Ask me stuff

๐Ÿ Aria ๐Ÿ”ฎ | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: D4C
IP: Logged

10,597 posts
His eyebrows sparkling, his white beard hangs down to his chest. The thatched mats, spread outside his chise, spread softly, his splendid attos. He polishes, cross-legged, his makiri, with his eyes completely absorbed.

He is Ainu.

The god of Ainu Mosir, Ae-Oine Kamuy, descendant of Okiku-Rumi, He perishes, a living corpse. The summers day, the white sunlight, unabrushed, ends simply through his breath alone.
Well, wasn't expecting to pop in and find this out. I'm glad you're both alive and moving forward. Even if we can't be proud of who we are or what we've done, we can strive towards being the people we want to be. It will never change the past, but then again nothing can.


E | Ascended Posting Frenzy
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: E
IP: Logged

413 posts
 

Was thinking again Class. You don't need to respond. Just...it's actually unreal when I sit back and I look at everything I've done. Not just the trash and the bad days on the road, but what I did for people. What I'm still trying to do. It's never really, truly hit me before. I don't talk about it much because it feels like bragging. It's just... surreal to stop and look at my own actions sometimes.

I probably saved a man's life in one of my jobs. A leaning double stacked pallet of freight tipped coming out of the walmart bay doors, and this little old indian guy was under it. I caught the weight long enough that he could get out and the pallets crushed me against the wall instead. Fractured about three of my ribs.

There was this woman who I met online, talked to, for quite a while. She was on the mainland of BC. Depressed, anxious, nervous. She hopped a plane to come out and see me despite how timid she was. We spent some time together, just explored the island, had fun, and parted ways. But it sparked something in her. She started travelling again, came out of her shell. Like watching somebody come alive again.

There was another woman who I met, that came from ontario. First day on the job together. I ended up giving her a hand, driving her home at night since she had no car yet, showing her the island and stuff. Helped her out with a lot of problems.

I've been talking to a guy for about two months straight now, every day and every night across the net. Over his head in debt, shit parents, degrees that didn't pay off, no hope left in him. Been keeping him stable. We've got a plan started. Get him out to where I live on the guise of vacation. Get him a work visa or immigration papers, get him out to the coast where he'll have a chance to have a life.

One of my co-workers got screwed by her ex-husband. Framed her in court to get custody of the kids. He's a psychological mess, manipulative, gaslighter, the works. I'm researching legal maneuvers to pull in court with her. Trying to find a way to get the funds she might need to fight. Helping to outpace the psychological damage on her kids.

I sat down with a jumper in BC, overlooking a plaza at one at night. His friend had died. He was considering suicide. And I opened up and talked to him about some of the people I lost. We talked about a lot of things. Till something like three in the morning, just sitting on the edge of a building together. Then he got up and decided not to. I walked with him to his car, gave him my number and told him to call if he needed to. Next day a doctor called me to let me know that he'd checked himself into the hospital to get help.

A lot of other people too. So many, if I go over them. It's just... so fucking surreal to me what I've done. How I could've blown into so many pieces, even now I'm still in pieces, and yet I've done that for people. How many lives so positively permanently altered by somebody who could be so fucked and warped at the same time. In the last year alone there's so much shit that's happened in my life it's fucking insane.


E | Ascended Posting Frenzy
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: E
IP: Logged

413 posts
 
Well, wasn't expecting to pop in and find this out. I'm glad you're both alive and moving forward. Even if we can't be proud of who we are or what we've done, we can strive towards being the people we want to be. It will never change the past, but then again nothing can.

I know that all too well. I remember your name, but not much of our interactions. Only that I low-key ship you and Verb. None the less. It's good to see you again too. I'm sorry for what I did, if anything to you, even if it doesn't come across like you've any beef with me. Thank you.


E | Ascended Posting Frenzy
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: E
IP: Logged

413 posts
 

Something for you to ponder Class.

I'm sorry about all this fucking text too. Curse of thinking about shit to stave off counting the seconds I guess. I don't have anywhere else to go right now, and I got all my shit done during the day. So I'm just left here by my lonesome and feeling it. Can't be alone like I used to. Eats me too quickly now unless I can move and work. So.

I don't think you should write off your own struggles. Nobody should. Woman at my job was having a stressful day one day, and I asked her, "What was your worst day?" It's a question that's carried me through a lot of shit. Because despite all the bad days I've lived, none of them compare to the worst day of my life. And as long as it's not the worst, then I can do it. She tells me it was when her kiddo didn't make it during pregnancy.

