Quote from: Sandtrap on September 28, 2014, 11:35:29 PM

Quote from: TBlocks on September 28, 2014, 11:33:41 PM

Quote from: Sandtrap on September 28, 2014, 11:13:00 PM

Quote from: TBlocks on September 28, 2014, 11:10:15 PM

I feel so sorry for you...
You are easily one of the most thoughtful, intelligent, and wise person here.
Save me some Maple Syrup eh? c;

I know the recipe for Quebec maple syrup fudge. I'd give it to you.

Spoiler

But you'll have to pry it from my cold dead hands.

You're quite the comedian eh?
I gotta say these jokes make me lol and cry at the same time.

It's all I've got left.

Literally.

Soon to be bankrupt, no job, no home, not even a life!

You really could've used a hobby YA know?

I wrote stories. I attempted to learn drawing. Still am.

Quote from: Sandtrap on September 28, 2014, 11:24:30 PM

Quote from: Ryle on September 28, 2014, 11:23:15 PM

Quote from: Sandtrap on September 28, 2014, 11:22:32 PM

Dude. It's my lungs that are going. Not my shoulders. They're going to say, "let's start with the chest cavity."

sooo

start with the pectoral muscles or...

Knock yourself out. As long as you don't sell my bad organs to anybody.

oh, my claws aren't that sharp

Oh great. So it'll be like sandpaper.

1/10 Autopsy wouldn't do it again

Dude. It's my lungs that are going. Not my shoulders. They're going to say, "let's start with the chest cavity."

I feel so sorry for you...
You are easily one of the most thoughtful, intelligent, and wise person here.
Save me some Maple Syrup eh? c;

I know the recipe for Quebec maple syrup fudge. I'd give it to you.

Perfection is in the eye of the beholder. What you call a perfect blowjob would be different through my eyes. Variables in sensitive cells and skin sensitivity mean that you and I would never feel the same thing.

Problem solved.

Quote from: TBlocks on September 28, 2014, 04:24:08 PM

Quote from: Sentra on September 28, 2014, 04:21:57 PM

Quote from: TBlocks on September 28, 2014, 04:19:10 PM

My questions is this: Do you love anyone?

Contrary to what a lot of idiots on this site like believe, yes I do. I'm just nowhere near as open about my personal life as others like Sandtrap are.

Ok, that's kinda what I thought you would say. c:
My next thought then is why you seem to be so cold towards some users.

Spoiler

I suspect it's just the way you view relations over the internet but perhaps I'm wrong.

There's a lot of reasons why I'm cold to certain users here. Most of it has to do with the stupidity they post on a daily basis (Noel). Others it's because they don't seem to be genuine, like Sandtrap for example. All these threads about him planning to kill himself and all these other terrible things happening to him sound so unreal to me, which is why I was not sympathetic in that one thread to him.

Never was planning on offing myself. But I've had a dark outlook on things as of late. And you know what? It is unreal, isn't it? I mean, fucking really? All of this? Something out of a nightmare. You can believe all you'd like, and nobody can change that but you. But I'm sitting here, looking at all of it. And that's why I decided to speak up. To seek attention. Because it's just not something I can rightfully fight all at once.

But problems are like that. They have a way of suddenly adding up and multiplying. I hope you don't ever land in such a situation. Any of you for that matter. But, you're not wrong in your words Sentra. Maybe cold on the delivery, but we can't all be so kind can we? I won't try to prove anything to you, and I don't ask for your sympathies. Because I don't all this to feed into the darker side of my thoughts at the moment.

But like I said, my offer still stands. If I kick the bucket, and there's an afterlife, I'll be waiting. Drinks on me.

I'll be going to sleep now. Now then, it'd be nice if you and all the other folks would quit being dammicky. See ya around.

Quote from: Sandtrap on September 28, 2014, 03:59:50 PM

Quote from: Gatsby on September 28, 2014, 03:56:09 PM

We need a kick starter for sandtrap

No, you don't. I have it covered. If I can keep my job for even a week, combining that with my savings, I'll have roughly 10,000 dollars to give to my family. That will erase all of our current heavy debts and stabilize everything for the winter.

