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Topics - Verbatim

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Serious / why do you pretend to care about anything, when you really don't?
« on: September 30, 2018, 12:40:19 AM »

Serious / do you like people? if not, why?
« on: September 30, 2018, 12:35:04 AM »

Serious / is america great yet
« on: September 30, 2018, 12:32:16 AM »

Serious / if morality is subjective, why have debates about it
« on: September 30, 2018, 12:30:25 AM »

Gaming / Super Mario Bros. beaten in 4m55s
« on: September 25, 2018, 05:33:46 PM »

a god

Gaming / Nintendo Switch Online thread
« on: September 16, 2018, 11:00:06 PM »
It's been a long time coming, but unfortunately, starting on the 18th, the Nintendo Switch's online service will finally require a paid subscription. The best individual membership will run you $19.99 USD for 12 months, which is actually pretty damn cheap when compared to PS+ and XBLG, both of which charge $59.99 for the same length of time. Still, it's a pretty obnoxious and invasive move that I'm sure a lot of people aren't going to be aware of when the time comes to make the switch—especially when Nintendo's online services have always been free—so the service better offer a lot of cool shit to make it 100% worth your money.

The first benefit listed is online play (duh), which still only applies to a handful of games at the moment: Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, Splatoon 2, Arms, and Mario Tennis Aces—all of which, of course, could already be played online for free in the past. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate will be the first big Nintendo game to require a paid subscription from the start if you wanted to play online.

The second benefit is getting access to a library of classic NES games, some of which will be enhanced for online play. There will only be twenty at launch, but of course, they'll be adding more to it. I'll come back to this one later, as it's the benefit I'm the most interested in.

The third benefit is being able to save your game data to the cloud. It's done automatically (so long as you're connected), and since it's tied to your account, you'll be able to access your data on another system if you needed to. That's pretty cool, I guess. It's hard for me to imagine ever needing it, because I'm super careful with my consoles, but I'm sure people who have rambunctious children could benefit majorly from this one.

The fourth benefit is a Smartphone app that will allow for voice chat for the aforementioned online games. Personally, Discord works well enough for me, but people seem really excited about this one for some reason, so I guess it's a good thing.

The fifth benefit are "special offers" that are only available to NSO members, of which only two are listed at the moment: 1.) For $59.99, NSO members can purchase a couple of Joy-Cons modeled after NES controllers—because there's no better way to play NES ROMs. For reference, the normal price for a standard pair of Joy-Cons (at least, the last time I checked) is $79.99. So if these seem expensive, it's actually kind of a deal, even though it could probably be better. 2.) A special outfit for your Splatoon 2 character.

And that's it for now.

Now, about those NES games. I may not be able to review the service itself, because it's not out yet, but I can review all of those NES titles, since I've played all but two of them.

I'm probably the most ardent retro gamer here, so for your benefit, I'm gonna play consumer watchdog and go over and rank all twenty of the launch titles for the new NES library—partly for the fun of it, partly to let you know which ones are worth your time. I love NES games, and I think there's still a lot of them that play just fine in 2018, but I'd be lying if I said they've all aged nicely. I'd like for this to be a hub for all NSO-related news, too, so every time there's a new NES title dropping on the service, I'll be sure to review it here.

This list will start at #20 and go from worst to best, and because I think x/10 is too demanding for these older games, I'll use the x/5 scale instead.

5/5 - Must-play. Historical. Won't be perfect due to the nature of NES games, but you owe it to yourself to try it anyway.
4/5 - Very good. Still holds up, but may not be to everybody's tastes or standards. May require patience to appreciate.
3/5 - Rough. Mixed. Average. So-so. Decent. Good on a good day, bad on a bad day. Not for everyone. Worth trying.
2/5 - Bad, either by design or through poor aging. Rarely worth playing unless you have a vested interest in the IP.
1/5 - Dreadful. Mostly third party shovelware. Probably received a humorous AVGN review at some point. Avoid.

#18. Soccer

More like Sucker. This was actually one of the original NES launch titles when it dropped in late 1985—or at least, I think it was, but some sources claim otherwise—and while the NES is credited to saving the American video game industry, it definitely wasn't because of this game.

I know I'm not the biggest sports fan in the world, but trust me when I say that my low placing of this game has little to do with my lack of interest in the genre. It's genuinely just a pretty weak simulation of association football—even for the time, I'd argue.

The biggest problem has to be the overall pacing of the game. I associate soccer with speed, finesse, and wildly precise movements—all of which are remarkably absent in this game, lending to its very sluggish and clunky feel. If you can look past that, the gameplay itself is just fine. The controls are simple, but intuitive—"A" shoots, "B" passes—and your goalie is controllable as soon as he's visible on the screen. Like, simultaneously. It's kinda weird.

Once you score a couple goals, though, the game starts becoming incredibly monotonous. The one song that plays gets pretty old fast, and I always hated how all the players on the scoring team would celebrate by flapping their arms around like idiots. Visually, the solid green textureless astroturf field becomes hard to look at after a while, too. This is a game that epitomizes monotony.

On top of all this, I just have a fundamental issue with trying to make a video game out of a sport that involves physical activity. To me, the whole point of video games is about being able to do things that cannot already be done in the real world, whereas the point of contact sports is that you're not sitting on your ass playing some game—you're outside in a field with other people and a ball, exerting yourself physically. It's a physical game. That's the point.

Obviously, various fundamental aspects of soccer are going to be lost when you play a virtual version of it—namely, the fact that you're not allowed to touch the ball with your hands. Those aspects of the game aren't present in Soccer for Nintendo. I'm not trying to say that sports games should be perfect simulations, or that this game is necessarily trying to be one, or anything. I'm just questioning why these games need to exist in the first place.

There's a few things I like about it, though. Like I said—if you can get over the fact that the game is very slow-paced, the first couple minutes are mildly entertaining. I like how the ball itself is animated, giving it a pseudo-3D look. It's definitely the most interesting thing to look at. The cheerleaders that dance around during the half-time show is a pretty cute touch, even if it's a waste of time—it's the only time the music changes, too.

In terms of options, I can't really complain much either. You have a solid selection of teams representing seven different countries—the US, Great Britan, France, West Germany, Brazil, Japan, and Spain. You can also select between five different AI skill levels, and set the time limit for 15, 30, or 45 minute halves (on a ~5x accelerated clock), not that you'll actually want to play for more than 5.

Naturally, the game is also 2-player, so this will likely be playable online with a friend for the upcoming NSO service. I've never played the game with anyone more than myself before, but I'm willing to bet that it's marginally more entertaining if you have someone else to suffer with. Because, you know, just about everything is.

It may not be the worst sports game ever made, but it's the worst one available on NSO thus far. Don't feel too bad, though. Its developer, Intelligent Systems, went on to create the Fire Emblem, Advance Wars, and Paper Mario franchises, so they're doing just fine.

Overall rating:

#17. Baseball

One of the oldest games the NES has to offer, Baseball is marginally superior to Soccer, but is still one of the weaker games available for the NSO service. Originally released in 1983, it absolutely reeks with age, but to its credit, is actually a fairly complete baseball simulator with all the basic mechanics intact—steals and pick-offs, and even "squeeze plays, hit and run plays, and tag up plays" (whatever the fuck those are) as described in the manual.

I suck at this game—or at least, I suck at hitting. I have a reasonable eye for knowing when and when not to swing, but when the time comes to actually swing, I'm the easiest out of all time. I never really understood the timing required to hit a home run, or hit the ball literally anywhere other than the outfielders' hands or out of bounds. There's either something wrong with me, or the game really is just that difficult. Whatever the case may be, the amount of fun I'm able to have with this game is severely limited.

Controlling base runners is a little confusing and hard to describe, but it works. As simply as I can put it, the arrows on the D-pad correspond to the bases. When batting, pressing "B" after selecting a runner will tell him to advance, and pressing "A" after selecting a runner will have them run back. Pressing down selects all the runners at once. The D-pad/diamond correspondence is also how you get outfielders to pass, steal bases when batting, and go for pick-offs when fielding. It's actually kinda neat how it works, and I'm sure modern baseball sims function the same way.

When it comes to pitching, I feel like I know a little bit more about what I'm doing. Or maybe the AI is just really bad. You can throw five different kinds of pitches—you got your fast balls, your slow balls, your curve balls, and your screw balls (my favorite). Once pitched, I think the ball's can be influenced by pressing the D-pad, but I'm not 100% on that. It's the most fun I can have with the game.

Now, here's where the game starts to feel really old: You don't get to control any of your outfielders. You can tell them when to throw, sure, but you can't actually control their running—you're at the mercy of the AI's pathfinding. This isn't necessarily a bad thing—actually, it's somewhat realistic when, after all, you're only in control of yourself in the real world—but it's definitely something that makes you go "huh" when playing. Personally, it makes me feel a little less engaged as a player when I have less shit to do.

Fans of the sport might be pleased to know that the game does feature real teams—but they never got the licensing, so no actual stats, player names, or even team names show up at any point in the game. Instead, teams are represented by their initials: A, C, D, P, R, and Y. I'm sure actual baseball fans would be able to parse out what those all stand for—I'm sure "Y" is for Yankees—but ultimately, it doesn't super matter, since the only thing that changes are the uniform colors. Like I said, there are no stats or player names here, and even if there were, the license would've expired by now anyway.

Beyond the major hangups I have with the game, if you can get a hang for the controls and the bullshit, it's a fairly serviceable albeit painfully basic baseball game that future simulators on NES would vastly improve upon. And again, it's probably much more fun with a second player.

Overall rating:

#16. Tennis

Okay, I promise—this isn't the last sports game on the list, but it's the last sports game at the bottom of the list.

Released in 1984, Tennis is another ancient-ass Nintendo game based on a world-renowned sport—but this time, it's a sport I actually understand. As a result, I don't suck at this one, but it still wouldn't be my first choice for a tennis simulator if I really wanted to play one one.

