Star Wars: The Phantom Menace was the most disappointing thing since my son. I mean, how much more could you possibly fuck up the entire backstory to Star Wars? And while my son eventually hanged himself in the bathroom of a gas station, the unfortunate reality of the Star Wars prequels is that they'll be around. Forever. They will never go away. They can never be undone.
If you're someone who's under the age of like, twenty, who says his least favorite film in the series is The Empire Strikes Back because it was "the most boringest one," then I suggest you shut this review off right now before I carefully explain how much of a fucking idiot you are.
But where do I possibly start?[clip from The Phantom Menace]Jar Jar: Mesa hatin' crunchin'.Nothing in The Phantom Menace makes any sense at all. It comes off like a script written by an eight-year-old. It's like George Lucas finished the script in one draft, like, turned it in, and they decided to go with it, without anyone saying that it made no sense at all, or was a stupid, incoherent mess. I guess, at this point, who's gonna question George, or tell him what to do?[clip from behind-the-scenes footage]Crewman: I take it, you [George Lucas] say "action," after we roll camera?George Lucas: I'll say it.Crewman: You don't have to—Sometimes, people—George Lucas: Sometimes I forget.Crewman: —people forget. [laughs]George Lucas: If I forget to say "action" or "cut," just step in and say "action" or "cut."He controls every aspect of the movie. He probably got rid of those people that questioned him creatively a long time ago. [clip of Han Solo getting tortured] I also think that everyone just assumed that a Star Wars prequel will be an instant hit, regardless of what the plot was. Really, how hard could it be to screw up? [clip of Jar Jar doing something stupid] It's like screwing up mashed potatoes. YOU BOIL THE WATER. YOU POUR THE PACKE—
1. THE CHARACTERSThe biggest and most glaring problem with The Phantom Menace is the characters. This is, like, the most obvious part of movie-making, but I guess I got to explain it when talking about this turd. [clip of Jar Jar stepping in fecal matter] Let's start a movie-making 101, shall we?You see, in most movies, the audience needs a character to connect with. Typically, this character is something called a "protagonist." When you're in a weird movie with, like, aliens and monsters and weirdos, the audience really needs someone who's like a normal person, like them, to guide them through the story. Now, this of course doesn't apply to every movie, but it works best in the sci-fi, superhero, action, and fantasy genres. I picked a few examples to illustrate this point: Marty McFly, John McClane, Billy Peltzer, Sarah Connor, Neo, Charlie Bucket, Peter Parker, Cliff Secord, Johnny Rico, Rocky Balboa, and Kevin Bacon.So, in addition to being an everyday kind of schlub, usually a protagonist is someone who's down on their luck [clip of Sarah Connor spilling someone's drink while waiting tables], in a bad place in their lives [clip of Kevin Bacon ripping a full garbage bag open after trying to lift it], or someone where everything just doesn't always go perfectly for them. [several clips of unfortunate things happening to likable classic protagonists]Eventually, they'll be confronted with some kind of obstacle or struggle that they gotta deal with. [clips] If we like them, we hope they succeed. [clips] The drama in the film is the result of us rooting for them against opposition. [clip of the Rocketeer lifting off heroically]Eventually, our protagonist will find themselves in the "lowest point," where it seems like all is lost. [clips] But eventually, they'll pull through, and conquer whatever force opposes them. [clip of Sarah Connor terminating the Terminator] It's satisfying when our hero gets ahead from where they started off at. [clip of Rocky and Adrian saying "I love you" to each other] They make, like, a change. This is called an "arc." Often, too, they'll get the girl in the end as icing on the cake. [various clips of protagonists kissing their love interests, and Charlie Bucket hugging Willy Wonka]
Now, I need to explain that I don't think that all movies should be the same, or conform to the same kind of structure, but it works well in certain kind of movies. So unless you're the Coen brothers, David Lynch, Paul Thomas Anderson, Stanley Kubrick, Alfred Hitchcock, Lars von Trier, David Cronenberg, Gus Van Sant, Quentin Tarantino, John Waters, Wes Anderson, Sam Peckinpah, Terry Gilliam, Martin Scorsese, Werner Herzog, or Jim Jarmusch, you really shouldn't stray away too far from this kind of formula, especially if you're making a movie that's aimed at children that has a cartoon rabbit in it that steps in the poopy. [another clip of that scene]
This is all, of course, completely applicable to the original Star Wars film, and the character of Luke Skywalker.[clip from A New Hope]Luke Skywalker: I wanna learn the ways of the Force, and become a Jedi like my father.This was accomplished even without all the wonders of modern CGI. Now, with all you've just learned—IN THIS VIDEO THAT I'VE MADE FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES—I want you to tell me who the main character of The Phantom Menace was.
