So, it's been some time since I passed away. A little bit, I hope. I wrote this with the intent of having it passed along after some time. I know I had a habit of writing slogs of words and walls to go through. Honest to god, I tried curbing that wandering head of mine.

This is the last one, I promise.

I used to do be a dead man walking, now I'm a dead man talking. There's things left unspoken by me, Sep7agon. I could write books on it. There's just no easy way to talk about this shit in text without it piling up. And it sucks because suddenly after all this time I have shit to talk about. But here goes.

First, to all the people I got to know, thank you. And to all the people who I didn't, I'm sorry. I would have loved to know you better than I did. Time's got a way of both piling up and running out. I'm not the inexhaustible machine I tried to be. I'd like to think I did a good try, at least.

On to the point. I know my passing is going to be hitting some of you upside the head like a brick. And, to be honest, I'm sorry about that. I feel like an ass for doing it. When I got the confirmation that I was fucked with no way out, I tried to put my remaining time to good use by talking to you guys.

Not just small talk and fun stuff, but help. Everybody alive has got some kind of problem. Some of you showed it on that wee old lifeboat we call Sep7agon. If I was awake and strong enough to do it, I listened and talked to you because I knew that at some point, I wasn't going to be there.

And I knew damn well what it would do to some of you. You're probably feeling shitty about the fact that I tried to help you when I didn't have to, and now you can't repay it. Listen. Don't worry about it. I tried and did what I did for you because I wanted to. I accepted everything else that either came with that or didn't. Right here, right now, I free you from that guilt.

You folks helped me simply by being there to talk to. Sitting in isolation with a throat scarred from coughing up crap didn't give me a lot of options. That's why I came back to you guys. You were the only place I could come back to, for good reasons.

It's odd to realize for myself, that I won't be here anymore. I won't be able to just jump on and piss away time. I won't be around if you need me. And that worries me. Always has. What if one of you gets down and out or you decide to pull the plug on yourself? Not saying that I could stop it. But I would try to help.

The best I can do is hope that none of you ever come that far. The best I can hope for is that you've got the strength to fight through your problems, and to fix them. And the one thing I can really hope for, is that you learn the importance of acceptance.

There are things in life we can change. There are some things we can't. If you stop, and really look at it, there's no point in getting wrapped up around what we can't change. I want you to picture a full grown adult breaking down in the middle of the food isle and crying because they were too tall in their own eyes.

Seems kind of silly, no? I know it's not that simple. Some of the things we can't change suck. Like it or no, they're still there. You can choose to carry onwards, or stay there and torment yourself for your own reasons.

I know that some of you on sep7agon doubted me. You doubted my stories, doubted my claims. And you know what? That is completely fair. For one thing, there's a track record of scummy people capitalizing on people believing in them.

For another, there was only one instance where I provided tangible proof. And hell, a truly skeptical person might say that it was shopped even though I can tell you I have no skills in the art department whatsoever.

The truth is that I really fucking hate pictures of myself, and that was only magnified as I watched myself fall apart. I wasn't about to go out of my way to prove to you folks the validity of my experiences because to me, it wasn't that big of a deal to fuss over.

Exactly the same as if I listened to you. I never asked you for proof because I judged for myself. I trusted you enough to believe what you were saying. And I'd like to think you never short-changed me on that when I spent time on you.

Believe me when I say that you didn't want to see me on the end of my ride. I looked bad enough that my family couldn't stomach it. And that might make you feel guilty. I posted what I did and I accepted the consequences that came with. I abolish you of that guilt.

This is tricky though. There's so many things I'd like to talk to you about. All of you, separately, one by one. No written words could do it justice. The words I'm writing to you now fall painfully short of what I want to say, why I want to say it, and how much time I have to say it.

All of you individual personalities, you separate people with your separate lives on separate parts of the planet, whether you called me a friend, whether you and I had issues and disagreements on things, no matter whom you are or what your interaction was with me, know that it meant a lot to me.

Maybe you never saw it because I never showed it. Your stories, your experiences, my interactions with you, helped me grow as a person and apply things to my own life. In the short years I got to know you, so much of the growth I did in my life, so much of the fight I gave it, was because of my time spent with you guys.

You left your mark on me in your own ways and I'm sorry that I won't be around to repay that. I don't know where I'm headed now. Maybe I'm headed nowhere at all. Frankly, I wasn't ready to give everything up. But we all go sometime.

If there's a bus stop at the end of life, I'll be there waiting. In the meantime, go live your life for me. We'll catch up on stories later.