The game plays pretty much exactly as you'd expect it to. There's nothing too crazy about it, so as long as you're familiar with how tennis scoring works, you'll probably do just fine. There's five difficulty levels for the AI, and you can apparently play doubles, which I've never tried before.

My biggest problem, I suppose, has to do with the hit detection. It feels a little wonky—even when you hit the ball, there's no oomph or impact to it. It always feels like you're swinging through air, so it's not the most satisfying game to play. That said, tennis is one of those rare sports I find inherently appealing, however, given that it's one-on-one, making matches feel more intimate and intense. And, uh, easier to understand what's going on.

For a sports game to be considered outstanding, it has to be more than just a played-straight simulation. It has to have something unique about it that gives it character or personality. Soccer may be a worse game, but the one thing it has over Tennis is personality. Little touches like half-time shows and stupidly over-the-top victory animations go a long way for me, and if Tennis had any of those, I wouldn't have any qualms with placing it higher on this list.

Overall, not too bad. I'd obviously much rather stick to Mario Tennis Aces, though.

Overall rating:

#15. Donkey Kong

Shigeru Miyamoto's first outing as a game designer, the legendary Donkey Kong was originally released for the arcade in 1981, making it the oldest and arguably most important game on the list—that being said, this is a game I find myself respecting more than I personally enjoy it.

You can use the word "first" to describe many things about this game. It's not only the first Donkey Kong game, but the first Mario game, as well. It's the first platformer, with jumping as a prominent mechanic. It's the first game to put Nintendo on the map for the Western market. It's the first game to have a damsel-in-distress narrative (or any narrative at all), setting the stage for games to become a storytelling medium, rather than just simple, vapid entertainment—even if it is just a cross between Popeye and King Kong.

The three main characters have personalities expressed through graphics, which have endured to become cultural iconography. Mario is depicted as a pudgy middle-aged average Joe with a big goofy mustache, because drawing a more detailed face was too difficult with such a small sprite—a design so perfect, it's not far off from how he's depicted today. It's amazing what they were able to do with such limitations.

There's very little I can say about this game and its lore that hasn't been said a million different ways already—I just think it would be remiss of me to not acknowledge the game's significance to the industry. What do I actually think of the game itself, and why does it rank so low despite how important and legendary it is?

The short answer is because I simply like the rest of the games more. I'm reviewing the NES port, too, mind you—there are aspects of this version that make it noticeably inferior to the arcade original.

The long answer is because I was never actually that big into the game to begin with—even if I were in the mood to play some old classic arcade games. When it comes to those, I've always been more fond of Pac-Man, Space Invaders, and Joust more than I've ever been into Donkey Kong. I always found it a little too slow-paced, and found its rules and mechanics a little bit frustrating. And because of how the game's story is told, I never feel compelled to save Pauline more than once.

Mario may have been called "Jumpman," but in this game, he's never been worse at jumping. He can only jump as high as a single body length, and you can't control his trajectory in mid-air. That's fine—it works for the type of game this is, and it's pretty easy to get the hang of. The worst thing is this: if Mario jumps or falls any more than a single body length, he's going to lose a life. I can understand dying after falling nine or ten body lengths, but the game is really unforgiving about this, and I always considered it one of its most frustrating aspects.

The endlessly iconic first level, 25m, is my favorite—but the NES version screws up part of what makes it so good. In the original arcade version, Donkey Kong is shown climbing up the red steel girders while carrying Mario's at-the-time girlfriend, Pauline, with him—establishing the game's conflict in about three wordless seconds. As he stomps over to his barrel-throwing position, he causes the girders to slant out of place, allowing Mario to climb up them easier. The NES version lacks this scene, which I always thought was kind of lame.

The second level, 50m (also known as the "pie factory" stage) is conspicuously absent from the NES port. Never in my life have I played it. I know you have to save Pauline at least once before the stage even shows up, but believe me—it's just not there.

In its place, 75m serves as the second stage—and wow, this level gave me so much grief as a kid. It's the stage with the elevators, where Mario's lack of jumping prowess really starts to bite you in the ass. Pauline's hat, purse, and parasol are also scattered about this stage, and even though all they do is give you extra points, I could never resist gathering every single one of them. Oh, and I can't forget the fucking spring. It's such a weird obstacle to have in the game. I always thought it was super out of place. It doesn't help that it constantly makes noise as it bounces around.

100m is the last stage, and probably the lamest one. All you have to do is step over all the rivets supporting the steel girders, causing Donkey Kong to drop onto his head, rescuing Pauline. It's super easy compared to 75m, and it's not even interesting to play.

And that's it—from then on, the NES version just cycles through these three stages over and over, with a slight increase in speed and difficulty each go-around. No pie factory or anything. Pretty lame, if you ask me—it would be nice if they implemented all the arcade game's touches to the NSO version, but I'm not holding my breath.

If you were wondering what "Game B" is all about, it's the same thing as beating the game once—just a more difficult version of the first loop. The multiplayer, as far as I know, is just a mode that allows a second player to play as soon as you die. They don't play as Luigi, or anything—Luigi didn't exist until 1983.

As I said before, this is a game I respect more than I enjoy—especially the substandard NES version, which doesn't have all the levels and doesn't have the intro cutscene. I definitely don't dislike it, but it's never been one of my favorites. It's probably worth trying out if you haven't already, just so you can say you've played the first-ever Mario game.

Overall rating:

#14. Mario Bros.

Originally released for the arcades in 1983, Mario Bros. is the second game in the Mario series, and the first one to feature Luigi to represent player 2. If the title gives you any hint, the game is pretty much meant to be played in multiplayer, and it's where most of the game's entertainment value lies.

The object of the game is to plumb the sewers of all the enemies that emerge from the pipes. Unlike modern Mario, you cannot simply jump on the enemies' heads and expect them to perish—instead, you have to knock them over by bumping their platform as they walk by, and then you can kick them while they're vulnerable. You'll come across three different enemy types—turtles, crabs, and flies—as well as avoid a small variety of obstacles, like fireballs and sliding pieces of ice. Crabs need to be bumped twice, while flies are more difficult because they bounce around.

If you take too long to kick a vulnerable enemy, it'll get back up—this time stronger, with a different color palette to indicate that it's pissed. The last enemy on the screen will also get stronger to indicate that it's the only one you need to get rid of to clear the stage.

If you're overwhelmed, you can utilize the POW block which will flip over all grounded enemies on the screen—but only three times, and all already-flipped enemies will return to their normal position, as well, so strategic use of this block is necessary. Bonus rounds involving the collection of coins within a set time limit are also prevalent, but there's little purpose to them beyond achieving a high score. As an arcade-style game, there is no real ending—you just play forever until you lose all your lives, or if you just get bored.

And you will, because the single player experience is an intensely boring experience. Getting a second player is essential—not only does it tend to speed up each round, it's also just fun to fuck around with each other, since the game never explicitly says you have to cooperate. Indeed, the POW block can be used to make the other player bounce helplessly, making them vulnerable—and suddenly, the game is now about who can kill off the other player first. It's pretty hilarious, but I wouldn't try this with anyone who would take it too seriously.

Just as before, "Game B" is simply a more difficult version of "Game A." There's not much else to the game than what I just described. This will definitely be one of the more popular games to play online when the NSO service drops, but the reason I've ranked it on the lower end is because the single player experience is so weak.

Overall Rating:

#13. Ice Climber

This game probably isn't getting ranked above heavy-hitters like Donkey Kong and Mario Bros. on other people's lists, but truthfully and honestly, I think this game is much better than those other two.

Another one of the original NES launch titles, Ice Climber is a vertical platforming game—setting itself apart from the typical horizontal platforming found in Super Mario Bros.—themed around the concept of mountaineering. Uniquely, of the game's 32 mountains to climb, you can actually select which mountain you want to start on, which is really nice.

The object of the game is to climb to the top of each mountain by using your mallet to bust the blocks above you and defeating enemies with it along the way. In the Japanese version of the game, the standard enemy is a seal called a Topi, but since seal-clubbing is a pretty touchy subject over in the west, the sprite was altered to a more original monster design resembling a little yeti. I prefer this change—I'm not necessarily morally outraged with clubbing a seal in a cartoony video game like this, but I do think the yeti design is much cooler.

Other enemies include a bird thing that swoops down on you, and my favorite—the motherfucking polar bear that stands on two legs and wears red shorts AND sunglasses. It's the best. He only appears if you take too long to climb the mountain, and forces your advancement by stomping on the ground, which forces the screen to move up a little bit.

The jazzy music that plays during the bonus round (where you collect vegetables) is awesome, and the whole game has this distinctly bright and sunny atmosphere that's oddly incongruent with the game's setting, but juxtaposed in such a pleasant way that it actually puts you in the perfect mood to climb some fucking mountains—and that's really the game's primary appeal for me. Even if the gameplay itself is fairly average, it has enough spark and personality to keep things fun for longer than you might think.

The game's 2-player mode is similar to Mario Bros. in that both players are on the screen simultaneously, and you can choose amongst yourselves to either compete or cooperate with each other. Player 1 plays as Popo, the boy in the blue parka, and player 2 plays as Nana, the girl in the pink parka. Smash players will be all too familiar with these names, for although the Ice Climbers never got a sequel, they did appear as playable characters in Super Smash Bros. to represent the classic 8-bit era. Sakurai must've been a fan.

And so am I, to a degree. I'm not extremely enthusiastic about this game—I do think it suffers a little from the Mario Bros. single player syndrome—but I do think it has the potential to be one of the most fun games to play with a friend online when the Switch service drops. I would try it out, especially if you happen to enjoy the Ice Climbers in Smash.

Overall Rating:

#12. Excitebike

Originally released in 1984, Excitebike is pure fun—but a couple of shortcomings present in the NES version which I'll discuss later prevent me from giving it a higher placing.

