People Who Feel Bad

ExodusMae · October 20, 2015, 08:53:17 PM

Quote from: Blankina on October 20, 2015, 08:35:54 PM

I'm stuck in that perpetual cycle of depair that keeps me from trying to change anything because it all seems pointless. Quit my job like a year ago due to depression and dissatisfaction, and despite urgings to get another, I've never tried. Ever since my dad died (a fairly complex relationship in itself) I've been sort of lost and falling deeper into that abyss of self-loathing that I kept out of mind for years.

I'm the kind of person who brushes off personal issues behind good/dark humor and apathy, which unfortunately only pushes people away. My last girlfriend dumped me because I never took our problems and my own issues seriously, but I'm not sure what I could have done; I've got so many issues that it's best to just keep sweeping it all under the rug and pretending said issues don't exist.

A few months ago I started cutting, just to remind myself that I'm still alive and that the blood is proof of that. Always thought it was stupid, things for moronic kids to do to grab someone's attention, but it did help until I realized how fucked up it was. I've since stopped, but I can't escape those feelings that I'm not living for anything. All those times in my childhood and adolescent years where I tried killing myself aren't just things that didn't happen. Medication and hospitals don't work. I don't have any friends. I don't feel as if I have purpose.

To sum it all up, aside from a handful of internet buddies I hope to meet one day, I'm pretty much alone.

I always regret sharing this stuff. It feels whiny, goes against the light hearted person I present myself as, but I'm just looking for people who care or some measure of reassurance that I'm not alone.

Thank you for putting this in words. Hopefully Batch will see this and understand that I'm not a freak and I'm not the only person in the world that feels like this.
You're not alone, internet friend, if you need an understanding shoulder for cries or ear for listens I'm here.
Even if you just feel like ranting or if you just want a normal conversation, I know how it feels.

R o c k e t · October 20, 2015, 09:10:13 PM

Quote from: Ingloriouswho98 on October 20, 2015, 08:11:43 PM

Quote from: RocketChan on October 19, 2015, 06:35:20 PM
Quote from: Ingloriouswho98 on October 19, 2015, 05:54:51 PM
Quote from: BottleRocket on October 19, 2015, 12:40:18 AM
Quote from: Ingloriouswho98 on October 18, 2015, 09:26:01 PM
Quote from: BottleRocket on October 18, 2015, 06:59:39 PM
The weirdest thing ever, is to want some negativity in your life because you think it's going too good. And now, it won't stop.

Oh
Never had this problem

What do you mean too well?

Well, just that life has been going good for quite a while, no issues. You almost forget what suffering feels like, and when it finally comes it overstays its welcome.

Welcome to my life.

Well hardship builds character

But I'm glad your life is chill
take advantage of it

Oh, my point was it's not chill, it used to be.

Oh

But you're not feeling like it's too bad right?

Depends on the day really

Tackel · October 20, 2015, 09:24:53 PM

We will all die and more than likely not leave a significant impact on the world. And even if you do, this world will eventually be vaporized by our sun, which will in turn burn out. The remains of our accomplishments will then become dust until it is inevitably sucked into the black hole at the center of our galaxy, forming a singularity. If you are absolutely lucky, you may remain a number in some file data base in some advance human civilization that managed to outlive out solar system.

Then if you take away religious beliefs, when you die you just end. Everything you are and everything you ever did just gone in an instant.

What's the point?

Desty · October 20, 2015, 11:53:56 PM

Quote from: Tackel on October 20, 2015, 09:24:53 PM

We will all die and more than likely not leave a significant impact on the world. And even if you do, this world will eventually be vaporized by our sun, which will in turn burn out. The remains of our accomplishments will then become dust until it is inevitably sucked into the black hole at the center of our galaxy, forming a singularity. If you are absolutely lucky, you may remain a number in some file data base in some advance human civilization that managed to outlive out solar system.

Then if you take away religious beliefs, when you die you just end. Everything you are and everything you ever did just gone in an instant.

What's the point?

Would you rather have been immortal?

Ingy · October 21, 2015, 02:31:56 PM

Quote from: ExodusMae on October 20, 2015, 08:27:46 PM

Quote from: Ingloriouswho98 on October 20, 2015, 08:14:50 PM
Quote from: ExodusMae on October 20, 2015, 05:12:06 AM
Can I take a seat?

