Why is making a fire such a bitch

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fml


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literally so easy a cave man can do it


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What'd you try doing to start it? You'd better not tell me that you just stuck a light on one of the logs and hoped it caught.


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"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."
β€”Judge Aaron Satie
β€”β€”Carmen
What'd you try doing to start it? You'd better not tell me that you just stuck a light on one of the logs and hoped it caught.
My roommate and I got it started earlier through paper, twigs, sticks, etc, and got some hot coals and a nice fire going

then he went to bed and told me to keep it going

you can see how that went  ::)


 
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Also, your logs are way too big. You need to split them once more or pull them out and use smaller cuts. You throw the big shit in once the fire's going high.


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#13
Purple?


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Nigga them logs are far too big to put on a small fire like you had there.


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"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."
β€”Judge Aaron Satie
β€”β€”Carmen
Also, your logs are way too big. You need to split them once more or pull them out and use smaller cuts. You throw the big shit in once the fire's going high.
Lol, we don't cut our own logs

I do wish I had a hatchet or something around here, though, you're right that the logs are too big. They are really splintery, though, we used a flathead screwdriver to scrape a bunch of wood pieces off earlier. That's mainly what we used to start the fire.


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Did you start with any tinder? Tree bark or whatnot. To add to that, those chocs of wood are far too big in comparison to the fire, you need to split them into small shapes. You can throw on something like that much later on.



 
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you have to rub two sticks together


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"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."
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Did you start with any tinder? Tree bark or whatnot. To add to that, those chocs of wood are far too big in comparison to the fire, you need to split them into small shapes. You can throw on something like that much later on.
Those pieces were on fire earlier, you can see the burn marks and such

the fire was dwindling, though, so I tried to rearrange them and ended up with this


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Only if you're dumb enough to use the entire can. Dab it a little and it should be enough.


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Also, your logs are way too big. You need to split them once more or pull them out and use smaller cuts. You throw the big shit in once the fire's going high.
Lol, we don't cut our own logs

I do wish I had a hatchet or something around here, though, you're right that the logs are too big. They are really splintery, though, we used a flathead screwdriver to scrape a bunch of wood pieces off earlier. That's mainly what we used to start the fire.

No wonder. If it's splintery then it's probably still pretty green. Green wood and big chunks don't light up easily unless you've got a fire going full blast. Don't suppose you could go snap some tree branches and start things up again do ya?

I take it you've gone camping, then.


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Did you start with any tinder? Tree bark or whatnot. To add to that, those chocs of wood are far too big in comparison to the fire, you need to split them into small shapes. You can throw on something like that much later on.
Those pieces were on fire earlier, you can see the burn marks and such

the fire was dwindling, though, so I tried to rearrange them and ended up with this
of course the smaller tinder like pieces of wood attached will catch a light, that doesnt mean it will continue to burn. Try one log first then throw on another.  But you may need to start the whole process again to get a proper flame.

Where are you? And is it wet outside. Id say try and look for some large sticks and start from there, once its caught let it burn till the sticks start to break up, gently place the smallest log on and stoke it with more sticks.

Bark also works a lot.


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"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."
β€”Judge Aaron Satie
β€”β€”Carmen
Also, your logs are way too big. You need to split them once more or pull them out and use smaller cuts. You throw the big shit in once the fire's going high.
Lol, we don't cut our own logs

I do wish I had a hatchet or something around here, though, you're right that the logs are too big. They are really splintery, though, we used a flathead screwdriver to scrape a bunch of wood pieces off earlier. That's mainly what we used to start the fire.

No wonder. If it's splintery then it's probably still pretty green. Green wood and big chunks don't light up easily unless you've got a fire going full blast. Don't suppose you could go snap some tree branches and start things up again do ya?

I take it you've gone camping, then.
Ohhh, that makes sense. I don't know where my roommate gets this wood, it's always so shitty. I might have to either just call it quits for tonight or get this old heavy space heater from the basement. Either way, I'm not adventuring outside, lol. Way too cold.

And nope, it's just the fireplace.


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Also, your logs are way too big. You need to split them once more or pull them out and use smaller cuts. You throw the big shit in once the fire's going high.
Lol, we don't cut our own logs

I do wish I had a hatchet or something around here, though, you're right that the logs are too big. They are really splintery, though, we used a flathead screwdriver to scrape a bunch of wood pieces off earlier. That's mainly what we used to start the fire.

