Covid lockdown status update

Mmmmm Napalm | Legendary Invincible!
 
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gurb
still writing my dissertation

less than two weeks left

two weeks until i am free

What's your focus of study?


Mmmmm Napalm | Legendary Invincible!
 
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gurb
naturally, this pandemic has halted my weight training progress, and my partner is concerned

i wonder if/when i should break it to him that i only agreed to work out with him in the first place out of spite for the activity, and a desire to prove just how valueless it really is for somebody with my lifestyle

Not necessarily valueless. You would be more healthy.


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I love you, son.
still writing my dissertation

less than two weeks left

two weeks until i am free

What's your focus of study?
my degree is in computer science, the diss itself is about using neural networks to automatically judge the quality of manta ray images, and then using that to see how different aspects of quality influence the performance of manta ray identification algorithms


 
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Not necessarily valueless. You would be more healthy.
for what greater purpose

what good is health if i have to be miserable every day to obtain it anyway
Last Edit: May 19, 2020, 05:36:46 PM by Verbatim


Mmmmm Napalm | Legendary Invincible!
 
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gurb
Not necessarily valueless. You would be more healthy.
for what greater purpose

what good is health if i have to be miserable every day to obtain it anyway

After a while it wouldn't make you miserable though.

still writing my dissertation

less than two weeks left

two weeks until i am free

What's your focus of study?
my degree is in computer science, the diss itself is about using neural networks to automatically judge the quality of manta ray images, and then using that to see how different aspects of quality influence the performance of manta ray identification algorithms

I presume that in this context "manta ray" refers to the animal itself rather than something specifically related to computer science?


 
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After a while it wouldn't make you miserable though.
see, this is exactly the kind of thing that i'm trying to disprove by doing this

i think there comes a point where you just have to admit that not everyone is able to achieve happiness through being healthy, or through the pursuit of becoming healthy, because they simply don't care enough—they'd rather do things that actually do make them happy (go figure)

and if that's sitting on your ass playing games all day, never getting any exercise, then that's what you should do

if you see the benefits, then you see the benefits—but not everyone does, and it's not an ignorance thing, it's an apathy thing
Last Edit: May 19, 2020, 06:59:56 PM by Verbatim


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His eyebrows sparkling, his white beard hangs down to his chest. The thatched mats, spread outside his chise, spread softly, his splendid attos. He polishes, cross-legged, his makiri, with his eyes completely absorbed.

He is Ainu.

The god of Ainu Mosir, Ae-Oine Kamuy, descendant of Okiku-Rumi, He perishes, a living corpse. The summers day, the white sunlight, unabrushed, ends simply through his breath alone.
Not necessarily valueless. You would be more healthy.
for what greater purpose

what good is health if i have to be miserable every day to obtain it anyway
The mind is a part of the body just like everything else, so it follows that your health affects it just like everything else. "Working out" is a vague concept, anyway, and I'd say most of the happiness that comes from it is closer to satisfaction from making progress on a goal. Exhausted and satisfied can be a good mixture, I think.


 
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Not necessarily valueless. You would be more healthy.
for what greater purpose

what good is health if i have to be miserable every day to obtain it anyway
The mind is a part of the body just like everything else, so it follows that your health affects it just like everything else. "Working out" is a vague concept, anyway, and I'd say most of the happiness that comes from it is closer to satisfaction from making progress on a goal. Exhausted and satisfied can be a good mixture, I think.
well, my one and only goal is a cynical one—it's to prove that, once i achieve an acceptable level of fitness, that i will not see any tangible benefits (that i care about) whatsoever, because it was never something that i valued in the first place, and that i should've been left alone to do the things that i actually enjoy doing in life rather than cozened to waste however many years of my life in the gym by shitty friends who think they know what's best for me when they don't know shit

my partner is convinced that my life will change forever, and because he's so fucking smug and sure of himself about it, i'm basically trying to prove him wrong—because the only alternative is to look like a lazy fuck with a sour grapes mentality, and have nobody ever take me seriously based on that alone

since i'm basically working out as a middle finger to those people, as a result, i can't say i've ever felt this mixture—there's no satisfaction, just exhaustion. the satisfaction will only come when i finally get to say "fuck you, i was right, it wasn't worth it" at the end of the road, whenever that comes around