I can tell you it's not the Jedi. They were just on some kind of boring mission that they didn't really care about. Plus, they were fucking boring themselves.[clip from The Phantom Menace]Obi-Wan: What happens to one of you will affect the other. You must understand this.
It wasn't Queen Amidala, because she was some foreign queen the movie was certainly not really about specifically, either.
You might be thinking that it's Anakin, because he was like, a slave, and saved the day at the end by accidentally blowing up the starship, but the audience doesn't meet Anakin until forty-five minutes into the movie. And then the things that are happening around him are pretty much out of his control or understanding. If a protagonist has no concept of what's going on, or what's at stake, then there's no real tension or drama. Without that, there's no story. So the conclusion is that there isn't one.
Before the movie opened, I was really excited to hear that Scottish actor, Ewan McDonald, was going to be playing Obi-Wan Kenobi. I thought that was a great choice, and that he'd be perfect as the lead of this movie.But he wasn't, really. He just sat on the ship and complains a lot.[clip from The Phantom Menace]Obi-Wan: The Queen's wardrobe, maybe, but not enough for you to barter with. Not in the amount you're talking about.
So YOU may like the characters... You know, if you're stupid.
But let's ask some real people about the Star Wars characters, and see what they say. I posed a simple challenge to them: "Describe the following Star Wars character WITHOUT saying what they look like, what kind of costume they wore, or what their profession or role in the movie was. Describe this character to your friends like they ain't never seen Star Wars."The more descriptive they get, the stronger the character, eh?
Han SoloRich Evans: He's a rogue. He's...Jay Bauman: He's very arrogant. Charming.Jack Packard: Roguish, if you will.Woman: Han Solo is... totally dashing.Jack Packard: Wannabe dashing. He fancies himself a playboy.Man: So, like, he's a smarmy, cocksure... womanizer?Rich Evans: Scoundrel.Jack Packard: He's pigheaded.Woman: Completely sexy, in like, a bad boy sort of way, where he's gonna ride the line.Rich Evans: He's got a bit of a dark streak to him, with shooting Greedo in the bar.Jack Packard: But also, deep down, is a thief with a heart of gold. That's his character, really.
Rich Evans: He's... stoic.Woman: I don't remember that character. (Offscreen: He's Liam Neeson, with the beard.) Ohhh... Yes.Jay Bauman: Well, he has a beard.Jack Packard: Qui-Gon, and uh, he was—[cuts off before we can hear his response]Man: [laughs] Um... Stern?
C-3POJack Packard: His character is kind of the bumbling sidekick.Rich Evans: Afraid, scaredy-cat. He's timid.Woman: C-3PO is anal-retentive.Rich Evans: He's prissy.Jay Bauman: Well, C-3PO is prissy. He's used a lot as comic relief.Jack Packard: He's the comic relief.Woman: He's high-strung.Jack Packard: He's bumbling. Effeminate.
