Its becoming harder and harder to live each day

June 09, 2016, 12:21:52 AM

I don't know if my own mind is just having an information overload, but its getting to the point where its becoming tiring. I'm just sick of the society in this day and age. The internet, forums, and the crap that my folks watch on TV, including the fucking campaigns of both parties.

On top of that shit ton amount of notifications I get on my phone, and if I disable that, I tend to forget what went on until its too late. There's just no real way to balance everything.

At the same time I don't even want to go outside and meet any fucking people because people here are pretty scummy for the most part. Its partly why I'm largely an introvert.

I went to bed at 5am last night with thoughts like this keeping me awake still. I feel like its gotten to the point where if it gets any worse, I'm going to physically get sick and throw up.

Taking a break isn't going to fix this. I haven't been able to relax as of late and have been under major stress, really for no real fucking reason. Its a frustration that I can't find any contentment in.

Playing the guitar helps but its not a permanent fix.

I just feel like mentally, I might be losing it. There's so much fucking information and socialization is dying, people irl are just on there fucking phones, I can't even carry a fucking conversation with someone who isn't looking on their god damn phone.

I can't even fucking do that. Say if I have an appointment and I need to wait, I'd rather read a book or just sit there and do nothing, its impossible to even look at my phone like every fucking one else does, because all of the apps suck, and fuck mobile gaming on phones, that shit gets tiring in like 2 seconds!

There are times where I just wish none of this shit existed, including the internet, but no. Can't change the fucking world. Get all the advertisements and shows like Entertainment Tonight that my fucking family watches and whatever other celebrity gossips and news just to shove all this cancer down your own throat.

Its fucking stupid. All of it. Nothing but utter stupidity! There isn't a fucking thing left that's intelligent in this fucking generation. People as time goes on are only becoming stupider and stupider. What aggravates me even more is even the way people text now. I swear each time someone texts me with something like "R u o.k" I feel like taking my head and sticking it into a blender and turning the blender on hoping it quickly turns my whole head into juice.

I can't anymore. I'm having a fucking breakdown right now with shit. I'm trying to remain calm and just forget every meaningless fucking thing, but I need to write this just to vent it out of my system, I don't care if you read any of this or even reply. No one will get any of this shit I'm saying anyway so its just best to just write this shit down and get it out of my system because not doing that for me is only going to drive my fucking mind even more insane.

Its highly unfortunate that I don't have one logical person to talk to about this kind of shit irl. Everyone in one way or another is a fucking sheep!

I hate this, I hate feeling this way, but I can't help it right now. Sometimes I wish I was just fucking mindless like the fucking Kardashians or some shit like that, because at least I'd be fucking swimming in money and be too fucking stupid to realize anything!

Fuck man! It even sucks to be bitter about it, without some stupid cuck getting offended at you!

FUCK!

Spoiler

strike three armen

Solonoid · June 09, 2016, 12:24:19 AM

*claps slowly*

Jive Turkey · June 09, 2016, 12:24:28 AM

Damn you got my hopes up for a second

MyNameIsCharlie · June 09, 2016, 12:28:15 AM

I'm being serious here, drop out of society for a bit (or permanently).

There was a guy I saw on the North Shore of Hawaii. He lived in a hand built hut by the shore. He fished, smoked pot and surfed. That's it. That was his whole life. I spoke with him, he was truly content.

Verbatim · June 09, 2016, 12:28:31 AM

i just love how it becomes progressively obvious that it's deci the more you read on

when you read the word "cuck," it becomes academic

Naru · June 09, 2016, 12:29:55 AM

I don't give a fuck if mah own mind is just havin a shiznit overload yo, but its gettin ta tha point where its becomin tiring. I be just sick of tha society up in dis dizzle n' age. Da internet, forums, n' tha crap dat mah folks peep on TV, includin tha fuckin campaignz of both parties.

