Le greentext thread

>Be me
>3 hours ago
>Want to jerk off
>Need Lube
>Am circumcised, no lube = no jerk
>Have nothing
>Only this orajel Max strength
>No camera to take picture, its from google images
>Sees it says numbing agent
>Doesn't work on my damn teeth, so it shouldnt be too bad on my penis
>Pour about 1/4 the small container into my hand
>Not too watery like spit, is a good texture
>Jerk for 10 minutes
>Realize I can't feel anything
>Try harder, get more lube on hand
>at 20 minute mark I give up
>Wash hands
>Wash noodle (splashed water on it and cleaned with a towel)
mad.jpg
>sit back down
>OMFG my penis is tingling
>Feels numb
>only thing I can compare it too is like the time I severed half my wrist and couldn't feel anything in my thumb
(Not an hero, punched a window)
>Now
>noodle still numb
>Googled it
>guy says his penis is numb since 3 days ago when he used orajel as lube
>MOTHER FUGGER
>I have not jerked off in 4 days as it is
>I want a release
>plus what if it stays numb
>Forgive me father for I have sinned please let me feel my penis again....I won't be bad anymore, I will pray everyday....

Am I the only circumcised motherfucker who can jerk off comfortably with no lube?

Am I the only circumcised motherfucker who can jerk off comfortably with no lube?

Lel I can't help you with that question.

>last episode of Colbert Report
>feels like losing a close friend
>now I will have to watch Jon Serwart instead

>last episode of Colbert Report
>feels like losing a close friend
>now I will have to watch Jon Serwart instead

I know, it sucks man 

> rewind to 2009
> originally planned on starting a band with a girl
> showing her my instrumentals on Abelton
> we start drinking
> make outs
> "lemme turn off those lights"
> it's dark in here
> fingers
> "eat my poosy anon"
> eat poosy
> tastes like spoons and pennies
> insert noodle
> she finishes
> i don't
> she gets off me
> gets dressed
> "let's smoke outside"
> her face looks shocked fsr
> get cigarette
> light cigarette
> notice red fingers
> notice red on my white pantaloons
> go to bathroom no warsh hands
> notice red period beard

next story/ same girl
> new years eve 2009/10
> go to club
> kiss her at 12
> she kisses other guys after
> i retort by kissing a few girls
> dance with other girls
> she dances with other guys
> don't care , it's not like we're official
> end of night take her home
> "you coming in , anon, i want you"
> sure
> drank too much
> member wont get hard
> she sucks and sucks
> nothing
> i fall asleep
> wet on my boxers
> awwshitipissedmyself
> "morning Anon, that was my piss - I pissed on you and played with myself"

same girl
> valentime's day 2010
> ring ring
> "hey it's me - you have a date, i don't"
> sure i guess we can meet
>"good i need a date for this club"
> go to a house
> umm this isn't a club
> walk in
> ORGY
> aww crap
> turn 360 degrees and walk away

never spoke to eachother again