Like Sandtrap

Aether · April 06, 2017, 02:07:14 PM

I don't like to elaborate much on my health issues. Although I'm not all that well off, Sandtrap's situation just makes me feel like I have a lot to be grateful for. There isn't a chance in hell I'm going to give up on overcoming this mess after seeing him power though something as terrible as what he went though for so long.

Jester · April 06, 2017, 04:10:44 PM

I steal meds as often as I can and wait for the day that pushes me over the edge so I can down every last one of them. I'm afraid of myself at times, I'm afraid I'm going to actually kill somebody instead of just threatening them, I'm afraid I'll think the occasional voice I hear that tells me to slit my wrists again is going to turn into the voice of reason and I'm going to die. I don't want to die but I can't help the urge to. I hate myself and everything I've done to people that care about me but I can't undo the past. Lastly, I'm afraid of not being able to see my girlfriend again. I'm afraid that one day she'll end up jumping off the bridge and I won't be there to help her or I'll jump into traffic knowing full well she'll follow my lead.

Kitsune 狐 · April 06, 2017, 04:37:58 PM

Quote from: Jester on April 06, 2017, 04:10:44 PM

I steal meds as often as I can and wait for the day that pushes me over the edge so I can down every last one of them. I'm afraid of myself at times, I'm afraid I'm going to actually kill somebody instead of just threatening them, I'm afraid I'll think the occasional voice I hear that tells me to slit my wrists again is going to turn into the voice of reason and I'm going to die. I don't want to die but I can't help the urge to. I hate myself and everything I've done to people that care about me but I can't undo the past. Lastly, I'm afraid of not being able to see my girlfriend again. I'm afraid that one day she'll end up jumping off the bridge and I won't be there to help her or I'll jump into traffic knowing full well she'll follow my lead.

I'm sorry you're so troubled. You really are a good person. Your fears only prove that you are only human and that you do have compassion. I hope that you find a way to get through this, and I'm always here if you ever want to talk.

challengerX · April 06, 2017, 07:16:25 PM

This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon^® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.

Elai · April 06, 2017, 08:21:27 PM

Quote from: challengerX on April 06, 2017, 07:16:25 PM

Everybody loves you when you're dead.

of course you'd be the one to say it

Solonoid · April 07, 2017, 02:08:00 AM

Quote from: challengerX on April 06, 2017, 07:16:25 PM

Everybody loves you when you're dead.

Dude was just a really great guy who always had time for others.

I was heartbroken when his truck got stolen and he got beat to shit, and really happy when he came back. His words were almost lyrical and I can only assume that he meant as much to everyone as to the few people here who really shared something with him.

Everybody always loved Sandtrap, his passing has just made people feel guilty for not letting him know often enough; at least, that seems to be the theme of this thread.

challengerX · April 07, 2017, 08:27:46 AM

This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon^® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.

Ender · April 07, 2017, 09:12:10 AM

I really can't bring myself to go through our old messages

Ender · April 07, 2017, 09:26:45 AM

big dog · April 07, 2017, 09:35:30 AM

You're all okay except Challenger who I'll never forgive for not writing to me while I'm away.

challengerX · April 07, 2017, 10:32:14 AM

This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon^® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.

Bonewheel Barry · April 07, 2017, 01:36:02 PM

Last year I was going through a rough time and attempted suicide. I mentioned the attempt in a thread in Serious. Sandtrap saw it, I guess, and sent me a message asking if I wanted to talk. We talked a little and I began feeling a little better on my outlook on life.

The guy didn't even know me and was genuinely concerned about my life. I never knew a more thoughtful and compassionate human being.

I wish I had thanked him for lending me a hand when I was down. Shit, I'm about to cry just thinking about the old guy.

Elai · April 07, 2017, 03:17:22 PM

Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 08:27:46 AM

Quote from: Snake on April 06, 2017, 08:21:27 PM
Quote from: challengerX on April 06, 2017, 07:16:25 PM
Everybody loves you when you're dead.

of course you'd be the one to say it
what do you mean

we all understand the sentiment behind your post (that we didn't "love" him when he was alive because he wasn't that important to us and now that he's gone we feel we have to overcompensate), but you're the only one who has said anything about the somewhat fake nature of our collectove mourning. just leave people to cope in their own ways even if it's bullshit.

challengerX · April 07, 2017, 03:19:31 PM

This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon^® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.

Verbatim · April 07, 2017, 03:22:52 PM

Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 03:19:31 PM

Quote from: Snake on April 07, 2017, 03:17:22 PM
Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 08:27:46 AM
Quote from: Snake on April 06, 2017, 08:21:27 PM
Quote from: challengerX on April 06, 2017, 07:16:25 PM
Everybody loves you when you're dead.

of course you'd be the one to say it
what do you mean

we all understand the sentiment behind your post (that we didn't "love" him when he was alive because he wasn't that important to us and now that he's gone we feel we have to overcompensate), but you're the only one who has said anything about the somewhat fake nature of our collectove mourning. just leave people to cope in their own ways even if it's bullshit.
Or maybe people should learn to show this type of affection to others while they're alive.

