So I just self evaluated myself

🂿 · June 04, 2016, 04:00:21 AM

Briefly. Note: Not looking for any pity, not a pity thread. Just... something for me to reflect on later.

Anyway, I thought back when I first joined a forum, when nobody really knew who I was. Was a pretty nice refreshing experience, I also remember the first time I got trolled. I was pretty mad and would be in a rush to argue back before the thread would get locked. I remember being progressively worse at 16.

By the time I was 18 I worked my way up. I got better with people and learned what trolling was. By the time 2013 came along, that all became ground zero and all around the forum people were saying that I didn't change, I'm just showing my true colors.

And I've been stagnating ever since, even with this place, to improve my inner self.

Like... I tend to treat it like its a fucking game, except I regret it later. I haven't learned jack shit all this time, and I have no idea if I'm ever gonna learn. The same mistakes just keep happening.

What's worse? Say I do drop like a fly here. I've already become toxic waste on the internet. I've done the same shit you guys do to other communities now. All your memes, all the things you guys say, I repeat it elsewhere. Its like I don't really care how people feel anymore, at least on the level of the memery.

I dunno how else to describe it. I don't really respect myself, I don't even like a single thing about me.

I know I'm a pile of trash anyway.

As long as I'm on the internet, on any forums or communities, I'm going to be one hated fuck because I treat it all like its a game, and then wonder why nobody talks to me later.

Because I keep shooting myself in the foot. I don't know if I'll ever be able to break this cycle. I mean... I want to, but I end up repeating it, along with the Sep7agon toxicity in my system.

Solonoid · June 04, 2016, 04:02:38 AM

Too long, didn't care.

Soz m8

Saleem · June 04, 2016, 04:03:02 AM

This is probably not the place for you since this just keeps happening.

Verbatim · June 04, 2016, 04:03:49 AM

find another community to annoy

what is so hard

June 04, 2016, 04:04:39 AM

more like you treat it too seriously than you treat it like a game

just chill out and don't worry about what other people are doing and saying

🂿 · June 04, 2016, 04:06:57 AM

Quote from: SecondClass on June 04, 2016, 04:04:39 AM

more like you treat it too seriously than you treat it like a game

just chill out and don't worry about what other people are doing and saying

Might as well since I've gotten close to burning bridges with people in another community now.

The fucking action however is the hardest to achieve and maintenance. I can say that I'll stop taking the internet seriously, but I can never fucking accomplish it, and I hate that.

Luciana · June 04, 2016, 04:07:00 AM

If there is one thing that annoys me, it's self loathing.

If you're such a piece of shit, stop crying about it and do something about it. People who think like you piss me off. Playing the victim card all the time when you realize you've done something wrong is sad and some odd defense mechanism to cope with your own mistakes, and apparently your own inability to fix them.

You won't change unless you actually make some fundamental improvements about yourself.

Desty · June 04, 2016, 04:07:10 AM

Deci, stop being so fucking mad
-not deci

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO I WANT TO BE MAD"
"FUCK YOU I'LL FUCKING RIP YOUR DICK OUT AND BURN IT"

I treat it all like its a game
-deci

Desty · June 04, 2016, 04:08:12 AM

oh shit look what I found
http://www.thehaloforum.com/

Deci, I'm sure that you'd love this forum

Onion · June 04, 2016, 04:08:41 AM

Literally all of your posts are just about yourself.

🂿 · June 04, 2016, 04:10:20 AM

Quote from: Luciana on June 04, 2016, 04:07:00 AM

If there is one thing that annoys me, it's self loathing.

If you're such a piece of shit, stop crying about it and do something about it. People who think like you piss me off.

At least I don't pretend to be female.

Luciana · June 04, 2016, 04:12:10 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 04, 2016, 04:10:20 AM

Quote from: Luciana on June 04, 2016, 04:07:00 AM
If there is one thing that annoys me, it's self loathing.

If you're such a piece of shit, stop crying about it and do something about it. People who think like you piss me off.

At least I don't pretend to be female.

Aside from the original post in the intro thread and a post or two here within the first week, I never said anything about my gender, or what I am, nor how I operate in that regard. People have made their own assumptions. And guess what, the entire community doesn't hate me.

But thank you for proving my point.

Desty · June 04, 2016, 04:13:05 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 04, 2016, 04:10:20 AM

Quote from: Luciana on June 04, 2016, 04:07:00 AM
If there is one thing that annoys me, it's self loathing.

If you're such a piece of shit, stop crying about it and do something about it. People who think like you piss me off.

At least I don't pretend to be female.

Yes, at the very least you don't, but you're still damn near rock bottom. Stop trying to escape it. Face your pathetic self.

🂿 · June 04, 2016, 04:13:28 AM

Quote from: Luciana on June 04, 2016, 04:12:10 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 04, 2016, 04:10:20 AM
Quote from: Luciana on June 04, 2016, 04:07:00 AM
If there is one thing that annoys me, it's self loathing.

If you're such a piece of shit, stop crying about it and do something about it. People who think like you piss me off.

