because as anyone could plainly see, there's really not a whole lot to enjoy
first person to suggest therapy gets to be thrown off a cliff
See, I'm obligated to suggest therapy now because because getting thrown off a cliff usually has a high fatality rate. I'll drive my deteriorating self all the way out there just so you can do it. Make the legal documents and everything.
127
« on: May 25, 2021, 01:47:07 AM »
Dude wtf congrats
Thanks man. Some big changes for sure.
How have you been?
Edit: just read your comment in the other thread. Anything in particular you're feeling depressed about?
Not really
Things haven't gotten worse
It's just the tonnage that's piled up is getting heavy
Also I said working isn't the source of my depression but thinking about it, it definitely is making me feel worse
When I was in school, I could tell myself that my life hadn't started yet
There was still a goal to look forward to, just hold out for a few more years
But now it's like, this is it? Now what? Hold out for the rest of my life?
It's making time pass by really slow and I'm stewing in the void
Trying to think of how to cobble everything to say here. Your goal never shifted so you never picked up much of anything guiding in school. That means you've done little to no growth towards anything.
And I'd be willing to bet you're stuck with a unique problem. You sit around stewing and wondering if that's the endgame, but when you try thinking about all the things you could possibly do, they all seem out of reach or as if you've already run out of time to do them. Would I be right or wrong on that? Can possibly help ya out if you feel like talking about it.
Well the goals I have are kinda in conflict. On one hand I want to improve the world, ease suffering, etc. On the other hand, I really don't want to do anything at all. I naturally crave the loser lifestyle and would be happy living in a one bedroom apartment working as a delivery driver. I feel most fulfilled when I am helping others but doing things for others just drains me emotionally for some reason. The things that make me happy make me feel dead inside at the same time. So going towards one end would lead me further from the other. Either way, I just feel exhausted and not at peace with myself at all
Now that I'm out of school, I feel like I have to decide who I have to be. I wonder if I'll ever find anything that will make me happy without make me feel like a piece of shit at the same time. I don't know if this even makes sense but I feel like I'm spinning my wheels in place
First things first, you'll get a bit of reading to do. Props to cramming a lot into a little space. I can probably unpack most of that for you and explain it. I'll try to break it down into sections for you. Keep in mind, some of this will be speculation because I don't have all the details of your life, but some of it will be based of what I know for certain. Some of it will be based on what I've experienced through other people. I'll try to let you know what's what as I go. So to start with, let's talk about helping people and improving the world. Spoiler I've met a lot of people that wanted to improve the world. Many suffer the same drawbacks. They look far outwards onto the big problems in life and then they feel shitty because they don't have the capabilities to change those big things.
There's two courses of action for this. One is devoting your life to changing one of the big things. Putting everything into just that. The second option is adopting a smaller worldview and further defining what it actually means to change suffering. I think for you, rather than devoting your life to a big cause, adopting a smaller reference point would help you.
These are my personal experiences and thoughts on what it means to change things. I assume you know I'm the shambling mess that used to be Sandtrap. Pretty sure that old name comes with the notion of somebody who tried to help when they could. I still retain some of those principles, but I've had to refine them and adapt as I've gone through life. So here they are.
I can sit here all day and imagine what I'd do to help my province out if I had a number sum of stupid amounts of money. The programs I'd start, what I'd build and fund and so on. Useless daydreaming at best that'd make me sad like any other. There's a better way to view to changing things if you can't manipulate them on a large scale.
The question is, why'd our world get this way? Through the actions of people as a whole. One by one, everybody decided to do something in particular until we arrived at where we are now. A big collection of singular entities all eventually doing the same thing makes results. So my rule is this. I don't have to change the world. All I need to do is be a decent human being to others when I meet them. Whether it's through helping them when they need it, giving them a second chance when they've let me down, and doing my best to understand their perspective without being confrontational about anything unless my life is in danger.
Repeat this process and eventually it becomes a habit. The importance of this is that other people see you doing it, and when this happens, that means there's a possibility that at one point, they'll follow your example. What starts with one person becomes two, then four, and so on. But I have to be real about it. I can't expect people to want, care, or do anything of the sort that I do, because they have their own lives to live and the consequences that come with.
