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Messages - Sandtrap
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10801
« on: September 15, 2014, 02:09:45 PM »
Is there something about Autumn?
It's the light. And the way everything is. I know exactly when it's Autumn because I feel low as soon as I look at the environment. I can't explain it well enough. When I look around me in Autumn, I am uneasy, very much so. It's an anxiety, as I look through the trees with a thousand yard stare, they've gone grey and cold. Even the sky, on the brightest days, is hollow. I've gone through all this before, but this year, I've had too many troubles happen at once and too many worries.
That's a shame, autumn is a nice mild season. Was it always like that?
Always. Not even being in other provinces or other parts of the country changed it.
I don't know what to say really. Chin up, dude. If you start feeling stressed then at least control your breathing; deep, slow breaths. Your brain physically can't remain distressed if you do that.
I'm doing the best I can. I've gone through all this before, I know all the tricks and turnarounds that depression has done to me. It's a part of my own head that all this is coming from. But things are different this time around. Which is why I'm talking about it. I can't seem to slow down how fast I'm going downhill, in fact I can't even stop it. I can't beat this alone this time and the resolves I had last time which allowed me to climb up are no longer viable because of how much I've changed since then. All I can do is hope that I can make it through in one piece. At the very least, I have something on my side that I didn't before. My sense of humor is still here.
10802
« on: September 15, 2014, 01:45:50 PM »
Is there something about Autumn?
It's the light. And the way everything is. I know exactly when it's Autumn because I feel low as soon as I look at the environment. I can't explain it well enough. When I look around me in Autumn, I am uneasy, very much so. It's an anxiety, as I look through the trees with a thousand yard stare, they've gone grey and cold. Even the sky, on the brightest days, is hollow. I've gone through all this before, but this year, I've had too many troubles happen at once and too many worries.
That's a shame, autumn is a nice mild season. Was it always like that?
Always. Not even being in other provinces or other parts of the country changed it.
10803
« on: September 15, 2014, 01:34:30 PM »
Usually happens when I try to jump forum categories, look at threads, and when I reply to a topic. Usually every second try I do something I'll get the message.
10804
« on: September 15, 2014, 01:31:13 PM »
derp double post.
10805
« on: September 15, 2014, 01:30:36 PM »
Is there something about Autumn?
It's the light. And the way everything is. I know exactly when it's Autumn because I feel low as soon as I look at the environment. I can't explain it well enough. When I look around me in Autumn, I am uneasy, very much so. It's an anxiety, as I look through the trees with a thousand yard stare, they've gone grey and cold. Even the sky, on the brightest days, is hollow. I've gone through all this before, but this year, I've had too many troubles happen at once and too many worries.
10806
« on: September 15, 2014, 10:28:26 AM »
You and me both compatriot. I'm in shambles. Can't get my gears turning to complete my work. I can't write or draw nothin'
I thought you were a chef?
I cook for my restaurant. But my time and efforts are focused primarily on writing, and, recently, learning how to draw/paint.
Cool. What are you writing?
A story. Been writing stories now for a few years. Since I don't have any other use for my writing, I turn to things I spin up in my head. Places, people, times, that stuff.
Well, I hope we both recover.
I hope you do, at least. I already know what's happening on my end. I know how and why, and there's little I can do.
You don't want to say too much?
No. I'll say it. I'm slogging knee deep through a depression right now. I get down in the fall when it rolls in, and I stay that way until winter comes. It's an outside depression, not something I can deal with well. But right now it's feeding my own depression. I was in a really low spot a few years back, but I managed to recover. But I didn't beat it. It was always there, in the background. And these last couple of months have been hard. My insecurities, my doubts, are all just fuel for the fire now. And I know where I'm headed. Every day I get worse and worse. And I'm doing the best I can to fight it, but I can't. Last time, I had a goal, a reason to keep going. This time, I don't. It's only a matter of days before I start to get really down, and my perception of things shifts. Today I am angry, perpetually, because I'm trying to fight it. I'm trying to stand up, and do something. And none of it is working. But I'm stubborn. So, by the end of the day, or the evening, I'll feel burnt out out, beaten. And I'll go to sleep early, in the hopes that tomorrow will be better. And I know it won't. I'll get caught in the same trap, over and over.
