I've been doing a lot of thinking lately folks. Things are falling apart on my end, and now's the time I believe I'll have to make a decision. And there's no easy way out. Whatever one I'm going to pick won't be easy. I'm going to give you the scenario, and you, from your standpoint, will pick what you think you would do in my shoes.

Scenario 1: Stay.

My family has worked their dues. But if only it were so easy to just put things to rest and have an easy going life. My mother owns a restaurant. I am the partial owner beside her, and for cooking in the mornings, and being there and present at all times, 7 days a week roughly 12-16 hours a day, and being the guy who fixes what breaks because it's an old building, room and board is free for me. But we've done the math. In order to to pay off our 60,000 dollar debt to the bank and officially make this place ours, we'll have to work 15 years. Assuming this place can operate for that long, by then my mother will be 70 years old. I'll be 36. Personally, I don't think she could manage that. So one day, I will have to step in and do what she can't.

Because this debt is so enormous, I have taken it on my shoulders to find my mother a home or property, as well as finding myself my own place to call home. Even the smallest amount of land that you can sell or buy, 10 acres, can go for up to 150 thousand dollars minimum.

And then there's my sister. Her husband is older, and has a long history of work related injuries. But he's stubborn, and works regardless. But in his age, it's only a matter of time before things break down. And they have even more to worry about than my mother does. He can't do all that he has to alone, and so I am there to step in when one person isn't enough.

If I choose to stay, I will be able to help them physically when they can go no longer.

Scenario 2: Leave.

Money is hard to make up here. And right now, things are starting to fall apart for both my mother, and my sister and her husband. I am the second youngest in my family, in front of my little niece. The only option I have would be to leave, and travel far, out to one of the bigger cities. I only have my grade 10 to work with, so that leaves the shit jobs. I know my way around words, and no doubt I could find work as a construction laborer in the city easily. But that's all I have.

If I did travel to the city, I would have a chance to make money. I have a motor home that I could live in, so rent would be cheap for me. Any money I made would be split into helping my mother and my sister, and the rest would be for using myself to survive with the bare minimum. But I know the construction jobs around here. I would forfeit years of my life to make enough to pay for everything that needs to be paid. But if I could have that chance to make that much of a dent in our money problems, I would take it. But the cost would be my life, my personal time, and the few meager dreams I've only started to scratch, as well as my absence from my family that so very much needs my help.

So, I ask you all, what would you choose? Because right now I'm considering things. And no road I travel is going to be fun, or easy.

shit, man
im not sure

I could put my back into it. I could make those 15 years 5, if my resolve was strong enough. I could even go for the shittiest of the shit jobs, oil rigs and tar sands. Those jobs destroy most people physically in around three to seven years. But they pay high, very high.

But the cost is me not being here. Both my mother and sister's husband are stubborn. If I'm not here, they will work alone regardless. But the strain on them. If something broke down, I wouldn't be there for them.

Quote from: Doom DH on September 16, 2014, 01:41:55 PM

shit, man
im not sure

I could put my back into it. I could make those 15 years 5, if my resolve was strong enough. I could even go for the shittiest of the shit jobs, oil rigs and tar sands. Those jobs destroy most people physically in around three to seven years. But they pay high, very high.

But the cost is me not being here. Both my mother and sister's husband are stubborn. If I'm not here, they will work alone regardless. But the strain on them. If something broke down, I wouldn't be there for them.

I'd personally go for the shit jobs, but that's just me.
sorry to hear this, man. goodluck

Why do you want to pay off the debt so much?

For one thing, if money starts to fail, and we can't make our payments, the bank will seize the restaurant. We'll be homeless and jobless in one shot.

Second, 15 years is a long time. On top of all the other things I'll be spending money on, the sooner we get rid of this debt the better.

You know how much money I make a day for the majority of the year when winter rolls in? 12 bucks a day. The sooner we get rid of the debt, the more room we have to work with financially. This place, at the moment, just barely funds itself. And things have been breaking down. Things that cost thousands of dollars worth of money that we don't have.

How serious is your family's dependance on your physical presence?