On top of dat shiznit ton amount of notifications I git on mah phone, n' if I disable that, I tend ta forget what tha fuck went on until its too late. Therez just no real way ta balizzle every last muthafuckin thang.

At tha same time I don't even wanna go outside n' hook up any fuckin playas cuz playas here is pretty scummy fo' da most thugged-out part. Its kinda why I be largely a introvert.

I went ta bed at 5am last night wit thoughts like dis keepin me awake still. I feel like its gotten ta tha point where if it gets any worse, I be goin ta physically git sick n' throw up.

Takin a funky-ass break aint goin ta fix all dis bullshit. I aint been able ta chillax az of late n' done been under major stress, straight-up fo' no real fuckin reason. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Its a gangbangin' frustration dat I can't find any contentment in.

Playin tha boombox helps but its not a permanent fix.

I just feel like menstrually, I might be losin dat shit. Therez so much fuckin shiznit n' hoodization is dying, playas irl is just on there fuckin phones, I can't even carry a gangbangin' fuckin conversation wit one of mah thugs whoz ass aint lookin on they god damn phone.

: I can't even fuckin do dis shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Say if I gots a appointment n' I need ta wait, I'd rather read a funky-ass book or just sit there n' do nothing, its impossible ta even peep mah beeper like every last muthafuckin fuckin one else do, cuz all of tha apps suck, n' fuck mobile gamin on phones, dat shiznit gets tirin up in like 2 seconds!

There is times where I just wish none of dis shiznit existed, includin tha internizzle yo, but no. Can't chizzle tha fuckin ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Git all tha advertisements n' shows like Entertainment Tonight dat mah fuckin crew watches n' whatever other celebritizzle ghetto hypes n' shizzle just ta shove all dis cancer down yo' own throat.

Its fuckin fuckin wack fo' realz. All of dat shit. Nothang but utta stupiditizzle dawwwwg! There aint a gangbangin' fuckin thang left thatz intelligent up in dis fuckin generation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Muthafuckas as time goes on is only becomin stupider n' stupider n' shit. What aggravates me even mo' is even tha way playas text now, nahmeean, biatch? I swear each time one of mah thugs texts me wit suttin' like "R u o.k" I feel like takin mah head n' stickin it tha fuck into a funky-ass blender n' turnin tha blender on hopin it quickly turns mah whole head tha fuck into juice.

I can't no mo'. I be havin a gangbangin' fuckin breakdown right now wit shit. I be tryin ta remain calm n' just forget every last muthafuckin meaningless fuckin thang yo, but I need ta write dis just ta vent it outta mah system, I couldn't give a fuckin shiznit if you read any of dis or even reply. No one will git any of dis shiznit I be sayin anyway so its just dopest ta just write dis shiznit down n' git it outta mah system cuz not bustin dat fo' me is only goin ta drive mah fuckin mind even mo' insane.

Its highly fucked up dat I aint gots one logical thug ta rap ta bout dis kind of shiznit irl. Everyone up in one way or another be a gangbangin' fuckin sheep!

I don't give a fuck bout this, I don't give a fuck bout feelin dis way yo, but I can't help it n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sometimes I wish I was just fuckin mindless like tha fuckin Kardashians or some shiznit like that, cuz at least I'd be fuckin swimmin up in scrilla n' be too fuckin wack ta realize anything!

Fuck man! It even sucks ta be bitta bout it, without some wack cuck gettin offended at you, nahmean biiiatch?

FUCK!

Death · June 09, 2016, 12:32:45 AM

Have you tried, like, not?

The Hån · June 09, 2016, 12:33:03 AM

hey man. im with you on the phone thing. it really pisses me off when im trying to hang with a friends and everyone is on their phone.

June 09, 2016, 12:33:08 AM

Quote from: MyNameIsCharlie on June 09, 2016, 12:28:15 AM

I'm being serious here, drop out of society for a bit (or permanently).