Rich Evans: That is going to be fucking impossible because she doesn't have a character.Jack Packard: She... is, um... She's Natalie Portman!Woman: Uh, yeah, like, just, kind of...Rich Evans: Um, well, I can't say she was the Queen. I was gonna say she was the Queen.Woman: Normal, I guess? Just kind of normal.Rich Evans: Makeup would be a description. I was gonna describe the makeup.Jay Bauman: Descibe Queen Amidala's character... Um... Monotone?Jack Packard: She's the...Jay Bauman: She looks a lot like Keira Knightley.Man: [laugh] I can't answer that, and you know it.Woman: ...So...Jack Packard: She is... [stops] This is funny, by the way. I get it.
CONTINUED IN PART 2
I completely agree about the overzealous hate for the prequels. While I prefer the OT personally, I still have fond/decent memories of the prequels simply cause I saw them as a kid and there was a bit of something for every age group whereas the OT kind of had a filter against kids with all the dialogue heavy scenes (A New Hope is notorious for this). However I have to disagree about Empire Strikes Back being boring; or even about arguing about the simplicity of "who shot first?" simply when looking at storytelling from a subtle standpoint. While it ultimately doesn't really make a difference in the grand scheme of things since we got dialogue from Han before he ran into Greedo, imagine that scene playing out as an introduction to Han (and in a way it still kind of is). If we had to gather as much information about Han as possible just from that one scene alone and we don't know anything about him (and from a story perspective we still know extremely little by that point in time) the implications of him shooting first would add quite a bit. Ultimately though it doesn't really matter since A. We're introduced to him in a conversation with Luke & Ben and B. It happens so fast that you have to frame by frame anyways to see it making it hard to tell if it even really happened. Regardless it doesn't subtract from the story in any significant manner but if Lucas had done that numerous times throughout filming we might have been looking at a much different movie altogether. It's these little implications and all the manual labor that went into making these stories that makes me love the OT so much. Vader's Super Star Destroyer in Episode V took over two weeks to build and at the time they ran out fiber optic lights for it. They used fiber optics to display activity on the outside of a star ship. While The Millenium Falcon only needed maybe ten or so because it was only ran by two guys (Han and Chewie); a Star Destroyer needed hundreds of lights all over its hull because it was a shipped man by thousands of crew members. So what they had to do for Vader's ship since they ran out was puncture holes into the outside of the ship leading into the hollow inside and put two giant lamps on the side of each half of the ship so it would shine through the holes and looks almost exactly the same (hence why some lights look brighter than others on the ship). This process was in the middle of detailing the outside which took roughly 12-14 hours over a seven day period, and it looks just as good as any ship that appeared in the Prequels. I don't particularly care for the CGI in everything after the OT because not only is it noticeable, it feels kind of lazy and plastic and ultimately fake.
What is this image trying to convey?
I apologize for being unable to keep you engaged.
2. THE STORYThe second biggest problem with The Phantom Menace is the whole story, and the way it was told. It's almost mind-boggling how complex the awfulness is.From the very start of this movie, I could tell something was really wrong, just by the way it started. It opens with some boring pilot asking for permission to land on a ship that looks like a half-eaten doughnut, with the doughnut hole in the middle? What the fuck is that?
Then two cloaked figures walk into a room in a completely flat angle. They sit down in a conference room, drink tea, and wait to talk about a trade dispute with something that looks like my ex-wife.While they eventually get to the ball-numbing, mindless action that the fanboys crave, [clip of crazed nerds running into a theater] I found myself utterly bored already.Compare this fecal matter to the opening of the original Star Wars. [clip]You see, a guy named William Shakesman once said, "Brevity is the soul of wit." This just means don't waste my time. You keep it nice and simple. [clip of George Lucas behind-the-scenes carefully examining a miniature sculpture of Dexter Jettster] I said stop wasting my time! STOP IT!Without saying one word of awkward, boring, political dialogue that goes on for ten minutes, we know everything we need to know just by the visuals. REBELS, [arrow points at smaller ship] EMPIRE. [arrow points at bigger ship] We get a sense of how small and ill-equipped the rebels are, and how large and powerful the Empire is. The low angle implies dominance, and the length of the Star Destroyer implies the long reach of the Empire. This shot says everything we need to know without saying one word. In fact, this is so genius, I have a feeling that George Lucas had nothing to do it, and probably fought against putting it in the movie.So, this comparison of openings is a small example of the overall styles of both films.