"Selection A" is essentially a one-man Motocross race where you're just trying to reach the end in record time. "Selection B" is the same thing, except you're actually racing against several AI. As you might expect, holding "A" accelerates, and the "B" button is for greater acceleration at the risk of overheating your bike. You can move along the Y-axis by pushing up or down, which is necessary to avoid crashing into vehicles and other obstacles.

If someone bumps into you from behind, only they will crash, which can be used to your advantage with smart driving. Mashing the "A" button after crashing will help you run back to your bike faster. You can catch a lot of air on ramps with careful movement, so long as you watch your landing—too far to the left or right will result in a crash, but a perfect balance will result in a smooth landing. Wheelies can be performed, but just for fun—I don't think they're useful.

And that's pretty much the game. You might've noticed that "fun in simplicity" is a recurring theme with these early NES titles, but if that's not your bag, don't worry—there's plenty of NES games with a lot more depth and purpose to them. The appeal of Excitebike is in the satisfying controls and mechanics—it actually does feel like you're in a Motocross race, which is an impressive feeling for a 30-year-old 8-bit game to give you.

The "Design" mode is a level editor, and a pretty impressively extensive one at that—it's definitely the coolest feature of all, and one of my favorite features to have in a game in general. It's basically the only reason why I have it ranked above Ice Climber.

Excitebike is not the first game to have a level editor—I think Lode Runner and Wrecking Crew beat it out by a couple of years—but the fact that it's present in the game at all is super cool. Or, you know, it would be if the damn thing worked properly. You see, in the NES version, there's ultimately no point in creating a track, because as soon as you turn the game off, it's going to get lost forever.

The Japanese version of the game for the allowed you to save your tracks, but the NES save feature is completely functionless—though it remains a selectable option anyway, just to mock you. That fucking sucks, and when the NSO service drops, I'll definitely be on the lookout for a fixed level editor. As it stands now, the NES version is fun for about 10 to 20 minutes before it starts becoming a little dry.

Overall Rating:

#11. Ice Hockey

See? I told you I wasn't just going to have all the sports games at the bottom. Ice Hockey is a fine example of a sports game done right, in my opinion—and while there are certainly better hockey games on NES, like Konami's Blades of Steel, it's this game that made it on the Nintendo Switch's online service.

Originally released in 1988, making it one of the "newer" games when Nintendo had a couple more years of experience making games, Ice Hockey is almost everything I wanted out of Soccer and Baseball—a game that actually fucking feels like you're playing the sport in the title.

Fast-paced, smoothly animated, great music, teams representing seven different countries (the US, Sweden, Canada, Poland, USSR, and Czechoslovakia), and players with varying stats—you have your fat players, who are slow but strong, the skinny players, who are fast but easily get bowled over by the fatties, and then the average players. This may seem painfully standard today, but having these three different classes of player was a big step forward in terms of making these sports games feel more fleshed out, realistic, and satisfying to play. Even fights can occur, though they're not as over-the-top and graphically presented as they are in Blades of Steel, where the game actually becomes a fighting game for a moment.

I hope you've been watching the gameplay clips I've been posting for each title, because sometimes, you just have to see what I'm talking about in order to understand and appreciate what makes a game like this so much more fun to play than older sports games. Unlike Soccer, the rink is detailed and nice to look at. Unlike Baseball, the players have strengths and weaknesses (despite being balanced for each country). Unlike Tennis, striking the puck actually has an impact to it, because it makes a beautiful WHACK sound effect and it's animated properly. The game's "half-time show" involves a bunch of ice resurfacers doing what they do to some nice music. Nothing too flashy.

I don't know what else to say, really—it just goes to show you that sports games can be lots of fun, so long as you fine tune the mechanics and make it feel authentic. That's what I like to see.

Overall Rating:

#10. Tecmo Bowl

When I described Ice Hockey as a game that did "almost" everything I wanted to see in a sports game, Tecmo Bowl not only fills in the rest, but offers so much more. It, along with its 1991 sequel, Tecmo Super Bowl, are probably the best sports games the NES has to offer. The first game in this series is marred with niggling issues, which I'll try my best as a non-sports fan to go over—but, in general, Tecmo did a fantastic job with this game, considering the time (1987, arcade) and the limitations set forth by the NES port (1989).

Most of you probably know that I'm not the biggest fucking fan of American football, and I don't actually know the first thing about how the game works—the appeal of this game for me comes from its overall design, and not necessarily the gameplay itself. Thought I'd be transparent about that. So, just bear with me.

The game has all the basic modes you'd expect—1.) a single player game where you select your favorite team, and try to defeat all the other teams to beat the game, 2.) a multiplayer match where you and a friend face off, and 3.) a coaching mode, where you don't control the players—you only select the plays.

The AI doesn't always make the best decisions, and even if they do something stupid—my dad says they like to "go for it on 4th-and-1 in their own territory in the 1st quarter" and whatnot. I don't know what that shit means, but apparently it's a thing, and he didn't sound too enthusiastic about it. 2-player games where both players know what they're doing seems to be the way to go.

One of the coolest things about the game in general is that not only was Tecmo able to pick up the license to use the names of every player in the 1989 roster, they implemented their rudimentary stats and uniform colors as well. This is obviously standard fare for modern sports games like Madden, but (and I could be wrong about this) I believe this is the first time it's ever been done to any significant degree. It's not perfect, though—the actual NFL team names aren't in the game at all; only their respective cities, and the logos shown for each team are completely made up.

For example, this is the logo they came up with for the Denver Broncos:

What the fuck is that shit? Pretty hilarious.

There are twelve available teams: six for the AFC (the Raiders, Colts, Dolphins, Broncos, Seahawks, and Browns), and six for the NFC (the Redskins, 49ers, Cowboys, Giants, Bears, and Vikings). I'm not sure how many teams even existed in the 80s, but that seems like a bunch to me. Unlike actual football, only nine players from each team can be on the field (as opposed to the usual eleven), and each team can only select between a grand total of 4 plays—two passes and two runs, or sometimes three passes and one run. Definitely limiting, but if you're an idiot like me who can't even read the playbook formations, you're just going to select whichever one your gut goes with anyway.

Or you can just pick the Los Angeles Raiders and pass the ball to Bo Jackson.

You see, in the '80s, one of the best players in the league was a guy called Bo Jackson. He was a running back for the Raiders, and apparently just tore shit up on the field, because they made him the most OP player in this entire game. He's the only running back in the game that can just straight-up outrun the defense, and as long as you know what you're doing, you can't actually be stopped. It's comical.

So the game is horribly unbalanced, but whatever it's fine. It's a rare case where you're almost okay with it, because Jackson's sheer strength as a player has sort of become an amusing Internet joke over the years among football fans.

Everything nice I said about Ice Hockey before applies to this game as well—perhaps even more so. Another thing I especially love is the implementation of incomplete passes—it's very rare, but it can happen. Remember when I was complaining about how certain sports games never implement stuff like that? The idea that you can fail to catch a ball that's been thrown to you is something that never would've been implemented if this game were designed in 1985, so it's cool that it's a thing here—even if it's just random bullshit.

There's a password system so you can keep track of your win record, but no one's gonna want to write down a password that only ruins their perfect streak.

The graphics and animation have a crisp and fluid look to them, and if you understand the game of football, it's not difficult to understand what's going on at all (source: my dad, who played this shit all the time when he was a kid). The excellent music and sound effects, coupled with the intense and blitz-happy nature of the 4-play system, all work to give the game a fiery testosterone-fueled atmosphere that goes perfectly with the whole football thing. Certain important actions like kick-offs, field goals, and—of course—touchdowns are accompanied by these delightfully cheesy cutscenes to help keep the energy flowing.

I also love my half-time shows in these games—it's always nice to see the developers have fun with these things, since it proves to me that they put their heart into the game, as opposed to just making a soullessly perfect simulation with nothing too crazy ever happening.

Bottom line—American football is an extremely complex game in real life, so for a handful of people to design a game like this that is able to replicate the game so well on a primitive 8-bit system is inherently impressive to me, and it definitely deserves praise for that alone. It's made even better that the game features some captivating elements that can keep even people like me, who have NO interest in football, playing the game. The love and passion for the sport that went into this game is obvious, and even though it's not perfect (and was vastly improved upon later), it's still one of the better sports titles for the NES.

However, there's one caveat for the version that will be released for the NSO service. Obviously, Nintendo no longer has the license for any of the player names, so unfortunately, they probably won't show up at all for the service. Cities, team colors, player stats, and player numbers will all be in-tact—but you won't know any of the player's names, unless you have an encyclopedic knowledge of old-school American football.

For your benefit, in case you ever wanted to experience the power of Tecmo Bo Jackson, his player number is 34. He's a running back for the Los Angeles Raiders.

Overall Rating:

#9. Dr. Mario

Originally released in 1990, Dr. Mario is a Tetris-like puzzle game where you help Mario kill viruses by stacking three like-colored pills onto them (either red, blue, or yellow).

The game is addicting by nature, and though I wouldn't say it's nearly as good as Tetris, it still has a charm and appeal all its own, and serves as a decent change of pace if Tetris is the only game of this style you've ever played. The megavitamins are affected by gravity, so when one half disappears, the other half will fall down—paying attention to and exploiting this particular mechanic will reveal the game's true depth.

Like Ice Climber, you can choose which level you want to start on—even the very last one, where the medicine bottle is nearly filled to the very brim with every color of virus. I'd love to see someone beat that.

Unlike Tetris, where you're normally able to choose between three different music tracks to jam to, Dr. Mario only offers two—"Fever" and "Chill"—but they're both still bangers. "Fever" is probably the more iconic of the two, but I've always preferred the atmosphere of "Chill."

The game doesn't lend itself to much analysis; it's just a good game for puzzle fans.

It's interesting, again, how Dr. Mario was chosen as a character in Super Smash Bros. I can't imagine he's a character too many people have requested before, but he's certainly not an unwelcome addition to that game's roster.

