I'm starting this thread with the intent not of sharing so much my personal talks with this new doc of mine, but with things that he shows me. In my conversations with him, this is not a one way street. He is gauging me and I am gauging him, as well as learning new things that I didn't know before.

In this thread I will do my best to explain what I learn and encounter with the express intent of potentially sharing a way to help you folks help yourselves. I know that for some of you here, a lot of you here, things aren't peachy. If I am able to shed some light on things, and maybe, provide a way for any of you to get a leg up in your own lives, I feel obliged to do so.

Key note here. I'm not going to diagnose any of you folks since I'm not a doc. I'm simply providing you with some reading material and information that might allow you to solve problems on your end of things.

Conversation #1 Insights

Number 1: Mindset

Your mindset and outlook on things is a very important factor in your mental health. Not only that, but a negative mindset is both incredibly hard to recognize at first, and harder to reverse because of the effects it has on your perception of everything. In my conversation with the doc, he mentions that it's something we're going to try and alter.

The key here, is WE.

Number 2: Nothing happens if you force it

That's right. One of the biggest steps in helping yourself, is actively being aware that something is wrong with you, and truly, one of the hardest first steps, is willingly committing and deciding to change. You could see a doctor until you're blue in the face, and he could literally hand you the keys to the universe and all of life's problems, but if you don't want to change, and fix yourself, then it will never happen.

What you have to do, is realize where a negative mindset stops you and hinders you. Pinpoint when and where it's happening, and resist it.

Number 3: Time

No psychologist or doctor can fix you overnight. The longer you take in finally reaching a point in admitting the truth to yourself and deciding to change, the longer it's going to take to fix.

I've been in this state since 2005. The doc admits to me openly, that it's going to take time to find a way through my troubles.

The first session alone left me tired and discouraged. Discouraged enough to not feel good, but feel bad instead.

^^^ This, is the mindset I mentioned in the first section.

Suggestions for help

The doc started me with something simple. Writing in a journal. Just to simply put my thoughts about the day into written form. And, while it may seem stupid or pointless at first, the reason is because both you, and a doctor, can gauge and find more aspects to you in your own private writing than expected.

The doc mentioned drugs, of course, of which I have several reasons both physical and opinion not to take. His personal advice to me was to wait and that he agrees. Drugs are never the first step, never should be, and should only be used as a last resort, and a slight booster to help you if you need it.

Not a full blown crutch. If you go to a doc for mental health, and the first thing they do is dump meds on you, back the fuck out.

My present condition:

Null. No happy, no sad, nothing. Emotions and feelings are both diminished and extremely short lived. Everything exists in a null, flatline state of grey to me. I care for little. My rational side is the only the only thing keeping me alive right now, and probably has been for a few good long years.

The doc says, that this is like "survival mode." People enter these states, obviously, to deal with trauma and tough situations. These states are handy for phasing through trauma and difficult conditions, naturally.

But the problem is when they overstay their welcome. If left in a state like this for a long enough time, depression sets in, now becoming a downward, self fed spiral. The depression generates more trauma, and you exist in this safety state, trapped. Left over time, you whittle away piece by piece until there's nothing left.

interested to see your updates with this sandtrap