because it was $25 and that seemed like too good of a deal to pass up

it's getting delivered tomorrow

how much am i going to regret this on a scale of 1 to college

almost done with KH1 i think

thank fucking god, this shit was way worse than i could've been prepared for

i'll write up a review and share it when i do

Didn't really have the energy to write that Kingdom Hearts review, but having finished it, it's a 4/10 game. I like the spirit behind it, and it was clearly made with a lot of heart and soul, but the gameplay was extremely clunky and the story was very dumb and juvenile. I know it's a kind of an ancient game at this point, but I'm inclined to be less forgiving when I consider that the original Ratchet & Clank was released in the same year, which completely blows KH1 out of the water.

Playing through Chain of Memories right now, and it's looking like it might be even worse.

I remember watching my brother play through Re: Chain Of Memories on the PS2 and he hated every fucking second of it. But he also praises KH2 as one of the greatest games ever made, his tastes are very....unique.

Yeah, every KH fan I know praises KH2 to high heavens, and though I'm keeping my expectations low, it's the only reason I'm continuing with the series.

I've also been told that if I don't like it, I officially don't have to bother with the rest of the series, so there's that.

okay, it's over

here's a quick little write-up, because this game hurt me:

---

Kingdom Hearts Re: Chain of Memories

This game fucking sucks, and I'm super glad to be done with it. I would have much preferred to play the sprite-based original, just so that I didn't have to put up with the recycled assets and the subpar voice acting, but those are the VERY least of this game's problems.

While the story, characters, and themes did end up surprising me quite a bit, and have me intrigued with what the rest of the series has to offer from a narrative standpoint alone, I won't allow those things to tint my perception of the overall experience, because as much as I enjoyed those aspects, I believe video games should be rated as video games.

That being said, this is a miserable video game. The card-based combat mechanics (which I was initially excited for, because I love card games) are actually just basic numbes-game dogshit comprised entirely of braindead gimmicks and laughable RNG-fueled fuckery; the sort of tedium I might have expected (and perhaps forgiven) from an NES title, but certainly not something made in the 2000s. Combine this shit with the oh-so prescient gacha-based card collecting system, and you have one hell of an unsatisfying gameplay loop that feeds primarily into your most reptilian instincts.

The worlds are not only rehashed from KH1, but are also heavily homogenized, to a point where if they were stripped of their specific Disney-themed coats of paint, you simply wouldn't be able to tell them apart. Nothing interesting or memorable happens in any of these worlds. Just a mindless and watered down version of the Disney movies they're based on. KH1's worlds sucked in similar ways, but at least they weren't so woefully bereft of Disney charm.

I can appreciate that they tried experimenting with this one, because that's admirable in its own right, but this was an unequivocal failure. I feel like there's a decent game hiding in here somewhere, but it was lost in an array of disconnected and rearranged memories (or something). As a result, this is probably the worst game I've ever finished--or at least, the most unhappy I've ever been over the course of a video game playthrough.

So yeah, bad game. Shame that it wasn't just made into a movie like 358/2 Days was.

3/10

---

now, onto more pressing matters

I liked KH1 and 2 as a child and I thought the whole "light and darkness" stuff was super deep when I was in middle school. Coming back to it as an adult made me realize how dumb I was. Still, fond memories. Used to be obsessed with making gummi ships in KH2 to the point where people at school would give me their memory card so I could build them something. Had this notebook with graph paper where I'd draw blueprints and shit. I think for the time it was pretty good graphics and gameplay-wise, but this is the PS2 era we're talking about. The Final Mixes from what I understand don't do anything to remaster the graphics besides upscaling and changing some colors for some reason.

This is the closest you'll ever see me come to anime, btw.

haven't tried building gummi ships yet—i didn't like the space missions in the first game enough to even bother, but things seem to have improved a lot in 2

and yeah the dark/light stuff is pretty comical
when i read this flavor passage late into the first game, i almost shat myself:

"Ones born of the heart and darkness, devoid of hearts, ravage all worlds and bring desolation. Seize all hearts and consummate the great heart. All hearts to be one, one heart to encompass all. Realize the destiny: the realm of Kingdom Hearts. The great darkness sealed within the great heart. Progeny of darkness, come back to the eternal darkness. For the heart of light shall unseal the path. Seven hearts, one Keyhole, one key to the door. The door of darkness, tied by two keys. The door to darkness to seal the light. None shall pass but shadows, returning to the darkness. One born of the heart and darkness, hunger for every heart until the dark door opens."

Quote from: ಠ_ಠ on December 02, 2020, 02:03:57 PM

I liked KH1 and 2 as a child and I thought the whole "light and darkness" stuff was super deep when I was in middle school. Coming back to it as an adult made me realize how dumb I was. Still, fond memories. Used to be obsessed with making gummi ships in KH2 to the point where people at school would give me their memory card so I could build them something. Had this notebook with graph paper where I'd draw blueprints and shit. I think for the time it was pretty good graphics and gameplay-wise, but this is the PS2 era we're talking about. The Final Mixes from what I understand don't do anything to remaster the graphics besides upscaling and changing some colors for some reason.

