Heyyy no more ''i could have made my point in a few sentences or less but instead i turned it into a motivational wall of text'' posts.

Well, recover or dont. I feel indifferent.

You're ice cold.

Hahaha

Your Bel Air twist won't get me!

Oh...
Oh...

Im sorry man
I really am
Hope you make it

Heyyy no more ''i could have made my point in a few sentences or less but instead i turned it into a motivational wall of text'' posts.

Well, recover or dont. I feel indifferent.

Indifference is better than total objection. Very well, there is no harm done.

Quote from: Ossku on December 03, 2014, 05:14:31 PM

Quote from: The First Noelle on December 03, 2014, 05:12:33 PM

Quote from: Ossku on December 03, 2014, 04:49:51 PM

Heyyy no more ''i could have made my point in a few sentences or less but instead i turned it into a motivational wall of text'' posts.

Well, recover or dont. I feel indifferent.

No need to be a douche.

Im just honest. 'Sorry' i dont feel empathy towards people i dont know...

If you don't actually care then it's probably better if you just don't comment on it.

Oh but i love expressing my opinions if i know it rustles someones jimmies.
But lets not go into that.

lol

I'm just doing a little bit of thinking here Mr. Class. A little thinking never hurt. And I can't help but think about your sarcastic nature on here. I'm not offended. Not asking for anything. But I'm curious. Always have been. So, here's what I know, and here's what I think.

I know that behind the scenes you're a little more serious. As some folks said, maybe even nice.

And yet here you are. The truth is, most people that frequent this site, are pretty close together generation wise. And it's damn easy to see that our generation, my generation, got a big fat fucking middle finger from society. And I lesson I've learned well, is that similar people group together. They just do. And you take one look around here, and you can see, there's a lot of people with baggage. Me included.

Not an insult. Just the way things are. This place, and the internet in general, is an escape. It's easy to put on a mask and go about your business here disguised as whoever you feel like. Me, I was raised to be honest. Anybody who's talked to me through voice can probably say that I act and speak pretty close to what I do here.

And the fact is, I come from the epitome of a disfunctional family. Why else would I be here? This site has gone long past being gaming and Halo centered. And you know what, maybe it is a little sad. Because I am attention starved. How the fuck could I not be? Everything up here, is so far apart. My entire life, I've been alone. And finally finding some people on here to talk with, opened up a door. I wanted that again. I wanted to feel something in my direction, other than hate, or dislike.

The only thing I wonder about, is why you're so centered around me. Maybe I've got a poor memory. Maybe I'm being self centered again. But there are other folks here, and on Bunige, who fit the bill of "attention whore" far more than I.

But then again, maybe it's because I'm different. You can't deny it. I must be a fucking alien to you. My world is so far apart from yours that it's ridiculous. Crazy. And only a few canadians up here have a chance of even understanding what my life is like.

I won't lie when I say that your comments sting me. I'm emotionally fragile. I know that. And I can see why. With a history like mine, anybody would be. And thr plain truth is, even without all the big bullshit this year, this is a tough year for me.

This place is my mask. This place is where I can send my thoughts out freely. All the things that I hide from myself. Because I'm a master at lying to myself. I had to be, in order to survive as a kid.

I don't ask for sympathy. I'm not asking you to stop. In fact I'm not asking anything really. I'm just thinking right now, as I type this.

Saying goodbye, and hello, is natural to me. Hello to new faces, people out of town. Goodbye to friends and family, because when they go on a trip, you don't ever know if you'll see them again. I could list, all the dead people here Class. The elderly. Accidents. Enviornmental deaths from the cold. There's a lot of them.

I say hello to new people here, because that's who I am. And I say goodbye to them, because I don't know if I'll ever see them again. And I never, ever, want to leave someone without letting them know that I care.

There is no point to this. But here's your

TL:DR:

People here come here for a reason class. We're all here because we're vaguely similiar. And you wear a mask here. So here's what I can say.

When you take that mask off, and you expose your weak side to everybody here, your vulnerable side when life feels too shitty and you need an escape?

I hope you don't bump into somebody else like yourself. Because even your simple disregard damages me. It cuts me like a knife right now. I'm not afraid to say that because that's the truth. I am damaged. But so are you. And a lot of people here. I won't hold it against you. But maybe when you're older, you'll have a little more respect for things and people around you.

