Poll

???

Jesus
7 (58.3%)
Chimps
5 (41.7%)

Total Members Voted: 12

Jesus vs a troupe of Chimpanzees

 
Elegiac
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Jesus vs about 15 chimps. Jesus gets one miracle (he usually does one at a time, if at all) on the level of turning water into wine.
Last Edit: August 15, 2014, 02:00:04 AM by Elegiac


 
TB
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#13
WW2 Chimps solo.


Korra | Mythic Inconceivable!
 
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uhhh...

- korrie
Jesus summons the Living Tribunal.

/thread


Ktan Dantaktee | Posting Spree
 
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Well considering Jesus is an omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient being...


Reciffo_Smmoc | Ascended Unstoppable!
 
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Comms Officer is a freaking retard.
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"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."
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Chimps ffs


 
Elegiac
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Jesus summons the Living Tribunal.

/thread
Well considering Jesus is an omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient being...
Guys, I specified the level of power that Jesus will be using in the OP.


 
Sandtrap
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Well, turning water into wine is still altering the atomic structure of something, so that means his one miracle is capable of quite a bit.

You know what apes hate? T-Fucking Rex's. All jesus has to do is point at that shotgun and turn it into a T-Rex, and he wins the game.


 
Elegiac
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Well, turning water into wine is still altering the atomic structure of something, so that means his one miracle is capable of quite a bit.

You know what apes hate? T-Fucking Rex's. All jesus has to do is point at that shotgun and turn it into a T-Rex, and he wins the game.
Yeah but Jesus is lazy


 
Sandtrap
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Yeah but Jesus is lazy

I don't know how Jesus functions then. Because if he's so lazy to even lift up a hand and think about a shotgun becoming a T-Rex, I don't know how he could being any lazier.

But if we're going for solely wine based miracles at this point, and Jesus is too lazy to change the atomic structure of something at will from a distance, than that leaves only one choice.

Jesus turns the continent he's sitting on into wine. He's already made contact with the ground, so if he turned it into something, the entire continent he was sitting on would change.

So, Jesus turns North America into wine.


 
Elegiac
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I'm just saying he's more likely to do something lazy and non-lethal.


 
Sandtrap
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I'm just saying he's more likely to do something lazy and non-lethal.

Turning the continent into wine is non-lethal.


 
Elegiac
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Turning the continent into wine is non-lethal.
Fine... but will he ramp up to that level over chimps?


 
Sandtrap
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Fine... but will he ramp up to that level over chimps?

They have guns, and they're going to kill him or beat his ass. Jesus is so lazy that he's immobile, as we talked about a few minutes ago. He is also so lazy that his only effective power is turning things into wine on contact, but he's so lazy that he won't move.

So, yes, he would, because that's the only move jesus can make.


 
Elegiac
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They have guns, and they're going to kill him or beat his ass. Jesus is so lazy that he's immobile, as we talked about a few minutes ago. He is also so lazy that his only effective power is turning things into wine on contact, but he's so lazy that he won't move.

So, yes, he would, because that's the only move jesus can make.

You don't win this thread.


 
Sandtrap
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You don't win this thread.

Actually, turning all of North America into wine is the lazy move on his part. All he has to do is reach out to their leader and turn him into wine, but as you stated, if he won't even turn an object into something at a distance without moving in the first place, then that's lazy as shit.


 
Elegiac
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Actually, turning all of North America into wine is the lazy move on his part. All he has to do is reach out to their leader and turn him into wine, but as you stated, if he won't even turn an object into something at a distance without moving in the first place, then that's lazy as shit.
Turning the leader into wine seems a bit violent.


 
Sandtrap
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Turning the leader into wine seems a bit violent.

Not really. It's like *pop* no more leader. There's no pain or suffering involved, no torture or anything.


 
Elegiac
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Not really. It's like *pop* no more leader. There's no pain or suffering involved, no torture or anything.
It's the principal of the thing though.


 
Sandtrap
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It's the principal of the thing though.

That's why I say the only move Jesus can possibly make is turning north american into wine. That, or he settles on ressurection. He gets one miracle per life, so technically, he can keep ressurecting himself.


 
Elegiac
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You have officially taken all the fun out of this for me, with your... analysing.


 
Sandtrap
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You have officially taken all the fun out of this for me, with your... analysing.

Shoulda loosened your rules sport.

I just wanted jesus to summon a T-Rex from a shotgun.

You brought this on yourself!


 
Elegiac
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I didn't ask to make a cool thread.


 
Sandtrap
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I didn't ask to make a cool thread.



BlitzFiend | Heroic Unstoppable!
 
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gg, sandtrap
+1


RadicalClass32 | Legendary Invincible!
 
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So... I guess I'm going to have to pick up after your horrendous mistakes on here too?
Jesus FTW.

Spoiler
The atheism and butthurt is strong in this thread.


 
Sandtrap
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Jesus FTW.

Spoiler
The atheism and butthurt is strong in this thread.

Call me blind but I'm not seeing a lot of atheism around. In fact, immobile wine producing jesus is winning.


RadicalClass32 | Legendary Invincible!
 
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So... I guess I'm going to have to pick up after your horrendous mistakes on here too?
Call me blind but I'm not seeing a lot of atheism around. In fact, immobile wine producing jesus is winning.

>People actually saying Chimpanzees would win.

Yeah, that concerns me....