You would be ten and I'd be driving you to school.

I'm sure the nice man in the white van can get me some

Okay, now I didn't kill Durango, found out he's an undercover cop, ran away, went to a store to buy grapes, got my grapes stolen from me, and then decided to rob the white house for wine, succeeding but not without the loss of my dear friends who were memorialized in a moment of silence with Spinning Basketball Man. Now I have wine in my fishtank.

"You decide to drink river water for the rest of the day instead of trying to acquire wine. Enjoy!"

Noice, I win.

You sit in your room for eight long years, and then, one day, it’s your 16th birthday. You’re hungry, thirsty, and sleep-deprived, and as you walk downstairs, you realize that your parents and their one friend are long dead. As you walk around your house, you see that in your lightbulb room is a bottle of wine, which you are finally old enough to drink! Yes!

You acquired wine without getting arrested, but then again, you weren’t 8 years old when you did it.

It looks like you lose.

Absolutely. A whole box if I wanted. Yep, a box.

I banged the hot girl and shit on the wine store owner. All in all, it was a good venture.