Made a potential mistake a few days ago.

Elai · June 17, 2016, 12:48:15 AM

Few weeks ago I had my heart broken by a girl I'd been pining over for some time. At this emotional low-point for me, I made the rash decision of getting in touch with an ex-girlfriend of mine whom I haven't talked with in 2 years.

I suppose the mindset I had was that I was tired of being alone and I knew that me going back to an old flame would sort of a be a "sure thing", alieviating some of the pain.

I asked her to get coffee sometime, to which she agreed. She generally seemed like how I remember: cordial, caring, upbeat, kind. We're supposed to go sometime in the next couple of days.

But see, the problem is that

a) this girl has been no-good for me in the past, and
b) I'm still really into that other girl

There is a possible future with the first girl but not for at least a year or two. I think I would be happier with her and she's actually 10/10 marriage material, but it's not a sure thing and by not moving on I'm just potentially waiting around for nothing. Something that I feel I've been doing for the last 5 years.

So, any suggestions? I can elaborate where necessary. I'm honestly just kind of curious to see what some of you think.

🂿 · June 17, 2016, 12:52:14 AM

If your ex has been no good to you in the past, she's likely to be no good to you again. I would take some time off for both girls actually. Rebounds don't work very well.

Elai · June 17, 2016, 12:54:22 AM

Yeah, the point is that I've spent the better part of the last 3 years "taking time off from girls" and all that resulted in was severe depression, anxiety and a ridiculous lack of ambition.

Jive Turkey · June 17, 2016, 01:16:39 AM

Describe your mindset with girls

I think I already have an idea but I'd like to make sure

Elai · June 17, 2016, 08:34:41 AM

Quote from: Jive Turkey on June 17, 2016, 01:16:39 AM

Describe your mindset with girls

I think I already have an idea but I'd like to make sure

I don't understand your question.

Dietrich Six · June 17, 2016, 08:38:25 AM

Forget girl A and bang girl B. Then move on and find someone else.

Pining after girls is a gigantic waste of time.
If it's going to be at least a year before you can get with girl A then go have some fun in the meantime, you might find someone better.

Tyger · June 17, 2016, 08:41:30 AM

Kill them both

Elai · June 17, 2016, 12:15:43 PM

Quote from: Dietrich Six on June 17, 2016, 08:38:25 AM

Forget girl A and bang girl B. Then move on and find someone else.

Not "banging" anyone.

Dietrich Six · June 17, 2016, 12:18:13 PM

Quote from: Callus on June 17, 2016, 12:15:43 PM

Quote from: Dietrich Six on June 17, 2016, 08:38:25 AM
Forget girl A and bang girl B. Then move on and find someone else.

Not "banging" anyone.

Forget both and move on.

Elai · June 17, 2016, 12:19:28 PM

Quote from: Dietrich Six on June 17, 2016, 12:18:13 PM

Forget both and move on.

Wish it were that easy.

Dietrich Six · June 17, 2016, 12:20:43 PM

Quote from: Callus on June 17, 2016, 12:19:28 PM

Quote from: Dietrich Six on June 17, 2016, 12:18:13 PM
Forget both and move on.

Wish it were that easy.

Go find someone else who can reciprocate your feelings, or be a miserable cunt.

Those are about your only options.

Tyger · June 17, 2016, 12:20:59 PM

Why did you and ex girl break up

Elai · June 17, 2016, 03:16:04 PM

Quote from: Dietrich Six on June 17, 2016, 12:20:43 PM

Go find someone else who can reciprocate your feelings, or be a miserable cunt.

Those are about your only options.

Finding someone else means I'll be a miserable cunt, and it usually takes me years to find a girl I like, anyway.

Elai · June 17, 2016, 03:16:31 PM

Quote from: Tyger on June 17, 2016, 12:20:59 PM

Why did you and ex girl break up

She ran away with a friend of mine.

Tyger · June 17, 2016, 03:24:06 PM

If she'll do it once she'll do it again. It might be nice to hang out with her catch up, but I wouldn't engage in a serious relationship.

Maybe ask yourself why you feel like you need a girl? You said taking a break from girls made you miserable by why is that? You can't just say "no girls allowed" and sit around feeling lonely. If you have no sense of self fulfillment it makes it much harder to feel fulfilled by others (not sure if that's good word choice but whatever you can probably get this jist)

99% if what I say on this forum is bullshit, fucking around, or trolling but I'm 100% serious when I say a qt girlfiend won't magically make you not a miserable fuck if on the inside you're a miserable fuck.