10807
« on: September 15, 2014, 09:57:26 AM »
You and me both compatriot. I'm in shambles. Can't get my gears turning to complete my work. I can't write or draw nothin'
I thought you were a chef?
I cook for my restaurant. But my time and efforts are focused primarily on writing, and, recently, learning how to draw/paint.
Cool. What are you writing?
A story. Been writing stories now for a few years. Since I don't have any other use for my writing, I turn to things I spin up in my head. Places, people, times, that stuff.
Well, I hope we both recover.
I hope you do, at least. I already know what's happening on my end. I know how and why, and there's little I can do.
10808
« on: September 15, 2014, 09:55:25 AM »
You and me both compatriot. I'm in shambles. Can't get my gears turning to complete my work. I can't write or draw nothin'
I thought you were a chef?
I cook for my restaurant. But my time and efforts are focused primarily on writing, and, recently, learning how to draw/paint.
Cool. What are you writing?
A story. Been writing stories now for a few years. Since I don't have any other use for my writing, I turn to things I spin up in my head. Places, people, times, that stuff.
10809
« on: September 15, 2014, 09:48:18 AM »
You and me both compatriot. I'm in shambles. Can't get my gears turning to complete my work. I can't write or draw nothin'
I thought you were a chef?
I cook for my restaurant. But my time and efforts are focused primarily on writing, and, recently, learning how to draw/paint.
10810
« on: September 15, 2014, 09:36:14 AM »
You and me both compatriot. I'm in shambles. Can't get my gears turning to complete my work. I can't write or draw nothin'
10811
« on: September 14, 2014, 11:51:33 PM »
And I never asked you a question.
How many Smith programs can you solo at once?
10812
« on: September 14, 2014, 11:46:39 PM »
10 bucks says they messing with everybody.
10813
« on: September 14, 2014, 10:49:25 PM »
I've got chains dragging me down.
Tell me all about it.
Ok. For some semblence of what's left of my sense of humor, I will. I'm fighting a battle I can't win. When fall rolls in, a depression rolls in with it. It's an "outside" depression. Environmentally induced. And right now, it's feeding my own depression. I had it some years back, but I've made some good strides over the years. But it was never totally gone. And right now, I'm tearing myself apart. And the rational part of me, which is becoming clouded and skewed, can do nothing but sit and watch. It'll only be a matter of days at the most before I start to plummet, if I'm already not. I can see it. I am, broken. Can't think straight. No motivation. No energy. I'm sleeping, more, and more. And soon, things will begin to turn a shade of grey. When I look at my life, I realize that I am trapped. Last time I had this depression, I clawed my way out of it. I got up, and fought not for myself, but for my friends and family. I bettered myself for their sake, so that I could help them. But I don't have that this time. I have nowhere to turn. Being honest now, no lies, no tricks. I'm terrified of how fast this came in. And I can't beat it this time.
10814
« on: September 14, 2014, 10:41:02 PM »
Tim Allen snorted coke and punched a bunch of hookers and people still seem to like him, I'm sure you'll be fine.
Robert Downey Jr. was no picnic either.
10815
« on: September 14, 2014, 10:37:31 PM »
I've got chains dragging me down.
10816
« on: September 14, 2014, 10:33:27 PM »
Are you a man or a slave?
Is that a constant or a variable?
Fucking weeaboos derailing my threads.
Wtf dude.
What? I'm just complaining about these weebs derailing my threads.
Aye. I started it. Should have left that last bit out. Apologies.
10817
« on: September 14, 2014, 10:31:22 PM »
Look on the bright side compatriot. You won't have to pay for your xbox live for another three months. You can do a lot in three months.
Man, I really appreciate it. I can't thank you enough.