There was a guy I saw on the North Shore of Hawaii. He lived in a hand built hut by the shore. He fished, smoked pot and surfed. That's it. That was his whole life. I spoke with him, he was truly content.

I'd like to see Deci try to live that life

he would give up and complain before he got halfway through the first room of the hut

ban me · June 09, 2016, 12:42:19 AM

This user has been blacklisted from posting on the forums. Until the blacklist is lifted, all posts made by this user have been hidden and require a Sep7agon^® SecondClass Premium Membership to view.

🂿 · June 09, 2016, 01:23:52 AM

I can't even vent on my own meme board without someone pasting it on to here just so people can laugh at me.

Each time I get laughed at, a part of me dies inside.

Do you want me to die SecondClass? Because I'm not very far from death anymore. Not joking.

🂿 · June 09, 2016, 01:25:11 AM

Quote from: MyNameIsCharlie on June 09, 2016, 12:28:15 AM

I'm being serious here, drop out of society for a bit (or permanently).

There was a guy I saw on the North Shore of Hawaii. He lived in a hand built hut by the shore. He fished, smoked pot and surfed. That's it. That was his whole life. I spoke with him, he was truly content.

I'd rather kill myself. I have no chance of survival out in the wilderness anyway. I wasn't meant to be alive, naturally.

June 09, 2016, 01:28:03 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:23:52 AM

I can't even vent on my own meme board without someone pasting it on to here just so people can laugh at me.

Each time I get laughed at, a part of me dies inside.

Do you want me to die SecondClass? Because I'm not very far from death anymore. Not joking.

I wasn't going to until I saw the post was just you bitching about society

it's abundantly clear that you need to change, and yet you can't or won't

there's an inherent problem there

BaconShelf · June 09, 2016, 01:30:59 AM

Haha same

🂿 · June 09, 2016, 01:31:48 AM

Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:28:03 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:23:52 AM
I can't even vent on my own meme board without someone pasting it on to here just so people can laugh at me.

Each time I get laughed at, a part of me dies inside.

Do you want me to die SecondClass? Because I'm not very far from death anymore. Not joking.
I wasn't going to until I saw the post was just you bitching about society

it's abundantly clear that you need to change, and yet you can't or won't

there's an inherent problem there

Oh, I need to change? So I need to become a mindless zombie like everyone else than? Just be a sheep and follow instead of innovate?

You clearly misunderstood my post. I don't need to change. I've changed enough. What you say SecondClass is to completely throw away who I am as a person and just pretend to be something that I'm not.

That's what your essentially saying.

🂿 · June 09, 2016, 01:34:41 AM

You know I actually thought highly of you, and I don't even know why you did.

You really disappointed me tonight SecondClass.

June 09, 2016, 01:35:33 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:31:48 AM

Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:28:03 AM
Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:23:52 AM
I can't even vent on my own meme board without someone pasting it on to here just so people can laugh at me.

Each time I get laughed at, a part of me dies inside.

Do you want me to die SecondClass? Because I'm not very far from death anymore. Not joking.
I wasn't going to until I saw the post was just you bitching about society

it's abundantly clear that you need to change, and yet you can't or won't

there's an inherent problem there

Oh, I need to change? So I need to become a mindless zombie like everyone else than? Just be a sheep and follow instead of innovate?

You clearly misunderstood my post. I don't need to change. I've changed enough. What you say SecondClass is to completely throw away who I am as a person and just pretend to be something that I'm not.

That's what your essentially saying.

No, you need to change into being the type of person who can deal with things about yourself and the world you hate. If you can do that, then you have reason to stay here. If you can't, everything is just going to eternally bother you.

June 09, 2016, 01:36:37 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:34:41 AM

You know I actually thought highly of you, and I don't even know why you did.

You really disappointed me tonight SecondClass.

lol as if I care about people's opinions of me on an internet forum

🂿 · June 09, 2016, 01:37:06 AM

Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:35:33 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:31:48 AM
Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:28:03 AM
Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:23:52 AM
I can't even vent on my own meme board without someone pasting it on to here just so people can laugh at me.

