When I used to work home improvement with my dad, we visited this guy's house. He had a 15 year old daughter who wasn't there.

I fapped in her shoe.

The worst thing I've done unprovoked was unknowingly cut off the same dude on a bike, four times in the same day, at different times.

Are there any situations where you aren't a jerk to people?

Are there any situations where you aren't a jerk to people?

When they bring me food I tend to be quite agreeable.

Stealing, definitely. There was also a time when my friend and I prank called a one-man tow truck company and told him that our car broke down on an icy road thirty miles from where his store was. This was at like 2am in the middle of a blizzard in Michigan. The guy said that he normally wouldn't drive so far away so late at night, but that he didn't want anyone stuck in the middle of the snowstorm, and that he'd be there in 45 minutes. That was pretty fucking shitty.

Poor girl.
You're depraved, man.