Well folks, I've started a little project. I'm taking pictures of the area around me, for some friends of mine. And I figure, why not show them to you all as well?

I'm no photographer, and this camera doesn't do justice to what my eyes see. But I can write. So I'm going to show you a piece of my world now. And I'm going to bring to life what lives in the air on a day like today. Keep in mind, this is a fall morning. Sometimes, you get entire days like this. This is a piece of the world I live in. And all I did was drive south down one single road for 5 minutes.

The start of my little trip, at 8o'clock


So, got those pictures fresh on your mind? Okay then. Just sit back, and listen.

You wake up in the morning, to cold. It's not a piercing cold, but one that surrounds you, clings to you. A dampness in the air as the fog is almost rain. You look out to the grey skies, and the fields and trees, and you just don't feel like anything. So, you huddle up, and make a fire. This is a heat you've probably never known before. It's not nourishing like the sunshine. It's not dry like electric heat. It's pure, simple fire. It burns, consumes, and generates a warmth so pure, a limited aura around the fireplace that all you want to do is just sit there, close to it, never wanting that feeling to end.

But, you get up, and you go back to bed. Pull the blankets over you, and let the heat fill up the space around you. And you go back to sleep. Because you can.

Or, you wake up, and in a quiet space, in the heat and shelter of a little home, you sit down at a table, stretch your legs out, turn on some music, and you draw. Or read. Do some paperwork for something. Stop by your favorite internet places. Play something on your good old game console. And outside, in the chill, and the fog, all day long, with bits of rain coming down on the metal roof that you can hear, and the sound of water on windows, you're safe. You're in this little place, and you can do whatever you want.

Or, if you're feeling adventurous, you get in your car or truck, and you drive. Listen to your music, the sound of rain on the roof of your vehicle, crank up the heat, and you just go, out into the fog.

And suddenly, you spot a patch of forest. And you get out of your truck, and you go out there into the quiet woods, to the sound of birds, and rain on the trees, while the fog surrounds you, clings to you, makes your clothes damp.

And then, when you're done, you go home. You go home to that little fire, and that little space, that's always there. Safe, and warm.

That's my life. This is what I can almost.... almost just reach. You can do all of what I said above, just because you can. This is my world. I know that maybe it sounds a little too easy. And yes, that's true. A lot of work is needed up here to survive. But there are days like this for me.

And so, we come to the end of our ride.

I leave you, with the best picture I took today.

Enjoy such great matches like Obama vs Charlie Sheen and Snowden vs Waldo.

Walks in the door. Gives me a face like


Imma gonna have a good day Flood. Oh yes indeed. I haven't moved my legs with work in a long while. I can feel all that life in me bones. I wanna move. Oho you don't even know what I've got planned.

To make this half assed relevant, discuss your good days.

This cup. For in this cup, is damn good coffee.

Woke up with no motor skills, half a functioning noggin, and really, I don't think I woke up at all.

Discuss your favorite coffees.

So you folks are worried about Ebola right? Let's talk about Enterovirus D68. A rare little respitory infection that's making its way across Canada and the states in droves. This virus spreads like the common cold, shows symptoms like the common cold until the advanced stages, and targets children more than adults.

In BC the virus claimed it's first adult victim today, a man with asthma.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/enterovirus-d68-linked-to-death-of-b-c-man-with-asthma-1.2803626

Cases are also beginning to pop up in Ontario, Alberta, Nova Scotia, and several potential cases have been noted in Quebec. In the states, there's a party as well. From mid-August to October 17, 2014, CDC or state public health laboratories have confirmed a total of 825 people in 46 states and the District of Columbia with respiratory illness caused by EV-D68.
http://www.cdc.gov/non-polio-enterovirus/outbreaks/EV-D68-outbreaks.html

Most of the victims are children, as the virus has a higher chance of infecting them, with roughly 15% of infected being put into intensive care. Kids and adults with respitory and heart problems have a higher chance of death and severe reactions to it.

So, basically, wash your god damn hands people. It's cold and flu season.

You can't tell me something's not there.

Back home now. Getting settled in after saying hello to everybody. But, I'd like to say something. Talk about what happened with me in the hospital. Because a lot did. I need this off of me. I need this, out of my head. So I'll tell all of you, here and now, what I see, what I realize, and what I know I have to do.