Each time I get laughed at, a part of me dies inside.

Do you want me to die SecondClass? Because I'm not very far from death anymore. Not joking.
I wasn't going to until I saw the post was just you bitching about society

it's abundantly clear that you need to change, and yet you can't or won't

there's an inherent problem there

Oh, I need to change? So I need to become a mindless zombie like everyone else than? Just be a sheep and follow instead of innovate?

You clearly misunderstood my post. I don't need to change. I've changed enough. What you say SecondClass is to completely throw away who I am as a person and just pretend to be something that I'm not.

That's what your essentially saying.
No, you need to change into being the type of person who can deal with things about yourself and the world you hate. If you can do that, then you have reason to stay here. If you can't, everything is just going to eternally bother you.

Alright then. I know what I must do. Just never speak my mind and bottle all of that shit up. Because each time I do this happens.

June 09, 2016, 01:42:29 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:37:06 AM

Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:35:33 AM
Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:31:48 AM
Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:28:03 AM
Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:23:52 AM
I can't even vent on my own meme board without someone pasting it on to here just so people can laugh at me.

Each time I get laughed at, a part of me dies inside.

Do you want me to die SecondClass? Because I'm not very far from death anymore. Not joking.
I wasn't going to until I saw the post was just you bitching about society

it's abundantly clear that you need to change, and yet you can't or won't

there's an inherent problem there

Oh, I need to change? So I need to become a mindless zombie like everyone else than? Just be a sheep and follow instead of innovate?

You clearly misunderstood my post. I don't need to change. I've changed enough. What you say SecondClass is to completely throw away who I am as a person and just pretend to be something that I'm not.

That's what your essentially saying.
No, you need to change into being the type of person who can deal with things about yourself and the world you hate. If you can do that, then you have reason to stay here. If you can't, everything is just going to eternally bother you.

Alright then. I know what I must do. Just never speak my mind and bottle all of that shit up. Because each time I do this happens.

except that's literally the opposite of what I said

don't expect people to try to help you if you're just going to ignore everything they say

🂿 · June 09, 2016, 01:46:16 AM

Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:42:29 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:37:06 AM
Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:35:33 AM
Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:31:48 AM
Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:28:03 AM
Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:23:52 AM
I can't even vent on my own meme board without someone pasting it on to here just so people can laugh at me.

Each time I get laughed at, a part of me dies inside.

Do you want me to die SecondClass? Because I'm not very far from death anymore. Not joking.
I wasn't going to until I saw the post was just you bitching about society

it's abundantly clear that you need to change, and yet you can't or won't

there's an inherent problem there

Oh, I need to change? So I need to become a mindless zombie like everyone else than? Just be a sheep and follow instead of innovate?

You clearly misunderstood my post. I don't need to change. I've changed enough. What you say SecondClass is to completely throw away who I am as a person and just pretend to be something that I'm not.

That's what your essentially saying.
No, you need to change into being the type of person who can deal with things about yourself and the world you hate. If you can do that, then you have reason to stay here. If you can't, everything is just going to eternally bother you.

Alright then. I know what I must do. Just never speak my mind and bottle all of that shit up. Because each time I do this happens.
except that's literally the opposite of what I said

don't expect people to try to help you if you're just going to ignore everything they say

How do you expect me to just laugh at myself? That's a problem I've had my entire life.

A Cheese Potato · June 09, 2016, 01:46:59 AM

cuck is like the worst word ever

June 09, 2016, 01:47:57 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:46:16 AM

Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:42:29 AM
Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:37:06 AM
Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:35:33 AM
Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:31:48 AM
Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:28:03 AM
Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:23:52 AM
I can't even vent on my own meme board without someone pasting it on to here just so people can laugh at me.

Each time I get laughed at, a part of me dies inside.