And I really don't care about your opinion of me being """toxic""" or whatever buzzword you want to use, shove it up your ass.

this post makes me want to show affection towards you

challengerX · April 07, 2017, 03:27:12 PM

This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon^® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.

Elai · April 07, 2017, 03:29:11 PM

Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 03:19:31 PM

Quote from: Snake on April 07, 2017, 03:17:22 PM
Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 08:27:46 AM
Quote from: Snake on April 06, 2017, 08:21:27 PM
Quote from: challengerX on April 06, 2017, 07:16:25 PM
Everybody loves you when you're dead.

of course you'd be the one to say it
what do you mean

we all understand the sentiment behind your post (that we didn't "love" him when he was alive because he wasn't that important to us and now that he's gone we feel we have to overcompensate), but you're the only one who has said anything about the somewhat fake nature of our collectove mourning. just leave people to cope in their own ways even if it's bullshit.
Or maybe people should learn to show this type of affection to others while they're alive.

And I really don't care about your opinion of me being """toxic""" or whatever buzzword you want to use, shove it up your ass.

youre naive if you think people would ever be that open with anyone publicly. sandtrap being dead means he can't respond, making it easier for people to be honest. it takes a lot of emotional security to tell someone how much they mean to you, and unfortunately most of us are lacking in that department.

and i didnt even use the word toxic or anything like it but i think it's funny that it springs to mind whenever i challenge you or whatever.

Verbatim · April 07, 2017, 03:31:48 PM

Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 03:27:12 PM

Quote from: Verbatim on April 07, 2017, 03:22:52 PM
Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 03:19:31 PM
Quote from: Snake on April 07, 2017, 03:17:22 PM
Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 08:27:46 AM
Quote from: Snake on April 06, 2017, 08:21:27 PM
Quote from: challengerX on April 06, 2017, 07:16:25 PM
Everybody loves you when you're dead.

of course you'd be the one to say it
what do you mean

we all understand the sentiment behind your post (that we didn't "love" him when he was alive because he wasn't that important to us and now that he's gone we feel we have to overcompensate), but you're the only one who has said anything about the somewhat fake nature of our collectove mourning. just leave people to cope in their own ways even if it's bullshit.
Or maybe people should learn to show this type of affection to others while they're alive.

And I really don't care about your opinion of me being """toxic""" or whatever buzzword you want to use, shove it up your ass.
this post makes me want to show affection towards you
lmao

My point is that people who are nice and make an effort rarely get treated that way in return. It's a shame.

i agree, but i guess my point is to show how difficult that can be sometimes

you can say some shit to someone you genuinely care about, make them feel bad for whatever reason, with the knowledge that they're still there the next day, and you can make up and be nicer to them if you wanted to--no harm done

but when they're dead, you obviously can't do that, so that's why you see people compensate

it's a terrible aspect of human nature, but at the same time, i think it's kind of understandable

challengerX · April 07, 2017, 03:34:14 PM

This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon^® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.

BaconShelf · April 07, 2017, 03:35:01 PM

Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 03:27:12 PM

Quote from: Verbatim on April 07, 2017, 03:22:52 PM
Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 03:19:31 PM
Quote from: Snake on April 07, 2017, 03:17:22 PM
Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 08:27:46 AM
Quote from: Snake on April 06, 2017, 08:21:27 PM
Quote from: challengerX on April 06, 2017, 07:16:25 PM
Everybody loves you when you're dead.

of course you'd be the one to say it
what do you mean

we all understand the sentiment behind your post (that we didn't "love" him when he was alive because he wasn't that important to us and now that he's gone we feel we have to overcompensate), but you're the only one who has said anything about the somewhat fake nature of our collectove mourning. just leave people to cope in their own ways even if it's bullshit.
Or maybe people should learn to show this type of affection to others while they're alive.

And I really don't care about your opinion of me being """toxic""" or whatever buzzword you want to use, shove it up your ass.
this post makes me want to show affection towards you
lmao

My point is that people who are nice and make an effort rarely get treated that way in return. It's a shame.

There's a bunch of people who Sandtrap was in regular PMs with.

Myself, I used to talk a lot both through messages here and on XBL before he stopped being able to go on voice chat. Combine with not posting here much now anyway and I never said much in public view.

I wouldn't be surprised if it's the same for a lot of people.

Hell, my friend who doesn't really forum much and only new sandtrap through XBL parties I was in (we used to play halo a lot together back in 2015/ early 2016) even came back on here to say something.

challengerX · April 07, 2017, 03:37:19 PM

This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon^® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.

