try to make me laugh

More Than Mortal · July 12, 2015, 02:45:33 PM

Quote from: DTEDesty on July 12, 2015, 02:44:31 PM

Quote from: Meta Cognition on July 12, 2015, 02:42:23 PM
What's the best way to get bubblegum out of your hair?

Spoiler
Cancer
.
I thought it was the chemotherapy that gave you hair loss. Actually, I'm pretty sure that is the case.

SHUT THE HELL UP YOU INSUFFERABLE cunt

Verbatim · July 12, 2015, 02:46:35 PM

Quote from: Meta Cognition on July 12, 2015, 02:42:23 PM

What's the best way to get bubblegum out of your hair?

Spoiler
Cancer
.

i smirked

More Than Mortal · July 12, 2015, 02:48:20 PM

What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Spoiler

Their hips.

July 12, 2015, 02:49:57 PM

Spoiler

More Than Mortal · July 12, 2015, 02:50:27 PM

Three pregnant women are knitting sweaters for their babies at the OB/GYN waiting room.

The first one takes a pill out of her purse and says, "I want my baby to have a strong nervous system, so I'm taking a folate pill."

The second one takes a pill out of her purse and says, "I want my baby to have healthy blood, so I'm taking an iron pill."

The third one takes a pill out of her purse and says, "This is thalidomide."

The other two women look in horror. "WHY?!"

The third one calmly replies, "I just fucked up the sleeves on this sweater."

challengerX · July 12, 2015, 02:51:31 PM

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More Than Mortal · July 12, 2015, 02:52:09 PM

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Spoiler

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Desty · July 12, 2015, 02:54:17 PM

Quote from: Meta Cognition on July 12, 2015, 02:45:33 PM

Quote from: DTEDesty on July 12, 2015, 02:44:31 PM
Quote from: Meta Cognition on July 12, 2015, 02:42:23 PM
What's the best way to get bubblegum out of your hair?

Spoiler
Cancer
.
I thought it was the chemotherapy that gave you hair loss. Actually, I'm pretty sure that is the case.
SHUT THE HELL UP YOU INSUFFERABLE cunt

There's a certain joy to making you annoyed

Verbatim · July 12, 2015, 02:58:07 PM

Quote from: Vien on July 12, 2015, 02:49:57 PM

>Pit
>"Goku"
>"Chun-Li"

almost got me

Verbatim · July 12, 2015, 03:03:00 PM

Quote from: Meta Cognition on July 12, 2015, 02:52:09 PM

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Spoiler
Isaac Newton died a virgin.

the thing about this type of humor is that, while i find it funny, i've never had an audible giggle over one

I_IRONMAN_I · July 12, 2015, 03:03:27 PM

More Than Mortal · July 12, 2015, 03:03:57 PM

What's the first thing you do after you rape a deaf girl?

Spoiler

Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.

More Than Mortal · July 12, 2015, 03:05:24 PM

Little Jimmy is in his room playing with his toy cars when a wormhole opens up and a man steps out. "Jimmy! I'm you from the future!"

Shocked, little Jimmy replies, "Really?! Wow! What do I become when I grow up?"

"A pedophile," Older Jimmy says, locking the door.

Verbatim · July 12, 2015, 03:06:11 PM

Quote from: Meta Cognition on July 12, 2015, 03:05:24 PM

Little Jimmy is in his room playing with his toy cars when a wormhole opens up and a man steps out. "Jimmy! I'm you from the future!"

Shocked, little Jimmy replies, "Really?! Wow! What do I become when I grow up?"

"A pedophile," Older Jimmy says, locking the door.

i love it

didn't make me laugh though

More Than Mortal · July 12, 2015, 03:06:15 PM

Who are the worlds fastest readers?

Spoiler

9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in ten seconds.

More Than Mortal · July 12, 2015, 03:07:59 PM

What's the leading cause of paedophilia?

Spoiler

Sexy kids.

More Than Mortal · July 12, 2015, 03:10:30 PM

What's eight inches long, red and makes my girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?

Spoiler

Her miscarriage.

More Than Mortal · July 12, 2015, 03:12:00 PM

Why do you put the baby in the blender feet first?

Spoiler

So it can finish sucking you off.

Verbatim · July 12, 2015, 03:12:49 PM

this is all old material

More Than Mortal · July 12, 2015, 03:14:47 PM

What's the difference between Hitler and the Boston bombers?

The Boston bombers could actually end a race.

Verbatim · July 12, 2015, 03:16:28 PM

i think dark humor works better spoken

More Than Mortal · July 12, 2015, 03:16:36 PM

What organ in the female body remains warm even after death?

My cock.

Dolphinizer · July 12, 2015, 03:27:31 PM

Ingy · July 12, 2015, 03:30:16 PM

Nic Cage in his Superman costume from that never made Burton Superman movie

Dolphinizer · July 12, 2015, 03:30:27 PM

Quote from: Meta Cognition on July 12, 2015, 02:50:27 PM

Three pregnant women are knitting sweaters for their babies at the OB/GYN waiting room.

The first one takes a pill out of her purse and says, "I want my baby to have a strong nervous system, so I'm taking a folate pill."

The second one takes a pill out of her purse and says, "I want my baby to have healthy blood, so I'm taking an iron pill."

The third one takes a pill out of her purse and says, "This is thalidomide."

The other two women look in horror. "WHY?!"

The third one calmly replies, "I just fucked up the sleeves on this sweater."

You win

Ingy · July 12, 2015, 03:33:55 PM

By the way, what're you eating under there?

Verbatim · July 12, 2015, 03:35:12 PM

Quote from: Ingloriouswho98 on July 12, 2015, 03:33:55 PM

By the way, what're you eating under there?

some up dog

Mmmmm Napalm · July 12, 2015, 03:40:41 PM

A guy really wants his date to have an amazing prom. He makes sure to go all out, sparing no expense.

He goes to schedule a limo ride at the limousine service, but there's a massive line. He waits for hours, not wanting to disappoint his date.

Then, he goes to rent an extremely high-quality tuxedo, but yet again, there's a huge line, and it also takes forever to complete his order.

Finally, it's prom night, and the guy has all the elements in place. At the dance, his date asks him to get them refreshments. So, he goes over to the drinks, and there's no punch line.

Verbatim · July 12, 2015, 03:49:10 PM

Quote from: Mmmmm Napalm on July 12, 2015, 03:40:41 PM

A guy really wants his date to have an amazing prom. He makes sure to go all out, sparing no expense.

He goes to schedule a limo ride at the limousine service, but there's a massive line. He waits for hours, not wanting to disappoint his date.

Then, he goes to rent an extremely high-quality tuxedo, but yet again, there's a huge line, and it also takes forever to complete his order.

Finally, it's prom night, and the guy has all the elements in place. At the dance, his date asks him to get them refreshments. So, he goes over to the drinks, and there's no punch line.

clever

jokes that take a few paragraphs to set up rarely elicit laughter from me though

Hahahaha very funny Zonda · July 12, 2015, 04:19:49 PM

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