Freezy Pop.

A lot of things in your life are going to be hard. They're going to be shitty. They're going to seem like they're far away and impossible to reach. And you're going to look at them like you look at a mountain. It'll loom over you and seem impossible.

You know what you do with that? Focus. Don't look at the mountain. Don't look at the distance. Take things a day at a time. Take everything a single day at a time. And if you shift your focus to something so small like just a day and make your day count. Then eventually you'll look back and find that time has passed and you're much farther along than you expected.

You'll find that huge mountain in front of you gone because you took it a day at a time instead of looking at it in full. And later on, once you've gone over your mountain, you can look back at it in full and realize that you did it.

Take care out there.

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 17, 2015, 09:41:06 PM

Quote from: Nuka 'Kal Vargun on January 17, 2015, 09:38:40 PM

So...what, you want us to tell you when to stop if you're going overboard? That's what I'm getting from this, I think.

You know the thread on Kiyo? If you see me walking into shit like that and getting wound up then slap some sense into me. I can't stop myself when I'm in a buggered up state but I can still listen to reason.

Now's the time that I have to get up and fight and start trying to get my life back in order. And the first thing I need to do is curb my depression. I can do this on my own but when I slip up I just need somebody looking out for me.

So...how would you prefer exactly? With a PM?

No. Those notifications take too long. Just do it right there in the thread. Quote me and tell me to shut my trap.

RIght, so, iffin I see you shillin around, I'm ta tell ya ta shut yer trap?

That's exactly it.

Sandtrap do you want a custom nameplate?

Na.

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 17, 2015, 06:37:23 PM

Quote from: Tyger on January 17, 2015, 06:30:52 PM

Quote from: Kupo on January 17, 2015, 06:05:24 PM

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 17, 2015, 10:44:18 AM

Quote from: Kupo on January 17, 2015, 02:15:44 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 17, 2015, 02:12:22 AM

Quote from: Kupo on January 17, 2015, 02:02:27 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 17, 2015, 02:00:16 AM

Quote from: Kupo on January 17, 2015, 01:53:00 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 17, 2015, 01:51:18 AM

Quote from: Kupo on January 17, 2015, 01:48:00 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 17, 2015, 01:46:40 AM

Fine. You folks keep holding your fucking grudges. Not my fucking business. The past isn't either because I wasn't around for it. And once again none of you seem to fucking get it.

"the past"

You mean fucking yesterday?

Well considering it's yesterday, you're damn fucking right it's the past. It's done and over with now to be sure.

Yep. Time to let it go, Sandtrap.

You remember when Dusty boy single handedly sunk the fundraiser a friend of mine set up over at Bungie? It took me a day to cool my shit off. One day, and things were back to normal.

I acknowledge that dusty boy is spiteful grudge holding sack of old sacks and that he's a "troll." But I hold no ill will and don't go out of my way to attack him. It took me one day to get over the fact that he wandered over there and sunk a thread.

I don't hold grudges. Not for long. And either should you folks.

But it's your choice. See where it fucking gets you. Toxicity breeds more toxicity. Just you fucking watch.

>accusations

This was Cheat's decision. Take it up with him. Don't drag the rest of us into your bullshit.

I won't. But considering that there's still worse folks wandering around here, and the way this community treats people, both people inside the community, and newcomers, is a tell of what's going to happen in the future. This place is not a welcoming place.

It's not a welcoming place for people who've been here for a while because you get drama and shit like this. And it's not welcoming for outsiders because the community itself is inherently hostile on almost every level. So shit's a mess now. Well, actually it isn't. Not for you folks. Kiyo is long gone at this point. And unfortunatly for me I'm her friend and I'm damn worried about what's up on her end of things now. So that's my business now. Keep an eye out and make sure things are okay and help if I can because I can tell she's in a really bad way right now.

And as for this place? Well, just you wait. Mark my fucking words. This has nothing to do with this latest batch of drama. This has to do with the fact that overall and in general, this place is hostile on all fronts. And just like Kiyo getting what she put out, this place will too.

And, like Kiyo, it has good sides. But it's going to fall apart. This place has made that abundantly clear by now.

How is a staff member actively harassing users welcoming?

How is a community that flames unconditionally without thinking welcoming. I'll level with you here. I've been talking to somebody in private here. And you know what? They want to contribute to this place. They want to start a project here and they want to share it here.

But they're afraid that if this place knew who they were the project would go up and flames because of spiteful people and people in general who wouldn't give a second glance at things before throwing shit.