Jive Turkey · June 17, 2016, 03:52:42 PM

Quote from: Tyger on June 17, 2016, 03:24:06 PM

If she'll do it once she'll do it again. It might be nice to hang out with her catch up, but I wouldn't engage in a serious relationship.

Maybe ask yourself why you feel like you need a girl? You said taking a break from girls made you miserable by why is that? You can't just say "no girls allowed" and sit around feeling lonely. If you have no sense of self fulfillment it makes it much harder to feel fulfilled by others (not sure if that's good word choice but whatever you can probably get this jist)

99% if what I say on this forum is bullshit, fucking around, or trolling but I'm 100% serious when I say a qt girlfiend won't magically make you not a miserable fuck if on the inside you're a miserable fuck.

I believe he's said that his goal or purpose is to find a girl to marry and make happy, or something similar to that (correct me I I'm wrong because I probably am off by a bit) which I think is not a realistic and fulfilling goal at all. It's a fantasy and will only lead to more heartache and pain etc

Elai · June 17, 2016, 04:07:03 PM

Quote from: Tyger on June 17, 2016, 03:24:06 PM

If she'll do it once she'll do it again. It might be nice to hang out with her catch up, but I wouldn't engage in a serious relationship.

Twice actually. That's why I think it was a mistake.

Quote

I'm 100% serious when I say a qt girlfiend won't magically make you not a miserable fuck if on the inside you're a miserable fuck.

It does, though. It's not just the girlfriend, it's the responsibility of taking care of another human being that urges me to have goals and be productive. The bottom line is, I don't care about myself or my well-being enough to do things for myself. But if others well-being is at stake, that's what pushes me to get my shit together. I want that. I don't have that, and I need it.

I don't want a "girlfriend", I want a "wife". In purely conceptual terms, obviously.

Elai · June 17, 2016, 04:09:52 PM

Quote from: Jive Turkey on June 17, 2016, 03:52:42 PM

which I think is not a realistic and fulfilling goal at all. It's a fantasy and will only lead to more heartache and pain etc

Plenty of people in my church have what I want. It's not unrealistic or unfulfilling at all.

I just fundamentally see relationships different than you.

🂿 · June 17, 2016, 04:18:17 PM

Quote from: Callus on June 17, 2016, 12:54:22 AM

Yeah, the point is that I've spent the better part of the last 3 years "taking time off from girls" and all that resulted in was severe depression, anxiety and a ridiculous lack of ambition.

You should probably see a psychologist. That's what I'm doing now.

Elai · June 17, 2016, 04:19:12 PM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 17, 2016, 04:18:17 PM

Quote from: Callus on June 17, 2016, 12:54:22 AM
Yeah, the point is that I've spent the better part of the last 3 years "taking time off from girls" and all that resulted in was severe depression, anxiety and a ridiculous lack of ambition.

You should probably see a psychologist. That's what I'm doing now.

I already do, but for other reasons.

🂿 · June 17, 2016, 04:21:00 PM

Quote from: Callus on June 17, 2016, 04:19:12 PM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 17, 2016, 04:18:17 PM
Quote from: Callus on June 17, 2016, 12:54:22 AM
Yeah, the point is that I've spent the better part of the last 3 years "taking time off from girls" and all that resulted in was severe depression, anxiety and a ridiculous lack of ambition.

You should probably see a psychologist. That's what I'm doing now.

I already do, but for other reasons.

Well I don't think opening up about that is a bad idea. I did with my ex, and I actually am feeling a hell of a lot better now compared to before.

Dietrich Six · June 17, 2016, 04:21:34 PM

Quote from: Callus on June 17, 2016, 03:16:04 PM

Quote from: Dietrich Six on June 17, 2016, 12:20:43 PM
Go find someone else who can reciprocate your feelings, or be a miserable cunt.

Those are about your only options.

Finding someone else means I'll be a miserable cunt, and it usually takes me years to find a girl I like, anyway.

Well then you can always waste your life waiting for girl A to come around. Probably going to be a shit time tho.

Elai · June 17, 2016, 04:29:59 PM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 17, 2016, 04:21:00 PM

Well I don't think opening up about that is a bad idea. I did with my ex, and I actually am feeling a hell of a lot better now compared to before.

I don't really care.