Yep. I'm serious. Now, I'm going to try and condense this. I don't want no fucking bullshit right? Here's the deal.

Late October, I did some work with the doc's. They found a dormant tumor in my head.(Thanks for those genetics dad) The tumor's probably been there for a long time. It puts pressure on my head. Gives me powerful headaches. Strong enough that drugs do not dull them, and I'm incapacitated.

Point is, the tumor's not dormant anymore. The doc's have been tracking it. And since last month, it's changed. It's aggressive. They gave me an estimate on my lifespan until the tumor grows too big and ruptures important stuff in my head and I hemmorage. Roughly 90 days.

This is why I'm resigning.

I'm going in for Chemotherapy.

But here's the issue. If I stay here, I die. But, the docs are worried about me. My body can't handle the strain. My lungs are healed, but they're still weak. My infection a little while back put a tremendous strain on my heart. And most of all, the tumor is too deep in my head to cut out.

It's aggressive, which means the Chemo has a better chance. But like the doc said, tumors in the brain are hard to treat because of the blood-brain-barrier. A natural defensive system for chemicals in the brain. Only a few chemicals of what they'll be putting into me will actually reach the tumor.

And here's the catch. I have to move. My clinic doesn't have on demand access to the heavy drugs and care that I might need.

So, in the next few days, I'm going to take my motor home, repair it, get it started, and I'm going to leave. I'm going to pack tonight, take all the money I have, say my goodbyes, and go.

Things are going to be bumpy. Chances are, I'm not going to be on. If I stop by cafes and stuff in the city, if I have the strength, I'll stop in and say howdy. So my job as monitor will be a useless spot.

So, that's it guys.

I don't want to do this. I'm tired of fighting. And I'm not even sure the Chemo will work. It might just kill me faster. It might not even stop the tumor. And really, I don't know why I try when I can't seem to be able to just sit the fuck down and enjoy my peace, with no strings attached.

But, I'm going to try anyway. One last shot.

I don't know how long I'll be gone for. But I still live by my words folks. If I'm alive by christmas, I'll send all of you a christmas card.

And that's it. If you've got questions, ask them here because I'll be gone in a day or two.

You folks know my stance on things. You're a good bunch. My friends, same to you. To the staff, it was nice playing the part of a yelling politician for a while.

Thanks folks. Take care while I'm gone.

Edits:

I've been talking with the docs folks. The town doc is talking to the city doc I'll be visiting, and they're sharing all the information on me. So here's the news. I've got a life estimate of about 90 days or so if I just sit on my butt and let things happen. The tumor's agressive. There's no time to wait around.

So they're going to hit me hard. Hard chemicals. Twice every week, for a month. A hard burn to try and stop and kill the tumor as quickly as possible. They don't think I can handle long term effects without falling apart. So basically, this would be like an episode of binge drinking. Drink hard until you drop, but you only do it once.

Essentially, this is a one shot deal. If the drugs don't work they don't have a lot of time to switch them up and try again.

Holy hell, I hope that Chemo works.

Goodbye. That's pretty lame. I hope you don't suffer :/

Holy fuck

I wish you luck

Know we're here for you. Even if we can't communicate know you are on our minds.
I'm thankful for everything Sandtrap. You are a life-changer, one of a kind.

I'm glad you are fighting this. You always have been a fighter.
You take care of yourself. You are your own priority now, as it should be.

I enjoyed having you as a Monitor
You are a natural for it.

When you get better, we'll throw you a big party alright?

Though I've only played a few Halo matches with you, and just typed words on a laptop, I consider you a friend.

Good luck, man, and do try to come back alive. This forum needs some Buddhist spirituality sometimes...

I don't think I've got much left to give. Gave most of my sunshine over to Nuka and other folks. Scraping the bottom of the barrel here really. But, I'll try. One last time.

What will you do in-between the chemo therapy sessions?

What will you do in-between the chemo therapy sessions?

Crank up the heaters in my motor home because it's not winter proof. Potentially take a small time job to pay for shit if I have to. Mostly, try to survive.

I'm fighting two, well, three fights here. The tumor is going to start hurting me more soon. The Chemo will poison me and put a strain on me. And if I said I could crack a smile at all this, I'd be lying.

My motor home is a part of a dream of mine. My home, if I have a future. I might end up kicking the bucket alone, but at the very least, I can do it in the fucking comfort of a place that is my own, always. It's my sanctuary. Peace, quiet, the ability to move, and cozy.

Quote from: Sandtrap on December 03, 2014, 03:18:05 PM

Quote from: BaconShelf on December 03, 2014, 03:07:59 PM

Fucking hell, you don't get a break.


G'luck. Will you be getting your friend to give us updates again?

I'm doing this myself. It's just me now. But, for reference, I have a rule in place. I'll tell it to you folks too.

The Six Month Rule as I call it. Not much can keep me from talking to friends. It would take either death, a coma, or something debilitating to stop me. If I'm ever in a coma or debilitated for six months beyond talking, well, I'm fucked anyway.

And being dead is being dead. So, if none of my friends have heard anything from me in six months or more, I'm dead.

It's a harsh sentiment. But I believe in truth. Absolute truth, no matter how bad it hurts, unchains you and frees you.

I would never wish to leave people behind wondering where the fuck I went or what happened. And in this way, those that care for me that can't directly look at my eyes and say hello, have some measure of peace, even if it hurts.

I can understand that. I just hope you can recover quick so you can help me with my work again :3

Spoiler

for  people who can't take a joke, that wasn't serious. M'kay?

I'd like to. Very much so. Like I said, I'm not leaving right away. I need to get a lot of things ready. But in the meantime, I'm still here, for a little while longer.