Quote from: Naru on April 10, 2015, 03:02:02 AM

Quote from: Lemön | Anal Queen on April 10, 2015, 03:01:03 AM

Quote from: Naru on April 10, 2015, 02:58:58 AM

Quote from: Lemön | Anal Queen on April 10, 2015, 02:54:45 AM

Quote from: Naru on April 10, 2015, 02:51:27 AM

Quote from: Lemön | Anal Queen on April 10, 2015, 02:48:43 AM

Quote from: Naru on April 09, 2015, 02:34:11 PM

But I buy the lesser of 3 evils when it comes to cancer.

Cancer is still cancer regardless. You're also supporting Activision, and it shows Activision that you're willing to fork over $60 for recycled shit instead of wanting something new.

Quote from: Tackelberry on April 09, 2015, 06:02:00 PM

"I don't like a game, so everyone needs to stop playing it!"

That's not what he's saying at all. He saying if you idiots keep buying this pumped out conveyor belt shit then they'll just keep selling it year in year out and the industry will just continue turning into shit.

But Treyarch is a good developer.

A good developer doesn't recycle a game they made from 5 years ago (which was already a recycled game from '08)

A good developer shows what they can do with a dying series.

That implies Treyarch are any better than IW or Sledgehammer.
The last good game they made was 7 years ago.

But Treyarch IS better than IW and Sledgehammer.

They're not though. They do exactly the same thing.

With AW's slight change on core gameplay with exos i wonder what they will do with BO3.

Quote from: Naru on April 09, 2015, 02:34:11 PM

But I buy the lesser of 3 evils when it comes to cancer.

Cancer is still cancer regardless. You're also supporting Activision, and it shows Activision that you're willing to fork over $60 for recycled shit instead of wanting something new.

Quote from: Tackelberry on April 09, 2015, 06:02:00 PM

"I don't like a game, so everyone needs to stop playing it!"

That's not what he's saying at all. He saying if you idiots keep buying this pumped out conveyor belt shit then they'll just keep selling it year in year out and the industry will just continue turning into shit.

Quote from: Naru on April 09, 2015, 11:39:13 PM

OP won't deliver

For the 6th time.

sure

Quote from: Decimator Omega on April 09, 2015, 01:56:38 AM

There was once a user by the name of Decimator Omega.[1] He didn't understand the concept of the internet[2] that he wasn't suppose to take it seriously[3], but he took everything to heart,[4] even the internet and text on the internet[5]. To him, every negative feedback was a person shouting at him. Deci was losing his mind everyday[7] he spent time chained up to his computer[8]. He doesn't get much food and only gets water from the toilet.[9] He is a slave to the system.[10]

[1] Cliche opening. That might have been what you were going for, but it's still an uninteresting opener.
[2] The "internet" is actually capitalized.
[3] Slightly awkward sentence structure there.
[4] Comma splice? I don't even know, but it just looks wrong. Could've used a dash, maybe.
[5] Repetitive.
[6] Another awkwardly worded sentence.
[7] "Every day". Two words. Yes, there are times when it's one word, but this is not one of those times.
[8] "Chained up"? Seems unnecessarily dramatic. You could say "glued", which has a bit of humor built in.
[9] That's a really bizarre attempt at humor. I wouldn't have mentioned that--it's more weird than anything else.
[10] Cliche, and doesn't really seem to fit the rest of the paragraph.

Quote

Then one day, Deci snaps. But he doesn't snap online. He smashes his computer monitor and goes on a rampage out in the streets of Murrica causing a second civil war over Americans losing their guns.

That was more than enough time to complete his master plan. Deci runs around the apartment looking for his spare computer[1] "Where is it?" he asked himself[2] because all autistic people talk to themselves. "WHERE IS IT?!?"[3] He started shouting.[4]

[1] Forgot a period there.
[2] Comma here.
[3] Unnecessary caps, and multiple question marks.
[4] Redundant. You don't need to add "he said" or "he shouted" after every little bit of dialogue; only every other bit.

Quote

He digs into his closet, finally finds the computer[1] and hooks it up.

"Ahhhh....[2] Linux[3]" He[4] said with ease. Deci opens up a hack tool called LOIC[5] and[6] types in Sep7agon.net in the big bar[7] and[8] hits the lock on[9] button[10] and then[11] hits "I'MMA CHARGIN MY LAZOR!!!"[12] Flooding Sep7agon to oblivion until it is taken offline, he uses a proxy in the process.

[1] Comma.
[2] If you're going to use ellipses with four dots, space them out. Usually, they only have three anyway.
[3] Comma.
[4] "He" should not be capitalized.
[5] What does "LOIC" stand for? Normally, you say the full name, and put the acronym in parentheses.
[6] Instead of saying "and" so much, just put a comma there. "And" should only be used once at the end of a list.
[7] It's called an "address bar".
[8] Again, replace "and" with a comma.
[9] "Lock-on" should have a hyphen.
[10] Comma.
[11] "And then" is one of my biggest pet peeves in writing. It just sounds bad. Just say "and".
[12] No.

Quote

An alarm goes off, Cheat wakes up, cleans the yard, takes out the trash, and goes on Sep7agon.[1] "What the fuck?" Cheat asked himself in confusion[2] seeing that his site is offline. He calls bluehost[3] tech support to try and[4] figure out what is going on[5]. An Indian man answers the phone.[6] Cheat asks the Indian man[7] "Why did my site go offline?" the[8] Indian man[9] said[10] "hold[11] on one moment[12]" and put Cheat on hold. 6[13] hours go by. Cheat is pissed and hangs up. "God[14] what a fucked up day. I need to switch to a new host"[15]

[1] Run-on sentence.
[2] Comma.
[3] Capitalization.
[4] "Try to figure out".
[5] "What is going on" is just another hackneyed phrase that we're all tired of reading.
[6] Ethnic stereotype humor can be funny at times. This was not one of those times.
[7] Comma.
[8] Capitalization.
[9] All right, we get it, he's Indian. It's not gonna get funnier if you keep mentioning it.
[10] Comma.
[11] Capitalization.
[12] Comma.
[13] You should always spell out numbers less than 1000.
[14] Comma.
[15] Punctuation. Remember--the period goes inside the quotation marks when ending a piece of dialogue.

i'm getting bored of this

i haven't even got into the story structure--this is all just grammar checking