Poll

???

Jesus
7 (58.3%)
Chimps
5 (41.7%)

Total Members Voted: 12

Jesus vs a troupe of Chimpanzees

 
Elegiac
| Knight of the Limits
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Elegiac
IP: Logged

23,675 posts

Jesus vs about 15 chimps. Jesus gets one miracle (he usually does one at a time, if at all) on the level of turning water into wine.
Last Edit: August 15, 2014, 02:00:04 AM by Elegiac


 
TB
| Hero of the Wild
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: TBlocks
IP: Logged

17,216 posts
#13
WW2 Chimps solo.


Korra | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Avatar Korra
IP: Logged

19,118 posts
uhhh...

- korrie
Jesus summons the Living Tribunal.

/thread


Ktan Dantaktee | Posting Spree
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Ktan Dantaktee
IP: Logged

106 posts
 
Well considering Jesus is an omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient being...


Reciffo_Smmoc | Ascended Unstoppable!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Weed Commando
IP: Logged

2,310 posts
Comms Officer is a freaking retard.
This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.


 
SecondClass
| Carmen
 
more |
XBL:
PSN: ModernLocust
Steam:
ID: SecondClass
IP: Logged

30,001 posts
"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."
—Judge Aaron Satie
——Carmen
Chimps ffs


 
Elegiac
| Knight of the Limits
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Elegiac
IP: Logged

23,675 posts
Jesus summons the Living Tribunal.

/thread
Well considering Jesus is an omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient being...
Guys, I specified the level of power that Jesus will be using in the OP.


 
Sandtrap
| Mythic Sage
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Sandtrap
IP: Logged

11,704 posts
Rockets on my X
Well, turning water into wine is still altering the atomic structure of something, so that means his one miracle is capable of quite a bit.

You know what apes hate? T-Fucking Rex's. All jesus has to do is point at that shotgun and turn it into a T-Rex, and he wins the game.


 
Elegiac
| Knight of the Limits
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Elegiac
IP: Logged

23,675 posts
Well, turning water into wine is still altering the atomic structure of something, so that means his one miracle is capable of quite a bit.

You know what apes hate? T-Fucking Rex's. All jesus has to do is point at that shotgun and turn it into a T-Rex, and he wins the game.
Yeah but Jesus is lazy


 
Sandtrap
| Mythic Sage
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Sandtrap
IP: Logged

11,704 posts
Rockets on my X
Yeah but Jesus is lazy

I don't know how Jesus functions then. Because if he's so lazy to even lift up a hand and think about a shotgun becoming a T-Rex, I don't know how he could being any lazier.

But if we're going for solely wine based miracles at this point, and Jesus is too lazy to change the atomic structure of something at will from a distance, than that leaves only one choice.

Jesus turns the continent he's sitting on into wine. He's already made contact with the ground, so if he turned it into something, the entire continent he was sitting on would change.

So, Jesus turns North America into wine.


 
Elegiac
| Knight of the Limits
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Elegiac
IP: Logged

23,675 posts
I'm just saying he's more likely to do something lazy and non-lethal.


 
Sandtrap
| Mythic Sage
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Sandtrap
IP: Logged

11,704 posts
Rockets on my X
I'm just saying he's more likely to do something lazy and non-lethal.

Turning the continent into wine is non-lethal.


 
Elegiac
| Knight of the Limits
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Elegiac
IP: Logged

23,675 posts
Turning the continent into wine is non-lethal.
Fine... but will he ramp up to that level over chimps?


 
Sandtrap
| Mythic Sage
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Sandtrap
IP: Logged

11,704 posts
Rockets on my X
Fine... but will he ramp up to that level over chimps?

They have guns, and they're going to kill him or beat his ass. Jesus is so lazy that he's immobile, as we talked about a few minutes ago. He is also so lazy that his only effective power is turning things into wine on contact, but he's so lazy that he won't move.