I know it's not an excuse for Kiyo. But at the same time you can't dump all the blame. People can be warped. They can be twisted and broken. What they go through can put them into bad states of mind. Mood swings. These states come and go like a light switch and the more depressed you are the stronger they get. And it manifests differently in every single person.

With me, I get irritable. I'm always on the verge of losing my shit and I feel the need to abandon everything and just disappear. And with Kiyo, I guess her anger for something manifested differently. But the point is. The point I'm trying to make here is that instead of looking past what they knew. Instead of perpetrating a viscous cycle.

People could look at Kiyo and ask why. It doesn't excuse what's she's done. But sometimes people do shitty things because they're the product of something shitty and all they've ever known was a shitty experience. With people like that, you do not attack them. Because in some strange way that's what they want. It's hardwired into their psyche.

They've been treated like trash for so long and so much and it leaves a mark on their psyche and they sub-consciously attack themselves. And people, being people, never see that. They slip into hate so easy and they give that hate without ever really seeing what they're doing.

That's why I'm upset here. I agree that if you do shitty things it will come around and bite you in the ass. But if the community wasn't so simple minded maybe we could have worked things out. I've been around people like this before. They snap on you out of the blue even if you're nice to them and they want you to attack them.

That's when you show restraint. That's when you back off and you don't take the bait because if you do then you're getting caught in their trap that they're not even aware of because it's all sub-conscious.

The community tried multiple times to work things out. Kiyo continually did not show restraint. It's baffling that you can think she is in any way the victim here.

Sandtrap If you were really such fantastic friends with kiyo why don't you have another way to contact her...

I don't remember you getting any flaming or hostility posting all your threads trying to get sympathy from people, now that your friend who was a shitty mod nuked HER OWN account, we're all terrible people?

If you're trying to start shit don't bother. Yeah I've got more than one way to contact her and she torched all of them and went up and dissappeared like a ghost.

And I never said you folks were shitty. What I did say is that there was a part to play in all this for everybody and that it turned into the mess that it is now. And that's the end of it.

There's nothing left to be said here. You can keep making assumptions until you're blue in the face though if you want.

>I'm making assumptions

Despite all the very public drama Kiyo caused? Continually abusing her power, behaving in ways unbecoming of a moderator, harassing other members. It's not "assumptions," it's publicly available information.

Sandtrap If you were really such fantastic friends with kiyo why don't you have another way to contact her...

I don't remember you getting any flaming or hostility posting all your threads trying to get sympathy from people, now that your friend who was a shitty mod nuked HER OWN account, we're all terrible people?

These mother fucking assumptions. I'll leave it at that since you're just stirring the pot.

Quote from: Kupo on January 17, 2015, 06:05:24 PM

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 17, 2015, 10:44:18 AM

Quote from: Kupo on January 17, 2015, 02:15:44 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 17, 2015, 02:12:22 AM

Quote from: Kupo on January 17, 2015, 02:02:27 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 17, 2015, 02:00:16 AM

Quote from: Kupo on January 17, 2015, 01:53:00 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 17, 2015, 01:51:18 AM

Quote from: Kupo on January 17, 2015, 01:48:00 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 17, 2015, 01:46:40 AM

Fine. You folks keep holding your fucking grudges. Not my fucking business. The past isn't either because I wasn't around for it. And once again none of you seem to fucking get it.

"the past"

You mean fucking yesterday?

Well considering it's yesterday, you're damn fucking right it's the past. It's done and over with now to be sure.

Yep. Time to let it go, Sandtrap.

You remember when Dusty boy single handedly sunk the fundraiser a friend of mine set up over at Bungie? It took me a day to cool my shit off. One day, and things were back to normal.

I acknowledge that dusty boy is spiteful grudge holding sack of old sacks and that he's a "troll." But I hold no ill will and don't go out of my way to attack him. It took me one day to get over the fact that he wandered over there and sunk a thread.

I don't hold grudges. Not for long. And either should you folks.

But it's your choice. See where it fucking gets you. Toxicity breeds more toxicity. Just you fucking watch.

>accusations

This was Cheat's decision. Take it up with him. Don't drag the rest of us into your bullshit.

I won't. But considering that there's still worse folks wandering around here, and the way this community treats people, both people inside the community, and newcomers, is a tell of what's going to happen in the future. This place is not a welcoming place.

