rigor mortis is one of the biggest cock-blocks there is

I had phantom tit syndrome (which I'm fairly sure is a medical condition of mine now)

body bags are definitely a turn-on.

Come hell or high water, I was going to fuck a cadaver.

in the name of necrophilia I opened that door.

All eyes were now trained on me, including the surgeon handling the scalpel (boner-kill personified... Or perscalpified).

I think I babbled like Bill Clinton, nearly elucidating my internal monologue, "I do not want sexual relations with that corpse."

She gave me her signature smirk and head tilt, something you'd see in an anime. It made me sick to my stomach. No one that awful deserves anime quirks without answering to your level 250 in Maplestory. No one.

It worked like a pagan sacrifice on Samhain.

It was time for operation: sleeping beauty.

"Here comes Pimpeii, Aurora"

In essence, I managed with the grace of a horny walrus.

charged my Rohirim horse cock into her Helms Deep, post battle.

The ocean, I can firmly attest, lacks firmness and is much too salty.

If there is a heaven, there are dead people there, and you can fuck them.

Jackson Pollock ain't got shit on me; she transcended art with my glazing and went straight to pure, unambiguous emotion. Bad touch would be proud, she was smothered and covered like waffle-house-hash-browns.

I desired nothing more than to Lara Croft the hell out of it.

Frictional force is the best, hands down.

She was my Sea Biscuit, and we won gold.

let my drill pierce the heavens

I sent her out... with a bang. And by this I mean I had no idea what to do with the body.

Yet this experience, even in all of its thirty minute brevity, transformed me.

Jerry junior nodded in assent at the conception of this brilliant idea.


This doesn't mean I've drawn the line here though, that would be like having your cake without eating it too (which is one of the stupidest phrases to pimple the ass of the English language).


It seems like I can't catch a break between wheeling these tables like go-carts and dealing out double dick dosages to dead damsels.