You'll come through. Money is everywhere. If you seek it, you will find it, eventually. You've just gotta keep a sharp eye out and an ear to the ground for things. Don't be afraid to take the small jobs either. Money has a habit of adding up faster than you'd think, just like it has a habit of disappearing. 20 bucks here, 10 there, and it'll start building up. I'm moving a stove tomorrow, 200 pound hunk of cast iron, for what I'd guess is roughly 20-30 bucks. On average, I make 110 dollars a week. 30 bucks will make this week 140. A job with a contractor, a days work, adds another 50. You'll find a way.
10818
« on: September 14, 2014, 10:20:50 PM »
Look on the bright side compatriot. You won't have to pay for your xbox live for another three months. You can do a lot in three months.
10819
« on: September 14, 2014, 07:58:21 PM »
I understand you. Don't let it get you down compatriot. At the very least, you know you provided a good life until the last. That's more than many can say or ever get.
10820
« on: September 14, 2014, 07:55:00 PM »
Mars seems way easier. I don't know how you could terraform Venus.
Mainly a matter of removing it's current atmosphere, how to do that is sort of all conceptual at the moment.
Better chances than Venus at least. Although, Mars has it's own problems. The dust on mars is different than ours, since it's composed of different minerals and such. Storms on mars last months, whipping up sand into the air, again, for months. This sand/dust is incredibly fine, which means any machinery on mars in a storm or facing weather like this on a yearly basis will break down fast.
And, there's the problem with thunder storms. All that dust and shit, particles rubbing around in the air makes so fucking nasty thunderstorms. Mars is cold, but it has it's own hot currents too. And I imagine if we started terraforming, this would only cause more troubles. Lighting and wind storms on mars would be fucking strong. Many times over what we have here.
Not to mention a lack of a (strong) magnetic field, theorised to have been lost due to solidification of Mars' core. Even if we were able to get to the point of creating an atmosphere somehow on Mars, Solar radiation would just strip it off.
Oh, and sunburn would be a bitch.
Mars is actually quite far off from colonization on a large scale than most know. If we had anything there, chances are we'd have to live in massive stations. It will be a long time before anyone can walk out on the surface of mars without a protective suit of any kind. And those moons out by the gas giants have their own troubles too. Jupiter puts out a fuck ton of radiation, so, again one of the moons people've been considering is off until we can find a way around that. And again, there's a terrain issue. As this particular moon orbits Jupiter, the fluctuations in gravity have a tidal effect on the moon. Instead of raising oceans however, the actual landmass shifts, rising and falling by about 300 feet. Building a structure to withstand that amount of tectonic activity is, almost impossible. And the one moon out by Neptune, although snowy and cold as fuck, has other problems. It's got some chemical composition in the snow different from our snow, and pockets of methane exist under the frozen snow. But there's enough light and heat, that when disturbed, either by heat or say, for example, somebody stepping on a pocket, that little bubble of methane and other gases explodes. People don't like to admit it, but really, all we really have is one world to call home in our system.
10821
« on: September 14, 2014, 07:39:39 PM »
Mars seems way easier. I don't know how you could terraform Venus.
Mainly a matter of removing it's current atmosphere, how to do that is sort of all conceptual at the moment.
Better chances than Venus at least. Although, Mars has it's own problems. The dust on mars is different than ours, since it's composed of different minerals and such. Storms on mars last months, whipping up sand into the air, again, for months. This sand/dust is incredibly fine, which means any machinery on mars in a storm or facing weather like this on a yearly basis will break down fast. And, there's the problem with thunder storms. All that dust and shit, particles rubbing around in the air makes some fucking nasty thunderstorms. Mars is cold, but it has it's own hot currents too. And I imagine if we started terraforming, this would only cause more troubles. Lighting and wind storms on mars would be fucking strong. Many times over what we have here.
10822
« on: September 14, 2014, 07:33:08 PM »
6 o clock over here. 21 degrees F.
OH MY GOD YOU LUCKY BASTARD! I want to be like 20 degrees F every day of the year here. :^(
It's going to hit the fucking shitter soon. We'll be hitting -4F in a few weeks.
Why can't California be this cold?
Dammit, this is one this Canada and the US have which civilized Europe doesn't. Which is super cold weather.