To me, significantly altering something for the better for a single human being is enough. There are approximately thirty people in my life who've died on me that I knew. Take that number and double it roughly to around sixty. So far in my lifespan I've altered roughly sixty people's lives so significantly to the point where you could consider my presence an important deciding factor. That means theoretically, one day those sixty or so people might think about what I did for them, and it'll be their turn to repay that onto another life. If you actually want to make a difference in the world, you start with what's all around you, and with what you can influence within your personal sphere. Don't look at the wider picture, start with the small. Before I go anywhere else, I'll talk about why people drain you. Spoiler Introvert or extrovert, you sound like an introvert. That means interaction with people takes both a psychological and physical toll on you. You can only interact with so many people before your battery drains to zero and you need to actual time for yourself. If you don't get this time, like too much exercise, you won't recover.
There is also a cost to helping people. It's very easy to output time and effort into helping people while you neglect yourself. This can eventually turn into your coping method if your life is trash. And it ends one way. Total burnout and a depression spiral. If you're expecting people to return anything for what you in particular have done to help them, don't. It'll tire and drain you further.
The thing to keep in mind is, if you're going to help people or interact with them, you need to balance that between time for yourself, otherwise you'll burn out. Now, onto the big one. The loser lifestyle as you call it. Spoiler Simple. The reason why you crave it is because it's easy. It's the easiest thing in the world to do for anybody. People crave simplicity and naturally drift towards what's easy and has less resistance. The catch however is that too much of this creates stagnation. Not enough stimuli or growth for the brain and you feel like shit.
The inverse is also true. Do too much and reach too far, and you burn out. So again, what your life needs is balance and structure. Not too much shit piled on to create constant resistance, but enough resistance so that you never stagnate. The thing about resistance is that we can condition ourselves to face it and go through it. What starts out as something hard to do will eventually become easier as time goes along. Other challenges will come along and because you have the experience, you'll be more inclined to face up to them rather than sit around and slink away from them.
The biggest key to all of it is focus. Whatever we focus on, we amplify how much we feel about it. It works both ways. You start a hobby you like, your attention is drawn to it. The more you do your hobby, the more you love it. You wake up one day and tell yourself it's going to be a shit day or that you feel like trash, all you'll look for are things to make you feel trash.
The reason why the activities you undertake make you feel like shit is not neccessarily because they themselves are trash, it's because you're caught in a stagnant loop with nothing else entering your life to provide different stimuli. But then again, that depends on what they are. If it's too personal, I won't press it. But I wager you've got a problem with porn and loneliness. If that's the case, then it's an issue that needs to be addressed seriously.
And for the last part. Spoiler Since when was there a time limit for deciding about who or what you wanted to be? Every day, hour, minute, we can decide to do something and go a different direction in life, and those directions make experiences that shape and change who we are. Every second that you're alive you're deciding who you are and what you want to be. There's no arbitrary line that says, "Okay bud, pick whether you want to be a bum or superstar the rest of your life."
Truth is, you're not obligated to decide anything either. You don't have to be or do anything even though society or your parents will drop pressure on you. But you'll feel obligated to because you're watching other people around you appear to progress in their lives while you seemingly sit still. And that's what makes you feel like shit. Reading through some of the other people's posts in here, I'd bet my next paycheck that as you read them you feel like shit because you say to yourself "wow fuck, look at how much has changed in this person's life and I'm just here living in a basement wanking off every night for the rest of my life."
It feels like you're trapped in a long hallway with one end. The door is miles away from you, and at the end of the door is death. You want to get to the door, but at the same time you desperately want that hallway to branch somewhere else rather than having your entire life span that one hallway.
I'll tell you something about happiness. You wonder if you'll find something that makes you feel happy without feeling like garbage. Happiness is a perspective. Consider this.
There's a physical limitation to how happy we can feel. So what's the actual difference in the feeling of happiness created between bill gates waking up and seeing that he could buy about thirty countries and turn them into his front lawn, or sitting down to eat a burger when you're really fucking hungry? Absolutely nothing. But, when we consider the scale it's different. People will con you into thinking that sitting down and enjoying your food is smaller than buying a country out of your own bank account simply because it looks bigger.
I'll say this. You can achieve both ends of what you're after in life, but in order to do so what you need to do is balance them properly.
Hope it helps.
128
« on: May 23, 2021, 10:22:45 PM »
Glad to see you're still around. Seems like quite a bit's changed since I saw you last.
129
« on: May 23, 2021, 10:20:23 PM »
Dude wtf congrats
Thanks man. Some big changes for sure.
How have you been?
Edit: just read your comment in the other thread. Anything in particular you're feeling depressed about?
Not really
Things haven't gotten worse
It's just the tonnage that's piled up is getting heavy
Also I said working isn't the source of my depression but thinking about it, it definitely is making me feel worse
When I was in school, I could tell myself that my life hadn't started yet
There was still a goal to look forward to, just hold out for a few more years
But now it's like, this is it? Now what? Hold out for the rest of my life?