The original trilogy was a modern-day homage to the classic adventure serials of the past, the kind I used to watch when I was in my forties. Good vs. Evil, the classic hero on a journey, the adventurous rogue, a damsel in distress, the wise old sage, gay robots, and an epic quest of discovery.
The new movies are about shoving as much crap into each shot as possible.[clip from behind-the-scenes interviews]Rick McCallum: It's so dense. Every single image has so many things going on.[clip of Jar Jar poking a robot]This is part of the reason why I find the Special Editions so fucking offensive, because you're into what's happening in the movie, and they keep shoving more shit on the screen to distract you. It reminds me of a child waving his arms in the background for attention. Doesn't Lucas realize that cluttering the frame up with shit is NOT what makes Star Wars good?[clip from behind-the-scenes interviews]Rick McCallum: It's so dense. Every single image has so many things going on.Fuck you, Rick Berman. You ruined this, too? Stop ruining—Wait a minute. That ain't Rick Berman. What is it with "Ricks"?
So, the film is called The Phantom Menace, and by the nature of the story, there is no clear villain.Hey, idiot! You're not making The Usual Suspects here. You're making a movie for children, right?[clip from The Phantom Menace super-imposed on stock images of babies watching it on TV]Palpatine: Supreme Chancellor, delegates of the Senate, a tragedy has occurred, which started right here with the taxation of trade routes, and has now engulfed our entire planet in the oppression of the—
How about a bad guy in the movie whose motivation is clear?[clip from A New Hope after Darth Vader chokes out a rebel troop]Darth Vader: Commander, tear this ship apart until you've found those plans, and bring me the passengers, I want them alive!
The prequels should be very similar in style to the originals, because I don't like things that are different.
3. DEATH AND SPACE TAXESSo, when you find yourself thinking things like, "Huh?" or "What?" when you're watching how illogical characters act in a movie, it's not really a good sign. Now, I've analyzed this film with a team of cheerleaders, and they came up with one unanimous conclusion: That if I let them go, they promise they won't tell nobody.Anyways. So, at the end of the movie, Yoda makes Obi-Wan a Jedi Knight...[clip from The Phantom Menace of that very scene]Yoda: Confer on you the level of Jedi Knight the council does....even though in the opening titles, it says he's a Jedi Knight. But we'll just call him "Jedi Knights," too. People call me a murderer, even though I've never been caught yet.
So the Jedis are there to do what, exactly? According to the opening title crawl, it was to "settle a dispute over the taxation of trade routes."Oh. So what makes the Jedi Knights experts on intergalactic trade laws?
So, the Trade Federation have set up a blockade around Naboo in order to stop them from getting space supplies, which instantly causes some kind of "crisis" that we never see.Okay? I don't get it. Why would an organization called "the Trade Federation" want to blockade trade?[clip from The Phantom Menace]Ric Olié: There's the blockade!Usually, a blockade is used to stop something you don't want to get in.You see, we once set up a naval blockade around Cuba to stop the Russians from setting up missile launchers there. It was a little event you might have heard of. Wasn't a big deal, you know, but you might have heard of it. It was called WORLD WAR I. Jeez, you stupid people gotta learn your history right.
So if the Trade Federation were, like, merchants moving goods and services around the galaxy, then why did they seem more like a military with armies and robots?
However, they were like a bureaucracy that was in charge of overseeing and regulating trade routes? You'd think they'd be happy about the whole new space taxes. Unless all the taxes when straight to, like, Space Obama, and they didn't see any of it?The point is, I'm still not sure what the doughnut ships were there to do.
