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Psychiatric Help 5¢ [The Regressioning]

 
 
Mr. Psychologist | Imperial Forum Ninja
 
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<.<


A while ago I made a joke thread on B.notquitesoshityet where I offered bullshit psychiatric advice and diagnosis for free <.<

Welp, I'm bored so here is Mark II. The Regressioning.

Making the same thread again would be boring so I'm adding some options for what type and dose of bullshittery you'd like.

So let's get this started.
Here is a short questionnaire/options list for you to chose from <.<

Quote
Type of diagnosis
Select one
[Freudian] [Super Serious] [Horseshit/Psychobabble] [Random]

List your MBTI typing - (Don't know it, then select a random one from here)

Second option
You can either list some symptoms or I can pull a diagnosis out of my mental shrektum based on your posts/online personality. Select one.

[Symptoms] [Shrektum]

List your symptoms here if you selected #1.

The 'doctor'™ will be with you shortly.

 
 
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I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
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"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."
—Judge Aaron Satie
——Carmen
I tend to get irritated very easily when people disagree with me, even when I know my opinions are right. Don't know if that's like a specific thing, but it's the only thing wrong with me that I can think of.
Last Edit: August 24, 2014, 07:15:52 PM by SecondClass

 
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the dj spins and cuts me
           hardcore will never die
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )               https://youtu.be/uDF4cwAghAc
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )
) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็
I keep dying.

What do?

 
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Noelle discussed safe sex with me. Should I consider wearing my armour when we commence the mating ritual?

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uhhh...

- korrie
Quote from: Vien on August 24, 2014, 07:08:04 PM
Noelle discussed safe sex with me. Should I consider wearing my armour when we commence the mating ritual?
Don't forget the energy shields, and give thanks to the Gods.

 
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Quote from: Avatar Korra on August 24, 2014, 07:10:50 PM
Don't forget the energy shields, and give thanks to the Gods.

Imagine using my cloak amidst the acts! Any visitor would see her nude form flailing about on the bed.

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"A time is coming when men will go mad, and when they see someone who is not mad, they will attack him saying, 'You are mad, you are not like us'."
-Saint Anthony the Great
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Korra | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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uhhh...

- korrie
Quote from: Vien on August 24, 2014, 07:11:52 PM
Imagine using my cloak amidst the acts! Any visitor would see her nude form flailing about on the bed.
You know that Superman joke?

 
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Quote from: Avatar Korra on August 24, 2014, 07:13:50 PM
You know that Superman joke?

I think.

My arse hurts?

 
 
 
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<.<
Quote from: challengerX on August 24, 2014, 07:00:44 PM
I'll have the double cheese burger WITH bacon please.


Enjoy your lowres meal.

 
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Quote from: Vien on August 24, 2014, 07:14:11 PM
I think.

My arse hurts?
Poor poor invisible man.

 
 
 
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<.<
Quote from: SecondClass on August 24, 2014, 07:01:29 PM
I tend to get irritated easily when people disagree with me, even when I know my opinions are right. Don't know if that's like a specific thing, but it's the only thing wrong with me that I can think of.

What kind of answer would you like?
I can possibly even do a half serious one <.<

 
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Quote from: Nuka on August 24, 2014, 07:14:30 PM
Here, take this suit of armor:


Did humanity specifically design that for me?

 
 
 
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<.<
Quote from: Ryle on August 24, 2014, 07:06:54 PM
I keep dying.

What do?

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

 
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Quote from: Avatar Korra on August 24, 2014, 07:14:53 PM
Poor poor invisible man.

And this is why I would have visitors!

 
 
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I DONT GIVE A SINGLE -blam!- MOTHER -blam!-ER ITS A MOTHER -blam!-ING FORUM, OH WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORD NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, HOW MOTHER -blam!-ING COOL, NOT, YOUR ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A BRAINWASHED PIECE OF SHIT BLOGGER, PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE NINJA BELOW YOUR NAME, SO PLEASE PUNCH YOURAELF IN THE FACE AND STAB YOUR EYE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF SHIT OF SOCIETY
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uhhh...