It's making time pass by really slow and I'm stewing in the void
Trying to think of how to cobble everything to say here. Your goal never shifted so you never picked up much of anything guiding in school. That means you've done little to no growth towards anything. And I'd be willing to bet you're stuck with a unique problem. You sit around stewing and wondering if that's the endgame, but when you try thinking about all the things you could possibly do, they all seem out of reach or as if you've already run out of time to do them. Would I be right or wrong on that? Can possibly help ya out if you feel like talking about it.
130
« on: May 23, 2021, 12:24:33 PM »
Funny how a bunch of us show up back here isn't it. I've thought about that one before and I still don't really have an answer, other than the theory that in society most of us are oddballs and don't entirely fit in with what'd be considered the normies. I guess I know why I show up though. Out of all the communities I've crossed paths with, I talk the easiest here, that and you people are still actually alive to talk to (although I've got suspicions about some who went awol) I'm sorry the place brings up shit memories for you and caused so much trouble. Funny that it's the opposite on my end, where I don't really have bad memories for what I can remember. Earnestly I think after my SO went down this place was and to some degree still is the only bright spot I've got left.
131
« on: May 21, 2021, 02:25:00 AM »
Coomer, you want some food for thought since I've nothing better to do at the moment?
My first suicide attempt left a mark on me. Death's got a pull on me in my mind at all times. Quieter now than it was before, but still there. I'd just like to surrender. Be pretty easy too. I don't feel hunger anymore, and in isolation with no contact from people I implode within a few days, stop eating and just sleep. Easy to starve myself.
I regularily have to ask myself why I haven't just let it win yet. Logically speaking, I'll die someday anyway. What's the difference if it's now or later? Logical answer I think to myself. I have no information on what happens after we're dead. Nor if there's such a thing as pre "life." Where was I before I knew this particular existence? Where will I go after? There's no theory out there with credible evidence. However, consequence is a thing. If for whatever reason there was something after death or before life(maybe it's the same thing), there'd be consequences to me committing suicide. We cannot escape the rule of causality, even in death.
There's plenty of motivators. I ask myself what my significant other would think. She'd have called me a fucking idiot for trying to blow my head apart with a shotgun. And she would've helped me back onto my feet. The few family I have left would be devastated.
Most of all I try to stay in the game because I know I can make a bit of a difference. I hate seeing other people in trouble because I think, "Shit, what if they feel like I did? I can alter that by intervening and be the person I needed in my life when I was down and out but never got, just for somebody else."
That's good enough for me to keep trying. Besides. If we assume there's nothing after death, then what's a lifetime compared to infinite nothing? No matter how much pain or suffering there is, it's nothing compared to infinite unawareness that you won't feel or be aware of in terms of time.
I also remember what it was to be totally emotionally stunted. No emotional responses or the ability to recognize that I felt anything. The feeling of true emptiness is a unique hell to exist in. I've got fragments of emotional responses back, and I'm thankful for the ability to feel pain or distress when I do.
The actual reality of pain is that it's as much a gift as feeling happy, because without it, being empty is infinitely worse. It's just that with pain, we can get caught up in feeling it, in the same way we chase after happiness. It's a bit like an actor getting into character. Play the character long enough and you become the character. Felling happy or like shit is exactly the same.
I can't re-iterate that one enough to ya. If I had a choice? To feel empty like I did before, or to feel just pain or discomfort? I'd pick pain and discomfort any day because the nothing is just.... the worst. I know it sounds funny that feeling nothing can be the worst. But it is. I'm still fragments of nothing in certain places. Those patches of emptiness are the only things left that I can think of that still frighten me.
Course, other people just don't kill themselves because they're happy and stable human beings with little to no baggage. Pretty simple, that.
132
« on: May 21, 2021, 01:03:40 AM »
I've seen people I knew die before their time due to car accidents or OD's. The latter especially pissed me off.
Spoiler Her father came back home one day (he was a marine sailor and would go away for months sometimes) to find out that his daughter (age four) was dumped in a foster home and the mother fucked off to another country. They were not married.
He spent about a year getting custody rights from the state. As you can imagine, being a single father who leaves home for months at a time would have problems proving he is capable of caring for a child.
Eventually they agree to let him get his own daughter back but regular visits were required.
He got a different job, so he could spend the required time at home and also got a babysitter.
Fast forward a few years, the girl is sixteen and her cunt friends start playing with drugs, she very quickly deteriorates and ODs not long after.
What an absolute waste of life. I can't even imagine what the father must have felt.