Overall Rating:

#8. Pro Wrestling

Indeed, this is the "A WINNER IS YOU" game.

Originally released in 1986, this is probably my favorite wrestling game of all time, which is high praise coming from someone who doesn't give a fuck about wrestling in general. It's the closest the NES has to a straight fighting game, and it's just fun as hell.

One or two players can choose between six different combatants: Fighter Hayabusa of Japan, Star Man of Mexico(?)
Kin Corn Karn of Korea, Giant Panther of the US, The Amazon (green monster of unknown origin), or King Slender of the US. The name "Kin Corn Karn" still makes me laugh to this day. All the fighters have the same moves, but they all have one or two of their own unique special moves—Fighter Hayabusa has a hard-to-land drop kick that stuns your opponent pretty badly, and the Amazon has an attack where he tries to chomp his opponent's head off. It's awesome.

The single player game has you choose your fighter before pitting you against the five others—King Slender being the VWA (Video Wrestling Association) champion and the first "boss" of the game. If King Slender is chosen, then Giant Panther will be the final opponent instead. After winning, the second phase begins—a Title Defense mode.

From here, if you can win ten more fights without losing once, you'll be able to fight against the game's true final boss: Great Puma, champion of the VWF (Video Wrestling Federation). I've never been able to do this, personally—I can make it to Title Defense, but then it starts getting a little too hard.

Pressing the "A" and "B" buttons will punch and kick, respectively—the kick always knocks your opponent down, and you can always attempt to tap them out, but you won't actually get anywhere until you actually start using some wrestling techniques. When you and your opponent are clinched, you can enter a specific button combination, and if you're faster than your opponent, you'll perform whatever move your inputs command. I don't full understand how it all works, though—it's one of those things that requires you to read the manual. I've seen body slams, suplexes, and all kinds of crazy shit just by mashing the buttons. If your opponent is stunned, you can try to climb at the top of the ropes and nail them with a flying body slam or knee drop if you're feeling stylish, but only if you think you have enough time.

You can also bounce off the ropes and attempt to clothesline your opponent, but you can also be thrown against the ropes and be completely helpless—and vice-versa. The coolest part of any match has to be when someone gets tossed out of the ring. At this point, you can pretty much just wail on each other, because the match can only continue for a few seconds when one player is out of the ring—so it's all about running a train over your opponent and stunning them long enough to where they can't limp over to the ring in time.

It's cool to me how animated the crowd is—and how there's not only a referee constantly in the ring, but a fucking cameraman outside the ring, as well. If you haven't caught the theme by now, I'm big on games that have a lot of personality, and this game is brimming with it. If you consider yourself someone who finds wrestling games monotonous, then this one probably isn't for you—but I don't think there's a better game in the genre available for NES, and it's a great addition for the Switch's online service.

I've heard it through the grapevine that they actually fixed the Engrish, though—the victory screen now has the slightly-more-grammatically-sensible "WINNER IS YOU" rather than "A WINNER IS YOU." If that's true, then the game might just be literally unplayable.

Overall Rating:

#7. Ghosts 'n Goblins

Originally released for the arcade in 1985, I actually fucking hate this game—but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't because I'm terrible at it. Objectively speaking, the NES port is pretty rough around the edges, and a lot of janky shit can happen, but I think the game has enough going for it to warrant putting it on the upper-middle end of this list.

While having a picnic in a fucking graveyard or some shit, your girlfriend gets kidnapped by a devil, and now you have to rescue her from a horde of ghosts and goblins. The game is notoriously one of the most difficult games of all time—which is ironic, considering it actually throws you somewhat of a bone by allowing you to get hit once before dying—but you have to beat it twice in one go to get the true ending. I've never made it significantly far without getting too frustrated, it's one of those games.

What helps the game's appeal for me is its strong music and consistently cartoonish gothic art design. If Castlevania paid homage to old classic horror films with its imagery, this game pays tribute to every children's Halloween party ever. It's delightful, and if nothing else makes you want to see what comes next, it's gonna be that.

The game is a little bit faster-paced than Castlevania, though, and the level design is much weaker and more haphazard. While the game does demand much of your skill as a player, and encourages you to play cautiously, there's still a lot of bullshit. Enemies will occasionally pop up out of absolutely nowhere, giving you no time to react—and even though it's cool that you can get different weapon power-ups, the fact that the weapons you get seem to drop at complete random (and never when you want them to) doesn't really boost the game's fun factor very much.

The difficulty is kinda unfair, but it instills within the player a sense of defiance. Even though I've never been good at this game, I've never ruled out the possibility of me being able to inch my way through it—but depending on how the rest of the game is, my opinion on the game could change drastically. For now, it'll sit at the #7 spot. Definitely worth trying, but be patient and expect to get your shit pushed in.

Overall Rating:

#6. Double Dragon

I normally associate beat 'em ups with monotony, lack of depth, and braindead gameplay—so it's always nice when a game can take a genre you hate, and have you respect it to a certain degree.

Originally released in 1987 for the arcades, the NES port of Double Dragon is one of the great classics of the genre. The plot is as bare bones as it gets: Thugs took your girl; go after them. Fortunately, you play as Billy Badass (actually, it's just Billy Lee), a martial artist who learns more and more techniques as the game goes on.

The reason I tend to hate games like this is because of how little the developers care to balance and flesh out the characters moveset. There's a fundamental disconnect between me and everyone else, it seems—I'm playing to win, so I'm going to figure out which moves are my strongest, and just spam the shit out of them, because I don't want to lose. Meanwhile, everyone else is just here to have fun, and they're okay with using the full extent of your available techniques for the sake of being flashy, even if it's completely impractical or unnecessary. This is why I get bored, because I'm not entertained by flashy nonsense. I just wanna play the game and win.

That's why I'm able to enjoy Double Dragon. It has no frills—you can learn a couple flashy techniques here and there, sure, but for the most part, all of your moves have a separate purposes, utilities, and some are more effective vs. a certain type of enemy. Using your enemies' weapons against them is satisfying, as is using the environment to your advantage. None of these things are necessarily unique to this game, but it's the simplicity of it that I find appealing.

The game has a very sleek and cool tone to it—it's neat how every stage opens up with a sepia tone title card for every mission. Every level is very colorful and has gorgeous amounts of detail put into them. I don't think the music is quite up to par, though—some stages have fine music, but on others, it can actually sound pretty grating.

Naturally, there's a 2-player cooperative mode, and there's also a "Mode B" which I initially assumed was just another difficulty increase, but it's actually a whole new game mode altogether. It's a vs. mode where you select between six different fighters and face off with either an AI opponent or a second player, Street Fighter style. I highly doubt it's all that great, but the fact that they even thought to put such a mode in the game gives it a big boost.

I seriously can't wait to try this one on NSO.

Overall Rating:

#5. Super Mario Bros.

I don't think I need to say a single word about this game, but just in case you were wondering: Yes, it's still good.

If you haven't played it, do so. It doesn't matter who you are or what you like.

Overall Rating:

#4. Balloon Fight

All right, now we're getting into some really good-ass games. I don't really know what it is about this one—it's kinda weird, but it's SO much fun.

Originally released for the arcade in 1984, Balloon Fight is the best Joust ripoff I've ever played. You're a boy flying around with two balloons, and your goal (for the standard game) is to bash into other balloon fighters—preferably before they're able to inflate their own balloons. Once they start flying, they become a threat, and you'll have to pop their balloons before they pop yours. They only get one balloon to work with, but you have two. When one of yours is popped, you'll have to mash the "A" button even harder to stay afloat. Lose the second one, and you lose a life.

Once you pop their balloon, it's not quite over yet—they'll start floating down with a parachute, and if they manage to land safely, they'll start inflating another balloon. They'll change color, too, indicating that they've become more aggressive—just like in Mario Bros. In order to stop them from returning, you'll have to bump into them as their parachuting down to get rid of them permanently—or, if you're lucky, they'll wind up landing in the water, where they'll get eaten by a giant fish (which is your warning to steer clear of the water yourself).

Other hazards include flippers, which flip you all over the place at random if you make contact with them, and cumulonimbus clouds that generate lightning sparks that spell death if you touch them. These are kinda random and can be tricky to avoid if you're not super careful, but they all add depth and character to the overall experience. The screen also does that thing where if you fly all the way to the right, you'll end up on the left, and vice-versa. Skilled players will take advantage of this, and realize that the enemies can do the same. If you think an enemy is far away from you, because you're on the far left of the screen and he's on the far right, you're actually very close to each other.

Outside of the standard game, we also have Balloon Trip—a single player test of flying skill where your balloon fighter is sent across the ocean to dodge a barrage of lightning sparks. All you have to do is not die and see how far you can make it—touching a single spark will end the game. It's very addicting, and the music that plays is splendid.

Graphically, I always thought this game was pretty to look at in a vaguely surreal way. The night sky with the thunder clouds is the perfect back drop to the oddball nature of the gameplay. Honestly, the one thing the game needed overall was a 2-player versus mode. You can have a second player join in on the standard game, but it's meant to be entirely cooperative. If the game had a Vs. mode, this would've been an easy 5/5—it's easily one of the strongest of the arcade-style NES games, hence why it's ranked so high, and I'm sure it'll be a fucking blast to play on the Switch. Try not to miss this one.

Overall Rating:

#3. Gradius

This is the only game on the list that I never played as a kid—I first tried it less than a year ago, thinking I wouldn't be into it, and wound up falling in love with it. This game fucking rocks.

Originally released in 1985, back when Konami was a good company, Gradius is the first game in its eponymous series—Life Force is another game you're probably at least familiar with from the same franchise, as it's generally considered to be the superior game (though not by me). It's a horizontal space shoot-'em-up that is satisfying to play as it is insanely difficult.

Even the poster is awesome, even though it looks pretty Star Wars-y.

