Quote from: Decimator Omega on March 21, 2015, 06:13:22 PM

Quote from: challengerX on March 21, 2015, 06:12:30 PM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on March 21, 2015, 05:53:21 PM

Too bad I don't care.

Good thing you posted in this thread. It's very important to all of us to know whether you care or not.

I don't care.

Good thing you posted in this thread. It's very important to all of us to know whether you care or not.

Quote from: Decimator Omega on March 21, 2015, 05:53:21 PM

Too bad I don't care.

Good thing you posted in this thread. It's very important to all of us to know whether you care or not.

Deci, you would probably murder someone just to be a moderator here.

Quote from: Decimator Omega on March 21, 2015, 05:52:10 PM

My philosophy is put a bullet through a person's head that you don't like.

Just line them all up.

Bang.

Next in line.

Bang.

Next in line.

rinse and repeat until there is no one left.

Quote from: Decimator Omega on March 21, 2015, 05:52:10 PM

My philosophy is put a bullet through a person's head that you don't like.

Just line them all up.

Bang.

Next in line.

Bang.

Next in line.

rinse and repeat until there is no one left.

Get help.

Life isn't easy at all. Though life can be a struggle, it's better than ending it all and forfeiting all the good times ahead in life. And you don't know what lies ahead. You could be a millionaire, or you could be stuck in a job you hate forever. But you determine your happiness; you can let your circumstances dictate how you feel, or you can choose to be happy.

Life is worth the fight.

Spoiler

You know, normally I could probably say something....motivational on this. I can't. I'll just say this instead. What stopped me the first time?

Sitting up on a radio tower, leaning over the rails. I was thinking. I climbed that tower in my lower states because I did a lot of thinking. And one night I asked myself the point of continuing. Why should I continue, against all the grey, the void, and the nothing that existed in my life, when in a few seconds if I let go of those rails I could turn it all off like a lightswitch and have rest from it?

My little niece. I suddenly imagined her when she was older. After her older father passed away and she was growing up. She's different than other kids around here. And being different up here, is hard. I imagined, what the news would do to her, at her age right now.

6 years old. Her big uncle died. Jumped off a radio tower. That person that she liked, cared about, that person who will be there to help her when she's older. Gone.

My sister who's blind. How would she manage her farm alone?

Her husband. How would he manage all the work he has to do on his own?

My mother, how would she retire if she had nowhere to go to retire? No home to gently fall into?

I stopped it the first time because I said that at the very least, if I didn't want to do it for myself, if I didn't care about myself, then at the very least, I could do it for those people instead.

But I've got a problem now. This second round is different. I'm aware that I'm depressed, I am trying every day to turn it around. But how do I turn it around when I wake up in the morning, upset?

I wake up tired, I wake up angry, and then finally, I'm just sad. Tired.

It's different this time around, but it's doing the same thing. My smiles, any laughs I make, are hollow. They're just voluntary, like old reactions I'm used to doing. I know how to keep up the appearance that I can still be happy even though when I wake up in the morning my eyes look sad, and down, and my mouth sits with it's usual downward frown.

I look tired and down and I can't hide it. But I can hide the fact that I'm losing my grip. Losing my ability to really care or feel much about anything.

And it's a problem, because I work. Working keeps me moving. Working tells me that I am accomplishing something, both for myself, and for somebody else.

I used to be lazy before my first round with this. Then I changed.

Which means my reasons to keep going that I developed before are now normal life for me. And I'm losing my grip on everything. If those reasons go, that are now a normal part of life for me, then I'm finished. I'll have nothing left holding me up.

And I know I said that I had nothing to say on this. So here's what's really important here.

TL:DR

Keep your head sharp. Watch yourself. And if you fall any farther, pick up a fucking phone and talk. There's suicide hotline numbers all over the fucking place. They're up 24 hours a day because they have to be ready to listen to somebody who needs to talk.

Understand that?

I've essentially cut myself away from my friends because not only am I being a sad sack of fucking potatoes, but because I know that one night, I'm going to really need to talk and they aren't going to be there for me because I have to do things on my own.

Keep some part of your head on straight. Enough that you can pick up a phone and talk to somebody because believe me. You can fix things. You can set things straight. And unlike myself, up here, by myself, you don't have to do it alone either.

The people who work for those services are compassionate. They will be willing to listen, and they will be willing to help you. So if you're feeling so far down that you're walking a really dangerous line, pick up the damn phone and talk.

Suicide happens on its own, and you won't have control over it when it happens. So, if you have serious thoughts (and as staff here) then I'd recommend you to seek the help you need.

Suicide is a waste, at best.

The afterlife also sounds boring as fuck.

Quote from: Decimator Omega on March 21, 2015, 12:55:52 AM

I never said they weren't fake either.

Quote from: Decimator Omega on March 20, 2015, 08:18:00 PM

Are they? Seems pretty legit to me.

so what do you really look like then