Because now that I'm older, the people like you that made my life as a kid a living hell? If I ever see them again, I'll beat the fucking shit out of them. Because sometimes, that's what some people need. Some common sense smacked into them. A wake up call.

Do what you will with that.

Quote from: The First Noelle on December 03, 2014, 05:12:33 PM

Quote from: Ossku on December 03, 2014, 04:49:51 PM

Heyyy no more ''i could have made my point in a few sentences or less but instead i turned it into a motivational wall of text'' posts.

Well, recover or dont. I feel indifferent.

No need to be a douche.

Im just honest. 'Sorry' i dont feel empathy towards people i dont know...

Then maybe I didn't get to know you well enough. People all have stories. People all have something special in them. Something you never expected to find. Something inspiring. Something interesting. I don't have the time to support everybody on my back because I can hardly even stand up on my own two feet right now with what I know is coming.

Never stopped me from trying. And that's a promise. We'll start off that way. You have my word. When, and if, I ever come back, I'll find some way to say hello to you. Ask Nuka. Ask Noelle. Ask Psych. Ask the folks that call me a friend. My word is the best I can ever give. And I don't ever break it.

I'm going to miss you Sandtrap. You were one of the few people on here that I trusted and I have a lot of respect for you. You offered me good advice when I asked for it and you were a saint overall to everyone.

I've got one last piece of advice for you about money. You remember the 50/50 rule? Take everything you make and split it in half? Put a limit it on it.

Right now, I have no money in my spending jar. But I have 1000 sitting in an evnelope that I don't touch. I made a new rule today. When that envelope reaches 1000 dollars, I empty it. I take 500, and put it in a safe. Then I take the other 500, and put that back in my jar.

Because the spending jar goes out like the snap of a finger. So, every now and then, I'll get boosts when I need them. And still find a way to save money over time.

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 03, 2014, 03:10:07 PM

Quote from: DAS B00T x2 on December 03, 2014, 03:03:53 PM

Good luck, man, and do try to come back alive. This forum needs some Buddhist spirituality sometimes...

I don't think I've got much left to give. Gave most of my sunshine over to Nuka and other folks. Scraping the bottom of the barrel here really. But, I'll try. One last time.

God damn it Sandtrap...
Look, if anyone can pull through this, it's you. You can't let yourself give up. Not like this.

Spoiler

I still gotta draw you up stuff and whatnot...I just haven't been able to

This time it's a little bit different. I've been lying to myself, over the last month or so. Because I don't want to look at what's on the road ahead. I either sit here, and die, painfully. That growth presses on my head until there's no room against my skull and it caves in blood vessels and tissue and kills me.

I get up, and I take Chemo. I get sick. My own body dies because that's what Chemo is. It's a double edged sword, because that's the best we can do. We gamble with our lives. A wager, against fate, that the cancer in our body, is beaten first before we are. And sometimes, the cancer plays tricks.

I knew a girl, in my school. 17. She was diagnosed with lukemia. And she went in to have it treated with Chemo. She lost all her hair. Her skin went pale. Every day she looked like she was about to die. She was weak, and tired. She had to have bone marrow transplants because the chemicals were killing her bones producing cells.

And then, she died. The lukemia had a card up it's sleeve. A tumor in her head, that got too bad, and killed her with a clot. She was walking around with friends one day, and she fell over. Her name was Taylor.

And I'm fucking tired Nuka. I'm not even walking because I want to anymore. I'm just walking. I've been lying to myself so much that I didn't see the grey shit creeping up on my back. Grey, is the colour of my depression. The inside one. Not the one that comes with the fall season. Being tired, is a call to sleep. And it's hard to fight.

And most of all, I'm doing this by myself. My family will never let me down. If I need them out there, they will all come running. But this? I am alone for it. And I don't want to be. I'm going to drive to the city, alone. I'm going to set up shop, alone. And fight for myself, alone.

If I call, people will come to help me. They'll stay at my side until I can't do it anymore. But I have to do this. I have to take the drugs. I have to submit myself to this. I'll have to force myself to wake up every morning and fight.

When I face the reality that so far, even if I beat this, what comes next? I'm tired because I don't want this anymore. I don't want to have to fight every step of the way. And I'm not even asking for much. I want a friend, a mind like mine. I want a home. I want peace, and quiet.