it's very frustrating that i have to engage in these activities to be healthy in the first place, because it's just another reminder of how obnoxious it is to be a human on this planet, having to play by its rules

there's little difference to me between a man who dies at 60, never having taken care of himself, and a man who dies at 80, because he spent 20 of those years taking care of himself—frankly, the former individual just went through less trouble and tedium in his life, which is far more envious to me

when the years added to your life through exercise are just being spent doing more exercising, you really have to question whether what you're doing isn't just a senseless waste of time—in that sense, i can't even feel relieved when it's over

if you could achieve a state of fitness and stay there without ever having to maintain it, i would feel a bit differently, but it's still chasing some meaningless goal at the end of the day—if you don't enjoy living that much in the first place, you're certainly not going to enjoy living more as a reward for torturing yourself. i mean, come on.

honestly though, i'm glad that you've found some meaning in exercise for yourself—i'm not trying to take that from you, or anything; i'm just saying that, whatever it is, it's utterly incomprehensible to me
Last Edit: May 20, 2020, 12:50:54 AM by Verbatim


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Signature goes here.
The way I see it, that's all entirely dependent on how much you put into exercising. If you're spending let's say one hour a day for a year exercising and that gives you another ten years, I think most of us would say that's a pretty good deal considering all that exercising a year is 15 days total that you're trading for ten years. Of course I know fuck all about all that considering my exercise is just whatever is demanded of me physically at work and being out of work for two months I'm sure I've gained ten pounds just sitting on my ass playing Persona and shitposting.

basically, the way i see it, the years you're adding to your life by exercising are being spent... exercising. so from my perspective, it all just seems like a senseless waste of time, so i can't even feel relieved when it's over

there's little difference to me between a man who dies at 60, never having taken care of himself, and a man who dies at 80, because he spent 20 of those years taking care of himself—the former individual just went through less trouble and tedium in his life, frankly


 
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The way I see it, that's all entirely dependent on how much you put into exercising. If you're spending let's say one hour a day for a year exercising and that gives you another ten years, I think most of us would say that's a pretty good deal considering all that exercising a year is 15 days total that you're trading for ten years. Of course I know fuck all about all that considering my exercise is just whatever is demanded of me physically at work and being out of work for two months I'm sure I've gained ten pounds just sitting on my ass playing Persona and shitposting.
...you won't get anywhere near 10 extra years of life for fifteen days of exercise, don't be silly

even then, while i wanted to avoid getting too morose here, the thing is, i kind of hate life—like, a lot. i don't enjoy it here at all, and i don't want to spend any extra time here if i can avoid it, especially when those extra years will be spent being old and worn out anyway

being more attractive to the opposite sex? i don't value that either, because i'm not interested in shallow women—but when you're physically attractive, it kinda becomes impossible to tell whether somebody you're interested in ultimately likes you for you or not

the other benefits you could list are what i'm currently in the process of disproving, because i'm fed up with hearing it—i'll show you how happy i really am when i achieve that level of fitness where my life is just supposed to turn the fuck around, and everything will be just swell, because i have six round shapes on my abdomen, or whatever the fuck is supposed to make me feel good about myself for some arbitrary reason—i'll show you
Last Edit: May 20, 2020, 12:36:12 AM by Verbatim


 
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i'll admit, though

if someone were to ask me, "how does it feel to have a six pack?"

it'll be EXTREMELY satisfying to be able to say, "like shit. it wasn't worth the effort at all. stop wasting your life on bullshit like this"

no one's ever said that before in history, so i might as well try to be the first to do it, because it's the truth, and so long as people continue to doubt me, i'm determined to prove it—no matter how miserable it makes me
Last Edit: May 20, 2020, 12:20:30 AM by Verbatim


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I love you, son.
I presume that in this context "manta ray" refers to the animal itself rather than something specifically related to computer science?
yeah, it's about the animal itself


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i'll admit, though

if someone were to ask me, "how does it feel to have a six pack?"

it'll be EXTREMELY satisfying to be able to say, "like shit. it wasn't worth the effort at all. stop wasting your life on bullshit like this"

no one's ever said that before in history, so i might as well try to be the first to do it, because it's the truth, and so long as people continue to doubt me, i'm determined to prove it—no matter how miserable it makes me
I mean, you would literally feel physically better. Losing 70lbs has made my whole life better.