^ The point I'm making above is that someone out there put effort into your life. Someone out there cares. Do you really want to shit on them like that by offing yourself?
I often think about what it would be like if some of the people who died prematurely - would still be around today.
Unless you really feel like you have 100%-ed life, you have a reason to keep living another day. Or if you feel like there is no reason to keep going anymore, you know how empty it feels - make it your mission to make sure the people around you never feel like that.
lmao this is so insensitive
The father didn't own his daughter's life, and she owed him nothing. It's her life, that she was monstrously forced into by her cruel parents. I don't care how much unasked-for "work" someone puts into their friend or child's life, that doesn't give them a stake in it.
As for OP, don't kill yourself. There are so many beautiful, amazing things in this world. Invincible season 1 just came out ffs
I don't feel like putting a poker in the fire, but I will. You're not considering both sides of the fence here. If the father had no stake in his kid's life, he would have fucked off and let things happen as they did. But he decided to stay, help try to raise the kid right even though it's nearly impossible as a single parent. You're treating all parents as losers that expect something back from the work they put into their kids. You'd be right for a percentage of them, and those are the losers. A real parent or a friend puts the time in not because they expect a return, but because they genuinely want to help somebody else succeed, feel better, or have a better life. And from the stance of a parent, or anybody, watching a kid commit slow suicide because of drugs is sad no matter how you frame it, and a waste, because it's a waste of potential to what that person could have been. I don't give a shit if anybody believes it. I traveled for about a year, maybe two with a person who was disowned by her parents just for liking women rather than men. She was a talented musician on the street, smart enough to attend university medical fields. But she got hooked on bad shit when some asshole spiked her drugs with the hard shit. And she didn't have the strength to beat it. So she died homeless. I carried her with me to a hospital just to try and get her up from the OD, but that was it. She could have done more, been more, and her parents didn't even give enough of a shit to want her ashes back. She owed nothing to me and yet I still feel so empty that it ended that way, and that's because I tried to stick with her and help because what would've made me the happiest for her would be to see her back on her feet and at peace. She didn't deserve that particular end. Most people don't. It's not about what I or anybody puts into it. It's about the loss incurred when it could've turned out differently. If you believe everybody can be redeemed, then that belief must therefore extend to potential. Everybody has potential for something, and when they don't strive for it or reach it, when they die even though they had the chance to turn it around, that is sad, and a waste no matter how you frame it. It also causes great pain for those left behind. Sometimes I have good dreams about her. I see her face and that smile, I hear a tune. Sometimes I still have nightmares about a walk that never ends and the weight of another body on me as I try to run as fast as I can down a corridor with no end. She always dies.
133
« on: May 18, 2021, 12:17:19 AM »
Since I can't tell if you're shitposting or this is 50/50 shitpost and serious, let's just go with the simplest base explanation of survival instinct. It's biologically ingrained into us to survive.
More complex answer is psychology relating to every individual and how they view life. Life itself is objective and can be viewed in any way a person pleases. So, plenty find meaning of their own while being led on the quiet puppet strings of biology.
If you want a meme answer, everybody doesn't just all kill themselves because that's hard work.
134
« on: May 15, 2021, 12:49:51 AM »
You want a meme answer or a legit answer? Guess I'll give both.
Go with the Das route and do some heavy duty sex times.
If not, just do something enjoyable together. Go out together somewhere, have a nice meal, see a nice place. Depends on how romantic you are or want to be really. Hell, even if you just close up shop and stay in bed together all day, that's fine too.
Glad things seem to be going well at least. Last time we talked stuff was sketchy between you and him. Hope it's smoothed out a bit.
135
« on: May 15, 2021, 12:42:25 AM »
Had to think about that one for a bit. Whether or not there was any progression or if it was just a circle that led back to the same point anyway.
I guess mentally I'm less further into the shitter and I make no efforts at concealing whatever's left that plagues me. Looking back, I think most of my core values are still as they were, I'm just more weathered and fatigued. Less patience for bullshit and people's stupidity, double the responsibilities to undertake.
I'm physically as healthy as I can manage, but breaking down from all the injuries and other shit I have piling on.
Saw a lot of stuff on my travels, saw a lot of stuff back home. There's legitimately some shit I wish I could unsee or take back. Then again it's all ammunition for why I still try to uphold the only core value I've got left mainly. My day was worth getting up for if I could make a difference in somebody else's day.
136
« on: May 05, 2021, 10:46:48 PM »
If you're not feeling post nut clarity something is wrong.