So, yes, he would, because that's the only move jesus can make.


 
Elegiac
| Knight of the Limits
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Elegiac
IP: Logged

23,675 posts
They have guns, and they're going to kill him or beat his ass. Jesus is so lazy that he's immobile, as we talked about a few minutes ago. He is also so lazy that his only effective power is turning things into wine on contact, but he's so lazy that he won't move.

So, yes, he would, because that's the only move jesus can make.

You don't win this thread.


 
Sandtrap
| Mythic Sage
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Sandtrap
IP: Logged

11,704 posts
Rockets on my X
You don't win this thread.

Actually, turning all of North America into wine is the lazy move on his part. All he has to do is reach out to their leader and turn him into wine, but as you stated, if he won't even turn an object into something at a distance without moving in the first place, then that's lazy as shit.


 
Elegiac
| Knight of the Limits
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Elegiac
IP: Logged

23,675 posts
Actually, turning all of North America into wine is the lazy move on his part. All he has to do is reach out to their leader and turn him into wine, but as you stated, if he won't even turn an object into something at a distance without moving in the first place, then that's lazy as shit.
Turning the leader into wine seems a bit violent.


 
Sandtrap
| Mythic Sage
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Sandtrap
IP: Logged

11,704 posts
Rockets on my X
Turning the leader into wine seems a bit violent.

Not really. It's like *pop* no more leader. There's no pain or suffering involved, no torture or anything.


 
Elegiac
| Knight of the Limits
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Elegiac
IP: Logged

23,675 posts
Not really. It's like *pop* no more leader. There's no pain or suffering involved, no torture or anything.
It's the principal of the thing though.


 
Sandtrap
| Mythic Sage
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Sandtrap
IP: Logged

11,704 posts
Rockets on my X
It's the principal of the thing though.

That's why I say the only move Jesus can possibly make is turning north american into wine. That, or he settles on ressurection. He gets one miracle per life, so technically, he can keep ressurecting himself.


 
Elegiac
| Knight of the Limits
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Elegiac
IP: Logged

23,675 posts
You have officially taken all the fun out of this for me, with your... analysing.


 
Sandtrap
| Mythic Sage
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Sandtrap
IP: Logged

11,704 posts
Rockets on my X
You have officially taken all the fun out of this for me, with your... analysing.

Shoulda loosened your rules sport.

I just wanted jesus to summon a T-Rex from a shotgun.

You brought this on yourself!


 
Elegiac
| Knight of the Limits
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Elegiac
IP: Logged

23,675 posts
I didn't ask to make a cool thread.


 
Sandtrap
| Mythic Sage
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Sandtrap
IP: Logged

11,704 posts
Rockets on my X
I didn't ask to make a cool thread.



BlitzFiend | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Doom DH
IP: Logged

1,928 posts
 
gg, sandtrap
+1


RadicalClass32 | Legendary Invincible!
 
more |
XBL: The Smiths01
PSN:
Steam:
ID: RadicalClass32
IP: Logged

3,484 posts
So... I guess I'm going to have to pick up after your horrendous mistakes on here too?
Jesus FTW.

Spoiler
The atheism and butthurt is strong in this thread.


 
Sandtrap
| Mythic Sage
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Sandtrap
IP: Logged

11,704 posts
Rockets on my X
Jesus FTW.

Spoiler
The atheism and butthurt is strong in this thread.

Call me blind but I'm not seeing a lot of atheism around. In fact, immobile wine producing jesus is winning.


RadicalClass32 | Legendary Invincible!
 
more |
XBL: The Smiths01
PSN:
Steam:
ID: RadicalClass32
IP: Logged

3,484 posts
So... I guess I'm going to have to pick up after your horrendous mistakes on here too?
Call me blind but I'm not seeing a lot of atheism around. In fact, immobile wine producing jesus is winning.

>People actually saying Chimpanzees would win.

Yeah, that concerns me....