And I earnestly didn't know what to say to that. I traded with her. Told her about my SO. But I figure she's stronger than me to have gone through that and come out. I can't imagine the horror, even though I've seen horror. I can't imagine what I'd do after something like that. And yet my experiences are as valid as hers. We all have our unique scars.

Tell you what Class. Here's a thought. You say that if nobody else will believe in you, you have to, at least for yourself. I think it's a valid line of thought to a degree. But if I compare it to my thoughts about myself, there's something interesting.

I've never believed in myself Class. I stopped caring about myself a very long time ago. Stopped caring about what happens to me. And even now, the truth is I don't care what happens to me. In a weird way, I think I view myself a bit like a soldier. I'm not really here for me. I'm here to get the job done. The job doesn't give a shit about how I feel, it just has to get done. Soldiers feel shit because they're human. From time to time I can feel stuff. I get invested in myself. But it never removes the underlying core. I think if that's not managed properly, it's an unhealthy mindset. I have to be careful with how expendable I make myself. Because I can't do my job and outlive my sister if I'm dead. So a neccessary level of care for myself needs to be addressed.

If we compare the two mindsets, it's actually rather stunning that a guy who doesn't believe in himself at all has done so much, while somebody who does believe in themselves has inverted it into self image in order to sustain themselves. And that's not to rag on you Class. I think in some way that means that you still don't believe in yourself. That's why the issue of your ego comes out first, before help given.

Maybe there's another way on your part Class. Maybe you don't have to believe in yourself. Maybe if you just do shit, and try, and give it your all, and that's enough. And if you fail, then you fail, or you get back up and keep trying. No shame in failure either Class. The point of a mistake is to learn.

I think the need to be bigger, or feel stuff that's "bigger" when you jump on your drug is the result of stagnation on your part. You said it yourself. You're in a good spot right now. And yet you're not happy. So that means that something else is missing from your life. What that missing thing is, I can only speculate.

In any case, it's going to be a long night I think. Can't sleep for shit and I'm out of much to do other than seek human company in some capacity. So I'll be around if you feel like chatterboxing about stuff.


 
DAS B00T x2
| Cultural Appropriator
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: DAS B00T x2
IP: Logged

37,717 posts
This is not the greatest sig in the world, no. This is just a tribute.
. Only that I low-key ship you and Verb.
they would make a cute couple, no?


E | Ascended Posting Frenzy
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: E
IP: Logged

413 posts
 
. Only that I low-key ship you and Verb.
they would make a cute couple, no?

That they would Daz. Known each other for years. Aria was suppossedly putting up with Verb being a grouch long before it was cool. Just think of the empty childless household they could have instead filled with both their game collections.


 
DAS B00T x2
| Cultural Appropriator
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: DAS B00T x2
IP: Logged

37,717 posts
This is not the greatest sig in the world, no. This is just a tribute.
. Only that I low-key ship you and Verb.
they would make a cute couple, no?

That they would Daz. Known each other for years. Aria was suppossedly putting up with Verb being a grouch long before it was cool. Just think of the empty childless household they could have instead filled with both their game collections.
untill the second arc of season three in which aria gets baby fever and eventually convinces verb they should adopt a child from the local orphanage as a compromise to his unwillingness to add more life to the world.


 
SecondClass
| Clover
 
more |
XBL:
PSN: ModernLocust
Steam:
ID: SecondClass
IP: Logged

29,992 posts
https://discord.gg/XETdAyk

Open invitation to my island
I feel that. I've just had a pretty bad day today. I wish you could be able to use discord because it's easier for me to have a convo there. I don't like everyone being able to see what I'm saying if you get me. I can't talk as candidly as normal here.


E | Ascended Posting Frenzy
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: E
IP: Logged

413 posts
 
I feel that. I've just had a pretty bad day today. I wish you could be able to use discord because it's easier for me to have a convo there. I don't like everyone being able to see what I'm saying if you get me. I can't talk as candidly as normal here.

Pm's work fine. Might be delays though. I didn't know Vien didn't know about me just yet. Give or take, I might be chatterboxing to you and taking earnest deserved shit on my part.


E | Ascended Posting Frenzy
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: E
IP: Logged

413 posts
 
. Only that I low-key ship you and Verb.
they would make a cute couple, no?

That they would Daz. Known each other for years. Aria was suppossedly putting up with Verb being a grouch long before it was cool. Just think of the empty childless household they could have instead filled with both their game collections.
untill the second arc of season three in which aria gets baby fever and eventually convinces verb they should adopt a child from the local orphanage as a compromise to his unwillingness to add more life to the world.