I still dont understand what this clarity is or is supposed to be
It's apparently more noticeable for people who get addicted to porn and end up watching more extreme/odd content to fit the bill. The clarity part hits and makes people suddenly feel disgusted with what they just watched, or shows up in some other form such as depression coming back to fill the void from the high of masturbation.
personally, i've cut down to watching porn maybe once a month, and what i watch is extremely vanilla by internet standards, and i still get "post-nut clarity"
there's actually a much older french term for the phenomenon: la petite mort, which literally translates to "a little death"—it's like the brain is distressed that it allowed itself to be overcome by carnal desire once again
the fact that casper doesn't understand it also leads me to think the phenomenon may be linked with intelligence
Wow colour me surprised I didn't think the most intellectual interaction I'd have today would be about basement dwellers and depressed millenials blowing their loads over bell delphine's bathwater. God works in mysterious ways as they say.
I don't get no magic nut clarity since my ability to produce dopamine and serrotonin were fucked a long time ago, so no need to wank into a sock for me, I guess if we're gonna sit around and talk about that shit like drinking buddies.
Like, if the "clarity" is just the feeling of moving onto something productive, then yeah I get that. Maybe being on hrt affects things too. But I've noticed that compared to my friend, or whatever you'd wanna call him, he gets tired afterwards but I feel more awake. Idk im not sure what the nut has top do with the clarity of my conscious tho, when dwelling on things is my default state
Ten thousand percent not about the main topic, but while we're on the topic of hormones I may as well shoot. Lately I've read up on studies being done on soy and why it's bad for for either men or women because it disrupts their hormone levels. Too much of that is associated with cancer. Been a question I've had on the mind for a long while now. If disrupting hormones increases the likelyhood of cancer by quite a bit, then is there a possibility in the following decades that we'll see a massive spike of cancer in people who've undergone hrt? I don't wager you've got an answer, but the mention brought the question up.
137
« on: May 04, 2021, 10:54:39 PM »
If you're not feeling post nut clarity something is wrong.
I still dont understand what this clarity is or is supposed to be
It's apparently more noticeable for people who get addicted to porn and end up watching more extreme/odd content to fit the bill. The clarity part hits and makes people suddenly feel disgusted with what they just watched, or shows up in some other form such as depression coming back to fill the void from the high of masturbation.
personally, i've cut down to watching porn maybe once a month, and what i watch is extremely vanilla by internet standards, and i still get "post-nut clarity"
there's actually a much older french term for the phenomenon: la petite mort, which literally translates to "a little death"—it's like the brain is distressed that it allowed itself to be overcome by carnal desire once again
the fact that casper doesn't understand it also leads me to think the phenomenon may be linked with intelligence
Wow colour me surprised I didn't think the most intellectual interaction I'd have today would be about basement dwellers and depressed millenials blowing their loads over bell delphine's bathwater. God works in mysterious ways as they say. I don't get no magic nut clarity since my ability to produce dopamine and serrotonin were fucked a long time ago, so no need to wank into a sock for me, I guess if we're gonna sit around and talk about that shit like drinking buddies.
138
« on: May 04, 2021, 10:34:25 PM »
Thanks guys, glad to hear you’re all doing decently well
What makes ya figure your job's on the line?
Job is making cuts and putting extreme pressure on my manager. Even though I’m the top performer in our entire location, he’s getting desperate and wanted me to do something unethical which I refused, now he is after me lol.
I’m not too worried about the job tbh. It’s a good job but I have enough money to survive 6-10 months normally and can find another quickly. If anything it’s welcome, I feel like I cannot even preform well in the mental state I’m in
My breakup is messing me up so bad. I feel like it’s bringing up years of childhood traumas and deep underlying issues I’ve had. This girl was incredibly good to me, loyal and full of love. And my pure selfishness is what ruined it. I ruined an incredibly beautiful relationship because of my need for validation and lack of true love for myself. It has brought up years of instances since childhood where I was completely inconsiderate and selfish to the people who loved me most. I feel like my entire sense of self is just disintegrating. Like I am being torn apart in a blender. Really intense :/
If it was unethical then your manager can't lay you off unless you yourself actually trip up and do something to warrent getting fired. The most he can do is the walmart trick. Assign you the toughest/shittiest tasks until you break and quit yourself, or cut your hours until your fold and find another job. That or just be a passive aggresive bag of dicks, which is easy to counter by just not giving a shit. As for the breakup and past fuckups, only thing I can say is this. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I've gone through a lot of shit. Don't ever wallow in your own trash. Get the fuck up and make your mistakes mean something by learning from them so that you don't repeat them. You are being ripped apart in a blender because you just lost somebody you did give a fuck about. You're going to be going over it all again and again in your head and it's just going to stew because you helped make the situation you're in now. It'll burn a lot because you had something, and you lost it. It's natural to grieve and feel like shit. But I've a question for you. What's been the worst day of your life? And was the worst day comparable to what you're going through now, or is what you're going through now the worst day so far?
