Jive Turkey gets over his ex: the thread

Hi y'all I'm sure you guys are tired of hearing me cry about this like a little baby but it's a huge time in my life, so I'm going to keep this as a sort of log. It helps release stress and it will be nice to look back. Comment or don't it's all good, I expect heavy criticism but I'm going to be completely open with my emotions.

This girl was honestly my first love and has changed me dramatically

fuck you asshole please die

Day 4 no contact

Today was extremely hard for some reason. The longest we'd both ever gone without speaking since the time we have mown each other is 2 days.

I have her blocked on all media and cellphone, and I told her I'd block her in my phone and she said she understood. Today I've had the strongest cravings to text her. My entire day was basically spent thinking about the pros and cons of becoming "just friends" with her. It's like my emotions are trying to rationalize that so I can stop feeling pain. Deep down in the long run I know that will end not good but it's like I don't care, reminds me of junkies who are addicted to drugs and know they're bad but do them anyway.

Spent like 3 hours at the bookstore reading, mostly this book about grieving and then another book by a monk. Interestingly the grieving book, although it was directed towards grieving the death of someone, was extremely relatable to how I feel.

Gonna shower then go for a nice long drive to nowhere tonight. I love doing that, I used to do it a lot back before I met her. It'll also be my time to release all my feelings I've held in through the day(this is very healthy to do, I'll probably cry hard smh).

Lots of thoughts going through my head honestly. I don't actually WANT us to be together again, I just want her in my life because I genuinely enjoyed everything about her as a person, good and bad. But I know I wouldn't be able to stand seeing her hookup with or love someone else no matter how happy I want her to be, at least not now.

fuck you asshole please die

Normally id like arguing with you but right now you are not even a blip on my radar man, sorry.

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fuck you asshole please die

Normally id like arguing with you but right now you are not even a blip on my radar man, sorry.

lmao dont be evil and then try to get internet pity

OUCH

The drive last night really helped a lot. I felt not bad this morning as well, but I got a text from her very petty ex boyfriend

It said "so I had a fun week with her but you can have her back now. Apparently she never loved you anyways". I told him we're broken up for good and that what happens between them isn't my business anymore that chapter of my life is closed.

Not gonna lie it stings pretty hard but not as bad as it would've a few days ago, that's a good sign. Still man, that shit is gonna mess with my head for a while, fuck that insecure ass dude

Jive, if I may suggest some reading material to keep your mind off of women for the time being:

This Time the World - George Lincoln Rockwell
Democracy: the God that Failed - Hans Herman Hoppe
Black Rednecks and White Liberals - Thomas Sowell
The Ego and  Its Own - Max Stirner

We'll have you out of this funk and free from the lies of the GLOBALISTS in no time my friend.

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Jive have you ever heard of Shia Islam?

No why?

Get your hands on some BBC, it will change your life.

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Today was interesting, might have ruined all progress idk yet we'll see if this is good or bad

So after the ex texted me, I unblock her to send a message about disappointment etc. An hour later she calls me but I didn't see it till after. So I text her, no reply. Then I call her and it turns out I'm BLOCKED. So I call her from private and she picks up, tells me her ex made her block me the day before(he's super insecure about me that's an entire other story) and she thought calling me would unblock me.

So after some texting we met up and her college and walked around and talked. I felt very disconnected from her in that I sort of felt pity for her and that I was better than her, I think it's how I move on. We started entertaining the idea of being friends when I mentioned how we might not be able to stand the idea of us being with someone else and knowing about it.

She asked and I told her about the girl I'm talking to. She became extremely angry/upset and after more talking tried to convince me to go to bed with her but just sleep no sex touching etc. I refused and she basically tried kidnapping me LOL and started driving us to her house where I'd have no way of getting home.

She's very confused and upset lots of texts etc, says all her feelings came back just by seeing me. I would like to be friends but like I said idk if I can handle the idea of her hooking up/meeting new guys. I may regret this in the near future we shall see.

On the plus side I feel great right now and I'm gonna sleep like a baby

Class stop dicking around.

Don't we have this thread like, once a week?