Trust me. You don't want none of this shit. It's going to go lower than that too. I can feel it. Winter's going to roll in with a sack of frozen puppies and a sledgehammer and start beating everybody with them.
10823
« on: September 14, 2014, 07:26:50 PM »
6 o clock over here. 21 degrees F.
OH MY GOD YOU LUCKY BASTARD! I want to be like 20 degrees F every day of the year here. :^(
It's going to hit the fucking shitter soon. We'll be hitting -4F in a few weeks.
10824
« on: September 14, 2014, 07:25:01 PM »
I am a professional wime taster.
10825
« on: September 14, 2014, 07:24:07 PM »
 Meanwhile, on the east coast...
my dick
What about the little guy?
It's playing hide and seek. Don't make it happy though. It gets a little hard to handle.
10826
« on: September 14, 2014, 07:21:25 PM »
Mars, and perhaps by extension, a few moons with the possibility of oceans beneath their ice, are the only chances we really have. But Venus is out of the question. It's atmosphere is both toxic,acidic, and dense like an ocean.
The probes that they sent that made the journey and survived either melted from the heat and extreme corrosion in the clouds, or were crushed before they even hit the surface. Because of how thick it's atmosphere is, that means it's denser than ours, and the closer you get to the surface, the more oceans worht of weight you have sitting on top of you.
Venus will likely never be set foot upon by us, any time soon.
Venus's upper atmosphere has temperature and pressure ranges very close to Earth. Since oxygen is a lifting gas in CO2 there have been proposals to have floating cities like Bespin. There wouldn't be problems with bone
degration from low gravity and its a shorter trip from Earth.
Why anyone would want to live in a balloon floating above boilng oceans of acid there is another matter, but its possible.
Fuck that. As it stands, our aircraft today are well built, the best we can currently get them. But they're a tad iffy every now and again. Especially malaysia's as of late. And they want to build a damn floating city. I wouldn't set foot on there unless it was solid Venusian ground first.
10827
« on: September 14, 2014, 07:13:49 PM »
6 o clock over here. 21 degrees F.
10828
« on: September 14, 2014, 06:23:25 PM »
Enough value that I would give my own for somebody, anybody else's if need be. Enough that I devote my time, my efforts, and my life to doing the best I can to make the lives better of those I call friends and family. I will do all that I can to ensure that they have a future, not one of troubles and problems, but one of safety, and content.
Life, all life in general, is something special. It's a fleeting moment, something less then a speck of dust compared to the lifetime of the universe around us. And until proven otherwise, it's the best course to assume that the life we have in our hands is the only life we will ever have, and when it's gone, that's it. So while I am here, I will struggle, and toil, and fight to make something better for those around me. I will do my best to preserve the life that I find, no matter how small. And for the life that I have to take and consume in order to keep myself alive, I am thankful for that sacrifice, that cost.
10829
« on: September 14, 2014, 05:25:43 PM »
Do the best that you can.
10830
« on: September 14, 2014, 05:18:27 PM »
It could very well be a "disorder." Our brains are complicated things, and you switch one set of wires for another, and you get something different.
But, now I ask, does it really matter? Let's just assume it's a disorder. Compared to most other disorders, it's pretty damn mild isn't it? Trans gendered folks aren't overly aggressive, or psychotic, or wired with self destructive neural patterns by nature. All it is, is the association with what sex they are.
And, on that last note, who really cares? People modify their bodies all the time. Piercings. Tattoos. Prosthetics. Fuck, if things keep going eventually, we'll have fully functioning cyborgs.
Is wanting to modify and shift your body from one sex to another really so wrong, when compared to all the other things I mentioned? People can cover their entire bodies in tattoos, making themselves works of art or horror shows. Piercings emulate this as well. Prosthetics replace body parts that are missing. And eventually, Humankind will begin lobbing off body parts willingly for synthetic ones.
It'll be a pretty fucking sad day when and if trans-gendered folks have such stigmas against them and at the same time, we have people lobbing off body parts for machine ones.
In the end, all it comes down to, is it your business anyway? Who the fuck cares what others wish to do with their bodies?
So, yes, it may be a disorder. But is it a big issue, let alone one at all? No.
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