139
« on: May 04, 2021, 05:04:17 AM »
If you're not feeling post nut clarity something is wrong.
I still dont understand what this clarity is or is supposed to be
It's apparently more noticeable for people who get addicted to porn and end up watching more extreme/odd content to fit the bill. The clarity part hits and makes people suddenly feel disgusted with what they just watched, or shows up in some other form such as depression coming back to fill the void from the high of masturbation.
140
« on: May 03, 2021, 10:20:41 PM »
What makes ya figure your job's on the line?
141
« on: April 30, 2021, 11:18:02 PM »
So Boris allegedly said "let the bodies pile in their thousands" during talks for the second lockdown.
For any other politician this would be a resigning matter, but it comes at a time when people whose sole personality trait is "alcoholic" will be willing to defend Bozza because they can finally go to the pub again.
I thought it was pretty rich that at the start of everything all alcohol stores in the province were declared essential because apparently saskatchewan communities have a pretty high threshold of alcohol dependents in them who'd go into shock/die, enough to flood the hospitals into overcapacity while dealing with covid. Let's make a deal. Just send all your boozers out here.
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« on: April 30, 2021, 11:09:12 PM »
What is everyone busy with?
Enough micromanaging to make me irritable. Job for one half the week, helper/taxi driver for niece and sister the other half. Trying to deal with the long term diagnosis that my heart's fucked with a nice disease and some other discoveries. Been doing a lot of exercising as of late to try and raise my stamina ceiling. I figure it can't hurt now that I'm throttled so badly. Move the ceiling up, maybe move the exhaustion threshold as well.
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« on: April 23, 2021, 10:42:30 PM »
The TV series is actually what got me started both on the games and books. Cavill did a fantastic job playing Geralt.
Little bit of forewarning though. Maybe it was because I knew absolutely nothing about witcher when I watched the show, if you watch it, you're just going to be asking "what?" for a while. And if you're expecting the show to adhere to established lore either within the books or the games, don't. I know it takes some liberties in places (such as the nilfguardians being portrayed as generic bad guy ruler and bad guy army).
Witcher also got caught up a bit in identity politics. Both the books and the games are based off dutch folklore I believe, so most people you meet are pasty whities minus in-lore cultures like the ofieri people or zerikanians. It drives a bit of a wedge when you're watching the show and you kinda get the feeling that certain characters were dropped in there for the sake of diversity rather than lore accuracy. But that can be overlooked if the actors are at least doing a good job.
I think in earnest, it's decent, but clunky and unrefined. I think if the showrunners overcame some of their pacing issues, stepped out of the political spotlight, and stuck a bit tighter to the lore of either the books or the games, they'd have a great series on hand.
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« on: April 19, 2021, 10:27:05 PM »
Fuck dude how can I be sad when I have a whole jar of peanut butter to eat
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« on: April 18, 2021, 01:22:46 AM »
God I hate women so much. Time to fap.
If you hate women I got something for you
Search up Asanagi
He draws some good faces but he's straight up sexist lol
The Japanese destroyer Asanagi (朝凪, "Morning Calm") was one of nine Kamikaze-class destroyers built for the Imperial Japanese Navy (IJN) during the 1920s. During the Pacific War, she participated in the occupation of the Gilbert Islands and the Battle of Wake Island in December 1941 and then the occupations of New Guinea and the Solomon Islands in early 1942.
146
« on: April 12, 2021, 11:01:13 PM »
Haven't kept up with much for gaming news really. I honestly didn't even know there was new consoles out.
Don't have much in the way of time or space to do much gaming anymore. Couldn't cram my flatscreen into my camper if I wanted to.
147
« on: April 09, 2021, 06:41:14 PM »
Pardon my killing time for a bit. Surprised you never changed your stance on mods Verb(minus the half hearted jest here).