It's not a welcoming place for people who've been here for a while because you get drama and shit like this. And it's not welcoming for outsiders because the community itself is inherently hostile on almost every level. So shit's a mess now. Well, actually it isn't. Not for you folks. Kiyo is long gone at this point. And unfortunatly for me I'm her friend and I'm damn worried about what's up on her end of things now. So that's my business now. Keep an eye out and make sure things are okay and help if I can because I can tell she's in a really bad way right now.

And as for this place? Well, just you wait. Mark my fucking words. This has nothing to do with this latest batch of drama. This has to do with the fact that overall and in general, this place is hostile on all fronts. And just like Kiyo getting what she put out, this place will too.

And, like Kiyo, it has good sides. But it's going to fall apart. This place has made that abundantly clear by now.

How is a staff member actively harassing users welcoming?

How is a community that flames unconditionally without thinking welcoming. I'll level with you here. I've been talking to somebody in private here. And you know what? They want to contribute to this place. They want to start a project here and they want to share it here.

But they're afraid that if this place knew who they were the project would go up and flames because of spiteful people and people in general who wouldn't give a second glance at things before throwing shit.

I know it's not an excuse for Kiyo. But at the same time you can't dump all the blame. People can be warped. They can be twisted and broken. What they go through can put them into bad states of mind. Mood swings. These states come and go like a light switch and the more depressed you are the stronger they get. And it manifests differently in every single person.

With me, I get irritable. I'm always on the verge of losing my shit and I feel the need to abandon everything and just disappear. And with Kiyo, I guess her anger for something manifested differently. But the point is. The point I'm trying to make here is that instead of looking past what they knew. Instead of perpetrating a viscous cycle.

People could look at Kiyo and ask why. It doesn't excuse what's she's done. But sometimes people do shitty things because they're the product of something shitty and all they've ever known was a shitty experience. With people like that, you do not attack them. Because in some strange way that's what they want. It's hardwired into their psyche.

They've been treated like trash for so long and so much and it leaves a mark on their psyche and they sub-consciously attack themselves. And people, being people, never see that. They slip into hate so easy and they give that hate without ever really seeing what they're doing.

That's why I'm upset here. I agree that if you do shitty things it will come around and bite you in the ass. But if the community wasn't so simple minded maybe we could have worked things out. I've been around people like this before. They snap on you out of the blue even if you're nice to them and they want you to attack them.

That's when you show restraint. That's when you back off and you don't take the bait because if you do then you're getting caught in their trap that they're not even aware of because it's all sub-conscious.

The community tried multiple times to work things out. Kiyo continually did not show restraint. It's baffling that you can think she is in any way the victim here.

Sandtrap If you were really such fantastic friends with kiyo why don't you have another way to contact her...

I don't remember you getting any flaming or hostility posting all your threads trying to get sympathy from people, now that your friend who was a shitty mod nuked HER OWN account, we're all terrible people?

If you're trying to start shit don't bother. Yeah I've got more than one way to contact her and she torched all of them and went up and dissappeared like a ghost.

And I never said you folks were shitty. What I did say is that there was a part to play in all this for everybody and that it turned into the mess that it is now. And that's the end of it.

There's nothing left to be said here. You can keep making assumptions until you're blue in the face though if you want.

I like making random shit. I suppose I like stories too. Which is why I crammed this picture with stuff. For starters, we've got this dude up front who's showing that he's a natural flamethrower. And you're caught between whether he's showing off, gesturing to the fire as if he's saying "Look, here's what I can do." Or if he's inviting you. Inviting you to sit down and watch a show. And you're in his corner. You've stumbled onto his home and his little part of the world that he's brought with him. So it was clear that at some point he wasn't like this. But here he is now. And he's proud of it.

Just an edit here. I really like this picture and I think out of the entire picture I really enjoy the fellow I used in the shot. So I cut some stuff out to focus just on him.

Look towards the future, not the past

I look forwards to hearing about more terrorist bombings in the news in the future.

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 17, 2015, 10:44:18 AM

I've been around people like this before. They snap on you out of the blue even if you're nice to them and they want you to attack them.

And is that really the kind of person who should be in the position of a role model and authority figure?

Did Kiyo have a place on the forum? Yes. Should she have had a place on the moderation team? No. There wouldn't have been half of the drama centered around her that there was otherwise.  That's all this comes down to in the end.

So what you're telling me right now, is that people are bitching and celebrating and doing whatever and throwing it Kiyo's way. When it was somebody else's decision to have her as a mod. You don't just fucking up and make yourself a mod. You get picked. So it's misdirected flak and in a manner of speaking all this bullshit is just people not looking at the bigger picture and pointing their eyes to where they really should.