Fml I think this was a bad idea. Woke up today with massive anxiety, which I haven't felt ever since I was with her. Being friends entails a ton of new things. When she was out of my life i was horribly depressed but forcing myself to focus only on myself. But now that we're "friends" she's making her way back up to one of my primary focuses. And I start wondering what she's up to or want to hangout with her more. And if I break things off again and go no contact I start ALL OVER and will be a wreck for longer than I had to be. Fuuuuuuck

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I fucked up. I met her yesterday to try and just be friends. We had sex multiple times and cuddled for hours, all of my feelings came back. But soon after a small dispute I realized we couldn't ever do that. Honestly, I was purposely ignorant and went ahead anyways knowing it was going to end bad. I gave into my temptation on purpose and I'm paying the price now. Ending it this time hurts even more than before. And I'm basically starting over and lost all my progress.

On top of that in an unrelated event, I lost my best friend. The dispute isn't resolvable, he doesn't want to no matter how much I want to. He's one of the only people I know who would truly have taken a bullet to the head for me and I fucked it up.

 This is the hardest time of my life. I will grow so strong from this.

Okay SO that above ^^^^ I wrote like 3 hours ago but forgot to post


Well crazy shit happened. She called me drunk after I texted her saying we can't be friends. Saying she was going to drive etc so I went to pick her up. Well she was trying to fuck me etc while I put her to bed, when I had the weird urge to look at her phone. I checked it(shitty on my part, idc it may have saved my life) and see that she had been texting this dude from MONTHS ago that we had a huge problem with, she basically assured me nothing was going on and that blah blah. Well in these texts her and him had set up dates for Saturday/sat night and Sunday, she was most likely lying to me from LONG before about this guy. Setting dates while trying to get back together with me

After wanting to punch through a door out of anger, I left the bathroom And confronted her then calmly told her I never want any aspect of her in my life ever again. I re blocked her on everything in front of her so she knows never to contact me about anything, picked up all of my stuff, and told her to have a nice life. I also texted her ex boyfriend who she was trying to lure back in about this guy in front of her too.

She was trying to hold back her tears while I walked out. TBH I kinda feel bad, but this is exactly what I needed. I feel a mix of rage, and relief. I think the rage will pass, now to finally move past this chapter of my life.

Yesterday went good. I felt FREE in a way. I think anger/motivation was a big driving factor in feeling better.

Today is different. Woke up feeling kinda sad/irritated/anxious. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I know the very now that I'm typing this, she's at a beach with this guy that I've hated for months. All in a rebound effort to get over me and her ex.

 It also bothers me a lot that tomorrow(or tonight as well, but tomorrow for sure for a day party) she's going to bring him into her house, the place that was my second home and where I basically lived at for months, shared so many memories with in the kitchen, living room, her room, bathroom etc. Everywhere. And some new guy is going to be there and walk where I walked and slept where I slept.

Upsets me the more that I think about it. But I'm just hurt and being irrational. I need to practice forgiveness, because if I hold on to this hate/anger towards her and him I'll never get over it. I have some sick satisfaction in my head knowing that when she's with the new guy, he's just a distraction, and that when the distraction goes home she's going to be very sad and alone. I hate that I feel joy in that thought but I can't help it. All I really want is for her to be happy, and even just acknowledging that makes me feel a little better about the entire situation.

Something good I've noticed is that I'm not terribly low like I was last week, even though technically we officially ended Thursday. Last week I would just want to lie in bed all day and felt like a walking husk. Everything hurt to do and I would break down 2 times a day. Now I'll feel pretty good and socialize normally, it's just that randomly big waves of sadness will hit me, but it goes away in 10-20 minutes.

Been forcing myself to socialize hardcore and read and do lots of everything. A good thing about having a base as being goodlooking/tall/confident is that I can meet new women fairly easily still, even if internally I feel at my lowest. Met this really cute chick last night, from the same school as my ex but she's 22. she's going to be a lawyer and is all about women empowerment especially in the work force she's pretty cool. Gonna get lunch with her soon I think. Have an icecream date tomorrow with the absolutely gorgeous dorky girl I was talking to these past 2 weeks. Honestly I'm just going through the motions of meeting them/talking to them, not expecting anything. But I know when I DO feel like flames again I'll be in a great state of abundance with more high quality women than ever before.

