I'm acutely aware that for years I was a blind and stubborn person who thought I was infallible, and in addition to that, I'm very aware that I've treated a lot of people here poorly. To this day, when I return here, it's easy to fall back into those habits because of the relationship I've established with people here. I'm a lot like my mother in that regard.

I'm aware that I've made statements, and wholly believed in them, that were racist, race-baiting, sexist, sexist, or in general bigoted. I'm a lot like my father, and his father before him, in that regard.

Every day in my daily life, probably since the last time I got out of jail a little over a year ago, I have been trying to look more closely at the things that make me a shitty person and change them.

I think I've made a lot of progress, and I've seen every relationship in my life improve as a result of this. It was not easy to get to a place where I realized that it was time I change. I had to live through poverty, homelessness, losing my freedom, being sexually assaulted (as an adult it was worse for me than as a child, I think), paranoid delusions stemming from mental illness, and a whole lot of loss. But it wasn't the pain that opened my eyes to what kind of a manipulative monster I'd become.

Just before my last trip downtown, I really and truly found love. I wrote letters every day, and when I got out months later, my boyfriend was still waiting for me. When I got out, I also found real friendship. Where before most of my relationships had been based on personal gain, I learned what it meant to be someone's friend. My friends took me in, and I was so grateful that I did everything I could within my meager power to give back to them. Their generosity showed me how to be generous.

I liked the person I was becoming so much that I decided to start taking strides toward doing the right thing in every walk of life. This is where things start to get hard. When I learned to give back to my friends, I had a genuine change of heart, but you can't force that kind of change to occur intrinsically.

I found out it takes conscious and constant effort to teach yourself the habits of a decent human being. Honesty was the first step, and it was hard. There were times when it was so grueling to tell someone the truth when a lie felt easier. But I did it anyway. Honesty is a habit and it can be mastered.

The next was the way I regard others. I found out I couldn't be dismissive of the opinions of others, or walk into a room and assume I knew more about everything than everyone else there. I think I have a lot of room to improve still in this regard, but just by paying careful attention to what others have to say and really taking it to heart I think I'm getting a lot better at being courteous. Of course, disagreements still occur, but I've found out that there's no reason to get angry at someone because you disagree with them about something.

One thing I hadn't gotten the chance to improve on during the time I spent living with my friends was bigotry. Where we lived in Texas, starting a race war is next to normal, so I didn't get the chance to be exposed to the good habit of not being a racist. And I still held a low opinion of women. When I moved to Colorado this summer I started meeting new people and my eyes really opened up to the idea that white-supremacy miiiiiight not be a political end-all-be-all.

When I arrived in Colorado I met a middle aged black man named Phil. I never would've guessed that he was going to become one of my best friends. Phil was born and raised in the Bronx, and came up during a hard time in the city. His family and his friends were more important to him than anything, and he spent his summer worrying constantly about whether or not his son was getting in trouble. He showed me that I was wrong, and opening up to his friendship helped me to move past my racist upbringing.

I used to think all women were boring, stupid, empty wastes of human life only here to pump out babies. I really wanted nothing to do with them. A lot of amazing women have come into my life in the last year, and they've shown me what should've been obvious all along: women are just people. Earlier today someone on discord was echoing those negative sentiments and backward views on women. I was reviled at first, but then I started feeling sorry for them. I actually feel bad for anyone who feels the way I used to feel. I can't imagine how lonely and angry at the world they must be. They must feel abandoned.

After moving to Wyoming I came under the tutelage of a particularly talented and thoughtful chef named Vasko. He's from Bulgaria. In general, I had always held a low opinion of Eastern Europeans, despite never having met one. Vasko wasn't alone though, I made a lot of friends there from various Eastern European countries, and much to my surprise, they too, were just people.

Some of them I disliked, some I got along with, some, like Vasko, I even admired a little. But they were all startlingly human, and couldn't be encapsulated by a stereotype.

I don't want to end up broken and lonely like my family. I want to live a decent life where I can be proud instead of ashamed.

Consider this an apology for the shitty way I've treated some of you, hell, at some point probably all of you. I realized a bit back I had been using this site to vent my negative feelings onto others, but now I see that I need to do the right thing and treat you guys, my oldest friends, with the same dignity I'm trying to engender in my daily life.

Please, be my friend. It will save my life.

"it doesn't make it logical", ie: "I cannot see the logic in it" ie: "I don't understand"

Youtube has become like cable tv with all the censorship.

what are you talking about, YouTube is only censored (aside from sexually or graphically explicit material, which has always been disallowed) if you want to generate ad revenue

in that vein, of course YouTube is subject to the same censorship the same advertisers impose upon another medium

people can still generate all the racist, sexist, homophobic content they want, they just shouldn't expect anyone to pay them to do it

wait, why am I talking to a troll?

"If you don't like the way I'm affecting your social life maybe you should surrender that social circle to me and walk away from it, so I can slowly push everyone else out of that group too, instead of just ejecting me from that circle and saving your extended friendship."

His arms aren't blue!

the world just isn't safe for gamestop employees anymore

Quote from: Solonoid on November 12, 2019, 01:46:31 PM

So your assertion that you're not an asshole because you don't go out of your way to be an asshole is a pointless and trivial one. You're an asshole because you are an asshole, and you can't work on making yourself a more decent human being because somewhere along the way, you started to feel entitled to be the biggest dickhead in any room you walk into.

i never said i wasn't an asshole, though, i just don't think that should be a bannable offense

especially when everyone is an asshole, and it's just about trying to figure out the most socially acceptable way to be one

If you feel this entitled to be a dick to people then your wake up call definitely isn't going to come from some guy on the internet you've never gotten along with.