The folks that allowed her on the team in the first place.

But don't do that. You see what I'm saying here? Nobody's ever truly 100% guilty nor are they 100% guilt free. Everybody played a part in this mess whether they wanted to or not.

The mod team let Kiyo in as a mod. The forum, the community, fed into Kiyo's bullshit and attacked and hated without looking at the bigger picture. Kiyo did Kiyo. And now we're here.

The point is, the folks celebrating? They're no better. Every person here played a role in all of this. And this entire event was all one big ugly fuck up. And now? Because I'm the only mother fucker here who calls her a friend I'm the one who's going to worry. I'm the one who's going to try to be as decent as I can in all this and support her because right now she's in a real bad fucking state.

And that's what pisses me off. Nobody ever looks in the mirror. Nobody ever fucking thinks about shit like this. Nobody ever thinks about the part they may have played in the mess of shit.

But what's done is done. I'm going to pick my shit up and keep rolling. I just figured I'd try to show the other persepctive here because there's always two sides to a story. Always.

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 17, 2015, 02:00:16 AM

Quote from: Kupo on January 17, 2015, 01:53:00 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 17, 2015, 01:51:18 AM

Quote from: Kupo on January 17, 2015, 01:48:00 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 17, 2015, 01:46:40 AM

Fine. You folks keep holding your fucking grudges. Not my fucking business. The past isn't either because I wasn't around for it. And once again none of you seem to fucking get it.

"the past"

You mean fucking yesterday?

Well considering it's yesterday, you're damn fucking right it's the past. It's done and over with now to be sure.

Yep. Time to let it go, Sandtrap.

You remember when Dusty boy single handedly sunk the fundraiser a friend of mine set up over at Bungie? It took me a day to cool my shit off. One day, and things were back to normal.

I acknowledge that dusty boy is spiteful grudge holding sack of old sacks and that he's a "troll." But I hold no ill will and don't go out of my way to attack him. It took me one day to get over the fact that he wandered over there and sunk a thread.

I don't hold grudges. Not for long. And either should you folks.

But it's your choice. See where it fucking gets you. Toxicity breeds more toxicity. Just you fucking watch.

>accusations

This was Cheat's decision. Take it up with him. Don't drag the rest of us into your bullshit.

I won't. But considering that there's still worse folks wandering around here, and the way this community treats people, both people inside the community, and newcomers, is a tell of what's going to happen in the future. This place is not a welcoming place.

It's not a welcoming place for people who've been here for a while because you get drama and shit like this. And it's not welcoming for outsiders because the community itself is inherently hostile on almost every level. So shit's a mess now. Well, actually it isn't. Not for you folks. Kiyo is long gone at this point. And unfortunatly for me I'm her friend and I'm damn worried about what's up on her end of things now. So that's my business now. Keep an eye out and make sure things are okay and help if I can because I can tell she's in a really bad way right now.

And as for this place? Well, just you wait. Mark my fucking words. This has nothing to do with this latest batch of drama. This has to do with the fact that overall and in general, this place is hostile on all fronts. And just like Kiyo getting what she put out, this place will too.

And, like Kiyo, it has good sides. But it's going to fall apart. This place has made that abundantly clear by now.

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 17, 2015, 01:46:40 AM

Fine. You folks keep holding your fucking grudges. Not my fucking business. The past isn't either because I wasn't around for it. And once again none of you seem to fucking get it.

"the past"

You mean fucking yesterday?

Well considering it's yesterday, you're damn fucking right it's the past. It's done and over with now to be sure.

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 16, 2015, 11:54:24 PM

The amount of flak she got for just being Kiyo always seemed ridiculous. She may have had her ugly moments but compared to the other real pieces of fucking work around here, she was pretty fucking mild. And looking at these comments is just sad. Fuckin' hell way to hold a grudge people. Way to hold onto something so trivial and pointless and run it into the fucking ground.

A month or so back, I talked to Kiyo before I resigned as monitor. And she told me that she was considering leaving her mod position. She didn't like dealing with all the drama, and most of all, she was tired of feeling unwelcome. And you can't say that she wasn't.

>harassing users
>revealing anons

Playing the victim card, I see.

Nobody's fucking perfect. Give me a fucking break dude. I've done some stupid shit too. Everybody has. A lot of the stupid shit I've done was done because I was unbalanced too. It's a mood you slip into without even seeing it.

Regardless it's no excuse. And yet you can'y lay the blame entirely either.