Ah yes, the thirties and fourties, where biology screams, make kids you fucking losers. You think Verb would make a good dad?


 
DAS B00T x2
| Cultural Appropriator
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: DAS B00T x2
IP: Logged

37,717 posts
This is not the greatest sig in the world, no. This is just a tribute.
. Only that I low-key ship you and Verb.
they would make a cute couple, no?

That they would Daz. Known each other for years. Aria was suppossedly putting up with Verb being a grouch long before it was cool. Just think of the empty childless household they could have instead filled with both their game collections.
untill the second arc of season three in which aria gets baby fever and eventually convinces verb they should adopt a child from the local orphanage as a compromise to his unwillingness to add more life to the world.

Ah yes, the thirties and fourties, where biology screams, make kids you fucking losers. You think Verb would make a good dad?
overall, probably.
Little misguided and overly harsh when the teenage experience hits, but his heart would be in the right place. Aria would be the cool mom that the kid would ask about weed and how to use a condom to.


E | Ascended Posting Frenzy
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: E
IP: Logged

413 posts
 
. Only that I low-key ship you and Verb.
they would make a cute couple, no?

That they would Daz. Known each other for years. Aria was suppossedly putting up with Verb being a grouch long before it was cool. Just think of the empty childless household they could have instead filled with both their game collections.
untill the second arc of season three in which aria gets baby fever and eventually convinces verb they should adopt a child from the local orphanage as a compromise to his unwillingness to add more life to the world.

Ah yes, the thirties and fourties, where biology screams, make kids you fucking losers. You think Verb would make a good dad?
overall, probably.
Little misguided and overly harsh when the teenage experience hits, but his heart would be in the right place. Aria would be the cool mom that the kid would ask about weed and how to use a condom to.

One thing I never expected to not to want to envision was whatever hypothetical aria looks like blowing a condom balloon to an imported child while Verb looks on sternly.

Thanks Das.


๐Ÿ Aria ๐Ÿ”ฎ | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: D4C
IP: Logged

10,597 posts
His eyebrows sparkling, his white beard hangs down to his chest. The thatched mats, spread outside his chise, spread softly, his splendid attos. He polishes, cross-legged, his makiri, with his eyes completely absorbed.

He is Ainu.

The god of Ainu Mosir, Ae-Oine Kamuy, descendant of Okiku-Rumi, He perishes, a living corpse. The summers day, the white sunlight, unabrushed, ends simply through his breath alone.
Well, wasn't expecting to pop in and find this out. I'm glad you're both alive and moving forward. Even if we can't be proud of who we are or what we've done, we can strive towards being the people we want to be. It will never change the past, but then again nothing can.

I know that all too well. I remember your name, but not much of our interactions. Only that I low-key ship you and Verb. None the less. It's good to see you again too. I'm sorry for what I did, if anything to you, even if it doesn't come across like you've any beef with me. Thank you.
For different reasons I've told my fair share of mistruth so it would be a little hypocritical for me to be upset with you for it. If it's something important, it only matters that the truth comes out. Situationally that can take a while.

And after dealing with death so much recently, it's strangely nice to see someone come back from the dead. An unexpected way to round out the year to be sure.


E | Ascended Posting Frenzy
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: E
IP: Logged

413 posts
 
Well, wasn't expecting to pop in and find this out. I'm glad you're both alive and moving forward. Even if we can't be proud of who we are or what we've done, we can strive towards being the people we want to be. It will never change the past, but then again nothing can.

I know that all too well. I remember your name, but not much of our interactions. Only that I low-key ship you and Verb. None the less. It's good to see you again too. I'm sorry for what I did, if anything to you, even if it doesn't come across like you've any beef with me. Thank you.
For different reasons I've told my fair share of mistruth so it would be a little hypocritical for me to be upset with you for it. If it's something important, it only matters that the truth comes out. Situationally that can take a while.

And after dealing with death so much recently, it's strangely nice to see someone come back from the dead. An unexpected way to round out the year to be sure.

Hey, I always figured no people have moral high ground to stand on anyway. We've all fucked up. Although being angry comes naturally. It's what we do with it that matters. On principle I do my best never to leave on words said out of anger. Could be the last time you speak to somebody. And that haunts you. Dunno if I can say I came back. I'm still quantifying what happened out and about. It's very strange for me to be back here at all. I feel so much different to what I was that it feels as if death occurred, and yet here I am, pulling bits of myself back together that remain as they were.