My depression is creeping back and I feel especially crappy today to the point where I just want to run and not stop. (I live in the middle of nowhere).
I tried to reach out but my support is busy and I feel useless and alone.

I'm sorry
What kind of thoughts do you have?

I tried very hard (and succeeded) in not killing myself last night. I had asked my closest friends and family for help and was refused, turned down and ignored. I spent hours crying and thinking of all the ways to end it. I think I need some serious help, antidepressants aren't helping and I'm scared I'll lose control again like I have in the past and actually attempt it.
It's so stupid thinking back on it now the next morning, I feel like such an idiot. But it hasn't completely gone away like it usually does the next day.

I'm glad you made it through but obviously this is a pretty severe problem for you
this won't be something that can be resolved in just one night but I want you to know you can trust the people here
Just keep at it
Sooner or later, you'll get out of this rut

Ingy · October 21, 2015, 02:37:48 PM

Quote from: Blankina on October 20, 2015, 08:35:54 PM

I'm stuck in that perpetual cycle of depair that keeps me from trying to change anything because it all seems pointless. Quit my job like a year ago due to depression and dissatisfaction, and despite urgings to get another, I've never tried. Ever since my dad died (a fairly complex relationship in itself) I've been sort of lost and falling deeper into that abyss of self-loathing that I kept out of mind for years.

I'm the kind of person who brushes off personal issues behind good/dark humor and apathy, which unfortunately only pushes people away. My last girlfriend dumped me because I never took our problems and my own issues seriously, but I'm not sure what I could have done; I've got so many issues that it's best to just keep sweeping it all under the rug and pretending said issues don't exist.

A few months ago I started cutting, just to remind myself that I'm still alive and that the blood is proof of that. Always thought it was stupid, things for moronic kids to do to grab someone's attention, but it did help until I realized how fucked up it was. I've since stopped, but I can't escape those feelings that I'm not living for anything. All those times in my childhood and adolescent years where I tried killing myself aren't just things that didn't happen. Medication and hospitals don't work. I don't have any friends. I don't feel as if I have purpose.

To sum it all up, aside from a handful of internet buddies I hope to meet one day, I'm pretty much alone.

I always regret sharing this stuff. It feels whiny, goes against the light hearted person I present myself as, but I'm just looking for people who care or some measure of reassurance that I'm not alone.

Are you afraid to talk about it or do you not have anyone to talk to?

Tackel · October 21, 2015, 03:03:38 PM

Quote from: Desty on October 20, 2015, 11:53:56 PM

Quote from: Tackel on October 20, 2015, 09:24:53 PM
We will all die and more than likely not leave a significant impact on the world. And even if you do, this world will eventually be vaporized by our sun, which will in turn burn out. The remains of our accomplishments will then become dust until it is inevitably sucked into the black hole at the center of our galaxy, forming a singularity. If you are absolutely lucky, you may remain a number in some file data base in some advance human civilization that managed to outlive out solar system.

Then if you take away religious beliefs, when you die you just end. Everything you are and everything you ever did just gone in an instant.

What's the point?
Would you rather have been immortal?

Yes. At least you can still think when everything around you is dead. You don't just disappear.

Desty · October 21, 2015, 03:07:12 PM

Quote from: Tackel on October 21, 2015, 03:03:38 PM

Quote from: Desty on October 20, 2015, 11:53:56 PM
Quote from: Tackel on October 20, 2015, 09:24:53 PM
We will all die and more than likely not leave a significant impact on the world. And even if you do, this world will eventually be vaporized by our sun, which will in turn burn out. The remains of our accomplishments will then become dust until it is inevitably sucked into the black hole at the center of our galaxy, forming a singularity. If you are absolutely lucky, you may remain a number in some file data base in some advance human civilization that managed to outlive out solar system.

Then if you take away religious beliefs, when you die you just end. Everything you are and everything you ever did just gone in an instant.

What's the point?
Would you rather have been immortal?

Yes. At least you can still think when everything around you is dead. You don't just disappear.

Are you for real? You wanna spend an eternity on existing? What're you gonna do all that time? It just sounds to me that you're afraid of dying.