- korrie
Do I try xbox.com?

 
 
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"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."
—Judge Aaron Satie
——Carmen
Quote from: Mr Psychologist on August 24, 2014, 07:15:29 PM
What kind of answer would you like?
I can possibly even do a half serious one <.<
The most accurate one you can possibly think of.

 
 
 
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<.<
Quote from: Vien on August 24, 2014, 07:08:04 PM
Noelle discussed safe sex with me. Should I consider wearing my armour when we commence the mating ritual?

...

;_;

I need a shrink now.

 
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Comms Officer is a freaking retard.
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Quote from: Mr Psychologist on August 24, 2014, 07:16:46 PM
...

;_;

I need a shrink now.

Just close your eyes, and my lustrous acts will elicit any mind scarring thought out of your smaller form.

 
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           hardcore will never die
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )               https://youtu.be/uDF4cwAghAc
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )
) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็
Quote from: Mr Psychologist on August 24, 2014, 07:15:57 PM
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Oh. I'll try that. Also, what's "dog food lid", spelled backwards?

 
 
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Quote from: SecondClass on August 24, 2014, 07:16:44 PM
The most accurate one you can possibly think of.

Hmm alright <.<

Let's give this a shot. I'll need a few questions answered before I can give a decent attempt >.>

Are you an only child? How would you describe your relationship with your best friend IRL? (briefly) and also with your parents. (Father in particular)

 
 
 
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Quote from: Ryle on August 24, 2014, 07:19:42 PM
Oh. I'll try that. Also, what's "dog food lid", spelled backwards?

No™

 
 
 
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Quote from: TrussingDoor on August 24, 2014, 07:13:21 PM
Things with my girlfriend are improving, and I'm adjusting well to my new workout routine, but right now things seem utterly bleak and all I want is to escape.

A serious answer? <.<
Or a joke one? >.>

 
 
 
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<.<

 
nͫiͤcͫeͤ | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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the dj spins and cuts me
           hardcore will never die
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )               https://youtu.be/uDF4cwAghAc
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )
) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ )
: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็: ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็ ) : ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็
Quote from: Mr Psychologist on August 24, 2014, 07:21:28 PM
No™
Is it true that aliens invaded the Moon on July 20th, 1969?

 
 
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——Carmen
Quote from: Mr Psychologist on August 24, 2014, 07:20:43 PM
Hmm alright <.<

Let's give this a shot. I'll need a few questions answered before I can give a decent attempt >.>

Are you an only child? How would you describe your relationship with your best friend IRL? (briefly) and also with your parents. (Father in particular)
1.) Nope, two siblings (though I am the oldest)
2.) We're blood brothers, I love him more than any member of my family. We'd legit die for each other.
3.) My mom can be a total bitch, but she's thankfully pretty chill, not uptight at all. My dad is more reasonable, but he's a total prude. They're divorced, but I'm probably closer to my mom.

 
 
 
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<.<
Quote
Type of diagnosis
Select one
[Horseshit/Psychobabble]

List your MBTI typing - SWAGE

Second option
You can either list some symptoms or I can pull a diagnosis out of my mental shrektum based on your posts/online personality. Select one.

[Shrektum]

List your symptoms here if you selected #1.

*puts on bullshit glasses*

Right zen, let us began.

Your over reliance on #memes is most likely linked to an early childhood trauma involving a heavily deformed man shrieking 'Art thou infuriated brother?' whilst beating you with a stick. I suspect that this incident led to you strangling your muzzer with cheese wire and drawing this face (´･ω･`) in herr blut.

The only course of treatment is a frontal lobotomy which will be performed by a baby with a fist saying 'teh flud maed a m3m3' repeatedly.

Since you are a US patient, that'll be $500,000 for this session und I vill see you next veekend.

 
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