And in reference to your follow up post, just because moderators aren't brave enough to tell you they're banning you because nobody likes you doesn't mean that isn't why they're banning you. You said it yourself, they invent some bogus pretense about rule violations, but the real reason is obvious to both of us.

I haven't wasted my time writing all of this because it's been cathartic for me, I actually hope that some day you can begin to grow as a person, and I'm sorry that there isn't anything I can say or do right now to make you realize that you need to. But for the moment I don't really have anything else to say.

Quote from: Solonoid on November 12, 2019, 02:39:15 AM

Quote from: Verbatim on November 12, 2019, 02:34:07 AM

Quote from: Solonoid on November 12, 2019, 02:32:57 AM

Quote from: Verbatim on November 12, 2019, 02:03:47 AM

Quote from: Solonoid on November 12, 2019, 01:54:50 AM

The way you treat other people is enough justification to ban you from any platform.

nope

and the fact that you're incapable of realizing it or making strides to treat people better is reason enough to never give you a second chance

thanks for proving my point

never did

you feel entitled to treat people like shit and you have no mechanism by which to handle criticism in a constructive manner, by those virtues, you've just shown that I was right a second time

go on, more short and dismissive answers will only continue to illustrate that I'm right

this might have made sense if i've ever done anything worse than say rude things to people who deserve it, but i've never done anything worse than that (on sep7agon, at least)

and that's sort of the key to the whole thing, really

i've never said anything rude to anyone that didn't provoke me first, which pretty much justifies everything

it would be justified even if it wasn't provoked, but there's layers to how wrong you are, is what i'm saying

i don't subscribe to this kumbaya ideal of treating everyone nicely regardless of how they treat me, just because i dared to say something like "halo sucks" or "mods ruin the artistic integrity of video games" or "objectifying women is bad"

if you get to insult me (in socially acceptable ways, like calling me a troll, which doubles as a gaslight) for having these opinions, i should get to insult you back, because that's fair

Apparently you don't understand what treating people like shit even means.

You don't have to be actively over the top belligerent to treat those around you like they're less than human. It's in the basic way you interact with people. Your attitude, the instant dismissal you present everyone with, essentially a lack of respect for everyone around you just because you genuinely believe through some convoluted and broken upbringing that it's not only possible for someone to be better than everyone else, but also that you are that person.

You actively make the lives of everyone around you worse just by being yourself, and you think just because that's who you are that you don't have to do anything to change it.

Nobody is required to involve you in their social group, and if you insist on being impossible to be around, admins and mods on forums have every right to exclude you from the social group they're in charge of.

You can make arguments like "But I didn't break any rules." "But everyone I insult has it coming." but at the end of the day the sole common denominator in all those hundreds of places you say you've been banned from is you.

So your assertion that you're not an asshole because you don't go out of your way to be an asshole is a pointless and trivial one. You're an asshole because you are an asshole, and you can't work on making yourself a more decent human being because somewhere along the way, you started to feel entitled to be the biggest dickhead in any room you walk into.

Quote from: Solonoid on November 12, 2019, 02:32:57 AM

Quote from: Verbatim on November 12, 2019, 02:03:47 AM

Quote from: Solonoid on November 12, 2019, 01:54:50 AM

The way you treat other people is enough justification to ban you from any platform.

nope

and the fact that you're incapable of realizing it or making strides to treat people better is reason enough to never give you a second chance

thanks for proving my point

never did

you feel entitled to treat people like shit and you have no mechanism by which to handle criticism in a constructive manner, by those virtues, you've just shown that I was right a second time

go on, more short and dismissive answers will only continue to illustrate that I'm right

Quote from: Decimator Omega on November 12, 2019, 01:17:50 AM

You've been permabanned from here before. I'm positive that you have broken rules here before and in other communities.

i was permabanned for something that i did offsite, so yeah that was complete unfair garbage and i stand firm on that

i'm pretty sure not one of my bans on this website has been fair or justified, though it's possible i may be forgetting one or two

most if not all of them come down to flaming, which shouldn't be against the rules anywhere, especially a website that allows you to block or ignore users that you don't like

The way you treat other people is enough justification to ban you from any platform.

I genuinely believe this series was supposed to star Boba Fett, but then somebody pointed out that he wasn't a Mandalorian, and instead of coming up with a different name they just said, "Fuck it, make up a new character who is literally Boba Fett but is actually from Mandalore."

I think I might annually come here every November. Depending if this place still exists and depending how active it is. That and if I remember that this place exists still. Took an internet video today about the golden age of the internet being dead to actually get me to check on here.

yeah, I watched most of it and realized that I'm mostly excluded from all the sites that it talks about defining the modern internet

still browsing backwater internet forums for nerds with no life, still using irc, or in a lot of cases discord, which is just better irc

internet culture isn't dead just because we're sharing the medium with normies, it's just less accessible to newfags than it used to be

What about me, huh?

I actually considered calling you out as a vastly inferior lolcow, but decided it was below me.

President Trump promises, "By 2024, homosexuality will be the leading cause of death in the United States."

Homosexuals can't get jobs. In fact, there are not many jobs for homosexuals in the United States. The U.S. unemployment rate is almost 5% higher than it is for heterosexuals.

The homosexual population is more than 1/3 of the population. That's about one out of every four people in the U.S.

It is now illegal to publicly support homosexuality in the U.S. The Supreme Court upheld a law in Massachusetts, where homosexual marriage is legal, that bans state employees from supporting a same-sex marriage.

The president has vowed, in the past, to keep "the scourge of homosexuality" from America and has made clear that LGBT people are the "worst of the worst" — even worse than white supremacists.

The president's administration is also working to make abortion illegal nationwide.

We're gonna see them fight and then see them team up to fight another monster. We did it Reddit!

that doesn't make any sense

why would godzilla need help with anything

ever