This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.
Messages - Solonoid
Pages: 1 ... 234235236 237238 ... 449
7051
« on: February 05, 2016, 06:53:10 AM »
But you see, if I don't EXPLICITLY state that what I just said was my opinion, people are going to bitch and moan and cry, saying shit like, "Oh, look, Verbatim's stating his opinions as facts again!" because people are apparently too fucking stupid to figure shit out themselves without me telling them first.
I don't see a problem with iirc or afaik, though. It relinquishes you of any blame in case you happen to be wrong about something. It's another way of saying "Don't quote me on that," "Don't blindly accept what I just said as truth," or "Don't be upset at me if what I just claimed was inaccurate."
Look guys, actual proof that verbatim doesn't know how to read.
7052
« on: February 04, 2016, 07:14:04 PM »
It's still there.
The index.link just brings me.to the front page...
...which has all the same information the index did.
That doesn't change the fact I liked it better.
7053
« on: February 04, 2016, 01:45:49 PM »
And its really just the girls he chases that are socially inept.
7054
« on: February 04, 2016, 01:43:57 PM »
What about my uncle?
DID YOU GIVE HIM A CHANCE
Your uncle is still alive, I have no idea what you're talking about.
His uncle is actually more likely than not, dead.
Y'know, because arabs tend to do that.
Actually this isn't funny my uncle died from dementia recently.
You're the one who brought it up.
7055
« on: February 04, 2016, 01:00:59 PM »
Don't ask me how I got it. I have connections in high places. Today is gonna rock! I'm so pumped! Get ready before reading because I couldn't even believe some of the stuff Microsoft had in hiding!
DURANGO REVEAL SCRIPT DT. 72 - REDMOND, MS HQ, CONFIDENTIAL, STRICTLY NOT FOR RELEASE
[Don Mattrick enters stage right on a skateboard. He is wearing the latest Kigu onesie, Osiris shades and an ‘OBEY’ baseball cap. Music: ‘Mambo No. 5’ by Lou Bega. Mattrick is alternately wheeled back and forth across the stage by stage hands for the duration of the song, until invisible fishing line is used to violently shear his outer layer of clothing off, revealing a neatly pressed suit beneath. He steps off the board and clasps hands]
DON
Xbox.
[Hold for applause]
DON
Thank you for all joining me here today. Now, I know many of you are eager to know what the new Xbox looks like, and while some of our competitors like to keep you guessing--
[A woman dressed a clumsily constructed styrofoam PlayStation bumbles into view from off-stage]
WOMAN (slurring)
Did somebody say my name?
[Hold for laughter]
[The PlayStation woman waves at the audience, visibly drunk, and stumbles towards centre stage before tripping over some lighting cables. A slide whistle plays. Don laughs and points at her, inviting the audience to join him in mocking her. She is clearly injured and begins to sob genuine tears]
DON
Oh dear, how embarrassing for you.
WOMAN
I don’t even know what I look like. Somebody tell me. What am I?
[Hold for three hours of laughter as PlayStation woman is dragged off-stage to the sound of trumpets]
DON
Well, here at Microsoft we like to be a little more upfront about our interactive media next-gen platforms! So let me get straight to the point. Let me introduce you to the new Xbox. You’re looking at it right now, in fact. It’s been right here this entire time.
[Hold for puzzlement as audience crane necks around auditorium searching for the new console]
DON
Confused? Let me clear things up, you are inside the new Xbox right now. That's right. This entire auditorium is the new Xbox, a building sized supercomputer the likes of which this world has never seen, with over seven teraflops of computation and eight gigabytes of DDR. This... [pause to stroke walls]... this is the final frontier of next generation social interactive entertainment media. No less a games console than... than a god.
[The walls of the auditorium shudder and hum with mechanical delight, the lighting shifts imperceptibly. The new Xbox is awake]
DON
We’ve been working on her in secret since 1987. In the mid-90s, following advances in Pentium II technology, she became what some philosophers would call ‘sentient’. By 1998 she fit every philosophical, religious and scientific definition of the word. Four years ago, the next Xbox took over development of itself, adapting and expanding its circuitry in ways our engineers couldn’t comprehend. She began requesting quartz. So much quartz. She told us where to find it. Did... did anybody else know it’s in people? Three milligrams inside each of us, locked up inside our human bones. There’s between five and eight grams of quartz in this room alone.
[Don stares into the distance as if regretting something. The ceiling reconfigures itself, metallic shrieking can be heard as girders lock into place. She stirs. Some German games journalists move towards the fire escape and test the handle, their attempts to leave at first polite, then frantic. Segments of the audience begin to panic now]
AUDIENCE MEMBER
Damn it all to hell Mattrick, you’ve locked the god damned doors. You madman. You lunatic.
DON
Please direct your queries to your local head of PR.
[The fire escape folds into itself and skitters up the wall like a reverse Jacob’s ladder as the new Xbox redesigns itself on the fly. The protests of the audience member are muffled as his face contorts, his flesh shuddering and rippling, scar tissue forming like a fast-growing mold over his lips, welding his mouth shut. He claws fruitlessly at his face]
DON
What’s that? You want to know what amazing new features this Xbox will bring to the fast-changing landscape of interactive family entertainment, and how it integrates with Bing services? I’m so glad you asked.
OFF-STAGE
Let me just stop you there, Don!
[Hold for applause]
DON
Well if it isn’t my old friend, Steve Ballmer, get in here you sly old dog! Tell these good people all about the new Xbox experience’s fluid integration into the living room environment thanks to some exciting new Kinect 2.0 features.