First, let's start with why I ended up in the hospital. You could say it was bad luck. Weakened lungs. Puking up food that damaged my throat. You could chalk it up to me not washing my hands at the right time. But the truth is, it was me. It's always been me. At my core, I've always been broken. And I'll tell you why. I work. Some of you know that. Maybe you even know that I push myself. But you don't know why I work. You don't know why I push myself against physical injuries, and debilitating things. And that's why I ended up in the hospital. Because I waited too long. I pushed my body, myself, to the breaking point. I added funds to my personal savings, until I had 10,000 dollars. And then I gave it all away to stabilize my mother and her debts.

Why would anyone do that? Why would I do that? 10,000 dollars, enough to bargain for a piece of land, that I took years to save up for, gone, in an instant. Why would I work so hard, when I needed rest to help fight the sickness in me? I'll tell you why. It's because of my base foundation. My entire reason for living, and my entire life. Years back, when I was depressed, a few days from jumping off my town's radio tower, a thought occurred to me. I realised, that if I jumped, I would be hurting the people who loved me. And then I saw it. I had already hurt them. These people, they loved me. Cared for me. Put their trust in me. And I slipped. I let them down. And so I realised, that if I jumped, I truly would be a bastard, truly selfish, worth nothing. And when I looked at the mountain I would have to climb, I wanted to jump. It would take so much work. And I was lazy and selfish.

But one thought, one alone changed my mind. Do it for them. If not for yourself, then do it for them. Take back every year, every month, every week, day, hour, minute, right down to the last second. Take it all back, and return it to them. Fight for them, and make something better for them, because as people, they were the ones that deserved it. And that's exactly what I did. I pulled myself up, alone, out of my depression. And I did it for them. Not for myself. And that's how it's been ever since. I work so hard, and push myself a little further to the grave each time because I believe I'm a failure. And I will work to make up for the time that I wasted and took from them.

But I realise it now. This needs to change. I need to care about more. I need to care about the one thing I never cared about. And that's me. I need to realise, that I have something to lose. But I also have something to gain. And I need to fight not just for them, but for me. For the days that I can live for, and enjoy.


Second, is related to my friends, who I address here and now. It's related to Smiggles, Floppytub, Noelle, Vien, and now, at the late endgame, Admirals. These five people have helped me define myself a little better over the past six months. Smiggles was the first person I opened up to. Shared with something of mine that I kept a secret. She gave me the power and the guts to leap forward. Floppytub, has read a lot of my stories. He gave me the power and homeliness of familiarity. I became more attuned to what I did and wrote. Began to like what I did. Vien gave me the comfort of knowledge. Knowledge that I wasn't alone out there in my tastes. If I wasn't alone, and there was even one person out there even a fraction like me, then there could be others. Noelle gave me the power of realisation. The realisation of how special every one of our minds is, an appreciation for who and what we are, which is something that we cannot change, no matter how hard we fight it. And Admirals, taught me acceptance. Accepting the affinity for oneself, and letting yourself go, to work and do what you truly love.

So where does this all lead? It leads to the fact that I am alone. I enjoy my quiet, and my solitude. But I don't want to be alone anymore. I want to look into the eyes of another, and see behind them, a mind that is like mine. Most of all, I want somebody to look at me, and accept me for who and what I am, and share it with me, my dreams and my good days, all of it. I want to share the experience. I want a friend. And, in time, maybe someone who is more than that. Smiggles, Floppytub, Vien, Noelle, and Admirals, you have all been the closest friends I've ever had save for Quiet. But that's the problem. I met all of you over the safety of the internet. The internet, a place where any and all could give voice to their thoughts without repurcussion. A place where I could set my mind free, without any insecurities. But that's the problem. All of you, are thousands of miles away from me. You are all great people. But you can't ever substitue for real physical and social interaction. The internet can never do that. And that's what I lack. I need to step out into the world, and look for somebody who I can interact with on a level like all of you.

And now I know I need to turn a bit more of myself away from the internet, and search in the real world around me for somebody. And it will be hard. Because I'm an introvert. I don't travel. And I will live in close proximity to my family, to take care of them. But most importantly, I need more than just the base that I have. I need to have something to show, and something to anchor somebody to me. And the best chance is art and writing. I need to grab them, study them, and push them as far as I can take them. Through these interests, I will have a better chance of meeting somebody like me. And when I see them, I'll have to make the first step. Take the initiative. Because if they're like me, they won't take the first step.

