>Attend college in the UK
>Take English history class
>Professors starts talking about the American Revolution
>Says England won the war because their per-capita kill count was higher
>I start objecting to this
>Professor takes a closer look at me
>He notices I have a ham sandwich next to me
>I am immediately arrested by British authorities under Sharia Law for possessing unclean meat
>They search my dorm room
>Find a toothbrush
>Having never seen such a device before they assume it to be a magic wand
>They insist on putting me on a train to Hogwarts
>Train just runs into the ocean
>All the British kids drown
>I swim back to America using superior American swimming genetics