You mind if I ask who you lost? Been a hard year on me too. Three died on me. It truly does make me the last man standing now. I guess I could say the same. Seeing you guys here, alive in particular is just, really nice.


Dietrich Six | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: DietrichSix
IP: Logged

11,871 posts
Excuse me, I'm full of dog poison
Fucking called it baby.

You should try writing novels instead of wasting your talents on this website.


E | Ascended Posting Frenzy
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: E
IP: Logged

413 posts
 
Fucking called it baby.

You should try writing novels instead of wasting your talents on this website.

No talent. People here I care about even if I hurt them. To get over the shit that I did, and to work through the stuff I deal with now, talking was the best tool I ever had. You can only think to yourself for so long before the echo of another mind might help you out to sort things.

That being said, I dropped the prospect of novels. I've been taking art both for the purpose of finding ways to express myself, and I hope to merge that with my writing ability at one point to make comics, or graphic novels.


๐Ÿ Aria ๐Ÿ”ฎ | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: D4C
IP: Logged

10,597 posts
His eyebrows sparkling, his white beard hangs down to his chest. The thatched mats, spread outside his chise, spread softly, his splendid attos. He polishes, cross-legged, his makiri, with his eyes completely absorbed.

He is Ainu.

The god of Ainu Mosir, Ae-Oine Kamuy, descendant of Okiku-Rumi, He perishes, a living corpse. The summers day, the white sunlight, unabrushed, ends simply through his breath alone.
Well, wasn't expecting to pop in and find this out. I'm glad you're both alive and moving forward. Even if we can't be proud of who we are or what we've done, we can strive towards being the people we want to be. It will never change the past, but then again nothing can.

I know that all too well. I remember your name, but not much of our interactions. Only that I low-key ship you and Verb. None the less. It's good to see you again too. I'm sorry for what I did, if anything to you, even if it doesn't come across like you've any beef with me. Thank you.
For different reasons I've told my fair share of mistruth so it would be a little hypocritical for me to be upset with you for it. If it's something important, it only matters that the truth comes out. Situationally that can take a while.

And after dealing with death so much recently, it's strangely nice to see someone come back from the dead. An unexpected way to round out the year to be sure.

Hey, I always figured no people have moral high ground to stand on anyway. We've all fucked up. Although being angry comes naturally. It's what we do with it that matters. On principle I do my best never to leave on words said out of anger. Could be the last time you speak to somebody. And that haunts you. Dunno if I can say I came back. I'm still quantifying what happened out and about. It's very strange for me to be back here at all. I feel so much different to what I was that it feels as if death occurred, and yet here I am, pulling bits of myself back together that remain as they were.

You mind if I ask who you lost? Been a hard year on me too. Three died on me. It truly does make me the last man standing now. I guess I could say the same. Seeing you guys here, alive in particular is just, really nice.
Happened last year, but my dad. Lot of changes in my life since. Still dealing with the consequences of an attempt earlier that year as well. Medical debt seems to be the true American pastime.


E | Ascended Posting Frenzy
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: E
IP: Logged

413 posts
 
Well, wasn't expecting to pop in and find this out. I'm glad you're both alive and moving forward. Even if we can't be proud of who we are or what we've done, we can strive towards being the people we want to be. It will never change the past, but then again nothing can.

I know that all too well. I remember your name, but not much of our interactions. Only that I low-key ship you and Verb. None the less. It's good to see you again too. I'm sorry for what I did, if anything to you, even if it doesn't come across like you've any beef with me. Thank you.
For different reasons I've told my fair share of mistruth so it would be a little hypocritical for me to be upset with you for it. If it's something important, it only matters that the truth comes out. Situationally that can take a while.

And after dealing with death so much recently, it's strangely nice to see someone come back from the dead. An unexpected way to round out the year to be sure.

Hey, I always figured no people have moral high ground to stand on anyway. We've all fucked up. Although being angry comes naturally. It's what we do with it that matters. On principle I do my best never to leave on words said out of anger. Could be the last time you speak to somebody. And that haunts you. Dunno if I can say I came back. I'm still quantifying what happened out and about. It's very strange for me to be back here at all. I feel so much different to what I was that it feels as if death occurred, and yet here I am, pulling bits of myself back together that remain as they were.