Being fit isn't just a vanity project, it will actually improve your mood and well-being.

If someone asked me how it felt to have my body, while I might say something vain about all the compliments I get from sweaty chasers, I'd also say that physically I feel great, and I'm much happier in general.


 
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I mean, you would literally feel physically better. Losing 70lbs has made my whole life better.

Being fit isn't just a vanity project, it will actually improve your mood and well-being.
and in a matter of time, i'll be able to refute this


Solonoid | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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I mean, you would literally feel physically better. Losing 70lbs has made my whole life better.

Being fit isn't just a vanity project, it will actually improve your mood and well-being.
and in a matter of time, i'll be able to refute this
that is 100% an assumption, and I think you realize that


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Long live NoNolesNeckin.

Ya fuckin' ganderneck.
I don't see how someone can be physically unhealthy and it not affect their mental health in a negative way. Physical and mental health are very interdependent. My personal experience with this fact is very visceral.


 
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I mean, you would literally feel physically better. Losing 70lbs has made my whole life better.

Being fit isn't just a vanity project, it will actually improve your mood and well-being.
and in a matter of time, i'll be able to refute this
that is 100% an assumption, and I think you realize that
send me to hell for all eternity if i'm wrong, because i'm supremely confident about this assumption

you felt better because you wanted to lose that weight, and you pulled it off—like you said, it was a vanity project

even if i had one whit of confidence gained from my fitness, i would do everything in my power to suppress, stifle, stymie, frustrate, or block those feelings, because it's completely illogical to get any level of confidence boost from something so fucking worthless and stupid

i may be thousands of dollars in debt because i have no marketable talents whatsoever, and i'm depressed as fuck constantly because everything (everything) sucks—but at least i have big muscles!

what a fucking joke. yeah, you'll see how happy i am all right

i can't wait to show you how fucking happy this will make me
Last Edit: May 20, 2020, 07:18:16 AM by Verbatim


 
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I don't see how someone can be physically unhealthy and it not affect their mental health in a negative way. Physical and mental health are very interdependent. My personal experience with this fact is very visceral.
this is a graver insult to the intelligence of humanity than i could ever personally muster up


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Long live NoNolesNeckin.

Ya fuckin' ganderneck.
I don't see how someone can be physically unhealthy and it not affect their mental health in a negative way. Physical and mental health are very interdependent. My personal experience with this fact is very visceral.
this is a graver insult to the intelligence of humanity than i could ever personally muster up
What, are you trying to say that the two things aren't interdependent?


 
Verbatim
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I don't see how someone can be physically unhealthy and it not affect their mental health in a negative way. Physical and mental health are very interdependent. My personal experience with this fact is very visceral.
this is a graver insult to the intelligence of humanity than i could ever personally muster up
What, are you trying to say that the two things aren't interdependent?
i'm saying it's a sign of lower intelligence if you don't actively try to put the mental at the forefront

you're not your body


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Long live NoNolesNeckin.

Ya fuckin' ganderneck.
I don't see how someone can be physically unhealthy and it not affect their mental health in a negative way. Physical and mental health are very interdependent. My personal experience with this fact is very visceral.
this is a graver insult to the intelligence of humanity than i could ever personally muster up
What, are you trying to say that the two things aren't interdependent?
i'm saying it's a sign of lower intelligence if you don't actively try to put the mental at the forefront

you're not your body
Okay but that doesn't negate the fact that if you are physically un-well your mental well being will be negatively impacted.


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I mean, you would literally feel physically better. Losing 70lbs has made my whole life better.