The most intriguing thing about the game is probably the weapon upgrade system. Defeating a red-colored enemy, or just successfully destroying a small sequence of enemies, will drop a red power-up orb thing that essentially gives you one unit of upgrade. At this point, you can press the "B" button to spend your unit on whatever upgrade is currently highlighted on the bottom of the screen—the more to the right the upgrade is, the more units you'll need to collect before you can "purchase" it.

The upgrades are as follows:
1 unit: Speed Up. Allows the Vic Viper to move around faster.
2 units: Missile. Fires a missile that is shot towards the bottom of the screen to check low-flying enemies.
3 units: Double. Makes it so your second shot is angled upward. Undesirable, as it cannot be used with Laser.
4 units: Laser. Tears shit up.
5 units: Option. Spawns an orange ball thing that has all of the Viper's current abilities. Is awesome. Can have two.
6 units: Shield (labeled as "???" in-game). Basically makes you invincible for as long as they're up.

There are also blue orbs that appear every once in awhile, and nabbing this one will destroy all the enemies currently on-screen. I sure wish this one appeared more often.

The game is notoriously unforgiving—but unlike Ghosts 'n Goblins, it's not unfair about it. The enemies all follow distinct and clear patterns, and though it's not uncommon for a lot of bullets to be on the screen at once, it's easy to train yourself to fight as efficiently as possible to minimize your deaths—which will require a lot of patience, since you cannot take a single hit (without shields, which is the most expensive upgrade). It's about skill, not bullshit.

More rough than dying in one hit is the fact that you lose all your weapon upgrades upon respawning, too—so if you have two Options, a Missile, a Laser, and a fuckton of Speed Ups, the pressure is on. You pretty much have to play perfectly to make it far.

My least favorite aspect of the game is that there's no Machine Gun power-up, or anything that gives you the highest rate of fire without having to mash the fuck out of the "A" button. Because, yeah, this is unfortunately one of those shoot-'em-ups that, while it does allow for auto-fire if you hold the button down, the rate of fire isn't nearly high enough to handle the onslaught of shit coming your way—so you pretty much HAVE to mash if you want to survive. And that can get pretty tiresome. It's the main reason why I've never bothered to beat the game yet, because it's too hard on my thumbs after awhile.

Despite everything going against you, however, the game never feels oppressive to play. Perhaps it's the satisfying gameplay, the crisp and beautiful graphics, or the hopeful and uplifting music—but even though the game is basically putting you through several layers of hell, it feels like the most pleasant journey all throughout each attempt.

And can I just say again that this game was made in 1985? The same year as Super Mario Bros.? Play the footage of those two games back to back, and you will see just how far ahead of the game Konami was back then. They just had it figured out.

Please play this game on NSO. It fucking rules.

Overall rating:

#2. Super Mario Bros. 3

Welcome to the best Mario game for the Nintendo Entertainment System.

This is another one of those games that I think has a reputation that precedes itself—everyone understands why this game is amazing, and if you don't, then you kinda just need to go out and play it. No amount of explanation from me will perfectly encapsulate everything you need to know about it, and I wouldn't want to spoil that for you anyway.

In a nutshell, I suppose, Mario 3 pretty much set the gold standard for how modern Mario games are played today. Many of the conventions you see now all started here—a map design that plays and feels like a board game, amazing, memorable, and iconic level design, beautifully constructed worlds that have their own cute little themes, perfect controls, physics, and overall game mechanics, awesome power-ups, cool enemies with lots of variety, great music, great atmosphere, fuckloads of content and shit to do, bonus rounds, hidden secrets that feel rewarding to find, and even a little bit of strategy going on with the item-carrying system—it is, in many people's eyes, the ultimate Mario game.

The 2-player game is pretty sweet, too, as it allows both players to more or less compete with one another as they try to see who can progress the farthest—and if you select the start tile in a 2-player game, you can play a competitive head-to-head version of the arcade Mario Bros. game where you compete for extra lives.

Ultimately, I still prefer Super Mario World. But 3 is pretty dope, too.

Overall rating:

#1. The Legend of Zelda

You probably saw this one coming.

This game does things to my soul. It gives me a soul. I wouldn't go so far to say it's my favorite Zelda game, or anything—though it's definitely in my top 5—but regardless of ranking or any other nonsense, this game is very special to me, and I don't give a single fuck how "dated" anyone thinks it is.

Can it be a little cryptic sometimes? Okay, maybe more than a little. But that's the beauty of it. This game was designed as the yang to the yin of Super Mario Bros.—a game that is designed to be linear, intuitive, and straightforward. Zelda, by stark contrast, doesn't tell you anywhere to go, because it's your adventure, and there are no right answers.

That's all I think needs to be said about it for now. If you haven't played it before, now (as in the 18th, when the NSO service comes out) is as good a time as ever. It may not be the best NES game of all time, but it is, in my view, the best game currently available for the service, and I'd love for everyone to give it a shot.

Overall rating:

And that's just about all of them—with the exception of two: Yoshi (1991) and River City Ransom (1989), the only two launch titles for the service that I haven't played yet. When the service drops, I'll definitely update the thread later with reviews for both.

The average score at the moment is about 3.7/5—definitely not bad, but could be MUCH better. I personally would like to see the score rise above 4.0, and then we'll know it's a premium library. We also need a couple of classics that are conspicuously absent. Give us some Castlevania, Metroid, and Kirby's Adventure—or you could take the obscure route and give us Trojan or Crystalis. That would be sick as fuck.

Still, we have a decent variety to start with. I think it's safe to say there's probably at least one game for everyone.

TL;DR - (years below are based on the NES release, not the original Famicom/arcade release)

26. Soccer (1985) - 2/5 [-6]
25. Baseball (1985) - 2/5 [-6]

24. Tennis (1985) - 3/5 [-6]
23. Yoshi (1992) - 3/5 [-6]
22. Donkey Kong (1986) - 3/5 [-7]
21. Ice Climber (1985) - 3/5 [-7]
20. Mario Bros. (1986) - 3/5 [-4]
19. Mighty Bomb Jack (1987) - 3/5
18. Excitebike (1985) - 3/5 [-5]
17. TwinBee (1986) - 3/5
16. Super Dodge Ball (1989) - 3/5

15. Ghosts'n Goblins (1986) - 4/5 [-5]
14. Double Dragon (1988) - 4/5 [-5]
13. Ice Hockey (1988) - 4/5 [-1]
12. Tecmo Bowl (1989) - 4/5 [-1]
11. NES Open Tournament Golf (1991) - 4/5
10. Pro Wrestling (1987) - 4/5 [-2]
9. Solomon's Key (1987) - 4/5
8. Dr. Mario (1990) - 4/5 [-1]
7. Super Mario Bros. (1985) - 4/5 [-1]
6. Balloon Fight (1986) - 4/5 [-1]
5. River City Ransom (1990) - 4/5 [-1]

4. Gradius (1986) - 5/5 [-1]
3. Metroid (1987) - 5/5
2. Super Mario Bros. 3 (1990) - 5/5
1. The Legend of Zelda (1987) - 5/5

The Flood / when i say "next saturday"
« on: September 14, 2018, 12:30:12 PM »
do you think that means the 15th (literally tomorrow), or the 22nd (the saturday of next week)

what if today is sunday and i asked the same thing

The Flood / i have never been an asshole for an unrighteous reason
« on: September 08, 2018, 02:03:46 AM »
can you say the same

Gaming / post good games made this decade that have no DLC
« on: September 01, 2018, 07:00:51 PM »
that includes expansion packs, episodic releases, microtransactions, loot boxes, MMOs or anything that requires paid subscriptions, amiibos or other peripheral doodads, loot boxes, or anything like that whatsoever

i'm talking about games where i can experience the entire thing for one single purchase, and it also has to be good


The Flood / "i don't think it matters"
« on: August 16, 2018, 12:39:08 PM »
1. what do you think "matters"
2. of those things that matter, how much time do you spend on them

or does it "matter"

Gaming / Evolution 2018
« on: August 01, 2018, 11:55:44 PM »


The Evolution Championship Series (Evo for short) represents the largest and longest-running fighting game tournaments in the world. Evo brings together the best of the best from around the world in a dazzling exhibition of skill and fun, as players and fans gather to honor the competitive spirit in an open format and determine a champion.

Our tournaments are about more than just winning. Evo is open to anyone, feature stations available for relaxed free play, and offer unique opportunities to meet people from different countries and different walks of life who share your passion. Established champions face off against unknown newcomers, and new rivals that might have only talked or fought online meet up and become old friends.


- Dragon Ball FighterZ -
- Street Fighter V: Arcade Edition -
- Tekken 7 -
- Super Smash Bros. for Wii U -
- Super Smash Bros. Melee -
- BlazBlue: Cross Tag Battle -
- Guilty Gear Xrd REV 2 -
- Injustice 2 -

going for maximum clickbait, but at the same time, everything must be 100% honest

The Phantom Menace is Actually Pretty Okay

Attack of the Clones: Why You Guys Were Almost Right For Once

Revenge of the Sith is Awesome, and You Don't Love it Enough

You Don't Like the Original Star Wars Movie as Much as You Think

The Empire Strikes Back: The Most Boringest One

Return of the Jedi is the Best of the OT; Fight Me

The Force Awakens is Literally Just A New Hope, but Good

People Who Didn't like The Last Jedi Are Fucking Idiots

The Flood / Never eating food again
« on: July 31, 2018, 06:03:46 PM »
Found a dead moth in my salad today

it wasn't a small moth, either

i'm basically just gonna starve myself for the rest of time now, so say nice things about me before i die

The Flood / Fight me
« on: July 25, 2018, 12:28:16 AM »
say some dumb shit so i can verbally throttle you

society is so f***ed up man

Serious / Andrew Yang 2020
« on: July 16, 2018, 03:12:06 PM »


Give me reasons not to get my hopes up for this guy.