My mother's physical health is breaking down. She's a smoker, has back problems and foot problems. One her own, she won't last long here. Certainly not another fucking 15 years.

My sister's husband is 70. He's strong for his age, and works as hard as I do. But he can't do it alone. It's too much. Every year he needs 12 cords of firewood cut, split, hauled, and stacked. Alone, that goes incredibly slow. When I'm there with him, what he does alone over the course of a few weeks can be done in days by the two of us.

Not to mention, I've been there for troubles as well. Hospital trips and medical attention, a guardian of their property when they aren't there, and helping them when they were caught in snowstorms.

If I had to see that every day I would move away to pay off my debts. If you live only for your relatives you will become absorbed in something you may not ever enjoy.

I'd stay. But I'd be looking for a third option. I'd be hellbent on a third option. If I was put in your position I'd be scheming my brains out. I'm not going to vote.

I've been looking for a third way to do things for years now. There is no middle ground here.

I also read that you only did 10 years of school?  Have you looked into a diploma or GED? That would be what I would get done first.

GED means nothing up here. Plus, I'd have to pay for all that shit too. Again, more money I don't have.

You mentioned that you had plans. What were those plans?

I just joined this forum, so I don't really "know" you to form a good opinion on this. However, just based on the OP, stay seems like the best option here. However, I would also look for a third option in the meantime.

I've been working with this problem for years. And there is no third option. And soon, damn soon, I'm going to have to make a choice.

Please answer my question.

I'm not remembering the plans you speak of. What you see up there is it. I go, or I stay.

Quote from: Elegiac on September 16, 2014, 02:19:23 PM

I'd stay. But I'd be looking for a third option. I'd be hellbent on a third option. If I was put in your position I'd be scheming my brains out. I'm not going to vote.

I've been looking for a third way to do things for years now. There is no middle ground here.

Hrrrmm. I'll think about it... maybe you should leave, but don't go to a job that breaks you. There must be something less drastic you could do for one or two years that would leave you able to pay for fixing the place up a bit, so that there isn't the worry of maintenance or physical labour being such a strain on whoever's left behind.

Would they be able to hire a replacement for you, at any time?

If what I said is possible, then you'd have the option of leaving again and finding a more reasonable job, or career option, with decent money so that you could help the repayment process along without ruining yourself.

Alright, fuck your dreams, I'll get to it.

If this situation didn't exist, what job education would you get?

How many are in your house? You sister + husband, or what?

Quote from: Elegiac on September 16, 2014, 02:46:35 PM

Quote from: Sandtrap on September 16, 2014, 02:21:51 PM

Quote from: Elegiac on September 16, 2014, 02:19:23 PM

I'd stay. But I'd be looking for a third option. I'd be hellbent on a third option. If I was put in your position I'd be scheming my brains out. I'm not going to vote.

I've been looking for a third way to do things for years now. There is no middle ground here.

Hrrrmm. I'll think about it... maybe you should leave, but don't go to a job that breaks you. There must be something less drastic you could do for one or two years that would leave you able to pay for fixing the place up a bit, so that there isn't the worry of maintenance or physical labour being such a strain on whoever's left behind.

Would they be able to hire a replacement for you, at any time?

If what I said is possible, then you'd have the option of leaving again and finding a more reasonable job, or career option, with decent money so that you could help the repayment process along without ruining yourself.

We can't hire anybody because we can't even pay minimum wage. And, nobody in my town stays. Young kids either fuck off to the city because there's not much here, or they inherit their family business like farming and so on. I am a rare person in this town it seems.

What about the other thing I mentioned?

I'm just gonna lay out my third option with the limited info I've gotten from you.

Stay there and help with the restaurant until you're done with the education, and then get a job, move to wherever because you now have the money, and take your family with you. As your mother dies, the debt dies.

This means that you abandon your life, but here's my idea. Like it or not, it's a third option, but finding a job that has a good pay is all very difficult, I imagine. This is in theory however, the most logical one for me.

Except for the part that finding a job that's paying is something that you can do quickly with the education that you have.