Quote from: Epsira on January 06, 2015, 04:15:01 AMQuote from: Kitsunebi on January 06, 2015, 04:11:04 AMSince when is Tru the resident poet? I'm the resident poet.That being said, I'm not the sort to critique others poems easily. This is what it is. It reads like any aspiring poetry. Not the best, not the worst. What is it for?It was for someone else. Now it's for me. Do you know what I'm getting at in this short section? Do you see how I'm trying to do it? Anyone who posts poetry here and frequents this place could qualify as a "resident poet," don't you think?Well, sure, I guess... except that I'm a published poet.I must admit that I don't understand exactly what the theme of it is yet. It lacks a clear narrative. I'll say that much.
Quote from: Kitsunebi on January 06, 2015, 04:11:04 AMSince when is Tru the resident poet? I'm the resident poet.That being said, I'm not the sort to critique others poems easily. This is what it is. It reads like any aspiring poetry. Not the best, not the worst. What is it for?It was for someone else. Now it's for me. Do you know what I'm getting at in this short section? Do you see how I'm trying to do it? Anyone who posts poetry here and frequents this place could qualify as a "resident poet," don't you think?
Since when is Tru the resident poet? I'm the resident poet.That being said, I'm not the sort to critique others poems easily. This is what it is. It reads like any aspiring poetry. Not the best, not the worst. What is it for?
Quote from: Epsira on January 06, 2015, 04:45:07 AMQuote from: True Turquoise on January 06, 2015, 04:35:36 AMQuote from: Epsira on January 06, 2015, 04:27:41 AMQuote from: True Turquoise on January 06, 2015, 04:23:19 AMQuote from: Epsira on January 06, 2015, 04:19:50 AMQuote from: True Turquoise on January 06, 2015, 04:15:36 AMQuoteThereafter, silencedripped between skittering footstepsA little basic?What does this mean?This was for someone else. Now it's for me. dripped drips ...I don't know. Now it's for you, you're the only one that can change it.Considering this is happening in past tense it wouldn't make as much sense grammatically and it wouldn't serve to enhance the meaning. Is this suggestion on the basis of it sounding prettier?yes, I was going by sound.Oh, alright. I'm trying to set a creepy, unsettling tone in the section we're talking about. What would you suggest for wording?CreepsFolds Rises It's only me being stupid and repeating it when I said it out loud. I'm weird. But that's all I can think of.
Quote from: True Turquoise on January 06, 2015, 04:35:36 AMQuote from: Epsira on January 06, 2015, 04:27:41 AMQuote from: True Turquoise on January 06, 2015, 04:23:19 AMQuote from: Epsira on January 06, 2015, 04:19:50 AMQuote from: True Turquoise on January 06, 2015, 04:15:36 AMQuoteThereafter, silencedripped between skittering footstepsA little basic?What does this mean?This was for someone else. Now it's for me. dripped drips ...I don't know. Now it's for you, you're the only one that can change it.Considering this is happening in past tense it wouldn't make as much sense grammatically and it wouldn't serve to enhance the meaning. Is this suggestion on the basis of it sounding prettier?yes, I was going by sound.Oh, alright. I'm trying to set a creepy, unsettling tone in the section we're talking about. What would you suggest for wording?
Quote from: Epsira on January 06, 2015, 04:27:41 AMQuote from: True Turquoise on January 06, 2015, 04:23:19 AMQuote from: Epsira on January 06, 2015, 04:19:50 AMQuote from: True Turquoise on January 06, 2015, 04:15:36 AMQuoteThereafter, silencedripped between skittering footstepsA little basic?What does this mean?This was for someone else. Now it's for me. dripped drips ...I don't know. Now it's for you, you're the only one that can change it.Considering this is happening in past tense it wouldn't make as much sense grammatically and it wouldn't serve to enhance the meaning. Is this suggestion on the basis of it sounding prettier?yes, I was going by sound.
Quote from: True Turquoise on January 06, 2015, 04:23:19 AMQuote from: Epsira on January 06, 2015, 04:19:50 AMQuote from: True Turquoise on January 06, 2015, 04:15:36 AMQuoteThereafter, silencedripped between skittering footstepsA little basic?What does this mean?This was for someone else. Now it's for me. dripped drips ...I don't know. Now it's for you, you're the only one that can change it.Considering this is happening in past tense it wouldn't make as much sense grammatically and it wouldn't serve to enhance the meaning. Is this suggestion on the basis of it sounding prettier?
Quote from: Epsira on January 06, 2015, 04:19:50 AMQuote from: True Turquoise on January 06, 2015, 04:15:36 AMQuoteThereafter, silencedripped between skittering footstepsA little basic?What does this mean?This was for someone else. Now it's for me. dripped drips ...I don't know. Now it's for you, you're the only one that can change it.
Quote from: True Turquoise on January 06, 2015, 04:15:36 AMQuoteThereafter, silencedripped between skittering footstepsA little basic?What does this mean?This was for someone else. Now it's for me.
QuoteThereafter, silencedripped between skittering footstepsA little basic?
Thereafter, silencedripped between skittering footsteps
Quote from: Kitsunebi on January 06, 2015, 04:32:34 AMQuote from: Epsira on January 06, 2015, 04:15:01 AMQuote from: Kitsunebi on January 06, 2015, 04:11:04 AMSince when is Tru the resident poet? I'm the resident poet.That being said, I'm not the sort to critique others poems easily. This is what it is. It reads like any aspiring poetry. Not the best, not the worst. What is it for?It was for someone else. Now it's for me. Do you know what I'm getting at in this short section? Do you see how I'm trying to do it? Anyone who posts poetry here and frequents this place could qualify as a "resident poet," don't you think?Well, sure, I guess... except that I'm a published poet.I must admit that I don't understand exactly what the theme of it is yet. It lacks a clear narrative. I'll say that much.If you want I wouldn't mind sending you the current thing I have written (even if it's only 2/5 of the total work) for revision. I mean, I've sent you my work before...
Quote from: Byrne on January 06, 2015, 03:58:27 AMQuote from: Epsira on January 06, 2015, 03:56:36 AMQuote from: Byrne on January 06, 2015, 03:54:39 AMI'd love to have a read, but I can't devote too much time to reading right now.In class >.>In class and posting like a champ. Where the hell are my Estus flasks?You need to light a bonfire on your desk.I don't think there's a desk in my house, which is somewhat weird when I think of it. I could make do with my bed, but I'm not accustomed to sleeping in Ash. It's probably finer than sand, but still manages to get in every crack imaginable.
Quote from: Epsira on January 06, 2015, 03:56:36 AMQuote from: Byrne on January 06, 2015, 03:54:39 AMI'd love to have a read, but I can't devote too much time to reading right now.In class >.>In class and posting like a champ. Where the hell are my Estus flasks?You need to light a bonfire on your desk.
Quote from: Byrne on January 06, 2015, 03:54:39 AMI'd love to have a read, but I can't devote too much time to reading right now.In class >.>In class and posting like a champ. Where the hell are my Estus flasks?
I'd love to have a read, but I can't devote too much time to reading right now.In class >.>
What do you make of this?