Gonna go out to the bars tonight meet some more chicks etc.

aw shit boi

I checked it(shitty on my part, idc it may have saved my life) and see that she had been texting this dude from MONTHS ago that we had a huge problem with, she basically assured me nothing was going on and that blah blah. Well in these texts her and him had set up dates for Saturday/sat night and Sunday, she was most likely lying to me from LONG before about this guy. Setting dates while trying to get back together with me

Are you saying she HAD been setting dates up while she was trying to get back with you, or did you SUSPECT that she was?

I checked it(shitty on my part, idc it may have saved my life) and see that she had been texting this dude from MONTHS ago that we had a huge problem with, she basically assured me nothing was going on and that blah blah. Well in these texts her and him had set up dates for Saturday/sat night and Sunday, she was most likely lying to me from LONG before about this guy. Setting dates while trying to get back together with me

Are you saying she HAD been setting dates up while she was trying to get back with you, or did you SUSPECT that she was?

Im pretty drunk but bare with me:

Months ago, we went to the gym together(her first time at that gym) in her Hometown while she was on vacation from school (I visited) and there was this guy there that she took interest in(I'm very well versed in picking up when a girl is into a dude). He's 5 years older than me, wealthy with his own clothing brand, and better looking than me(though I have a better body). Over those weeks I became very insecure about this and honestly fucked up a lot. Turns out she lied to me and actually got his number/Snapchat/instagram and shit. This was MONTHS ago and I always had trust issues and hate for this guy

Well recently I saw they had added each other back on snap. I ignored it because honestly acting insecure was going to make it worse. Well i never knew how much they talked, but literally 2-3 days after we broke up (a week ago Thursday) she is messaging this guy like thirsty as fuck trying for a rebound. The last week after I contacted her, she seemed to be trying to get back with me. But that night (Thursday this last week like the 26th) I checked her phone and saw they set up dates for the beach this Saturday that just happened, and she said she wanted to see him Saturday night, and Sunday at her house party day rage.

In all seriousness, I have no right to be mad. We were broken up, she has the right to fuck anyone she wants. I can't help being mad though, especially seeing as she basically had this guy lined up for after a breakup. Makes me rage (it's called monkey branching girls do it a lot).

Also, deep down I know she is HORRIBLE for me. If you look at my past posts since likebaugust she has caused me nothing but drama and extreme stress beyond what I've ever experienced in my entire fucking life. This bitch legit hid an abortion from me a few months ago. I am a huge fool for staying with her. I just opened up to her in a way innever have to anyone, so I feel so emotionally attached. She is honestly a very kind and loving person, but she has a lot of mental issues that destroyed me mentally as well as I became involved with her

Holy shit. Look at how fucking obsessed I was with this girl when I hadn't even known her for like a month. My emotional state was doomed from the start. I remember I crashed my estrogen when I first met her, so that might have had some part in this. I was fucking delusional. No wonder I'm so hurt now, if I was this emotional after knowing her for a month imagine after living with her for like 6 months after this

Pls read

http://sep7agon.net/the-flood/dear-jivary-part-2-the-diary-of-jive/

The initial horrible wanting to die heartbreak feeling has passed. Right now I'm in a weird place where one minute I'll feel great and hopeful and the next I overthink and get sad. It's like a lingering feeling, and I'm worried that it'll never go away. Bleeeeehhhhhhhhhh

BRUH the date went really fucking good with the gorgeous chick. We actually went to a place my ex and I used to frequent often so it felt weird at first but she brought a different vibe that was very enjoyable. Then we went to a parking lot and just ate snacks in the car and listened to music/laughed/talked.

I notice that I'm screening girls HARDCORE now for how quality they are and any little thing I don't like. Going to the mall on Thursday with the cute lawyer chick.

Got home and felt kinda sad, but ate my healthy food to get my body more perfect than ever and started reading. Gonna sleep well tonight :-)

ok

At the gym. Feeling horrible and sad. Wanna go home and write

ok

Uhmmmm where THE FUCK is your spoon?