The Flood / Just need to rant about something (moving out)
« on: July 15, 2018, 04:05:27 AM »
My best friend outside of the Internet, who I have known for 16+ years, dropped out of college a few months ago, before completing his eighth semester. He was studying for a STEM degree. We both went to different universities—he to a slightly more prestigious one, myself to the cheaper lower-class one—and after four years, he decided he just couldn't handle it anymore.

Had he stuck it out for just one more year, he would've graduated, but the fact that he "fucking hated every single person there" was an important factor in his decision. It wasn't something I didn't see coming eventually—if anything, I was surprised he dropped out so late into the game. It wasn't that he was bullied, or anything—he was mostly just fed up with the culture, and he performed poorly and failed several of his courses.

Every time he'd come home for the summer, we'd always catch up, but the only stories he ever had to tell about college were about how fucking miserable he was there, for pretty much every waking moment of his life. Every single roommate he's ever had has been a piece of shit, or an irresponsible douchebag, and they always treated him like garbage. He's never had a single positive experience he thought was worth telling me about. Not one.

What you need to understand about this guy is that he's a bit of a headcase. I feel like I shouldn't go into details without his approval, but just know that he's not all there. He's nice, funny, hardworking—but he has issues. Many issues.

So many bad roommate stories. It's natural to assume that a lot of it was exaggeration, but literally, there would be times when he'd almost be on the verge of tears telling me these things—so even if he's stretching the truth, or not giving the complete story, or whatever, I know he's not outright lying to me about anything. He's not that kind of person anyway—and again, we're best friends.

Later, he told me he was gonna enroll at my university and transfer all his credits there. I told him that was a good idea, because it is—not only was he close as fuck to graduating anyway, he'll actually be able to do it in a place where he won't want to fucking kill himself every day, because people at my campus are generally nice and pleasant (as far as I know). The fact that his closest friend studies there is certainly a bonus—but it's not like we could dorm together, or anything. Not only are dormitories insanely fucking expensive, I also can't drive. I commute to school every day on a goddamn bus. The only way we'd be able to be roommates is if we got an apartment.

And that's exactly what he wants me to do. He asked me if I wanted to last week, and at first, I had to say no, but only because I knew I wouldn't be able to pay the rent with him. My parents don't pay me to work at the record shop—I'm paid in "room and board," to quote them. Which is fair and all, but that's my situation. I can't pay rent, and that's not fair to him, so I had to say no.

Couple days later, the subject comes up again, only my mother is in earshot. She brings up that I could pitch in with the overage from my financial aid, which is true—but only if I get a decent check. Sometimes it's a lot, sometimes it's not that much. If it's less than $200, that's not gonna help much. I never know what I'm gonna get, I don't understand how any of it works, and I'm not smart enough (or bothered enough, frankly) to figure it out. The "no" has changed to a "maybe," but my friend, naturally, wants a definitive answer. It's not like we have a lot of time before the next semester begins.

So he asked me again about it last night. I had more time to think about it, and I decided that I was being an ass. I probably should've just said "yes" to begin with—my overage has only vacillated in a serious way for one semester, where it dropped significantly because my parents' income rose that year, due to my father getting himself a better job. When your family's income rises, you get more financial aid—and if you're wondering what my family's income has to do with me, the way it works is that my name is tied to my parents' income until I'm 23, which I won't be until the semester has already begun. They really fuck you pretty hard in the ass on that one. Either way, my dad has since lost that job and is working some other place—so, as a result, my overage should be a little higher this semester. Maybe. Unless there are other factors I haven't taken into account.

In any case, the "maybe" has changed to a "yes." Having put my financial concerns to rest... I guess I'm officially moving out of this house now.

It was never really about that anyway, though. That was the excuse I gave, but it wasn't the excuse I felt in my heart—which is, simply, that I don't want to move out. At all. I've lived in this house for 20 years. I realize I have to move out at some point, all I can really think about is, "Why did it have to be right now?" I don't feel ready for it. I'm not ready for it. But I feel like my hand is being forced anyway.

It feels like I'm not making a decision based on what I want—I'm making a decision based on what my friend needs. And he does need me—if he has to room with anyone else, he's gonna be right back where he was. Hating his life, being his manically depressed self. I'm the only person he can have a good time with anymore. And if you're wondering why he doesn't just commute from home—ignoring the fact that he's trying, too, to be a self-respecting adult who doesn't live with his parents at 22, like me—he also fucking hates his parents, and his homelife is just as miserable. Getting an apartment is literally the only option for him (unless he grows to despise me, too).

There are reasons I don't particularly want to go through with this, too, that aren't just based on selfish trepidation. It kinda fucks everything up. I've been working at my parents' shop for a year, and they're working jobs of their own with pretty intense hours. So even though I'm not getting paid, I don't know what they're gonna do without me.

I just feel like he's asking me to make a huge life decision, without even considering for a moment just how much weight that drops on me. I said yes, because I'm morally obligated, but I'm literally up at 5 AM typing this because I'm stressing myself out so hard over it. Maybe I'm overreacting—but even if I am, I just needed to get off my chest.

My depressed friend wants me to move into an apartment with him because he hates everyone and has no one else in his life right now. I told him "yes" out of a sense of loyalty and moral obligation, but I still feel shitty and spineless, because, in my heart of hearts, I honestly have no interest in doing so. I'm very comfortable where I live right now + I have a job here. This was all very sudden, and I don't think my friend understands that. The cognitive dissonance I'm experiencing right now is driving me crazy and I needed to vent about it.

I wanna be a good friend, but I feel like having these thoughts makes me a shitty friend. Or I'm going insane. Or both.

I'm really gonna miss my parents.

The Flood / Vegan argument simulator
« on: July 05, 2018, 04:30:41 PM »
if you're on mobile, stop being a peasant and get on your desktop instead

otherwise, this thread isn't gonna work for you

Why do you think it's okay to kill animals for food?

#1. Because they're just animals. We may be animals, too, but they're still below us on the food chain. You simply cannot compare a human with an animal, because we evolved to be superior to them.
Ah, the classic "speciesist" argument—the belief that humans are inherently "superior" to livestock, because a human is a human is a cow is a cow. Mindless bigotry combined with toxic "might makes right" philosophy. Anything that you can overpower is yours to overpower, and it doesn't matter if it's right or wrong, because they're not gonna be able to do anything about it anyway.

So, if an advanced alien race invaded us from the cosmos and decided to enslave and consume the entire human race, because they're stronger than us, and we have no chance of fighting back, we should just accept our fate. We can still try to fight them, but if we lose, we lose, and they'll have carte blanche over all humanity. That's what you'd be okay with.

#1a. I wouldn't be okay with that, actually. As a human, I want the human race to continue to survive, so if we were destroyed by aliens more powerful than us, there may not be anything we can do about it, but it still wouldn't be right.
Perhaps you should consider applying those morals to the lesser beings that you consume. If you don't see what makes it okay for an extraterrestrial race to consume humans, to not apply the same standard across the board would be a basic example of hypocrisy.

#1b. Yes, I would be okay with that.
Your sense of ethics is dogshit—borderline insane—but at least you're consistent.

#2. Because wild animals eat each other all the time. Some of them are carnivorous, and can't even survive unless they consume another animal's flesh. What makes it so different for us? It's just natural.

There are a lot of perfectly natural things about the world that are decidedly not good or okay. Disease is natural, so I guess we should just throw out all of our vaccines and all of our medicine, and just allow natural forces to destroy our bodies from the inside out. Don't try to stop it, it's just nature.

Or, we can say "fuck that," continue using medicine, continue wearing clothes, continue using technology, and continue using the reasoning brains we've been given to make the world a better and more rational place for life to exist in—not in the name of nature, but in spite of nature.

The one thing that separates humans from animals is that animals can't reason. We have a brain that we can consciously use for good, ethical, or altruistic purposes. Animals obviously don't, and while that may not make us superior to animals, in the sense that it gives us the right to exploit them—No, what it does is behoove us to be smart, responsible, and compassionate. Just because animals can't do that doesn't mean we can't, or that we should stoop to their level. That's retarded.

What you're basically suggesting for us to do is to regress, and reduce ourselves to the stupid, primitive animals that we evolved from, functioning solely on our most base and carnal desires. Why are you like this?

#2a. I just don't think it's right to assume you know better than nature.
"Nature" doesn't "know" anything. Nature is not a person. Nature is not a god. Nature is a deterministic force—it has no thoughts, it's just a perpetual yet seemingly inescapable influence on the physical world. Luckily for us, however, it does not have a total stranglehold on reality. Using our intelligence, we can influence the influencer, and practically bend it to our will, just like we've been doing for millennia. The fact that human beings, as weak and frail and fragile as we are, became the most "successful" species on the planet should be proof positive to you that nature does not completely own us. If it did, we wouldn't be ruling the world right now.

We can rule it, and we can also defy and reject it. We don't have to reduce ourselves to stupid animals. So let's not. That's, more or less, what our intelligence is for.

#3. Because I can. Humans are omnivores, after all.
The ability to do something, unfortunately, does not give you the right to do it. You're going to need more robust reasoning than that.

#3a. I don't care. I don't need to justify myself to you.
"Go fuck yourself" is the only appropriate response to anything resembling this. This applies to any subject.

#4. Some people need to eat meat. There are certain nutrients that can't easily be found in a plant-based diet, like vitamin B12.
Let's not play games—You don't get enough vitamins, you don't care about your health. And even if you do, you're not a dietitian, and you don't know shit about shit. This is just a lazy excuse.

B12 can be supplemented easily. They're called... vitamin supplements. They're available everywhere, and if you truly cared at all about your health, you should probably be ingesting a bunch of these anyway, because no one is getting enough of their most essential vitamins.

Alternatively, you can look around for fortified foods that have B12 in them. It's not difficult, it's not hard. You just have to know and pay attention to what you're doing. You just don't want to because it requires you to put a little bit more effort into what you're buying at the grocery store, because you normally don't put any thought into it at all.