Popped into my head recently while idlely thinking how many ways you can technically poke holes in the mods r bad motto you carry via asking questions.
when it comes to mods, i've changed my stance insofar as i care significantly less when other people do it—so long as they're not trying to tell ME to do it, because that would be obnoxious
the least offensive mods to me are those that fix game-breaking bugs, and add functionalities like netplay to games that didn't previously have them (such as Super Smash Bros. Melee), or anything installed after you've already beaten the vanilla game at least once
but even with the former category, that's getting into a sketchy territory on the basis that it shouldn't be up to the players, on principle, to fix your broken-ass game for you—and don't get me started on "lore-friendly" mods, which are, more often than not, far from it
anything that defies developer intentions is an obvious no-go, but even things outside of that still rub me the wrong way, just because i've always valued having an authentic experience with a game
i'm not out here, like most people, playing games strictly for entertainment purposes—i'm out here to figure out what the best games ever made are, because i actually think of games as works of art worthy of critical evaluation, and part of a good critical evaluation is coming to the understanding that a game's flaws make up an important aspect of what that game is at its core, in the same way that a movie's flaws are an important aspect of what makes the movie what it is—and yet, we don't really see people modifying movies very often (although i'm sure there's some weirdos who do that—solonoid just posted an edit of GvK, but stuff like that is pretty outside of the norm)
being able to face up to those flaws, rather than trying to sweep them under the rug with a mod, will allow you to have a stronger grasp of what your tastes are, what the best games for you are, and what kinds of flaws and issues you're willing to put up with in order to play an otherwise fun game—and then, rather than modding those problems out, the best solution is to find a similar game that doesn't have that flaw, and then you won't have to mod anything (because you shouldn't have to—games should just be good out of the box)
now, granted, i do understand now more than ever that 99% of gamers just don't give a fuck about anything to do with what i just said, and just wanna have their dumb fun doing all kinds of stupid shit in their video games, because video games are strictly an entertainment medium for them—and i'm able to concede, at this point in my life, that that's probably fine
i still have a different perspective, though, and i think my way of thinking tends to lead to more fulfilling gameplay experiences—my vanilla skyrim may not be as fun to play as your ultra-modified version of it, but for me, part of a game's fun factor is having the opportunity to experience, discuss, and criticize its imperfections, which you'll miss out on entirely if you decide to mod those imperfections out (whether you care or not)
i don't think any of these thoughts should be controversial or unreasonable—i'm not saying anyone needs to agree with me by any means, but in order to understand where i'm coming from even more, think back to how george lucas likes to keep editing the original star wars movies
regardless of how strongly you feel about the edited star wars films, there's a good chance that you probably disagree with lucas's decision to make these alterations—but why?
probably for the same exact reasons that i don't like modifying games
Glad I get something interesting to ponder and talk about today. Apologies about the possible length. Broad subject to talk about. My intent isn't criticism. But I like analysis. It's an interesting take you've got. But I spot possible holes in your foundations. Really, where this duscussion stems from was some humor of mine some time back. I got into modding skyrim a little while ago. When I started it, I joked to myself that I ended up on your "people who belong in hell list" for having trangressed upon your moral tenants. Something interesting happened on two fronts as I learned more about modding. I thought about your particular ideals, and I also thought about why I was downloading mods and experimenting as I refined a list of what mods I liked and didn't like, while working with the constraints of console limitations because I'm a peasant. Let's start by going backwards. I don't particularily care for Lucas's edits because it's just what I refer to as fluff. It's extra for the sake of extra, and it doesn't really add to the core content of the movies. So, for the same reason I don't care for the edits, I'm very picky on what mods I dump on skyrim, because I'm not after "fluff," I'm focused on refinement, as in, taking what's already there and making some additions to that so that what's already there is honed to it's maximum. Although you're absolutely right, part of the enjoyment in games or media comes from studying strengths and weaknesses. The hole in your reasoning here though is the assumption that we miss out on discussing or experiencing the weaknesses. The core reason I see for many mods being made is because people are aware of a weakness to begin with, but they've taken it a step further into their own hands to fix what they percieve as a weakness. That doesn't negate your view though. I think both are valid for different reasons. This also stretches onto your thinking of mods acting as a rug sweeper rather than facing up to flaws. I can easily invert that line of thinking and say that when people mod(depending on why of course), they also gain refined knowledge of what they want to see in their games and their tastes about things. They actually like the game enough to put more effort and care into it rather than ditching it for another game down the road that fullfills stuff from the start. And that's because no two games are ever truly alike. Even rip-off games, although clearly being a rip-off, generate different feelings for the player. The statement about games being good out of the box is also highly counter-intuitive if we're taking your line of reasoning as a stance. If games should just be good out of the box, then there's