I thought you family was $60,000 in debt.

That heavy debt is a slow burn. It's a mortgage. But right now there's a whole bunch of other things that suck down all available money and leave none to put in the mortgage. If my mother can't pay the mortgage then we're fucked four ways from sunday. No job, no home.

I can pay all the here and now debts off in one shot with the savings for my home, things will sort themselves out.

Don't be sorry for me. If it all lead up to this, then that's the way it goes. If anything, I should have fucking listened about keeping an eye out and keeping my hands clean at all times. Restaurant business is a bitch for colds. Never would have had any of this if I wasn't sick in the first place.

Look on the bright side. I can make lots of puns about myself before I go. Death will not stop my rather dangerous sense of humor.

I'll be here all week folks!

Aw come on guys. Move on with your lives.

I know I am. Lol.

I come home from work to all this.... good lord. It makes me think though.

Sentra does have a point. He is right. It is attention whoring. But I need it. I need to feel like I'm not alone in this. Friends are hard to come by for me, and while my family is always there for me, they are my family. So much depends and rides on my actions. Personally, I don't want to show them the sorry state of mind I'm in. Not with this riding on top of me.

So, you can say what you like Sentra. You can call me out on it. Because that's what it is. I need attention. I don't want to feel alone with this. And so I throw my woes out to the void of the internet. It is, one horrible mess after another. So if you want, call me an attention whore.

But know that you're wasting your breath. You can't say anything that would hurt me or make me feel any worse. Because life has bestowed death on me. The greatest of insults. The end of the road. You can't say or do anything that would make me feel any worse than what I sit here, and face right now.

As I sit here, still in my work gear, and I eat my bowl of yogurt, and I take this cocktail of drugs from the doctor, I can feel it. When I breathe. My throat is on fire as air passes through it because it's enflamed. There's a slight pain in my lungs, in my chest. And I keep coughing.

I'm trying to cough up the bile that's beginning to form in my lungs. My body is acting like I'm drowning. And I'm tired. I'm fighting two infections at once. My own self doubt is eating away at me, and I can't help but wonder even if I survive this, where will I go with my life? How could I make it worth living? Worth something.

So yes, I'm an attention whore. But be happy Sentra. In three weeks, most likely less, I will likely be dead. And you won't ever have to hear from me and my troubles again. A voice across the internet, across a screen, will go quiet. A buzz in your ears that annoys you will go dark.

Tell you what chum. If there's an afterlife of any kind, I'll be waiting for you. I'll buy drinks. And we can talk about what embarrassing lives we lead, and what simple little thing toppled it all and killed us.

But you are right in your points, at least. The more folks that give me their best wishes, the worse I feel. I can't sleep at night because this is on my head. At the very best, three weeks.  21 days. In 21 days or less, this is likely the end of the road for me.

So I'm going to stop posting my woes. I got the attention I wanted, and it didn't help.

Oh jesus, enough with the attention-seeking. You already made a thread a few weeks ago saying you were going to start a job and stop posting or you were just going to kill yourself. What do you have planned for us next?

Nothin' much. Enjoy my time here while I have it. Work on that nice old job I found until I can't. Try to relax when I can.

And, give or take, in three weeks, I won't be here anymore. I might come back, might not.

Wanna celebrate?

You will pull through. Keep that thought on top of all others. You will pull through.

All I can do is try. That's all I've ever done. This time might be different though. I need a good cosmic coin toss on my side.

I'm the sibling to my sister.

I've had pneumonia a few times over, and I am still alive. I am sure you can soldier on.

Also:

YouTube

So have I. I've even had Mono before. But i never had it when my lungs were already crippled. Normally, when I step outside when it's too humid or cold, my lungs seize up. The simplest things make me sound like a fat guy trying to go up the stairs.

Right now, I'm a mess. I can hardly even step outside.

I can feel it, when I breathe.

I have three weeks. At the very best condition, I have three weeks before I will have to be hospitalized.

I can say that I will try to look up to things. But that's all I can offer.

I cough in your general direction.

*poked with bacteria*