Being fit isn't just a vanity project, it will actually improve your mood and well-being.
and in a matter of time, i'll be able to refute this
that is 100% an assumption, and I think you realize that
send me to hell for all eternity if i'm wrong, because i'm supremely confident about this assumption

you felt better because you wanted to lose that weight, and you pulled it off—like you said, it was a vanity project

even if i had one whit of confidence gained from my fitness, i would do everything in my power to suppress, stifle, stymie, frustrate, or block those feelings, because it's completely illogical to get any level of confidence boost from something so fucking worthless and stupid

i may be thousands of dollars in debt because i have no marketable talents whatsoever, and i'm depressed as fuck constantly because everything (everything) sucks—but at least i have big muscles!

what a fucking joke. yeah, you'll see how happy i am all right

i can't wait to show you how fucking happy this will make me
no, it has nothing to do with my confidence or self image

I still feel inadequate and hide my body in baggy clothes when I go out in public
Although I've lost a lot of weight, I'm generally not happy with my body or appearance, and am convinced that I need to lose another twenty pounds even though people constantly tell me that I'm fine where I am. I just don't believe them. The attention I get from prospective mates does little to convince me that I'm good the way I am because it's possible that those people are attracted to "squishy" people. My suspicions are often confirmed when people see my belly, which has been my most stubborn area and probably the part I'm least happy with, and say they actually like it because of the excess fat that I haven't been able to get rid of yet. I still suffer from dysphoria and will probably never be happy with my body.

I suffer from dysphoria, so I doubt I'll ever be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see, not without surgeries.

The type of well being I'm talking about has nothing to do with ego, and it's fairly well established that eating a healthy, balanced diet (not extreme weight loss diets like keto) and exercising regularly has a positive correlation with good mental health. Not to mention, your body itself will actually feel better too, and you'll notice. In studies of depression, anxiety, and even schizophrenia, symptoms become less severe when healthy habits are cultivated.


 
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I don't see how someone can be physically unhealthy and it not affect their mental health in a negative way. Physical and mental health are very interdependent. My personal experience with this fact is very visceral.
this is a graver insult to the intelligence of humanity than i could ever personally muster up
What, are you trying to say that the two things aren't interdependent?
i'm saying it's a sign of lower intelligence if you don't actively try to put the mental at the forefront

you're not your body
Okay but that doesn't negate the fact that if you are physically un-well your mental well being will be negatively impacted.
not if you have other things going for you that are more important

either way, this is about physical wellness making you happier, not the inverse

obviously, if you're morbidly obese or have a terminal illness or something extreme like that, then you have a point


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I don't see how someone can be physically unhealthy and it not affect their mental health in a negative way. Physical and mental health are very interdependent. My personal experience with this fact is very visceral.
this is a graver insult to the intelligence of humanity than i could ever personally muster up
What, are you trying to say that the two things aren't interdependent?
i'm saying it's a sign of lower intelligence if you don't actively try to put the mental at the forefront

you're not your body
do you really think that the health of your body will have absolutely no effect on your hormones or the chemistry of your brain, or are you just convinced that you alone have learned how to completely separate your consciousness from your physical mind and can overpower the factors that determine how your brain is going to function


 
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The type of well being I'm talking about has nothing to do with ego, and it's fairly well established that eating a healthy, balanced diet (not extreme weight loss diets like keto) and exercising regularly has a positive correlation with good mental health. Not to mention, your body itself will actually feel better too, and you'll notice. In studies of depression, anxiety, and even schizophrenia, symptoms become less severe when healthy habits are cultivated.
and for how long will i have to exercise to get you to say "but maybe not in all cases, such as yours"

because like i've been saying, i don't give a fuck

the only situations in which i would value "feeling better" is if i'm actually doing something intrinsically valuable—like helping somebody

i will not allow myself to feel anything positive after engaging in utterly meaningless activities


 
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I don't see how someone can be physically unhealthy and it not affect their mental health in a negative way. Physical and mental health are very interdependent. My personal experience with this fact is very visceral.
this is a graver insult to the intelligence of humanity than i could ever personally muster up
What, are you trying to say that the two things aren't interdependent?
i'm saying it's a sign of lower intelligence if you don't actively try to put the mental at the forefront

you're not your body
do you really think that the health of your body will have absolutely no effect on your hormones or the chemistry of your brain, or are you just convinced that you alone have learned how to completely separate your consciousness from your physical mind and can overpower the factors that determine how your brain is going to function
i mean, it's not that hard—all you have to do is acknowledge whether your brain chemistry is doing something logical

eating, for example, tends to elevate my mood—but it's not for any good reason; i hate eating, and i hate that i have to do it to survive. so from a purely logical standpoint, it actually pisses me off that i have to eat. i'm not going to allow my brain to trick me into thinking that i actually enjoy eating, just because it's trying to prevent me from starving.

i already know not to starve myself. i don't need my brain chemistry's help on that, but that's the only reason why it's rewarding me—because if i don't eat, i'll die, and my brain really doesn't want that to happen, even if it logically wouldn't be such a big deal.

so eating improves my mood in a strictly biological sense, but logically, because i'm capable of introspection, i don't actually feel any better about myself. and i shouldn't. all i'm doing is eating. i haven't done anything valuable.

do you get it now
Last Edit: May 20, 2020, 08:05:59 AM by Verbatim


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Long live NoNolesNeckin.