Not fame, or power, or influence. I don't want a job. I want to do the hobbies I love. I don't want so much land that I don't know what to do with. Give me a sqaure, some trees, and I'll make it my own.

I want a simple life. So why is it so hard to get? Why do I have to go up a mountain just to achieve simplicity? I don't know. And I don't like how it always has to be so far away.

Maybe it's a lesson. Maybe I'll appreciate it all the more if I finally ever get it. Who knows. I just have to keep walking and see where I go.

I didn't really get the time to know you since 1) I'm shy about meeting new people sometimes and 2) I have too many contacts as it its.

But from what I've seen on your posts, you're a really insightful, intelligent guy that can't get upset at people even if they're Grade-A Shitlords (not mentioning names since it's obvious).  You've also done a great thing for Nuka that's honestly made me happy as well.

I hope you can recover from this dude, I really, really do.  You take care Sand.

Quote from: Decimator Omega on December 03, 2014, 06:34:32 PM

Gonna miss you man.

I'll make sure to stop buy when I can. I'll be shipping out to a city after all. A stop to a nice little coffee shop lie my own might allow me to say howdy. Then again, maybe not. Cold and flu season. Folks in the cities don't take care. Chemo and a cold don't bode well. I'll give it a shot when I can though.

Do what you can, but don't push yourself if you don't have to.

You make all the problems I have seem like candy. I really hope you are able to get through this as you are one of the few posters here that I genuinely respect. You are always here to talk to people and maintain discussion even when the trolls and idiots try to derail threads. Tumors, Cancer, everything sucks and it takes a lot to go through Chemo Therapy and I hope that the pain and stress of it all doesn't take you along with the Tumor. If you ever need someone to talk to or talk with we should all be here for you and we'd love to talk with you. If needed I could give you my Phone Number and my Skype but I really can't do much in my current situation but talk and mourn with you.

The thought of having someone in my life die and go away is always painful, even if they are a stranger on the internet. I've seen people ruin other people's lives and become rich and get what they want, i've seen a lot of idiots get better lives than those who try and It makes me spiteful. Here is hoping that if there is a God that they can explain why the people who are seemingly evil are rewarded and the people who genuinely good and try to help out the world are those who get the shaft.

I feel like I'm rambling here because of my irritation of your life situation but It's painful to watch what you have to go through because of the Machine that controls the country and how it operates. I wish the world could be a more fair place where everyone has the opportunity to have a good life and share that life with others.

You are a great man, and should you leave us forever know that we will remember you. You have left your mark on all the people you have been around and you will not be forgotten.

I'd like to say something on this. Don't elevate me. Because while my problems are indeed shitty, there's other people here facing things that I never could, never will, and never did. Your problems shouldn't feel like candy next to mine. Because my problems feel like candy next to others.

I never had to balance a budget in the shitty economy while going to school, and learn for my future. I never had to buckle down and put a home on a mortgage and pay that off on top of everything else. Whenever I don't have a job, some contract work, I have my home base. A restaurant, that isn't mine. I just help. And I sit on my ass here in the day in my downtime when I have no jobs.

I quit school. Never went to collage, or university. Never had to juggle learning, and a home, while working a job.

Nuka's homeless. I've never known that. Trying to balance his life on thin air.

Noelle stood up to ridicule in the military, the worst possible place for her, and stayed true to herself all the way, even if it led her down some dark roads.

Other friends of mine are caught in a job. Stuck in shitty work that they have to do in order to keep going day in and day out in a future they might not be able to make, or a future they see little hope in.

Put me in any of those situations, and I would break. I couldn't hack it. The point is, I'm not a saint. My problems are not bigger than yours. My problems are different. But no better, or worse. Put anybody in my shoes and they'd probably shoot themselves with what they have to wake up to. But the same could be said of me if I was switched around.

Don't put me on a pedestal. Just realize, that I am me. No better, or worse. I make mistakes. I break down, I give up. I stand up, keep going, and fight the best I can. Everybody here?

We're all in the same boat. If you want to remember one thing about me, don't go for courage. Just remember that fundamentally, we're all in this ride together. Show a little bit of care when you can manage.

Show other people that they aren't alone in their fights, no matter how different the view may be from all the different sets of mountains out there.

What in the hell....

Of course it's cancer. Shit.

Fuck cancer. I ain't no smoker. Don't you worry admirals.