You mind if I ask who you lost? Been a hard year on me too. Three died on me. It truly does make me the last man standing now. I guess I could say the same. Seeing you guys here, alive in particular is just, really nice.
Happened last year, but my dad. Lot of changes in my life since. Still dealing with the consequences of an attempt earlier that year as well. Medical debt seems to be the true American pastime.

Damn. Hate to say "I'm sorry" since it's not like I killed your dad. I just know the feeling. Medical debt and college debt, for certain.

Listen. It might sound like something far away and hollow. I'm trying to ditch my jobs. My concern is being able to fund my sister and her daughter since husband died. If I'm gonna do this shit, I'm going to take it to the maximum that I can, so that they'll never struggle. So that I can fund a friend to challenge the courts and get back her kids. So that I can pull another american out here and get him out of the college debt and useless degree trap. If I ever have the financial ability to do it, and assuming you still owe, then I'll help pitch in to cover your expenses, only if you want.


๐Ÿ Aria ๐Ÿ”ฎ | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: D4C
IP: Logged

10,597 posts
His eyebrows sparkling, his white beard hangs down to his chest. The thatched mats, spread outside his chise, spread softly, his splendid attos. He polishes, cross-legged, his makiri, with his eyes completely absorbed.

He is Ainu.

The god of Ainu Mosir, Ae-Oine Kamuy, descendant of Okiku-Rumi, He perishes, a living corpse. The summers day, the white sunlight, unabrushed, ends simply through his breath alone.
Well, wasn't expecting to pop in and find this out. I'm glad you're both alive and moving forward. Even if we can't be proud of who we are or what we've done, we can strive towards being the people we want to be. It will never change the past, but then again nothing can.

I know that all too well. I remember your name, but not much of our interactions. Only that I low-key ship you and Verb. None the less. It's good to see you again too. I'm sorry for what I did, if anything to you, even if it doesn't come across like you've any beef with me. Thank you.
For different reasons I've told my fair share of mistruth so it would be a little hypocritical for me to be upset with you for it. If it's something important, it only matters that the truth comes out. Situationally that can take a while.

And after dealing with death so much recently, it's strangely nice to see someone come back from the dead. An unexpected way to round out the year to be sure.

Hey, I always figured no people have moral high ground to stand on anyway. We've all fucked up. Although being angry comes naturally. It's what we do with it that matters. On principle I do my best never to leave on words said out of anger. Could be the last time you speak to somebody. And that haunts you. Dunno if I can say I came back. I'm still quantifying what happened out and about. It's very strange for me to be back here at all. I feel so much different to what I was that it feels as if death occurred, and yet here I am, pulling bits of myself back together that remain as they were.

You mind if I ask who you lost? Been a hard year on me too. Three died on me. It truly does make me the last man standing now. I guess I could say the same. Seeing you guys here, alive in particular is just, really nice.
Happened last year, but my dad. Lot of changes in my life since. Still dealing with the consequences of an attempt earlier that year as well. Medical debt seems to be the true American pastime.

Damn. Hate to say "I'm sorry" since it's not like I killed your dad. I just know the feeling. Medical debt and college debt, for certain.

Listen. It might sound like something far away and hollow. I'm trying to ditch my jobs. My concern is being able to fund my sister and her daughter since husband died. If I'm gonna do this shit, I'm going to take it to the maximum that I can, so that they'll never struggle. So that I can fund a friend to challenge the courts and get back her kids. So that I can pull another american out here and get him out of the college debt and useless degree trap. If I ever have the financial ability to do it, and assuming you still owe, then I'll help pitch in to cover your expenses, only if you want.
I appreciate the offer, but I'd have to decline. Can't really do much but hurt my credit since I don't have the money to collect on. The perk of poverty, I guess.

A year later it still hurts that he's gone, but I've been able to find some comforting perspectives on the issue. I feel angrier with the circumstances leading to it more than anything else.
Last Edit: December 18, 2020, 06:24:12 PM by ๐Ÿ Aria ๐Ÿ”ฎ


E | Ascended Posting Frenzy
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: E
IP: Logged

413 posts
 
A year later it still hurts that he's gone, but I've been able to find some comforting perspectives on the issue. I feel angrier with the circumstances leading to it more than anything else.

If I had to guess, it was an ongoing kind of deal right? Either improper treatment or neglect even if the condition was worsening?

It'll hurt for a long while, I can tell you that. Everybody's ability to process it is different. Even as fast as I've become at it, there's days where I get hit from nowhere even if I've moved on from the initial impact. And I understand the anger. For me at least, that's the one that's burned the longest.