As for protein, there are numerous sources of protein in many plant-based foods. There's beans, nuts, legumes, lentils, mushrooms, and more. You can even substitute your precious meat for soy-based analogues that taste remotely similar, even if they're not perfect.

#4a. Yeah, but aren't those things all pretty expensive? I don't know if I can afford vegan products. Or find them, for that matter.
You can. Look harder.

If you truly can't, consider doing something about it. Move out. Go to stores you've never visited before. Find shit online. If you can't, but you're still wiling to, then at least your heart is in the right place, and I have nothing to spite you for, really.

Most of you can, but just aren't willing to.

#5. I don't.

this isn't complete, and i was planning on building upon it later

but then i noticed that someone already did it way better than me, oops

The Flood / Top 10 Japanese Cartoons of 1998
« on: June 26, 2018, 08:14:23 PM »
It's that time of the month.

Previous lists:
1995 - AotY: Golden Boy Magnetic Rose (from Memories)
1996 - AotY: Spring & Chaos
1997 - AotY: Noiseman Sound Insect

Credit where credit is due—1998 was indeed a relatively good year for anime. This is the point in time when all the post-Evangelion original shows that began cropping up around 1996 started to reach critical mass. It's the year that gave us Cowboy Bebop, for instance—considered by many to not only be one of the best shows ever, but the ultimate starting point to getting yourself into the medium itself.

That being said, Cowboy Bebop did not make this list. I have it as an honorable mention, so it's not that I hate the show or anything—I just don't personally consider it list-worthy. Remember that these lists are geared towards people who are like me and don't particularly enjoy anime, and are looking for something that they could enjoy—and while I did mention that Cowboy Bebop is the go-to recommendation, it's not the sort of show you'd recommend to someone who has no intention of ever becoming an anime fan. And besides, what if you don't like space operas?

What I aim to recommend in these threads are shows and movies that I think everyone should try, regardless of whether you're into the genre, regardless of whether you become an anime fan at the end of the day. I don't even consider myself one, so I couldn't possibly care to "convert" anyone to any fandoms to which I, myself, have not even been indoctrinated. No, all I'm trying to do here with these threads is present you with pieces of art that I think anyone could enjoy or respect. It's not your typical anime fare—the things I select are not only personal favorites, and things that mean a lot to me on a personal level, but things that I want to pass along to everyone else, too.

Even if you wind up not liking anything I have to share, most if not all of them will still leave upon you a lasting impression or something you can take with you.

With all that shit out of the way, here's a big long list of all the shows, movies, OVAs, and specials from 1998 that I did NOT watch, either because they're too hard to find streams for on the Internet, or because it's part of a larger franchise that I've already given up on. The reason I do this is for the sake of transparency—I can't really claim to have seen every anime in existence, but I can claim to have seen the most important and readily-available ones. Nonetheless, it only makes sense for me to share all the stuff I wasn't able to catch.

Did not watch any of these
TV (New)

El Hazard: The Alternative World
Bakusou Kyoudai Let's & Go MAX
Gakkyuu Ou Yamazaki
Nogsaegjeoncha Haemosu
Haruniwa Ie no 3 Nin-me
Lodoss-tou Senki: Eiyuu Kishi Den
Beast Wars Second Chou Seimeitai Transformers
Grander Musashi RV
DT Eightron
Nessa no Haou Gandalla
YAT Anshin! Uchuu Ryokou 2
Himitsu no Akko-chan 3
Seupideuwang Beongae
Ginga Hyouryuu Vifam 13
Takoyaki Mant-Man
Shadow Skill: Eigi
Momoiro Sisters
Urayasu Tekkin Kazoku
Hatsumei Boy Kanipan
Saber Marionette J to X
Mamotte Shugogetten!
Yume de Aetara (TV)
Eat-Man '98
Kaiketsu Jouki Tanteidan
Let's Nupu Nupu
Dokkiri Doctor
Totsugeki! Pappara-tai
Hanasaka Tenshi Tenten-kun
Yoshimoto Muchikko Monogatari
Only You: Viva! Cabaret Club


Ginga Eiyuu Densetsu Gaiden
Gekiganger 3: The Movie
GUNbare! Game Tengoku 2 the Movie
Golgo 13: Queen Bee
Jigoku Sensei Nube OVA
Shin Otokogi
One Piece: Taose! Kaizoku Ganzack
Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon Memorial
Bannou Bunka Neko-Musume DASH!
Detective Conan: Let's Try a Curious Experiment!
Chou Kidou Densetsu DinaGiga
Efficus: Kono Omoi o Kimi ni...
Dennou Sentai Voogie's?Angel Gaiden: Susume! Super?Angels!
Slayers Excellent
Glass no Kamen: Sen no Kamen wo Motsu Shoujo
DNA Sights 999.9
Spectral Force
Twin Bee Paradise
Starlight Scramble Renai Kouhosei
Ganbare Goemon: Chikyuu Kyuushutsu Daisakusen
Toki no Daichi: Hana no Oukoku no Majo
Kuzuryuugawa to Shounen


Ginga Tetsudou 999: Eternal Fantasy
The?Doraemons: Mushimushi Pyonpyon Daisakusen!
Detective Conan Movie 02: The Fourteenth Target
Crayon Shin-chan Movie 06: Dengeki! Buta no Hizume Daisakusen
Maze?Bakunetsu Jikuu: Tenpen Kyoui no Giant
Rennyo Monogatari
Mobile Suit Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz Movie
Slayers Gorgeous
Kidou Senkan Nadesico: The Prince of Darkness
Mobile Suit Gundam: The 08th MS Team - Miller's Report
Beast Wars Second Chou Seimeitai Transformers: Lio Convoy Kiki Ippatsu! Movie


Gakkyuu Ou Yamazaki Specials
Cowboy Bebop: Yose Atsume Blues
AIKa: Special Trial
Sexy Commando Gaiden: Sugoiyo!! Masaru-san Specials
Dr. Slump: Robot Taiketsu! Shukuteki Dr. Mashirito Toujou / Keen de Yuushou!? Penguin Grand Prix
Suteki desu wa, Sakura-chan! Tomoyo no Cardcaptor Sakura Katsuyaku Video Nikki!
Lupin III: Honoo no Kioku - Tokyo Crisis
Gundam: Mission to the Rise
The Impression of First Gundam
Seikimatsu Leader Gaiden Takeshi!
Otoko wa Tsurai yo: Torajirou Wasurenagusa
Rurouni Kenshin Special
Seihou Bukyou Outlaw Star Specials
Touch: Miss Lonely Yesterday - Are kara, Kimi wa...

Now, onto to the list. If you haven't heeded any of my recommendations before, now might be the time, because I have some pretty great ones lined up this time.

#2. Perfect Blue
パーフェクト・ブルー - Pāfekuto Burū

Perfect Blue is the directorial debut of the fabled Satoshi Kon (well, not counting that one JoJo's episode he did)—a man who's probably best known for Paprika, which you may or may not have seen, as well as Millenium Actress, Tokyo Godfathers, and Paranoia Agent, several of which I still need to see. He was considered one of the best directors in the industry until he sadly died of pancreatic cancer in 2010. If people today still argue about what his magnum opus is, I would be surprised if he made anything better than Perfect Blue.

The story is about a weary idol singer named Mima Kirigoe, who wishes to retire from the music industry to become an actor instead. In doing so, however, she proceeds to trigger a series of events that spiral not only her life, but her perception of reality, wildly out of control. And, as you'd expect from an intense psychological thriller, things get pretty fucking insane.

Beautifully animated, the film can be seen (at least, on the surface) as a scathing critique of the Japanese entertainment industry. The gross exploitation, commodification, and objectification of young women and their bodies has been a part of Japanese culture for a very long time, and this film gives us a clear lens for us to peer into that seedy, disgusting world for a little while. The psychological effects that treatment could have on a person—especially the loss of identity—are deeply explored in the most mind-bendingly harrowing ways.

You will be made to feel sickened or uncomfortable with this movie. There are scenes that will make you think, "Should I be watching this?" but you won't be able to stop. If you're not paying attention, you're probably going to get confused. And if you're like me, you might just miss the point and not even like it the first time, in spite of how smart and mature the subject matter is handled.

Satoshi Kon clearly had a lot to say about the treatment of women in the entertainment industry, which I'm sure hasn't gotten any better in the past 20 years. I'm surprised how rarely this film gets celebrated in feminist circles, because I'm almost prepared to hail Kon as a feminist hero of sorts, if only I could dispense with all the baggage that term has in modernity.

If you've ever seen the Darren Aronofsky film Black Swan, then the plot of this movie probably seems quite familiar to you. That's because Black Swan is, more or less, Aronofsky's interpretation of the film into a more contemporary live action setting—it's not exactly a straight rip-off, but Aronofsky was unabashedly inspired by Kon's work, and whether you want to believe he's a hack or not, I still think the two films are great in their own respective rights, and they complement each other very nicely. If you like one, you're practically guaranteed to like the other.

That said, I do have to make this clear—this is one of those movies that's had to grow on me over time. My initial reactions were indifferent at best, and could be summarized as, "It was okay, but Black Swan is pretty much the same movie, but better"—and while it is true that the two films are very thematically similar, I've come to the realization that that's not a good reason to dismiss the very film that Aronofsky drew so much inspiration from in the first place. And if anything, the fact that Black Swan is predated by Perfect Blue by a whole twelve years is a credit to the latter. Kon was just ahead of the curve.

Also, the graphic depiction of sexuality in this movie, admittedly, is another issue I used to have as well—I understood exactly what they were going for, but I was still so put off at the time by the starkness of the images and the fluidity of the animation. There's so much care and detail, I thought, that it was like the animators were getting off to the fucked up situations that they were illustrating.