And third, and finally, I realise that I have a responsibility, as a writer. When I write something, whether it be a paragraph, or a story, somebody will read it. And through my words, emotions will come. People will feel something. Think something. These emotions, and these thoughts that come out of what I have written are not fake. They are real. They are physical things that affect the reader on the other end. And so I must take care of what I write. I must take care, not to produce negative impacts on people. The same applies to my art, which I admit, is so hard to start because it competes with my writing, but I know it's there. With some practice, direction, and dedication, in time, it will grow, just like my writing. But I need to find out where to start, and latch on to an aspect of it that I enjoy, and go from there, just like my writing.

If you've read all of this, then thank you. This was my time in the hospital. Pages and pages of stories crammed onto paper, and thoughts about who I am and what I need to do with myself. Know that even though I need to expand myself as a person, I will never diminish from talking to any of you people, whether you be the five that I mentioned, or just a forum goer that I don’t know much about yet. But there is a lot of work to be done. But you know what the best part is? All of this happened in six months, from the very first time I spoke to smiggs. I'll be alive and turning 22 on October 30th. Let's see just how far I can reach in the next year.

I want to thank you five people, and the other people of this forum for what you’ve all shown and done for me.

I go to rest now. Long day. And this needed to be said. I wake up to a new day tomorrow. New person. New life. Let’s see what I can do with the second hand that fate has given me.

I never did say goodbye to you folks. I am, so very tired. But I've done it. If I complete my day of work tomorrow, combining my earnings with my own personal savings, I'll have around 10,000 dollars. The here and now debts will be paid, and the strain of the coming winter will be slack. Can't say I'll be dying a failure.

But I don't think I've got much longer after this. Can't speak. Started hacking and coughing shit up. Can hardly eat. And there's a fever somewhere, in all of this. But I have something to say to you all, before I go. I've said this to my friends, but I realize, it is fitting, for all of you.

I was never anything special. Probably won't amount to much either. But I took the life that was given, and I did what I could. Maybe I could have done things better. Maybe not. But I'm here now. And I wouldn't trade back any of the days spent. And if given more, I will continue to do what I've always done.

For all intents, this is goodbye. But you can't have a goodbye
without a hello. Whether or not it's in life, or death, one way or
another, I will say hello again. And no matter what side of the coin it
rests on, it will be a new day.

I wish you all the best in whatever you do. Sometime soon, maybe later
rather than sooner, I will greet you again, just like I did before, on
the first day I decided to take a new step.

And it'll be an adventure. That's what life should be right? An adventure.

Make your life an adventure. And maybe one day, you can tell me some
stories. I do like stories after all.

Goodnight, to all of you.

I am mentally exhausted. I need sleep. But I can't sleep at the moment. I'm on about 3 or so different drugs that the doc threw at me and I just took some sleeping shit an hour ago and I'm still up for some reason. I'm too weak physically to tire myself out, and it feels like I have a foot in the grave tonight.

All I'd like, is the company of somebody. Talk or no, I don't care. But I can't sit here all alone like this tonight.

GT is Sangheili Merc for any that care. Xbox 360 because I'm poor as shit.

An idea occured for me a little while back when I was thinking about an arid location, and looking at a cactus. Everything's a little rough at the moment, and keeps changing, but I guess it leaves some room for interpretation right?

So, for starters, whatever these plant critters are, they have a basic humanoid frame, two legs, arms, ect. Their head's got stiff leaves, shaped in the manner for catching water, pooling it down at the top of their head so they can absorb it. The leaves fold up into a bundle when not in use to protect them. It'd be like a ponytail of sorts. There's no dicernable facial features on them, except for two beady black eyes. I figure if you're going to have a mobile sapient plant, you need limited vision of sorts. But I don't know what their eyes are made out of yet or what exactly they are. They're not exactly what you would call eyes.