No wonder. If it's splintery then it's probably still pretty green. Green wood and big chunks don't light up easily unless you've got a fire going full blast. Don't suppose you could go snap some tree branches and start things up again do ya?

I take it you've gone camping, then.
Ohhh, that makes sense. I don't know where my roommate gets this wood, it's always so shitty. I might have to either just call it quits for tonight or get this old heavy space heater from the basement. Either way, I'm not adventuring outside, lol. Way too cold.

And nope, it's just the fireplace.
I don't get open fire places, they seem so very dangerous.



We have something kind of like this, you can stoke the fuck out of it and make the house warm pretty quickly, without the fear of burning the house down, from rouge embers flying and cracking off into the carpet.


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"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."
β€”Judge Aaron Satie
β€”β€”Carmen
Also, your logs are way too big. You need to split them once more or pull them out and use smaller cuts. You throw the big shit in once the fire's going high.
Lol, we don't cut our own logs

I do wish I had a hatchet or something around here, though, you're right that the logs are too big. They are really splintery, though, we used a flathead screwdriver to scrape a bunch of wood pieces off earlier. That's mainly what we used to start the fire.

No wonder. If it's splintery then it's probably still pretty green. Green wood and big chunks don't light up easily unless you've got a fire going full blast. Don't suppose you could go snap some tree branches and start things up again do ya?

I take it you've gone camping, then.
Ohhh, that makes sense. I don't know where my roommate gets this wood, it's always so shitty. I might have to either just call it quits for tonight or get this old heavy space heater from the basement. Either way, I'm not adventuring outside, lol. Way too cold.

And nope, it's just the fireplace.
I don't get open fire places, they seem so very dangerous.



We have something kind of like this, you can stoke the fuck out of it and make the house warm pretty quickly, without the fear of burning the house down, from rouge embers flying and cracking off into the carpet.
I have this screen that goes in front of it for when I leave the room


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Also, your logs are way too big. You need to split them once more or pull them out and use smaller cuts. You throw the big shit in once the fire's going high.
Lol, we don't cut our own logs

I do wish I had a hatchet or something around here, though, you're right that the logs are too big. They are really splintery, though, we used a flathead screwdriver to scrape a bunch of wood pieces off earlier. That's mainly what we used to start the fire.

No wonder. If it's splintery then it's probably still pretty green. Green wood and big chunks don't light up easily unless you've got a fire going full blast. Don't suppose you could go snap some tree branches and start things up again do ya?

I take it you've gone camping, then.
Ohhh, that makes sense. I don't know where my roommate gets this wood, it's always so shitty. I might have to either just call it quits for tonight or get this old heavy space heater from the basement. Either way, I'm not adventuring outside, lol. Way too cold.

And nope, it's just the fireplace.
I don't get open fire places, they seem so very dangerous.



We have something kind of like this, you can stoke the fuck out of it and make the house warm pretty quickly, without the fear of burning the house down, from rouge embers flying and cracking off into the carpet.
I have this screen that goes in front of it for when I leave the room
That seems a bit more safe. It might be hopeless tonight friend. Go spoon your roommate for warmth.

In the morning go and find so larger sticks/branches and put them somewhere dry, you'll need them for siuations like this, oh and buy some fire starters (they're like white flammable blocks you can buy) so the actual fire can get started much quicker.


 
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Also, your logs are way too big. You need to split them once more or pull them out and use smaller cuts. You throw the big shit in once the fire's going high.
Lol, we don't cut our own logs

I do wish I had a hatchet or something around here, though, you're right that the logs are too big. They are really splintery, though, we used a flathead screwdriver to scrape a bunch of wood pieces off earlier. That's mainly what we used to start the fire.

No wonder. If it's splintery then it's probably still pretty green. Green wood and big chunks don't light up easily unless you've got a fire going full blast. Don't suppose you could go snap some tree branches and start things up again do ya?

I take it you've gone camping, then.
Ohhh, that makes sense. I don't know where my roommate gets this wood, it's always so shitty. I might have to either just call it quits for tonight or get this old heavy space heater from the basement. Either way, I'm not adventuring outside, lol. Way too cold.

And nope, it's just the fireplace.

Hmm. Shitty wood and big cuts. Open fireplace.

