I haven't had any heartbreaks recently to complain about, and it's been two years since my last one. Usually, I feel fine, able to talk/be with other girls no problem, picture myself with them, etc. and I don't really even consider my last relationship most days. But every once in awhile, I'll get a flashback that puts me right back into the position I used to be during or right after the events of the breakup. Could be a face I associate with that time or a bad dream, doesn't matter. When the feelings resurface though I end up being thrown back into this pit of self-loathing that I've spent 2 years climbing out of for a couple of days at a time.

I ask because I don't want to lose that time, nor do I want to have a crippling weakness like that. So, what's the healthiest way to deal with it? I think 2 years away from her and that situation and other romantic interests/new hobbies and goals are things I've already exhausted (and they were helpful, but not obviously 100% effective), so maybe try to get some sort of closure by talking to her? Or am I just telling myself that in an attempt to see her again.

It's worth noting that with previous relationships, I've been able to completely sever ties with the person and that's been effective, but that's not really feasible with this one. I have good friends that are close to her situation so she's always bound to come up in conversation casually.

If the answer is just to soldier on and deal with it, that's fine, but psychologically I don't want this baggage with me all the time and I just don't think that's the best option.

I realise what kind of position I put myself in with a thread like this but I figured if even one person has something insightful to say it'd probably be worth it.

I don't have any advice to give. Just don't indulge in anything unhealthy to get your mind off of them. Keep it simple. Learn a new hobby. Basic carpentry is a good start. No one can go wrong with learning how to build a workbench. I mean who doesn't need another work bench? I wish I had 3 more.

Stay busy, do something different. Try new shit.

Revenge Fap

That was 4 years ago, I no longer feel this way.

Super male vitality.

U need to fall in love with someone else

You’re not over her because your brain is being reminded of her and you were never REALLY over her, just got her out of your head enough. Reminded through dreams/friends/imagination

Contact her if you’d like, nothing wrong with that. But prepare for the worst if you’re gonna do that, just so you don’t feel like you’re back in the same place because you can never really move backwards. Would be interesting to interact with eachother after 2 years, and manage things differently thanks to your new confidence/skills/mentality.

Life’s short man and people we really connect with don’t come around as often as we’d like. You already know what you want to do anyways

Yeah, honestly it's best to just get involved with someone else. I was stuck on a girl for like 7 years and it wasn't until my most recent ex that I finally rewired my brain. I don't know if it's just cause I'm older now or what, but I haven't felt that lonely since.

Tbh tho I'd probably still freeze up if I saw her again.

U need to fall in love with someone else

You’re not over her because your brain is being reminded of her and you were never REALLY over her, just got her out of your head enough. Reminded through dreams/friends/imagination

i just don't think that's true. i've been with other girls romantically and felt some spark (not true love or anything but definitely romantic feelings), i haven't just been "sleeping around" in an attempt to get over her. there's actually a girl at work i'm talking to right now and if i was as naive as i used to be about women i'd probably be head over heels for her. i do feel like i'm over her. like i said to challenger, i've seen pics/videos of her on instagram and stuff and remember genuinely thinking to myself "Wow, I feel nothing. That's awesome."

i really tried to get her out of my head but like i said my friend group is kinda involved with her so it was more difficult than it could have been. i had to just focus on other things and i felt like i genuinely came to the point where i'm no longer into her. 29/30 days of the month i feel nothing. one bad dream flashback and it's like K.O. for a day or two.

Contact her if you’d like, nothing wrong with that. But prepare for the worst if you’re gonna do that, just so you don’t feel like you’re back in the same place because you can never really move backwards. Would be interesting to interact with eachother after 2 years, and manage things differently thanks to your new confidence/skills/mentality.

what's the worst case scenario?

Quote from: Chakas on May 26, 2018, 07:38:18 PM

I don't have any advice to give. Just don't indulge in anything unhealthy to get your mind off of them. Keep it simple. Learn a new hobby. Basic carpentry is a good start. No one can go wrong with learning how to build a workbench. I mean who doesn't need another work bench? I wish I had 3 more.

this reads like a raimi post.

You ever learn the proper form for noose tying son?

Build a shrine to them in your room

I can tell you thinking about "What would be?" is definitely a bad idea. Don't do that.

I don't know about that. Maybe on some level, but on most I'm pretty much glad things turned out the way I did. She was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back in terms of getting my life in order (albeit after a period of making things worse in every way.) I don't think much of her anymore.

Wanting to meet up to me feels like

a) the final straw in realising just how over her I really am

and

b) getting this nonsense out of my head by getting closure

I wish I knew myself. I still see things or hear things that can trigger memories, shit as simple as seeing something on a shelf in the shop that we bought, and it puts me into the shittiest mood. I hope you get out of it because it's crap.

It turned out to be an exceptionally good idea. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. That isn't to say I'm necessarily "over her," but the last two years have made me sort of an expert in getting used to the idea of not being with her, so it's not so bad. After I got through all the mushy stuff we just hung out, laughed a lot, got caught up on the things we missed from each other's lives (she was not impressed with my goth phase) and after I dropped her off, it really felt more like I had just had a fun night with an old friend. I feel like I'm in a much better spot with all of this.