Ya fuckin' ganderneck.
I don't see how someone can be physically unhealthy and it not affect their mental health in a negative way. Physical and mental health are very interdependent. My personal experience with this fact is very visceral.
this is a graver insult to the intelligence of humanity than i could ever personally muster up
What, are you trying to say that the two things aren't interdependent?
i'm saying it's a sign of lower intelligence if you don't actively try to put the mental at the forefront

you're not your body
Okay but that doesn't negate the fact that if you are physically un-well your mental well being will be negatively impacted.
not if you have other things going for you that are more important

either way, this is about physical wellness making you happier, not the inverse

obviously, if you're morbidly obese or have a terminal illness or something extreme like that, then you have a point
Your mental state can be negatively affected simply by having too much or too little of certain vitamins, or just having a poor gut micro-biome. You don't have to have a chronic condition. In fact research over the last few years has shown that depression and diet are often linked, and even just taking probiotics has helped some people as well as taking anti-depressants.

If you just don't take care of your body at all, then it won't be able to function properly. You'll have greater levels of pain, increased fatigue, imbalanced hormones, a myriad of various issues that aren't going to be overcome until you actually start to take care of your body.
Last Edit: May 20, 2020, 09:18:24 AM by Aether


 
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Your mental state can be negatively affected simply by having too much or too little of certain vitamins, or just having a poor gut micro-biome. You don't have to have a chronic condition. If fact research over the last few years has shown that depression and diet are often linked, and even just taking probiotics has helped people just as well as taking anti-depressants.

If you just don't take care of your body at all, then it won't be able to function properly. You'll have greater levels of pain, increased fatigue, imbalanced hormones, a myriad of various issues that aren't going to be overcome until you actually start to take care of your body.
again, you're cheating the argument

obviously, if you're in the hole, there's nowhere else to go but up—but that's not the conversation

when it comes to my fitness, i'm not in any sort of hole right now, so this doesn't even apply to me


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I don't see how someone can be physically unhealthy and it not affect their mental health in a negative way. Physical and mental health are very interdependent. My personal experience with this fact is very visceral.
this is a graver insult to the intelligence of humanity than i could ever personally muster up
What, are you trying to say that the two things aren't interdependent?
i'm saying it's a sign of lower intelligence if you don't actively try to put the mental at the forefront

you're not your body
do you really think that the health of your body will have absolutely no effect on your hormones or the chemistry of your brain, or are you just convinced that you alone have learned how to completely separate your consciousness from your physical mind and can overpower the factors that determine how your brain is going to function
i mean, it's not that hard—all you have to do is acknowledge whether your brain chemistry is doing something logical

eating, for example, tends to elevate my mood—but it's not for any good reason; i hate eating, and i hate that i have to do it to survive. so from a purely logical standpoint, it actually pisses me off that i have to eat. i'm not going to allow my brain to trick me into thinking that i actually enjoy eating, just because it's trying to prevent me from starving.

i already know not to starve myself. i don't need my brain chemistry's help on that, but that's the only reason why it's rewarding me—because if i don't eat, i'll die, and my brain really doesn't want that to happen, even if it logically wouldn't be such a big deal.

so eating improves my mood in a strictly biological sense, but logically, because i'm capable of introspection, i don't actually feel any better about myself. and i shouldn't. all i'm doing is eating. i haven't done anything valuable.

do you get it now
I actually laughed.


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lmao people get schizophrenia because they're weak willed bro

If u had Verbatim's force of will psychosis would just go away

modern studies seem to point toward dopamine?
dopamine inhibitors are an effective treatment of schizophrenia and other psychoses?

no dude they're just not organizing their brains well enough

if they were smarter they wouldn't have such disorganized minds