And don't any of you faggots tell me that it was explained more in the novelization, or some Star Wars book. What matters is the movie. I ain't never read one of them Star Wars books, or any books in general for that matter, and I ain't about to start. Don't talk about them stupid video games or novels, comic books, or any of that fucking crap. I seen enough of that shit. I got Phantom Menace toys scattered all over in my basement.You see, my grandkids play with them down there when they come over to visit. And they leave that shit all over the place. Let me see if I can find some of them so I can show you. I'm gonna go down in my basement, now. Hold on. I gotta switch the cameras.[skit]
Anyways, so I realize that Senator Palpatine was using the Trade Federation to create a crisis to advance himself politically. Like, that was the plot, I think.
But the conflict from the blockade and the subsequent invasion is the entire movie. Understanding what role the Trade Federation played in this is important. You know, what the blockade was about, who was getting taxed, what kind of supplies were so crucial to the Naboo. What was it, like, medical supplies? Is there some kind of plague? Did they not have the capacity to survive on such a lush planet with a huge power reactor for one day without space trade?You see, I would've accepted the idea of some kind of mystery villain if the basics were at least clear.
So when two guys wearing robes come on board their ship, Rosie the Robot just assumes they are Jedi Knights and tells the Shatnerians.[clip from The Phantom Menace]TC-14: The ambassadors are Jedi Knights, I believe.Even though almost every single character wears robes in Star Wars. Then, somehow, this robot knows or "thinks" they're Jedi Knights.
Hey idiots, so much for the disguise! Even a protocol droid could sniff you out!Maybe it's not a disguise, but whatever.
So the Shatnerians immediately inform this mystery guy who they're running this scam with, a guy who looks like Satan, that Jedis are on the ship. And, of course, so we can have an action scene, he tells them to kill the Jedi.[clip from The Phantom Menace]Palpatine: Kill them immediately.
You see, they never once went into the room to say "hello" to the Jedi, and that they'll be right with them, but they tell Palpatine that they are Jedis. And then they try to gas them to death based solely on the hunch of a droid.
Who's fucking with my medicine?Who wants a pizza roll? E-mail me if you want a pizza roll.Post a comment on this webzone if you want a pizza roll.Who's fucking with my medicine?CONTINUED IN PART 3
I, for one, won't act that way. But my basic understanding is that, sure, while it's obvious that the Trade Federation themselves would be happy about the new space taxes, that doesn't necessarily mean Naboo is. Maybe Palpatine forced Nute Gunray to jack up the taxes to an unreasonable point. Have you ever read about the Boston Tea Party and the Intolerable Acts? It's kinda like that, I think. Because Naboo will either refuse or outright be unable to afford these steep new tariffs, this provides Palpatine with a decent excuse to force them to set up the blockade to cover up his true intentions, because it looks like the blockade is up for (somewhat) legitimate reasons.
PART 3Now this is where it gets complex, my lovelies.
So I think this is what happened. I'm not sure. But Palpatine wanted to create a crisis on Naboo so that the naive young queen would propose a vote of no confidence for Chancellor Valorum. This would lead to Palpatine getting elected in his place, right? Like, that's the plot? I think?
So how does killing the Jedi or creating a communications blackout on the planet even get word back to the Senate that there is a crisis?
At the end of the movie, Amidala goes back to the planet to solve the problem herself, because the Senate wanted to send an independent team to investigate whether or not the invasion was real.[clip from The Phantom Menace]Chancellor Valorum: Will you defer your motion to allow a commission to explore the validity of your accusations?I guess the testimony of two Jedi Knights wasn't good enough. Those were the guys that Valorum trusted enough to settle the whole dispute in the first place? That don't make sense.