not much point left in critisizing their flaws, because if devs were extremely focused on "good," there would be little left to discuss or face up to in terms of flaws. However, I know that objectively there's a line somewhere between actual quality development and poor development. Ideally, yes, it'd be peachy if games being released were good out of the box. I'd also agree that you shouldn't have to mod a game to make it better. But you know, in my time spent listening to mod communities, many people aren't doing the modding because they feel like they have to. They do it for fun, for their own various reasons. In that sense they've gone a bit past the average gamer who plays shit just for fun. They've taken their appreciation or dissatisfaction to an entirely new level. Another spot you missed. You still are playing games for entertainment purposes. Even if you're not playing the game itself strictly for entertainment alone, your enjoyment comes from analyising the game at an artisitc level and lense. Very much like certain modders, you've taken what you enjoy to another level with you. And as for movies, I can give you that one, but only half. But only because the ability to edit movies is more difficult than modding. I think that if some new app or tech came out that allowed people to edit movies to the level that you can with games, you'd have a "movie modder" community in no time. Theoretically they already exist. Ever stumble across music videos on youtube coined as "multi-fandom" Verb? People taking clips from dozens of movies and editing them together into a composite work to tell their own story or create their own feeling? Most are simplistic, others knock it out of the park. Can't forget the meme edits of movies too. Granted those are micro edits, and not the entire movie, but it's the same principle. Some mods alter micro sections of a game. I will acknowledge the downside of mods though, although it's heavily dual. It is a shame that devs use mod intergration as a means of putting the work into their games to make them run better by letting the communities do the work. But on the other hand, it's also... inspiring I guess, because in those instances it's the communities's manifestation of just how much they love their fandom. You talk about art, Verb. At its core, art is about emotions, ideas, and expression in any form. I won't say that what all modders do is art. But what some of them do on principle is the same principle as art. They manifest emotions into something. And in reality, some of what they do is art. I've played a few quest mods in skyrim done by the fans. And some of them are either so seamless they either fit into the game like they were there all along, or they tell a unique and thoughtful or just plain up awesome story. And that could have never happened had the game not been modded, because those micro-developers chose that game as a base to tell their story. I'm certainly not ragging on you that you enjoy an authentic experience. But even that falls on shady ground Verb. What defines an authentic game experience for you? If the devs release a patch to fix an issue, or like they did in the old days, an expansion pack on another disc, does that ruin the baseline authentic experience for you? Or does it just still count as the authentic experience solely because it's the devs who did it? And if that's the case, why does the title of developer enable so much possible leeway? The only difference between a developer and a modder is that they weren't hired by a conglomorate of people working under a unified name and getting paid for it. And lastly. Here's some food for thought Verb. I recently watched a Dark Souls challenge video. The game was modded so that every single enemy was replaced with Gwyn. I both laughed my ass off and was superbly inpressed by the guy's devotion to beat the game at that level, especially the starting area. You yourself would never mod the game to do that, and neither would I. And yet through modding I got to witness that absolute spectacle and enjoyed every minute of it. Again Verb, I'm not arguing that you change your stance because I can indeed understand it. But in certain instances, I can understand why mods are a thing as well. They're the exact same manifestaion of why you treat games like art, but taken in a different direction due to psychology. I've a bit of a theory. Ever notice how most modders are dudes? I'd say eight out of ten are dudes. (Not just for the big titty mods either). Specifically the ones who fix stuff or try to enhance things. I think why modding in certain circles has cropped up is because it appeals primarily to male psychology and instincts. When you compare men to women, on average men are naturally more inclined to fix, create, or enhance something. I think modding, to a degree is an expression of this average innate trait. But that's enough for me. Like I said. Not trying to convince you, just offer some thoughts on an intriguing subject.
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« on: April 08, 2021, 10:50:36 PM »
so i got the guy who got blown up on twitter for making an "exaggerated jiggle physics" mod to give me a tutorial on how to reduce the jiggle physics to 0
hey guys, i changed my mind—mods are pretty cool after all
Pardon my killing time for a bit. Surprised you never changed your stance on mods Verb(minus the half hearted jest here). Popped into my head recently while idlely thinking how many ways you can technically poke holes in the mods r bad motto you carry via asking questions.
149
« on: March 25, 2021, 04:15:03 AM »
Speaking of nut here's some great cursed shit.
150
« on: March 12, 2021, 02:00:56 AM »
How much have you spent on this collection
over the course of ten years, probably at least $2000, with about half of that being spent over the last couple
if you think that's irresponsible, you should see CIB collectors
Two grand's not bad, really. That's a decent vehicle in good condition for a relative steal. Least you're not me. I've dumped 7k into the lunacy that is the stock market over the last two months. I could fuck off from my job if I dump 20k into things, but the mark I set is 60k. All just money anyway. Made to be spent.
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