Jesus christ I conked out. I thought the title was best friends.

You confused the shit out of me when you linked me to a bunch of threads. On topic Chalk, I can't say. I've no memory of anything special that particularily stands out.

A friend of mine has chronic depression, tried to kill herself a few days ago.
It's really rough, and I wish I could just make it known how much these people who suffer matter.

But this isn't about how you think. It's how you feel, and that feeling of worthlessness just shows up. There is no rationality to it, you can even know 100% that it is not true, yet, it still does its damage.

All I can say is, never forget that there are people who value you Sandtrap.

I certainly don't. I never have. When I get down, I don't lose any sense of self worth. I just...get down. Everything just loses its strength to me. I don't lose any sense of self worth because I don't have any. I never have. In fact I think it's the only thing that's kept me going over time.

I've looked at it, and I've studied it. But I'm reluctant to tell any docs about it, or close people in person. Mainly because both would try to change it. And personal people in my life. Well, I couldn't do that to them. Wouldn't want to see the reaction on their faces and I wouldn't want to make them feel so astronomically shitty.

And see, that's my point.

I have no self worth of myself. But I put worth in people and what I can do for them. I can't say that I hate myself because I don't think I have the stomach to hate anything. But, I don't like myself very much.

And that's what's always given me the extra boot in the ass to keep going. I have never, ever, in my life met any pain or obstacle in my way that I didn't go through, because of how much I care for others around me. It's what keeps me on my feet.

Because if I keel over or just sit down and give up, nobody is going to do the job that I do. Nobody's going to step in place and fill my shoes, and do what I can do, to the extent that I do it, or for the reasons that I do it.

Personally, I don't think I ever will quit. Not as long as I have somebody in my sights that I can take care of or help. But, what bugs me now, is that I will never be rid of this. It'll be here with me, every single day, every single night. I'll have to fight to keep it in check, and hidden from friends so I don't pull them down with me.

I'll have to put up with this feeling, until I die. Depending on how much time I'm granted by whatever other cancers choose to persist with me as I get older, that could be a long time.

Personally, it doesn't add to my list of cheerful things to wake up to in the morning. And some days, I honestly wish I was as stupid as people have called me, because then I'd be happily content and unaware of the ugly, but finer details in things.

I've been running around all over lately. I'm on my week off here and I still can't seem to catch a break. Running around and I'm working in a million little pieces all at once. Anyway. I've had docs checking in on me and all that stuff and a while back I got in touch with a psychologist. Anyway.

No surprise there after all this time, doc says I've got chronic depression after our talks. I can't say that I'm surprised. But it's strange to hear it out loud. To sort of officially christen it with a title and make it known. I've been fighting it on my own for years. And of course, since me and the doc discovered it we've been working out stuff to try and curb it, at least.

But, at the same time, here I am. I don't want to fight with it anymore. I've given it everything I have. And it's just not a simple on off switch. When it comes, it comes, and nothing stops it. And now that it's got this official sort of title to it. I'm fucking tired of it. And, naturally, with my tendency to adamantly stay away from people, with my ability to write.

I just bleed. It bleeds into my writing, it bleeds into my head and just takes a wrench and destroys everything. And the only people I can talk to, really, are acquaintances on the internet. Guess what happens there? I just bleed out over and over and over again with no god damn end in sight and the people I call friends call it quits because they can't take it, and try as hard as I can, I can't put a stop to it.

It's just, always there. I give myself every fucking reason not to give in and this still pushes me over without effort. I'm tired of it. It sucks all my willpower away and it just feeds itself. I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I don't know how I can fight it. I'd say that it's pissing me off but all it really does is just make me sad. God dammit.

I'm aware of it. I've been fighting it off for years. And....I don't even know what to say. It's not a victim complex. It's like.....nothing. I just go straight down. And everything feeds it. This isn't a whiny-pity type deal kind of talk. I don't want pity and I'm not searching for it.