The feet(toes) and hands are a tougher material, like roots. At the base of their hands, where your knuckles would be, are transparent sacks showing through their "skin" which is a combination of intertwined vines and a tougher outer layer that wraps around them. These sacks are filled with water, and tend to protrude from jointed areas, or in particular, where certain muscles would be on humans or other bipeds. It's not organized, and not symetrical however. These sacks, when pressed on, or expanded and contracted by the vines, act like muscles so the plant critter can move, walk, somewhat run, pick up stuff and so on. Plants by themselves are capable of moving, but not fast. With those water based sacks, movement is much faster when organised into a special system.

But because of this, physically, these plant critters aren't very strong. No muscle bound beings here.

So, I got to thinking. How would a sapient, bipedal mobile plant like this defend itself? Well, for starters, plants are naturals at regeneration. So long as enough mass remains, they can regenerate rather quickly. And second is where the cactus comes in. Underneath their tougher patches of skin that cover their vines and water-muscles, are cactus like spines. Over their arms, legs, and torso. These barbs can be shot up through the skin and stay there, or they can be shot out, like a dirty bomb using nails. When their skin is breached by the barbs, it ejects a bright purple liquid, a bright warning and toxic poison to most lifeforms. So if their attacker is wounded by their barbs and gets that stuff in their system, it's trouble.

And there you have it. A sapient cactus plant.

Not ded. I had some bad food and puked it all up. All that blood came from my throat however. Had a sore throat since yesterday.

Who knew stomach acid was good for a sore throat?

Yogurt's going to be mah nigga for a few weeks now. Very god damn hard to speak.

I sure didn't.

Strange night. Went for a walk. Stood at the edge of town, at the last lamp post. Looked out to the pitch black road out there. Starry night though. Wanted to to just walk out there, see how far I could go. Figured against it. Came back, don't feel any better. Bed's comfy though.

Have a good sleep, in your cozy part of the world folks. Turn the lamps on and burn away that night time darkness through those small little windows. Goodnight.

Post your best finds.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately folks. Things are falling apart on my end, and now's the time I believe I'll have to make a decision. And there's no easy way out. Whatever one I'm going to pick won't be easy. I'm going to give you the scenario, and you, from your standpoint, will pick what you think you would do in my shoes.

Scenario 1: Stay.

My family has worked their dues. But if only it were so easy to just put things to rest and have an easy going life. My mother owns a restaurant. I am the partial owner beside her, and for cooking in the mornings, and being there and present at all times, 7 days a week roughly 12-16 hours a day, and being the guy who fixes what breaks because it's an old building, room and board is free for me. But we've done the math. In order to to pay off our 60,000 dollar debt to the bank and officially make this place ours, we'll have to work 15 years. Assuming this place can operate for that long, by then my mother will be 70 years old. I'll be 36. Personally, I don't think she could manage that. So one day, I will have to step in and do what she can't.

Because this debt is so enormous, I have taken it on my shoulders to find my mother a home or property, as well as finding myself my own place to call home. Even the smallest amount of land that you can sell or buy, 10 acres, can go for up to 150 thousand dollars minimum.

And then there's my sister. Her husband is older, and has a long history of work related injuries. But he's stubborn, and works regardless. But in his age, it's only a matter of time before things break down. And they have even more to worry about than my mother does. He can't do all that he has to alone, and so I am there to step in when one person isn't enough.

If I choose to stay, I will be able to help them physically when they can go no longer.

Scenario 2: Leave.

Money is hard to make up here. And right now, things are starting to fall apart for both my mother, and my sister and her husband. I am the second youngest in my family, in front of my little niece. The only option I have would be to leave, and travel far, out to one of the bigger cities. I only have my grade 10 to work with, so that leaves the shit jobs. I know my way around words, and no doubt I could find work as a construction laborer in the city easily. But that's all I have.

If I did travel to the city, I would have a chance to make money. I have a motor home that I could live in, so rent would be cheap for me. Any money I made would be split into helping my mother and my sister, and the rest would be for using myself to survive with the bare minimum. But I know the construction jobs around here. I would forfeit years of my life to make enough to pay for everything that needs to be paid. But if I could have that chance to make that much of a dent in our money problems, I would take it. But the cost would be my life, my personal time, and the few meager dreams I've only started to scratch, as well as my absence from my family that so very much needs my help.

So, I ask you all, what would you choose? Because right now I'm considering things. And no road I travel is going to be fun, or easy.