Solonoid · April 07, 2017, 03:38:14 PM

Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 03:27:12 PM

Quote from: Verbatim on April 07, 2017, 03:22:52 PM
Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 03:19:31 PM
Quote from: Snake on April 07, 2017, 03:17:22 PM
Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 08:27:46 AM
Quote from: Snake on April 06, 2017, 08:21:27 PM
Quote from: challengerX on April 06, 2017, 07:16:25 PM
Everybody loves you when you're dead.

of course you'd be the one to say it
what do you mean

we all understand the sentiment behind your post (that we didn't "love" him when he was alive because he wasn't that important to us and now that he's gone we feel we have to overcompensate), but you're the only one who has said anything about the somewhat fake nature of our collectove mourning. just leave people to cope in their own ways even if it's bullshit.
Or maybe people should learn to show this type of affection to others while they're alive.

And I really don't care about your opinion of me being """toxic""" or whatever buzzword you want to use, shove it up your ass.
this post makes me want to show affection towards you
lmao

My point is that people who are nice and make an effort rarely get treated that way in return. It's a shame.

You're just mad because you know that when you get goat AIDS and die we're not going to have nearly as many nice things to say about you.

At best you're a discount Lemon.

I'm going to miss Verb when he gets killed by Trump's Golden Coalition more than you tbh, and we've been at odds for years.

challengerX · April 07, 2017, 03:39:10 PM

This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon^® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.

Verbatim · April 07, 2017, 03:40:28 PM

Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 03:34:14 PM

When has anybody here said something genuinely kind and caring to one another? Can't remember?

actually, i can say "recently and quite often," but maybe not as often as i should

let's keep in mind how people tend to respond to compliments, though--most people don't take kind words very well

saying random nice things to people can often be perceived as awkward or insincere, like you're just looking for favors, and most people don't wanna come off that way, so they just don't say anything

there's more to it than i think you're choosing to see

Elai · April 07, 2017, 03:41:30 PM

Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 03:34:14 PM

Quote from: Snake on April 07, 2017, 03:29:11 PM
Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 03:19:31 PM
Quote from: Snake on April 07, 2017, 03:17:22 PM
Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 08:27:46 AM
Quote from: Snake on April 06, 2017, 08:21:27 PM
Quote from: challengerX on April 06, 2017, 07:16:25 PM
Everybody loves you when you're dead.

of course you'd be the one to say it
what do you mean

we all understand the sentiment behind your post (that we didn't "love" him when he was alive because he wasn't that important to us and now that he's gone we feel we have to overcompensate), but you're the only one who has said anything about the somewhat fake nature of our collectove mourning. just leave people to cope in their own ways even if it's bullshit.
Or maybe people should learn to show this type of affection to others while they're alive.

And I really don't care about your opinion of me being """toxic""" or whatever buzzword you want to use, shove it up your ass.

youre naive if you think people would ever be that open with anyone publicly. sandtrap being dead means he can't respond, making it easier for people to be honest. it takes a lot of emotional security to tell someone how much they mean to you, and unfortunately most of us are lacking in that department.

and i didnt even use the word toxic or anything like it but i think it's funny that it springs to mind whenever i challenge you or whatever.
You don't have to open your fucking heart to somebody, just give him some conversation back or whatever.

You didn't this time but you're like the only dude left who still uses that retarded term to describe me, as if I cause arguments or drive people away. Now that's funny.

i don't think that at all anymore, youve actually gotten a lot better after some folks called you out. i just think sometimes youre a tactless shit disturber in the least entertaining way possible.

Quote

This isn't even necessarily about Sandtrap, it's about everybody. When has anybody here said something genuinely kind and caring to one another? Can't remember? That one time a few months ago? Yeah. That's my point. It's a fucked up thing where people are just generally dicks and then when you die act like they were your greatest friend and talk about how much they loved you but they never showed you that while you were alive.

1. human beings are shit, this is not new
2. i say and see people say genuinely nice things all the time but being all heavy and shit isn't fun, sometimes you just need to ease

challengerX · April 07, 2017, 03:44:33 PM

This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon^® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.

Verbatim · April 07, 2017, 03:44:35 PM

Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 03:39:10 PM

Quote from: Verbatim on April 07, 2017, 03:31:48 PM
it's a terrible aspect of human nature
Yeah, so let's try and break the mold.

i think you're a swell and outspoken guy who is a credit to the website's longevity, and i'd be upset if you went away, because there's not really anyone who could replace your sense of humor and posting style

and chatting with you on discord has been nice, we should chill out there more often

challengerX · April 07, 2017, 03:52:23 PM

This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon^® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.

Verbatim · April 07, 2017, 03:53:22 PM

Quote from: challengerX on April 07, 2017, 03:52:23 PM

You have a point, but then my rebuttal to this is that there are opportunities to do so without being awkward that aren't taken.

Again I'm not necessarily speaking about here and us as a community. I'm telling you guys you need to value the people in your life more. Because they're here today and then they're dead tomorrow. There's always gonna be that regret of that you could've been better or you could've done something more, that will never go away. But it's not about how you feel, it's about making an effort to make your friends and family feel valued, and that they know you have their back.

i completely agree

Ásgeirr · April 07, 2017, 07:09:53 PM

Not generally emotional when it comes to people but i try to give as much attention as i can to my grandma, we're nearly identical and ive inherited most of myself from her as ive grown. Threads like these are good reminders.