This is the closest you'll ever see me come to anime, btw.

"Ones born of the heart and darkness, devoid of hearts, ravage all worlds and bring desolation. Seize all hearts and consummate the great heart. All hearts to be one, one heart to encompass all. Realize the destiny: the realm of Kingdom Hearts. The great darkness sealed within the great heart. Progeny of darkness, come back to the eternal darkness. For the heart of light shall unseal the path. Seven hearts, one Keyhole, one key to the door. The door of darkness, tied by two keys. The door to darkness to seal the light. None shall pass but shadows, returning to the darkness. One born of the heart and darkness, hunger for every heart until the dark door opens."

this is amazing

On unrelated note, have you heard of the game called Hades?

yeah, i recently picked it up as my September game at 20% off

haven't tried it yet, but i've heard great things so i'll play it soon

You guys suck I love Kingdom Hearts, faults and all

Orgasmic music + fun gameplay is all I ask for. Also the story is epic and left me in tears sometimes

gameplay thus far has mainly been mashing the shit out of the X button, which isn't really my idea of fun

Also, how can you watch cutscenes like this without getting chills? For every dumb Goofy/Donald moment, there's a moment like this.

Most fans agree with you there, but I'm one of the holdouts. I relish every second of the prologue. I think when I was a kid playing it for the first time, I was like "who's this bozo, give me Sora" just like everyone else. When I play it now, though, it's easy to accept that I'm in for a three-hour ministory, sit back, and enjoy some stellar plotting and characters.

I wouldn't say that it needed to be so long. I mean, you could've skipped the Struggle thing, skipped the Seven Wonders thing, and yeah pretty much wrap up the entire prologue in a half hour. But the fact that it was long helped it, it helped immerse me into this universe, care about Roxas and the town, and actually believe in what they were selling me instead of it being an expositiony mess. Imagine if you were already in the mansion after only like, 25 minutes of setup. It would be a mess.

or if it did, it didn't need to be so boooooring

Aw see, I was never bored. I can see why you say that, though. It's a deliberately slow pace, it's kind of supposed to make you feel like Roxas and his friends in the beginning there. It's supposed to be the drawling end of a summer, and the characters are bored themselves and are trying to find anything to do.

I don't know, I appreciate the slow burn. I think it drew me in more, almost like how a drawn out, slow scene in a David Lynch movie draws me in more.

Beat Kingdom Hearts II the other day.

It's whatever. Definitely an objective improvement over the first game, but it's not blowing me away or anything. The combat is incredibly button mashy and QTE-heavy, and the story is kind of asinine, even though there are aspects of it that I appreciate. As a Disney guy, I feel consistently burned on that front, too. They way they treat the Disney stuff in these games is consistently disappointing. I don't want to experience a shitty, watered down version of a Disney movie that I LOVE, Nomura.

I could go on but I'm not sure who I'd be ranting to anyway so I'll just stop myself here.

KH1: 4/10
Chain of Memories: 3/10
KH2: 5/10

Bleah. Apparently, according to my KH-playing friends, I can be done with this franchise now, since I've played the best game in the series and decided I wasn't into it... but I'm a sucker for culturally-important video games, regardless of my personal opinions about them, so I might keep playing them regardless. They're certainly fun to talk about.

Just beat the 3rd game. Didn't bother with any of the filler between 2 and 3 because I honestly don't care, but watched a few summary vids.

Yeahhhh, my Kingdom Hearts friends were ADAMANT that I avoid doing this, because it turns out that all those weird spin-offs are actually integral to the storyline, and being able to follow along with their convoluted mess of a story is meant to be super gratifying, and you're meant to forgive a lot of the dumb stuff because you've just been with these characters for so long and whatnot. I dunno.

The last thing I did was watch an entire LP of the DS version of 358/2 Days, rather than the abridged version of the game that's available on the collection I bought, and it was a colossal fucking waste of time. It's basically just a slow burn that leads to nothing but some cringey cryporn that doesn't really add anything substantial to KH2's story in my opinion.

Chain of Memories, too, was probably the worst game I've ever played from beginning to end—but I honestly really enjoyed the storyline to that one, because they play with some interesting concepts, and it's actually fairly mature and self-contained for the most part. It's the one that takes place between 1 and 2, I don't know if you've experienced that one. Might be worth watching cutscenes of it on YouTube or something. Otherwise, the gameplay is just fucking horrendous and not worth the trouble.

Also all the flashbacks in the old graphics, seriously? Couldn't even redo those to match the new graphics? lazy mfers

I don't know how it's executed, but I think I could possibly give them the benefit of the doubt on this one. Presenting scenes you remember as you remember them could make those flashbacks feel all the more nostalgic. I actually kind of like that choice, but perhaps not if it doesn't seem purposeful.