Quote from: Sandtrap on December 21, 2014, 07:59:47 AM

Quote from: True Turquoise on December 21, 2014, 07:56:52 AM

Death is death. Nothing more

You're missing the point. Death is death. And a few days ago, I died. Flat lined. I was gone for about a minute before they jumpstarted my heart again.

But I'm not talking about death. I'm talking about what you stand to lose. What you stand to lose while you're here.

as in what time I'd lose being here? Or just in general do the things you want before you run out of time?

Fuckin' hell this is hard. Okay. remember what I said. Boom. An explosion of everything. Everything you've done, felt, saw, feel, everything. Everything you currently feel. Pain, sad, happy, whatever.

Being alive. Being alive and every single experience. You stand to lose everything. I drove up to the hospital on Thursday night I think. And I woke back up after the whole mess of work the docs did on me on late Friday afternoon.

There was no gap in that time for me. It was like I fell alseep and then instantly had that explosion in my face.

Good morning gentlemen. I'd like to discuss something with you all this morning. Because I believe it's important. And I think it's time I talk about what's been happening on my end for the past few days. But not what's been happening. More specifically, what happened.

This will be long. Because my words can never do it justice. But all of you people here. Should read this. Okay. Here we go.

What, to you, is death? Think about that for a bit please.
 
That's what I'd like to talk to you about right now. The Quiets look at me like I'm otherworldy. Like I shouldn't still be standing. My family. They can't believe it. My doctor. He insists that I rest. But at the same time he's admitted that he's surprised at how I can still stand.
 
Chemo has, and is destroying my body. My neck is sore and painful because they stuck a needle into my spine. The back of my head is tender and hurts because they cut out a piece of my skull to clean out my head. They put it all back. But it hurts. My heart is broken. I can feel it. Irregular pumps.  And most of all. My time is measured. Chemo doesn't destroy tumors. It damages them, puts them into a dormant state or into remission. And most of all. Why am I here now? The doc is watching me. Because of my heart.
 
This is the point. I can't win. One day, this tumor will go again. Or my heart. It will stop one day because it is damaged and broken.
 
Do you know what I remember? I remember waking up. My head was on fire. Parts of me were numb. I called the doc. I was worried. Scared. Because I knew what was happening. And I didn't want to lose that. I was scared and yet I moved. And, apparently, I made it into the parking lot of the hospital. Turned off my truck. Stepped out, and lost consciousnes. The doc found me out there.
 
There was nothing. What I mean by that, is that there was no gap in time. I went down. I fell asleep. And then?
 
Boom.
 
An explosion. Everything.
 
I want you to imagine that. An explosion of everything. Light. Sound. Sight. Feeling. Pain. Surprise. Memories.
 
The doc says that everything feels new and like deja vu because of the brain damage. And that's fair.That's science. Chemicals and dying cells.
 
But I saw everything. My words don't do it justice. It was like a light switch.
 
So that's why I'm standing. That's why I got up to say hello to friends and family. Because I know now. I know how special it is.
 
I'm in pain. And I realize that my life is still a mess. Still a challenge I may not beat. But I understand.
 
It's all relative. Pain. It's beautiful. It anchors you to this world and destroys you and eats away at your soul.
 
But it's part of it. You can't have good, without bad. Light, without dark.
 
Too much pain, is bad. Because we are simple beings. All of us. We're bound here, to this place, this world among vast stars that we can never touch, will never see, and never truly grasp. And yet, through the scale of it all we're here. We're bound to our bodies in a very real physical world.
 
But I saw everything. Boom. Snap of a finger. All those feelings, sensations, memories. Mistakes, triumphs, good days, bad days.
 
And it hurt. In a good way. It hurts now. Typing this. Because nobody knows.
 
Nobody knows what they stand to lose. And it's not their fault. Because it's perspective. We're simple, earth bound beings of dirt and soil.
 
So what does this mean? What does this mean for me?
 
I stand. I move. Because pain is part of it. And I know. I know now that things will go up now. I will start to get better soon. And I know that one day I will die. All of us will.
 
But in the meantime. I can do my very best. I can try. And I will make mistakes. I have made mistakes.
 