The bottom line is, nobody is scott free 100%. But that doesn't mean there's no irrideemable qualities in people. Nobody's completely good, and nobody's completely bad. And I acknowledge that Kiyo had some bad sides.

But what you folks don't seem to recognize is that there were good ones too. They were just damn well hidden under a lot of pain and hurt.

I'd just like to say a few words here. I understand in the past that you folks have had bad run-ins with Kiyo. I can't point any fingers or rightfully decide what's true or not because I wasn't there for the problems. And I won't because it's none of my business. However. What is my business is that Kiyo is a friend to me.

The amount of flak she got for just being Kiyo always seemed ridiculous. She may have had her ugly moments but compared to the other real pieces of fucking work around here, she was pretty fucking mild. And looking at these comments is just sad. Fuckin' hell way to hold a grudge people. Way to hold onto something so trivial and pointless and run it into the fucking ground.

A month or so back, I talked to Kiyo before I resigned as monitor. And she told me that she was considering leaving her mod position. She didn't like dealing with all the drama, and most of all, she was tired of feeling unwelcome. And you can't say that she wasn't.

It's like as soon as somebody heard the name Kiyo pitchforks were brought out and doors were locked.

Worst of all, Kiyo doesn't say much about her personal life. So I'll say it for her. She's been fighting off depression for a while now. She's in the same fight I am right now. It's nobody's fault here about what happened. And ultimately it was her choice.

But when you're depressed everything hits you harder. Everything has more weight and you're just not up for some things you can normally take.

So Kiyo is gone. The only other place I talked to her was on Skype. And she removed me. That's unsettling. That's very unsettling. At least, when I'm in the middle of a mood swing and being all screwy, I notify friends about what's coming.

But she was upset enough to remove me which means that this, if it wasn't obvious before, hit her hard. And now I'm worried about her because I know that she had me as a friend, one other person I vaguely know by name, and maybe, maybe a few others.

So now I'm going to try and pick up the pieces because that's what I do. I'm not pointing fingers or blaming anybody. All of these things are people's choices. But right now, counting up the list, this site has taken and cut off several friends of mine from my contact.

Noelle, Vien, Floppytub. And now Kiyo.

Admirals is wound up in his own life and so is Goji. So all that really leaves is Nuka and frankly I'm surprised he's still around here today considering all the bullshit.

But the bottom line here is, I'm tired of this crap. People here say and do things without ever really wagering what they stand to do and the harm they can cause. And some of you, naturally, will say that words are just words and that this is the internet. Stop taking it so seriously. That's fair.

But words hold more ability than you think. Words are everything. Words were never designed to be empty and devoid of feeling. And they never are used for that purpose. Words are used when somebody wants to speak their mind and get their point across. And on the internet, free of physical boundries and limitations it's easier to to let all the ugly shit in your head out. It's easy to be a troll or an asshole because there are no consequences. Not consequences that you can visibly see.

You don't see what your words do to some people on the other side of the screen. Maybe Kiyo could have done more to brighten up her appearance for people. And I feel like she genuinely tried. She for the most part avoided or tried to avoid doing shit that got her the reputation she had in the first place.

And nobody ever fucking stopped and thought about the fact that maybe all those boos and jeers on her name had an effect on her. I'll tell you something interesting.

Kiyo approached me one day, out of the blue. I'd heard the rumors. Heard the stories. And already knew of her reputation. But I said hello with open arms and no bias and I found a friend. I found much more than I ever expected to find from her as a friend.

The petty and spiteful nature of some of the people here and on bungie.net, in fact, in general, is disgusting to me. I could name names here and now. And I'm sitting right on the edge of losing my shit to another mood swing because I am fed up with people's bullshit. This site has generated so much bullshit and it's always the mother fuckers who cause the real trouble that get away with it scott free.

But I'm not letting that happen. I'm not going to explode because I have something to look forward to now. I'm a little bit more lively at good news from a good doctor. But right now I am not impressed. I am not impressed with you folks. But I won't raise a fuss or cause trouble because it's pointless.

Instead, I'm going to see what I can do for a friend of mine because at the moment, unlike you folks, I can see and I know how hard this hit Kiyo. Everybody makes mistakes and I'm sure if I was involved in some of the drama she stirred up in the past maybe I'd see things differently. Maybe I'd be part of the crowds that instantly shun her name on sight.

Maybe not. Because I seem to be the only mother fucker here who knows when to let go of a grudge. And I try my best not to cause shit. But you're making it difficult Sep7agon. You're making it really fucking difficult these days.