So anyways, when the guys told Palpatine that Jedis were there, he should've said this:"Tell the Jedi that there will be no negotiations. Tell them that you plan to invade the planet next, and then send them back to Coruscant to inform the Senate."Instead, he tells them to do the exact opposite of what will help his plan.
Like, he wanted her to sign the treaty, right?[clip from The Phantom Menace]Palpatine: I want that treaty signed.He seemed really intent on having her sign the treaty to make the invasion legal. So what if she was, like, a total coward, and actually signed the treaty? Like, right away? Then the crisis would be over, and there'd be no need for a vote of no confidence. See what I mean, this sounding like an eight-year-old wrote it?
So anyways, it's time to kill off the Jedi. Oh, good. How do they go about it?Well, they start pumping in an obvious deadly white gas into the room. This alerts them to danger—Well, actually, blowing up their ship does. I guess they should've pumped in the gas first, and after the Jedis were dead, then blow the ship up?
Anyways, back to the gas.Hey, idiots! Have you ever heard of carbon monoxide? It's odorless AND colorless! Your wife won't even know what hit her. Oh, I mean Jedi.
Also, moments earlier, the Jedi willingly drank tea that was given to them while they discussed how everything felt really fishy.[clip from The Phantom Menace]Qui-Gon: I sense an unusual amount of fear for something as trivial as this trade dispute.Hey, you guys got any rat poison lying around? Put it in the tea! PUT IT IN THE TEA! They'll drink it! Put the rat poison in the t—
So anyways, then the dioxis starts filling up the room, and then...[clip from The Phantom Menace]Qui-Gon: Dioxis....Hey, wait. How does Qui-Gon know what kind of gas it is before he smells it? Isn't that, like, a contradiction? You smell the deadly white gas, I guess it's a little too late. Maybe he just got a little sniff of it.
Anyways. You know, this idea could work, because we see that the Jedi hold their breath, which implies there's some kind of danger of them running out of breath, right? Maybe they can hold their breath for, like, two hours, because they're Jedis.I don't know, that's not true, because later in the film, we see they need to use them breathing things underwater for that short swim to the Gungan sea world.
So anyways, it's like the Jedi know that the droids are gonna open up the door in a very short time before they run out of breath, because they don't immediately start trying to cut their way out. Which is what I'd be doing. I'd probably be screaming, too, like a little girl. So what are they doing in there?
Then the dumbest line in the movie is said:[clip from The Phantom Menace]Nute Gunray: They must be dead by now. Destroy what's left of them.What does that mean?
Hey, asshole! How about you leave the door closed for, like, four hours? And then if they try to cut through the door, start shooting them in the face, then pump in more gas, and keep pumping it in.Obviously, you've never suffocated a hooker that was trying to escape from your crawlspace before. I recommend spraying Raid in there. You need to go with the "fast kill/low irritant" kind. It's in the blue bottle. It works the best. You need about six cans, tho—
What was I talking about?Oh, right. So, they open the doors anyways, and they let the Jedi out and attack them with completely useless robots.Just tell them to leave, and that you don't wanna negotiate! And then when their flies out of your space dock, SHOOT IT WITH LASERS!
Also, we need to consider the fact that killing two Jedi that were sent there as peaceful ambassadors would be a pretty heinous crime in the eyes of the Galactic Senate, an organization that runs everything, including space taxes.I mean, you could just claim that they never got there.[clip from The Phantom Menace]Nute Gunray: I know not of any ambassadors.[separate clip from The Phantom Menace]Palpatine (via hologram): I have assurances from the Chancellor that the ambassadors did arrive.But now, you've got the burned wreckage of their ship inside your horribly burned docking bay.