I think it's the longest lasting because sometimes you stop and think about them, and you ask yourself what would things be like if they were here right now? And then you remember that their time was robbed. Gunned down in their house or hit by a drunk driver. Neglected by people who should've been their caretakers.

And it's tough because it's difficult to direct that kind of anger. It's not raw anger like you've just been punched. It's frustration over what happened and how it happened, and that they aren't here any longer possibly in part because of that. On that front, the only thing I've ever been able to turn that anger into is movement. I work harder if I'm pissed off.


๐Ÿ Aria ๐Ÿ”ฎ | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: D4C
IP: Logged

10,597 posts
His eyebrows sparkling, his white beard hangs down to his chest. The thatched mats, spread outside his chise, spread softly, his splendid attos. He polishes, cross-legged, his makiri, with his eyes completely absorbed.

He is Ainu.

The god of Ainu Mosir, Ae-Oine Kamuy, descendant of Okiku-Rumi, He perishes, a living corpse. The summers day, the white sunlight, unabrushed, ends simply through his breath alone.
If I had to guess, it was an ongoing kind of deal right? Either improper treatment or neglect even if the condition was worsening?
I'll just say that the VA needs more attention, that I'm disgusted by a government who creates veterans without consideration for the injuries they incur physically and mentally, a painfully incompetent standard for mental health, and the shortsighted grasp for a continual buildup of capital while casually disregarding the lives of those who generate it. I'm grateful that he's not in pain anymore, but millions more are suffering from the same problem and I'm angry with how lacking society is with compassion and empathy. And there's very little I can personally do to change it, so I donate my time and money where I can and then stew in a motivated misery.


E | Ascended Posting Frenzy
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: E
IP: Logged

413 posts
 
If I had to guess, it was an ongoing kind of deal right? Either improper treatment or neglect even if the condition was worsening?
I'll just say that the VA needs more attention, that I'm disgusted by a government who creates veterans without consideration for the injuries they incur physically and mentally, a painfully incompetent standard for mental health, and the shortsighted grasp for a continual buildup of capital while casually disregarding the lives of those who generate it. I'm grateful that he's not in pain anymore, but millions more are suffering from the same problem and I'm angry with how lacking society is with compassion and empathy. And there's very little I can personally do to change it, so I donate my time and money where I can and then stew in a motivated misery.

Well over half of the people I met that were fucked up had all of it stem from parents that didn't give a shit about them. I'm not finding you a reason to not be angry. If I sit here and think about all those people and the broader cause for it, of course I'd be pissed. But it's not conductive. You've the right to feel angry. Just don't let it eat you. Don't stew in motivated misery.

You need to rationalize it, like I do. I know that I can't help everybody I come across as much as I'd like to. I have physical, mental and monetary limits. But if I can do it for just one person, that's enough. One at a time, slowly. One life changed, one life helped, some kind of pain eased, even if it's not enough to solve it.

We become overwhelmed with the staggering numbers, when we need to narrow our field of view to what we can manipulate within our parameters. And know that we did the best that we could with what we had. That's enough. And if everybody were like that, we'd be able to fix shit one person and system at a time.

And you have to take care of yourself too. You can't help them if you yourself are sitting in a sinking ship, as hard as it it is not to do.


cuneif | Ascended Posting Riot
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: Brock
IP: Logged

921 posts
 
Do you feel that this year had made you see life from a different perspective? Has this year help you grow into a much better person? And what do you wish best for 2021?


E | Ascended Posting Frenzy
 
more |
XBL:
PSN:
Steam:
ID: E
IP: Logged

413 posts
 
Do you feel that this year had made you see life from a different perspective? Has this year help you grow into a much better person? And what do you wish best for 2021?

My perspective changes quite a bit all the time. Four, five years ago I was an entirely different person. In the span of this year alone, things have changed quite a bit as well. I think much of my perspective is similar to what it was, but it's got harder defined edges.

Better? Hard to say. I've always had the tendency to try and help people. No matter how bad off I was, somehow that part of me stayed intact. I made a lot of mistakes in the past, and I've done things that I regret severely. If I stand here to admit that, then it means I acknowledge my weaknesses and failures. So I suppose that fits the bill of growing to be a better person, even if it feels like I've started over from zero.

I'm not a particularily wishful person, nor hopeful. But I'd like it if the plans I'm putting together come to pass. If they do, it means I'd be able to help those I care about in greater capacity. At this point all I ask out of life is the capacity for me to help in the greatest magnitude I can. If I could achieve that in 2021 then I'd have the rest of my life to really find out how far I can push things.