But....this is crushing to me. I'm lost on ideas and willpower here no matter where I turn. This shit just shows up and makes a mess of me as it pleases. And the only reason I'm saying this right now is because of my tendency to write freely, which is both a blessing and a curse because I just bleed all over the place in my writing, basically.

Do whatever you want with this thread. Tell your own stories of depression. Say stupid shit or insults or whatever. I just needed to put this out there because I refuse to shoulder it on anybody else directly but I can't keep it locked up either. Move it, lock it, do as you please, whatever.

Lol I tried to take a nap. 20 minutes later I get called up.

Mein brother in law's water trailer broke apart on the way home. Gonna drive out there and help him stuff the fucking tank into his truck or buy some towstraps to keep everything in place.

Perfect weather for it too. Rain and mud. Love the timing. Anyway. Bon voyage and good afternoon.

>snipers

My zigzagging skills are on point.
too bad my squad isn't -_-

Hmm, you're getting to some fun bits I think, soon.

By the way, you'd better play episode one and two as well. Good shit those episodes were. But 10 bucks says you won't like the ending of the main game very much.

Oh come on guys, missed oppurtunity here. Get two female celebrities, doesn't matter who, just so long as they're really opposed on opposite sides of a subject.

Preferably they have to look good.

Grab popcorn, sit back, and watch the catfight. Sell the tapes of torn dresses, hair pulling, and nipple slips for millions.

I counted down the seconds until Mercury got hit as my hype aescended critical levels.

Go nigga go!

Also, good morning. Afternoon technically.

Quote from: Verbatim on July 26, 2015, 10:23:07 AM

i really despise our culture's infatuation with tattoos

i would never get one

i mean, it's to the point where people have been asking me, "when are you gonna get a tattoo?"

no, not "ARE you gonna get a tattoo"

"WHEN are you gonna get a tattoo"

it's like... fuck you, never
why would i want to have an ugly-ass picture on my skin that i can't rub off, and hurts when i get it?...

That usually shuts them up.

You sound like you're surrounded by friends who aren't actually your friends. And if it's fucking random ass people, what the fuck?

Quote from: challengerX on July 28, 2015, 06:30:16 AM

Quote from: Winy on July 27, 2015, 08:47:08 AM

Nobody's getting hurt

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

Nobody is getting hurt.

If you commit suicide over it, that's your fault. Not the disorder's.

Oh, and the people who hurt/abuse them. But what kind of idiotic load of cuntshit is that?
"Transgenderism hurts people! I should know, because I just beat my son to death for being transgendered!"

Verb, don't fuck this dead corpse of a thread any more than it already has been. By the way you forgot something.

Challenger or Beeny will most likely respond with something along the lines of mental agitation of the parents for fostering a kid with a disorder or, of course, "body mutilation" as operations take place, counting them as things that hurt others.

There's a dead end to this thread. It's going nowhere. Leave it to its grave man.

Yeah.

Go and claim that your name is Dee Z. Nuuuts.

Two roads to pick on that one. Irritating people, of course, I can understand wanting to punch somebody like that. But then again, Buzz could have played his game and caught him speechless.

He could've easily, in just a few seconds, put his hand on the bible and sworn by it. I betcha, it would have caught the guy completely off guard because he went in there beforehand, most likely knowing that Buzz likely wouldn't have done it.

You play their game and catch them right off guard right there. And if all else fails, then you punch them out.

At that point, you can't say that you didn't try.

Ya know, holding any sort of grudge of any kind to any degree on somebody or something is, well, pointless. And it's self harming because all you're doing is getting your undies in a twist while said reciever of a grudge never even recieves anything you put out.

Honey I Shrunk the Kids did the ant death better.

Can't they put something less goaty? Like a well-dressed Lucifer or something? The goat thing just got old.

Personally I think some tits would do well.

Mix things up a little bit. Confuse people.