4. WHO'S DOING WHAT? WHERE? WHY?Why are the Shatnerians taking orders from this mystery hologram again? What did he promise them that would be so worth risking their entire organization for? The location of the Fountain of Youth? A planet made of gold? Corrective surgery for this woman's face? How about a night in Megan's foxhole? Seriously, what was it?Oh, we're never told, are we? Generally speaking, it's easy to get a handful of insane people to follow you on some kind of legal or crazy scheme, but when you're talking about a huge organization that's run with military efficiency, then they're probably gonna want something in return for the use of thirty of their ships and risking everything.Darth Sidious can't really promise them future political favors, because it would give away who he is. When they get arrested at the end, they could just say, "It was, like, a hologram in a cloak! He made us do it! In fact, he looks like Palpatine, and he sounds like him, too! We got the recordings of the hologram. You wanna look at them?"I find it hard to believe that these guys never started pointing fingers after they got caught.
5. I CAN'T PUT ENOUGH QUOTATION MARKS AROUND THE WORD "STORY" SO I WON'T TRY
[clip from The Phantom Menace]Tey How: Sir, they've gone up the ventilation shaft!How do you know that?I said how do you know that?Answer me, thing-in-the-mouth face!What is that, anyways?What, did you smoke too much?What's wrong with your FACE?
Anyways, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon, they end up in the hangar bay somehow, where the droid armies are being staged for an invasion. Why don't the Jedis just start fighting all of them? Then steal the ship and head back to Coruscant to tell the Galactic Senate what's going on.It's not so crazy, because later in the film, they attempt to run the blockade with one ship, and they make it through. The fact that they even tried that makes this a possible option.What is WRONG with your FACE?
But instead, Qui-Gon and all his wisdom thinks it's a better idea to go down with the army to quote, "warn the Naboo."[clip from The Phantom Menace]Qui-Gon: We've got to warn the Naboo, and contact Chancellor Valorum.Hey genius, if you're going down with the army, don't you think it's a little too late to warn them about the army? And what the fuck are the Naboo gonna do anyways? They don't even have a real army. Just volunteers.[clip from The Phantom Menace]Captain Panaka: Our security volunteers will be no match against the battle-hardened Federation army.So the droid army just rolls in unchallenged, as expected. Just like the Nazis into France in a little historical event you might have heard of, THE FRENCH REVOLUTION?
Anyways, so then for no reason, they decide to stow away on different ships.[clip from The Phantom Menace]Qui-Gon: Let's split up. Stow aboard separate ships and meet down on the planet.Is this guy a fucking retard? Maybe that's why they call him Qui-Gon Jinn, because he's always drinking gin.This is a minor point—
—but what would going down on the planet on separate ships accomplish? Let's think about this.1. Increase the chances of getting caught by 100%.2. Have no one else to help you if you get caught and get into a fight with robots.3. Increase the possibility of getting separated by hundreds, if not thousands of miles, by not knowing where the other craft is going to land on the planet.But thankfully, they both aren't discovered, and they meet up in the same spot in the woods.
Then, although the reason for them going down to the planet was to warn the Naboo about the army, they decide to follow a cartoon rabbit underwater. Why? Why not just keep moving towards the Naboo city?Hey Jinny, I thought you went down there to warn the Naboo. How is this gonna accomplish that? What was your plan from the beginning when you got down there? Did you plan to find a magical underwater craft that would go through the planet's core, or did you just plan to run along the surface?What's wrong with your FACE?
This is the first point they should've ditched Jar Jar. This is also the point when the movie starts to officially fall apart. This is the moment when the Star Wars saga is now damaged totally beyond repair. The lapses and common sense in logic begin to compound on the movie, and now it is broken. I could end this review here, but I'm really just getting started.I do have to go to traffic court soon, though. I accidentally ran over a Korean family with my car.CONTINUED IN PART 4
No offense, but who even cares anymore.It's cool you're passionate about debate. I guess I'm just apathetic to all of this shit at this point. I don't like the prequels, but I'm far beyond the point of being willing to argue with someone about them, or even reviews of them.
SMF 2.0.9 | SMF © 2014, Simple Machines
Check the Rules Patch notes
© Sep7agon.net, all rights reserved. [Version: 2.2.0a]