At least I don't pretend to be female.
Aside from the original post in the intro thread and a post or two here within the first week, I never said anything about my gender, or what I am, nor how I operate in that regard. People have made their own assumptions.

But thank you for proving my point. Now don't you have someplace to go feel sorry for yourself at?

No I don't. Because I don't feel sorry for myself.

Luciana · June 04, 2016, 04:14:26 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 04, 2016, 04:13:28 AM

No I don't. Because I don't feel sorry for myself.

Your entire OP is you crying about how you can't change. Are you so deluded that you do these mental gymnastics to believe you're not?

🂿 · June 04, 2016, 04:16:42 AM

Quote from: Luciana on June 04, 2016, 04:14:26 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 04, 2016, 04:13:28 AM
No I don't. Because I don't feel sorry for myself.
Your entire OP is you crying about how you can't change. Are you so deluded that you do these mental gymnastics to believe you're not?

Quote

Note: Not looking for any pity, not a pity thread. Just... something for me to reflect on later.

Verbatim · June 04, 2016, 04:19:20 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 04, 2016, 04:16:42 AM

Quote from: Luciana on June 04, 2016, 04:14:26 AM
Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 04, 2016, 04:13:28 AM
No I don't. Because I don't feel sorry for myself.
Your entire OP is you crying about how you can't change. Are you so deluded that you do these mental gymnastics to believe you're not?
Quote
Note: Not looking for any pity, not a pity thread. Just... something for me to reflect on later.

that's pretty much exactly what feeling sorry for yourself is

🂿 · June 04, 2016, 04:20:51 AM

Quote from: Verbatim on June 04, 2016, 04:19:20 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 04, 2016, 04:16:42 AM
Quote from: Luciana on June 04, 2016, 04:14:26 AM
Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 04, 2016, 04:13:28 AM
No I don't. Because I don't feel sorry for myself.
Your entire OP is you crying about how you can't change. Are you so deluded that you do these mental gymnastics to believe you're not?
Quote
Note: Not looking for any pity, not a pity thread. Just... something for me to reflect on later.
that's pretty much exactly what feeling sorry for yourself is

If I bother you so much, why don't you just ignore all my replies and threads?

June 04, 2016, 04:22:47 AM

I don't know why people legitimately hate deci when he brings so much drama and entertainment to this site

Luciana · June 04, 2016, 04:23:40 AM

Quote from: SecondClass on June 04, 2016, 04:22:47 AM

I don't know why people legitimately hate deci when he brings so much drama and entertainment to this site

I'm too lazy to hate people

I just find it dumb

Verbatim · June 04, 2016, 04:23:51 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 04, 2016, 04:20:51 AM

If I bother you so much, why don't you just ignore all my replies and threads?

because i derive great visceral entertainment from them at your expense

the same reason i reply to anyone else i dislike

🂿 · June 04, 2016, 04:24:30 AM

Quote from: SecondClass on June 04, 2016, 04:22:47 AM

I don't know why people legitimately hate deci when he brings so much drama and entertainment to this site

Actually, I can give you some good reasons. I'm pretty much no different from people like Dustin and Desty at this point. Hell I'm probably even next in line to be the next Kiyo, or whatever member you personally dislike.

Verbatim · June 04, 2016, 04:25:37 AM

"at this point," he says

🂿 · June 04, 2016, 04:27:43 AM

Quote from: Verbatim on June 04, 2016, 04:25:37 AM

"at this point," he says

Well you never liked me since B.old so your opinion doesn't really matter. In fact you don't really like anyone.

🂿 · June 04, 2016, 04:29:26 AM

Oh, real quick btw. If I don't sign on here after an entire year goes by, there's probably a pretty good chance that I'm dead.

At least that's how you'd all know.

Hopefully that hasn't happened to Sandtrap :/

June 04, 2016, 04:30:53 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 04, 2016, 04:29:26 AM

Oh, real quick btw. If I don't sign on here after an entire year goes by, there's probably a pretty good chance that I'm dead.

At least that's how you'd all know.

Wait how isn't this a pity thread

BaconShelf · June 04, 2016, 04:32:11 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 04, 2016, 04:29:26 AM

Hopefully that hasn't happened to Sandtrap :/

It hasn't. I got a message from him about a week or two back. He said he's doing fine as he can be right now.

🂿 · June 04, 2016, 04:35:39 AM

Quote from: SecondClass on June 04, 2016, 04:30:53 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 04, 2016, 04:29:26 AM
Oh, real quick btw. If I don't sign on here after an entire year goes by, there's probably a pretty good chance that I'm dead.

At least that's how you'd all know.
Wait how isn't this a pity thread

Oh I made that reply isolated, just in case anyone does end up wondering if I'm not on for a year. I mean shit can happen. People are dropping like flies this year.

True Turquoise · June 04, 2016, 04:36:05 AM

Just leave

🂿 · June 04, 2016, 04:37:00 AM

Quote from: True Turquoise on June 04, 2016, 04:36:05 AM

Just leave

No. Everyone here is going to deal with me until the day I die. If I live to be 80 and somehow this site is still around, I'm still going to continue to torment any of you that are left here.