Do you want me to die SecondClass? Because I'm not very far from death anymore. Not joking.
I wasn't going to until I saw the post was just you bitching about society

it's abundantly clear that you need to change, and yet you can't or won't

there's an inherent problem there

Oh, I need to change? So I need to become a mindless zombie like everyone else than? Just be a sheep and follow instead of innovate?

You clearly misunderstood my post. I don't need to change. I've changed enough. What you say SecondClass is to completely throw away who I am as a person and just pretend to be something that I'm not.

That's what your essentially saying.
No, you need to change into being the type of person who can deal with things about yourself and the world you hate. If you can do that, then you have reason to stay here. If you can't, everything is just going to eternally bother you.

Alright then. I know what I must do. Just never speak my mind and bottle all of that shit up. Because each time I do this happens.
except that's literally the opposite of what I said

don't expect people to try to help you if you're just going to ignore everything they say

How do you expect me to just laugh at myself? That's a problem I've had my entire life.

hence why I said this

Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:28:03 AM

it's abundantly clear that you need to change, and yet you can't or won't

there's an inherent problem there

"Change" is not a dirty word. It doesn't mean becoming a different person, it means becoming a better person.

🂿 · June 09, 2016, 01:56:47 AM

Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:47:57 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:46:16 AM
Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:42:29 AM
Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:37:06 AM
Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:35:33 AM
Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:31:48 AM
Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:28:03 AM
Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:23:52 AM
I can't even vent on my own meme board without someone pasting it on to here just so people can laugh at me.

Each time I get laughed at, a part of me dies inside.

Do you want me to die SecondClass? Because I'm not very far from death anymore. Not joking.
I wasn't going to until I saw the post was just you bitching about society

it's abundantly clear that you need to change, and yet you can't or won't

there's an inherent problem there

Oh, I need to change? So I need to become a mindless zombie like everyone else than? Just be a sheep and follow instead of innovate?

You clearly misunderstood my post. I don't need to change. I've changed enough. What you say SecondClass is to completely throw away who I am as a person and just pretend to be something that I'm not.

That's what your essentially saying.
No, you need to change into being the type of person who can deal with things about yourself and the world you hate. If you can do that, then you have reason to stay here. If you can't, everything is just going to eternally bother you.

Alright then. I know what I must do. Just never speak my mind and bottle all of that shit up. Because each time I do this happens.
except that's literally the opposite of what I said

don't expect people to try to help you if you're just going to ignore everything they say

How do you expect me to just laugh at myself? That's a problem I've had my entire life.
hence why I said this

Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:28:03 AM
it's abundantly clear that you need to change, and yet you can't or won't

there's an inherent problem there
"Change" is not a dirty word. It doesn't mean becoming a different person, it means becoming a better person.

If I need to change something that's been a problem in my life since I was young, I have no idea how I'm going to be able to do this. Its not like I can just make fun of myself, I'm not even a clown.

June 09, 2016, 02:27:51 AM

True change is never easy.

🂿 · June 09, 2016, 02:54:23 AM

Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 02:27:51 AM

True change is never easy.

It never has been. One of the hardest things in life really is changing yourself.

Dietrich Six · June 09, 2016, 08:42:27 AM

Quote from: SecondClass on June 09, 2016, 01:36:37 AM

Quote from: Decimator Omega on June 09, 2016, 01:34:41 AM
You know I actually thought highly of you, and I don't even know why you did.

You really disappointed me tonight SecondClass.
lol as if I care about people's opinions of me on an internet forum

You value verb's opinion pretty highly.

Aether · June 09, 2016, 09:18:08 AM

Being disappointed and being offended are not inherently tied to each other.

I feel as though deci can't separate the two.

gats · June 09, 2016, 09:59:17 AM

The amount of digital media people consume is rather annoying

Super Irish · June 09, 2016, 10:48:04 AM

Put yer phone down and move to Wales.

That way there's no outside to bother you, and you can't "cheat" because there's no signal here anyway.