I'm here now. And I know where I go. I go to my grave. Whether it be from this re-ignited tumor one day, or my heart decides that it's done once and for all. I go to my grave because I've no choice. But, all the
same. I go to my life. I go to my world around me and I will do the best I can because I know how special it all is.
 
But I see. I see the world. I see life.
 
And all of it is an experience, for good or bad.
 
I am glad for what was given and what comes down the road.
 
And I think, none of you understand. Most, if not all of you ever will. You won't ever see it. But I want you all to remember what I said here.

Thanks for listening.

>make thread about xboxdotcom
>locked

>make thread about verbatim being trans
>fine

MODBIAS

Yeah but it's dusty boy. He throws temper tantrums. As far as I know you don't because you're not a baby.

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 20, 2014, 09:18:44 PM

Quote from: Rocketman287 on December 20, 2014, 09:16:20 PM

Quote from: Soporific Dustin on December 20, 2014, 09:02:13 PM

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 20, 2014, 08:56:28 PM

Quote from: Soporific Dustin on December 20, 2014, 08:54:54 PM

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 20, 2014, 08:54:06 PM

I'll trade places with you. Please. I need to move my ass around but I can't right now.

Trade?

omg pls feel bad for me

Ha! I don't need folks to feel bad. I just feel like moving is all. But I gots nowhere to go.

LOL CRIPPLE HOW'S IT FEEL TO HAVE NO LEGS

holy cow you can't be nice can you?

He is being nice. That's his nice face. Can't ya see?

*cleans glasses*

Oh, NOW I see it

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 20, 2014, 08:56:28 PM

Quote from: Soporific Dustin on December 20, 2014, 08:54:54 PM

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 20, 2014, 08:54:06 PM

I'll trade places with you. Please. I need to move my ass around but I can't right now.

Trade?

omg pls feel bad for me

Ha! I don't need folks to feel bad. I just feel like moving is all. But I gots nowhere to go.

LOL CRIPPLE HOW'S IT FEEL TO HAVE NO LEGS

I can still wiggle my toes! And move the legs. Fuckin' doc won't let me out and about though. And, not like I've got shit all to travel to either. But. I need some running around. How's it feel to have no legs? I don't know you tell me! If this is what it feels like having no legs then maybe it ain't so bad.

I'll trade places with you. Please. I need to move my ass around but I can't right now.

Trade?

Who likes Vampire Squids?

Ay, bud, what's new?

I'm in the hospital with my good chum of a doctor!

What kind of loot did you get?

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 20, 2014, 08:50:06 AM

Quote from: The Lord Ruler on December 20, 2014, 08:47:56 AM

Good morning man. Glad to see you're doing okay.

And just potatoes? Go get some eggs and steak with that

Chemo! Can't do that. I'd puke it up! But. I want potatoes. Ha. Words words words. I'm not doing okay. But I do feel fine! Eggs might be nice though.

Oh right :/

Is orange juice a no go with chemo? Or are most liquids fine?

All juices are a no go! Just water. But that doesn't matter. Everything's damn fine today.

Good morning man. Glad to see you're doing okay.

And just potatoes? Go get some eggs and steak with that

Chemo! Can't do that. I'd puke it up! But. I want potatoes. Ha. Words words words. I'm not doing okay. But I do feel fine! Eggs might be nice though.

I'm just going to ramble a bit in here because talking is good. Doc says the more I do shit the more I'll fit back into the regular spin of things.

So. I'm fucking hungry. There's a friend of mine still sleeping in a chair across from me like a lazy bones, and I want some fucking potatoes for breakfast. And I love that fucking sunshine.

NEW PERSO- Wait...

You could call me new. Actually. No. Everything's new on my end. Actually no. It's just interesting. Regardless, it's a new day!

I guess I am not welcome? Well, the title said "gentlemen"

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 20, 2014, 08:25:52 AM

Quote from: Isara on December 20, 2014, 08:24:28 AM

Morning, Sandtrap.

Hmm. You I remember! The hell you doing up here?

All folks welcome! I just need to refresh myself on stuff. If I remember right, you're not ever up around these parts this early.

A good morning to up and about no?