Wait, it's out now?

Quote from: Gasai Yuno on November 02, 2014, 03:31:19 PM

I can't believe I laughed at that

For shame.

>fly to the UK for a road trip with some friends
>only airline food available is lukewarm larger, cold tea and stale crumpets
>attempt to ask for better food, flight attendant threatens to smack me in the gobber
>no in-flight movie available, forced to watch 6-hour Top Gear marathon instead
>headphones not working, flight staff decide to play the audio through loudspeaker
>6 hours of Jeremy Clarkson yelling about muslims
>order some reading material to distract myself from all the subliminal messages telling me that england prevails
>all they have is daily mail
>frontpage headline: "PARLIAMENT VOTES TO BE ANNEXED BY SAUDI ARABIA, PRINCE CHARLES IS AN ALIEN"
>subliminal messages from Top Gear finally take effect
>British passengers fly into a frenzy, gang up on the one guy wearing a turban
>turban man tries to explain that he is a Sikh
>they don't listen, beat him to a bloody pulp
>scottish passenger screams "ALBA GU BRACHT!" at the top of his lungs, rips the Sikh gentleman's chest cavity open and uses his blood to paint a gaelic tribal tartan on his face
>some of the blood accidentally splashes on my forehead
>order a towel to wipe it off
>suddenly: "OI! THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!"
>passengers start to attack me
>i make a run for the washroom
>scramble inside, lock door behind me
>passengers have gone into all-out celtic/saxon multicultural berserker rage
>they pound on the door with all their strength
>fish around in my pockets for anything to hold them off
>find spare toothbrush
>slide it under the door
>they take one look and disperse, fleeing back to their seats to watch more top gear
>hide in the bathroom until landing
>arrive at london airport around 11AM
>everyone starts disembarking
>i wait until they're gone, then quickly make my way off the plane
>see friend holding up a sign with my name on it
>last name has a lower case t in it
>police arrive
>charge friend a 500 pound fine for offensive belittling of religious symbol
>suddenly they see his nametag
>has a lower case c in it
>police think it's a crescent moon
>mace my friend, drag him off to prison for islamophobia
>have to take the bus to reach my hotel
>bus is full of chavs skipping school
>they all blast various sex pistols tracks from their iphones
>insist on singing out loud in thick cockney accents
>pull a knife on me when i ask them to stop
>move up to the front of the bus
>bus driver is drinking gin straight from the bottle
>"umm excuse me sir...isn't it dangerous to drive under the influence?"
>"U WOT M8?"
>bus driver downs gin on one swig, breaks the empty bottle against the dashboard and attempts to stab me
>nothing but a plastic water bottle to defend myself with
>wave it out in front of me
>bus driver becomes terrified, flees by jumping out one of the windows
>bus swerves wildly
>small indian man in a business suit jumps forward to catch the wheel
>we narrowly avoid hitting a lamp post
>chavs enjoy the ride, begin singing "anarchy in the UK" in unison
>one chav begins to hold hands with his pregnant 15-year-old girlfriend
>muslim at the back of the bus sees them, becomes outraged
>pulls out a scimitar, beheads the brave indian fellow
>takes off his jacket to reveal a huge bomb strapped to his chest
>"I WILL SEND ALL YOU SINNERS TO ALLAH!"
>suddenly, scottish guy from the plane appears from the back of the bus
>kicks muslim in the balls so hard he breaks his toe
>bus swerves wildly
>I ask if anyone knows how to drive
>no one even has a license
>bus crashes into a post office
>i am the only survivor
>crawl out of the wreckage
>police arrive
>see that I have read hair, assume that I'm with the IRA
>spend the night in jail
>go to court the next day
>judge is drinking gin from the bottle, jury is full of teenage chavs
>judge slurs "thish irish man was-"
>jury immediately votes guilty
>judge passes out
>sentenced to 20 years in prison
>apply for parole
>they ask if I'm sorry for what I've done
>I say yes
>they shorten my sentence by 17 years
>give me a cell to myself
>pristine white hot tub, cable TV and internet access
>try to watch some porn to pass the time
>knife shoots out of the computer screen
>castrates me
>I writhe on the floor in pain
>coppers take me to the emergency room
>spend 2 weeks on waiting list
>they cauterize my wound with boiling whisky
>ask me if I'd like to drink the leftovers
>I politely decline
>suddenly they realize I'm not Irish
>receive royal pardon
>get to fly home in first class
>police drive me to the airport
>suddenly, alien mothership appears over london
>viewscreen lowers
>it's prince charles
>he orders that all life on earth be exterminated
>hear some weird noises

UK, never again.

Quote from: Gasai Yuno on November 01, 2014, 11:57:22 PM

Quote from: CND AAA Beef on November 01, 2014, 11:56:00 PM

Aww.. Get creative with the date filter, guys.

I prefer "a bright, cold day in April".

What brings you here bby?

Main site got boring.

Going to play Destiny :^)