I bet you any money his chimney isn't well taken care of and probably clogged with creosote. You might not be getting enough draw either if it's a clogged up chimney.


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Also, your logs are way too big. You need to split them once more or pull them out and use smaller cuts. You throw the big shit in once the fire's going high.
Lol, we don't cut our own logs

I do wish I had a hatchet or something around here, though, you're right that the logs are too big. They are really splintery, though, we used a flathead screwdriver to scrape a bunch of wood pieces off earlier. That's mainly what we used to start the fire.

No wonder. If it's splintery then it's probably still pretty green. Green wood and big chunks don't light up easily unless you've got a fire going full blast. Don't suppose you could go snap some tree branches and start things up again do ya?

I take it you've gone camping, then.
Ohhh, that makes sense. I don't know where my roommate gets this wood, it's always so shitty. I might have to either just call it quits for tonight or get this old heavy space heater from the basement. Either way, I'm not adventuring outside, lol. Way too cold.

And nope, it's just the fireplace.

Hmm. Shitty wood and big cuts. Open fireplace.

I bet you any money his chimney isn't well taken care of and probably clogged with creosote. You might not be getting enough draw either if it's a clogged up chimney.
It's Chim Chimeny time!


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"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."
β€”Judge Aaron Satie
β€”β€”Carmen
Also, your logs are way too big. You need to split them once more or pull them out and use smaller cuts. You throw the big shit in once the fire's going high.
Lol, we don't cut our own logs

I do wish I had a hatchet or something around here, though, you're right that the logs are too big. They are really splintery, though, we used a flathead screwdriver to scrape a bunch of wood pieces off earlier. That's mainly what we used to start the fire.

No wonder. If it's splintery then it's probably still pretty green. Green wood and big chunks don't light up easily unless you've got a fire going full blast. Don't suppose you could go snap some tree branches and start things up again do ya?

I take it you've gone camping, then.
Ohhh, that makes sense. I don't know where my roommate gets this wood, it's always so shitty. I might have to either just call it quits for tonight or get this old heavy space heater from the basement. Either way, I'm not adventuring outside, lol. Way too cold.

And nope, it's just the fireplace.

Hmm. Shitty wood and big cuts. Open fireplace.

I bet you any money his chimney isn't well taken care of and probably clogged with creosote. You might not be getting enough draw either if it's a clogged up chimney.
It wouldn't surprise me, the landlord we're renting the place from doesn't give two shits about his own house. We have to pretty much do 75% of the maintenance here, and if there's a cost to something, we practically have to twist his arm to get him to cough up any money.

Maintaining a clean chimney doesn't seem like his MO.


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hey
You trying to make magical fire or something?

That's oddly purple


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You trying to make magical fire or something?

That's oddly purple
I kinda looks like he cracked open a plasma grenade like an egg, or...something like that.


 
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Also, your logs are way too big. You need to split them once more or pull them out and use smaller cuts. You throw the big shit in once the fire's going high.
Lol, we don't cut our own logs

I do wish I had a hatchet or something around here, though, you're right that the logs are too big. They are really splintery, though, we used a flathead screwdriver to scrape a bunch of wood pieces off earlier. That's mainly what we used to start the fire.

No wonder. If it's splintery then it's probably still pretty green. Green wood and big chunks don't light up easily unless you've got a fire going full blast. Don't suppose you could go snap some tree branches and start things up again do ya?

I take it you've gone camping, then.
Ohhh, that makes sense. I don't know where my roommate gets this wood, it's always so shitty. I might have to either just call it quits for tonight or get this old heavy space heater from the basement. Either way, I'm not adventuring outside, lol. Way too cold.

And nope, it's just the fireplace.

Hmm. Shitty wood and big cuts. Open fireplace.

I bet you any money his chimney isn't well taken care of and probably clogged with creosote. You might not be getting enough draw either if it's a clogged up chimney.
It wouldn't surprise me, the landlord we're renting the place from doesn't give two shits about his own house. We have to pretty much do 75% of the maintenance here, and if there's a cost to something, we practically have to twist his arm to get him to cough up any money.

Maintaining a clean chimney doesn't seem like his MO.

Kind of a dead giveaway too if he's got an open fireplace inside a house. You don't have open fireplaces inside of houses. You get shitty air draw that way unless the fire is already going strong.