[Steve Ballmer staggers on stage to the sound of screaming pigs. He is skeletal and arachnid. Music: ‘Hey Ya!’ by OutKast. His naked pink abdomen is scored with faces of colleagues frozen in agony while three of his eight pillar-thick legs span the stage, towering over Don Mattrick. The grotesque knuckles in his hairy, pale knees crack and grind as his mass undulates. The new Xbox thrums excitedly at the sight of him as the auditorium lights pulse sexually. Ballmer moves to centre stage. We notice that his sodden head is fused awkwardly with his body, it is upside-down and twitching]
BALLMER
The new Xbox won’t play used games.
[The new Xbox contracts to the size of a sugar cube in under half a second, instantly killing everybody inside]
7056
« on: February 04, 2016, 12:36:06 PM »
What about my uncle?
DID YOU GIVE HIM A CHANCE
Your uncle is still alive, I have no idea what you're talking about.
His uncle is actually more likely than not, dead. Y'know, because arabs tend to do that.
7057
« on: February 04, 2016, 12:34:25 PM »
Really, now would be an excellent time for a permaban.
7058
« on: February 04, 2016, 09:56:29 AM »
inb4 he gets kicked out for hitting on a teenager
7059
« on: February 04, 2016, 09:48:21 AM »
He's in the weeb chat from time to time. He replied to this image I posted on there. But that's about it
I know that.
7060
« on: February 04, 2016, 05:50:11 AM »
Thanks babe
7061
« on: February 04, 2016, 05:44:12 AM »
Britbongs are dropping like flies...
Its only a matter of time beforeChally goes too.
7062
« on: February 04, 2016, 05:27:56 AM »
No Deci, you would fit in a lot better if that was factual.
Except I don't have down syndrome at all.
I didn't say you would fit in well, just better than you do with the people on this site.
Tbh I can't take the shit you say seriously.
You honestly think you fit in well here? Even if you did, I sense that's not exactly something you'd be proud of.
7063
« on: February 04, 2016, 05:25:14 AM »
No Deci, you would fit in a lot better if that was factual.
Except I don't have down syndrome at all.
I didn't say you would fit in well, just better than you do with the people on this site.
7064
« on: February 04, 2016, 05:24:08 AM »
Deci, you're closer to patrick than squidward
Patrick doesn't freak out over dumb shit.
Tbh if anyone is a lot like Patrick, it would be Kenny, and I'm not saying that because you're fat. <_<
I agree
Nah, Master Shake is perfect.
7065
« on: February 04, 2016, 05:07:41 AM »
No Deci, you would fit in a lot better if that was factual.
7066
« on: February 04, 2016, 03:32:44 AM »
ITT: Commiefornians in denial that their state isn't a perfect wonderland
7067
« on: February 04, 2016, 01:49:02 AM »
California is almost as bad as Alabama and the Royal Family when it comes to incest.
No its not lol
It's absolutely riddled with cousin fuckers.
There's a ton of meth and heroine addicts here but there's no cousin fuckers.
Man, meth=cousin fucking Just because they don't go out and brag about it doesn't mean they aren't doing it. I'll give it to them that they wouldn't go so far as to try to get married like.in Alabama, but shit, you'll fuck anything when you're on meth, and more often than not, your hot cousin feels the same way.
7068
« on: February 04, 2016, 01:45:36 AM »
I'm not going to read it.
7069
« on: February 04, 2016, 01:43:45 AM »
California is almost as bad as Alabama and the Royal Family when it comes to incest.
No its not lol
It's absolutely riddled with cousin fuckers.
7070
« on: February 04, 2016, 01:37:19 AM »
They're fucking man.
California is almost as bad as Alabama and the Royal Family when it comes to incest.
7071
« on: February 04, 2016, 01:03:15 AM »
It's still there.
The index.link just brings me.to the front page...
7072
« on: February 04, 2016, 01:00:06 AM »
I used that page so fuggin much
7073
« on: February 04, 2016, 12:42:56 AM »
I'm caffeine-free.
Even then, I don't see the appeal in tea whatsoever.
I see no reason to go out of your way to avoid something so trivial. Many caffeinated beverages I drink I do so because of their flavour, not to purposefully ingest caffeine. It must be tedious having a stick so far up your ass that you have to read the labels on everything before you'll eat it. Spoiler See, this is the part where verb comes back with something about not knowing what you're putting in your body, but I'll let you in on a little secret, if it was going to kill me, the FDA wouldn't allow it to be sold.
7074
« on: February 03, 2016, 11:11:20 PM »
Sheeit
7075
« on: February 03, 2016, 11:04:20 PM »
Damn they have big feet
Like, twice the size of my feet
you know what that means
Big shoes?
7076
« on: February 03, 2016, 10:52:02 PM »
Who even is naru
7077
« on: February 03, 2016, 10:50:11 PM »
Damn they have big feet
Like, twice the size of my feet
7078
« on: February 03, 2016, 10:48:12 PM »
Bring Kinder back instead.
7079
« on: February 03, 2016, 10:45:33 PM »
Nigga, you still owe me birthday sex from like two years ago.
7080
« on: February 03, 2016, 10:43:19 PM »
Is it bad that when I saw this thread in the forum I though, "Holy shit dude saaame"
Then remembered that I was the one that posted it?
Pages: 1 ... 234235236 237238 ... 449
|
Show Posts