This, too, is an emotional response that I've more or less reinterpreted. The fact that I was so disturbed by what I was seeing—that just means the movie was doing its job, and I regret ever having faulted the movie for that. I shouldn't be reading into the animator's intentions that hard, and even if I were right, it doesn't take from the film's message in any way.

Oh, and Junko Iwao's performance as Mima is probably my favorite VAing performance in all of anime, and is the first lady who actually made me start giving a fuck about voice actors' identities.

Anyways, I think I've typed enough. There's a lot more to parse and enjoy about this film than what I've discussed here—but in the interest of brevity (and not wanting to ruin the juicier bits for you), I'm gonna stop myself here.

Fucking watch this movie (preferably alone at night with no other distractions).


#1. Serial Experiments Lain
シリアルエクスペリメンツレイン - Shiriaru Ekusuperimentsu Rein

The sophomore production of Ryūtarō Nakamura in collaboration with Chiaki J. Konaka, one of my new favorite writers, I am proud to say that Serial Experiments Lain has found itself not only at the top of my 1998 list, but currently sits as my second favorite anime of all time, just under Devilman, just above Grave of the Fireflies—and if you recall how excited I was when I found those two, you already know how ecstatic I am to talk about this show. I'll try to keep things simple without gushing too hard.

This is a show about technology—and that's the most straightforward thing I can say about it. Technology, machinery, communication, reality, humanity, and the relationships that exist between them. It's a very serious, very mature, very dark, and very confusing show—in fact, a lot of people like to claim that it takes at least four or five viewings to "completely" understand all the themes it has. Personally, I haven't found that to be all that necessary. I've only seen the show all the way through twice, but even after watching the first episode for the first time, I knew I was in for something special—but it's not going to sound very special if I describe the premise to you like normal.

The show follows a quiet, weird, and socially awkward little schoolgirl called Lain—I realize the red flags are probably waving like crazy right now, but once again, I ask you to bear with me. She acquires from her father a special device that allows her to browse a dark and mysterious place called "the Internet" (well, actually, they just call it "the Wired" in this show, but it's basically the Internet), wherein she's able to find comfort, communicate with others, and unlock the door to her true self—or so it would seem.

The series begins with the suicide of a girl named Chiso Yomoda, after which everyone in the school receives an e-mail in her name. Most of the student body brushes off as some kind of prank, but Lain is the only one who takes the e-mail seriously. Through this, she learns that Chiso didn't really kill herself—she was just disposing of her body to become one with the Wired. This inspires Lain to investigate the meaning behind that, and the rest of the story kicks off from there.

This is a very deep show, and the premise alone doesn't do it justice—hell, the episodes are called "layers," which should tell you a whole lot—but at the same time, I really don't want to make it seem like you, to be fair, have to have a very high IQ to understand it, or anything like that. You probably don't, as long as you're an attentive viewer. But it's still a very cerebral, challenging, and at times patience-testing show if you aren't prepared or in the mood for it. Philosophically, this show is everything I wanted from Ghost in the Shell but never got. It doesn't really require an astute mind as much as it requires an open one, and it probably helps if you're into cyberpunk themes as well.

I cannot begin to describe just how many meaningful things I was able to take away from this show, which is sort of one of its themes in and of itself—the overload of information on the Internet, and our daily struggle to mindlessly consume it all. It also explores the idea of friends, and whether it's really possible to have a "friend" over the Internet, why we care so much about our physical presence in the world, whether our bodies really have a purpose, and if there's any discernible, meaningful difference between the you that exists on the Internet vs. the you that exists in the real world—and much, much more.

As someone who values his presence on the Internet more than he values his presence in the "real world" (which I believe are one in the same—another concept that the series explores), you can probably see why this show resonates so much with me. That being said, I still feel as though I only have a surface level understanding of what this show has to offer, and I'm sure it's amazing for reasons I haven't even been able to figure out yet—based purely on the hundreds of long-form analysis videos I've seen on YouTube discussing it.

Like Ghost in the Shell, the show presents all these ideas and doesn't really give you any clear answers. Everything is very much up to interpretation and what you personally value. I initially faulted Ghost for doing this, but the reason it works in Lain is because the themes are explored in much more intellectually stimulating ways that don't involve parading a pretty naked lady around—which brings me to my next point.

This is probably the least anime-like anime I've ever seen, at least in terms of typical tropes and cliches. It still looks the part, but I never detected a single dumb annoying anime trope in the entire 13-episode series. On one hand, I'm pissed, because this would've been the perfect anime to recommend to me ten years ago, and I'm only really discovering it now. On the other, meh whatever, who cares. I'm aware of it now, and I'm delighted that it exists.

Another important thing to keep in mind that, in 1998, computers and the Internet were just beginning to become commonplace in households across the industrialized world. You wouldn't think anyone would have any idea how much the Internet would evolve in the future, let alone alter the fabric of our society—I'm sure a lot of people might've thought it would be a passing fad. This really goes to show you how ahead of its time this show really was, as our lives have pretty much been, for better or worse, collectively consumed by this technology.

I really feel like I'm underselling this show, but I'm also scared of overselling it. I don't feel as though I've perfectly captured what makes this show so great, especially on a personal level, but I'm afraid that if I go in too deep, it'll just look like gushing and people will lose interest. I don't know how to sell this show to you—all I can really say is, if you're even remotely interested, please check it out. And be patient with it. It's kinda slow, odd, not very action-packed, and you might come out hating it if you aren't prepared for something extremely heady and out there. But don't think of it as impenetrable, either. Just watch it, parse what you can from it, and enjoy. It's my second favorite anime for a reason.


And apparently, liking this show brings me one step closer to my destiny.

some other things you might be interested in

Cowboy Bebop - It has to be mentioned. Look, by all means—if you haven't seen this show, and you like space operas, go and watch it. It's a classic. I don't think it's list-worthy, but everyone in the universe thinks it's the bees' knees, so go try it out for yourself. You'll probably end up liking it just like everyone else, unless you're Flee.

Blue Submarine No. 6 - This is a short and sweet romp with some dated CG, but I actually thought it was enjoyable, and not one I've ever see people talk about. The art and character designs are great, but the story is fairly standard apocalypse-type stuff, only its set in the maritime. I don't know, I thought it was fun. Only 4 episodes, too.

Gasaraki - Looks like a shitty Evangelion ripoff at first, but it's actually kind of an original mecha series with smart, grounded, and realistic mecha designs (and if you know anime, you know how rare that is). I personally don't give that much of a fuck about mecha as a genre, but if you do, maybe check this one out.

His and Her Circumstances - I have this listed as an honorable mention, but to be honest with you, I barely remember anything about it, lmao. All it says in my notes is that it was directed by Hideaki Anno (of Evangelion) and that it was the only romance that didn't make me want to kill myself in frustration. I guess that's a plus.

Ninja Resurrection - This is a pretty cool film that has nothing to do with Ninja Scroll, but apparently was advertised as a sequel, despite having nothing to do with it—hence why it has a relatively low MAL score. Good stuff if you like stylish, ultraviolent romps, but not much else to offer if that's not your bag.

And lastly...

Super Milk-chan - This is a good show if you like really retarded shit like me, ironically. Otherwise, avoid at all costs.

The Flood / post two words that don't go together
« on: June 21, 2018, 01:11:31 PM »
xsean there

this may or may not be common knowledge at this point, but i'd still like to draw more attention to it because of how cool it is—there's a lovely little detail added to the dungeon music in breath of the wild that you might have missed


this is the music that plays when you lurk inside the body of the divine beast Vah Ruta, who, in the game's plot, is essentially a war machine designed to protect hyrule from evil, along with three other divine beasts located in each of the game's four major regions—but the beasts wind up becoming corrupted and possessed by ganon, eventually causing the great calamity, so, of course, it's up to link to basically secure and liberate them from ganon's influence

the beasts have to be liberated from the inside out, so they essentially function as the game's dungeons

the music that plays in vah ruta's dungeon is beautiful on its own, but listen closely at the very beginning—repeatedly, you'll hear three short tones, followed by three longer tones, followed by three shorter tones

that's an "S.O.S." in morse code

no, seriously, listen for yourself

that's right—because the dungeons are more or less sentient warships, they actually integrated a distress call into the dungeon music, which is pretty chilling, given the right context, as it subconsciously adds another layer of urgency to the already grim situation

some people have claimed to hear other morse code messages as well, like "SAD" (... .- -..), but i don't know if i hear that myself—others have speculated that there could also be messages in wabun code, which is the japanese variant of morse, but i haven't looked into that as much

good games are good and all, but it's little things like this which separate the games i love from the games i cherish

Gaming / Name a game with good netcode
« on: June 14, 2018, 04:14:10 PM »

Serious / did you guys know that
« on: June 07, 2018, 01:24:14 PM »
we should all have FREE SPEECH?

because (personally) i strongly believe we should ALL have free speech!

what about you??

Gaming / Mario Tennis Aces
« on: June 03, 2018, 01:24:02 PM »
anyone else try it

i think it's fun times, but i really kinda fucking despise the energy mechanic

if i buy it, i'm pretty much exclusively going to play simple games without energy because that shit's super gay


kendrick is my man, but this made me lose a lot of respect for him

if you don't like white people using that word, okay that's fine

but how the fuck are you gonna invite a white person to rap with you on stage if you genuinely believe in your heart of hearts that they have no business saying the words you fucking wrote yourself in ANY CONTEXT, no matter how harmless or benign, and then fucking embarrass them in front of literally THOUSANDS of people, when they mistakenly believe in a moment of sheer serendipity that they've been given the temporary approval to do so

how are you going to do someone like that

the sheer amount of layers to the stupidity of this shit is so difficult for me to fathom and i just felt the need to post about it

Serious / define "humane" in your own words
« on: May 15, 2018, 04:52:38 AM »

no kid stuff allowed

anyway just got really wasted and fucked my wife twice, ama

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