For some of you folks, you'll already know what I'm talking about. I'll explain things. I've come to a crossroads in my life. My family is on the verge of collapse because our debts are climbing higher than we can pay them off. I have two choices. I can stay here, and keep helping them, because they sorely need it. But I won't be able to make the money neccessary to pay off all that needs to be paid. Or, I can take a contract with an old company of mine that I worked for. I will be separated from my family, and I'll work on a shitty job as a laborer for five years. But I'll be able to pay off everything.

I don't know what I'm going to choose yet. But In the next few days, I have to do something, because things are critical now. But I'd like to confess something before I go.

A few years back, I went through a heavy depression. In fact, a few more days, and I probably would have been one of those people that are laughed at over the internet for suiciding. But I turned things around. But I never did it for myself. Truth be told, I never really gave a fuck about myself. And it's only through the past few years, that I barely started to do things that made me as a person happy.

But if I take this job, those five years will destroy me. I can't stand being trapped. And that job is the very definition of it. But I'll be doing it not for me, because this is all bigger than I am. As a person, my needs have always come second. But, even if I choose to stay, I can't win.

Because lately, there's been too much for me to handle. In fall, I become naturally depressed until winter rolls in. And because of all this shit, my own depression has started back up. And it's feeding off everything. In a few days, a week even, I've fallen so far down the hole that I can't even stop it.

If I go, I'll break. I know that. And if I stay, I will too. My depression will fucking eat me alive. It already is. But whatever I choose, I'm going to try my fucking hardest to hang on for the sake of my family. I don't know if this is a fight I can win. But I'm going to try.

The point is, if I go, you won't see me for five years. And if I stay, my depression is going to pull me along on strings. I'll close up to the world, and I'll vanish from this site for some time, until I either lose my fight and off myself, or I start climbing back out of it.

So I have this to say to every one of you here. Thank you for the good times you've given over the years. I hope this place stays alive and well over the years. For good or bad, all of you here are a good bunch. You've made my time here enjoyable, given me stories, and new perspectives to look at.

And to all the people who I got to know a little better, you know who you are. I would be proud to call you all friends of mine if you ever showed up on my doorstep. I would give my life for you if need be. And I would help you if I had it in my power.

I have little to say that I haven't said before. So I'm just going to leave off with this.

Make your life better than mine.

Update on things:

I talked with my family last night and this morning about things. They left the choice up to me since it is my life and that they'd stand by me with whatever I picked. But I know them. The amount of times I've been there when things got bad alone this year is something they couldn't work around. They all need me more than any money could provide. We could be broke and on the streets but at the very least we'd still have each other's backs. Better than one of them getting injured or in trouble while I'm out there and they're here alone.

So I'm going to stay. But I know what's coming. This winter isn't going to be easy. And I'd be a fool to think that everything will be fine and dandy. I'm going to try and see if I can find some work in the local area to do what I can. But I'd like my peace and quiet now. If you ever want to talk to me, I will be here. But my head's going to go down into some dark places. I'm going to try my best to keep my head straight but fighting this is like trying to walk up an avalanche.

I'd sincerely like to apologize right now for anything that I might say later on if you speak to me. I grow bitter, resentful, spiteful, and unkind when I fall far enough and my temper comes out. This is not me and it's not who I ever want to emmulate.

*Salutes*
Good bye my Canadian brother.
I wish you all the best.

Good luck!

Today, Sep7agon has lost one of its best.

Quote from: SecondClass on September 16, 2014, 11:19:18 PM

Just smoke weed, God's natural antidepressant. And yeah, it sucks your family is in debt. You don't have the obligation to help pay that off, though. Go to college, move away, do things that you want to do.

Sure, he doesn't have to help his family, but some people hold a sense of honor and will devote themselves for loved ones to the breaking point. It's a more old fashioned thought process I suppose, of which I agree with.

I guess so. OP is a better man than me.

I wish you the best of luck

Climb you son of a bitch, do what my older brother couldn't and beat the fuck out of that depression that's trying to wrap itself around you, don't leave your family behind, and don't fucking give up on the life you're trying to build. if you even THINK about ending it, I'll never forgive you, and I'll hate you for the rest of my life.

Goodbye, please take care.

Damn 
I really hope that you will manage to pull through and be fine. Please, don't give in to any dark thoughts. Try to be happy.

What you're doing is worth the deepest of respect. I would probably only help a little economically in your situation, while trying to build my own life.

I will sincerely miss you.

*salutes*

Good luck.

God fucking damnit, Sandtrap.

I wish you the best of luck, genuinely. If you make it through, be sure to come back to us.

Good luck dude.