Okay. I'll have to do this in chunks. But right now I can talk a little bit about what's up with your noggin and the way it's functioning.

For starters, this is depression. Plain as day. Now, keep in mind, depression is a natural aspect of the human emotional spectrum. But, when you go too low, it muddles you up a little bit and it warps your worldview.

Now, to break down what's happening to you. You don't connect to being loved. You just don't feel it. But you do want it. And you want somebody there, for you. This is hard. Multiple facets to discuss. But here we go.

Your depression is taking a golf club to your self esteem. Your life is in disarray and you dislike mostly all the facets of yourself. But you want somebody beyond your family to contradict that. You want somebody to pull you out of the mud.

But this is the thing. You're conning yourself. Sub-consciously. You don't even know it or likely see it.

Let this sink in here. We as people project signals to each other all the time. Through body language, through attitude, you name it. And, human brains pick up on it, sub-consciously, and actively depending on how astute the viewer is.

So, here is one of the issues. In order for people to become interested in one another, you need two things. A physical, and mental attraction. In well over 90% of all cases, a physical attractor is what starts key interaction between two people.

Now, your current state, of messy self loathing, and feeling unloved, is creating a signal that you give off to anybody who looks at you. Remember. They don't see it with  their active mind. Their sub-conscious does. And do you know what that signal does to you?

It nulls your physical attractor. People will look at you, and pass you over, because you want to be passed over. But you have a brain and it knows something is wrong. Which is why you still want love. Your head is now in the middle of a fight with itself. One part of your active mind wants to be fixed.

And there's another part that's hidden, that doesn't want that. That's the part that you're sub consciously projecting at all times. So right now, you're actually caught in a feedback loop.

You want to be loved. But you're projecting a sense of disinterest and disconnection. You don't feel loved and so therefore you can't find that spark to give off that lure. Which will never attract anybody to you. EVER. You're conning yourself. But you're not, not really. This isn't your fault.

That's the first portion. I'll see what I can get later when I wake up. But think about that for a bit, and see if it rings any bells to you and makes some kind of sense.

Bro I don't know why you keep bringing up sol, she and I don't even talk

Okay. I'll have to do this in chunks. But right now I can talk a little bit about what's up with your noggin and the way it's functioning.

For starters, this is depression. Plain as day. Now, keep in mind, depression is a natural aspect of the human emotional spectrum. But, when you go too low, it muddles you up a little bit and it warps your worldview.

Now, to break down what's happening to you. You don't connect to being loved. You just don't feel it. But you do want it. And you want somebody there, for you. This is hard. Multiple facets to discuss. But here we go.

Your depression is taking a golf club to your self esteem. Your life is in disarray and you dislike mostly all the facets of yourself. But you want somebody beyond your family to contradict that. You want somebody to pull you out of the mud.

But this is the thing. You're conning yourself. Sub-consciously. You don't even know it or likely see it.

Let this sink in here. We as people project signals to each other all the time. Through body language, through attitude, you name it. And, human brains pick up on it, sub-consciously, and actively depending on how astute the viewer is.

So, here is one of the issues. In order for people to become interested in one another, you need two things. A physical, and mental attraction. In well over 90% of all cases, a physical attractor is what starts key interaction between two people.

Now, your current state, of messy self loathing, and feeling unloved, is creating a signal that you give off to anybody who looks at you. Remember. They don't see it with  their active mind. Their sub-conscious does. And do you know what that signal does to you?

It nulls your physical attractor. People will look at you, and pass you over, because you want to be passed over. But you have a brain and it knows something is wrong. Which is why you still want love. Your head is now in the middle of a fight with itself. One part of your active mind wants to be fixed.

And there's another part that's hidden, that doesn't want that. That's the part that you're sub consciously projecting at all times. So right now, you're actually caught in a feedback loop.

You want to be loved. But you're projecting a sense of disinterest and disconnection. You don't feel loved and so therefore you can't find that spark to give off that lure. Which will never attract anybody to you. EVER. You're conning yourself. But you're not, not really. This isn't your fault.

That's the first portion. I'll see what I can get later when I wake up. But think about that for a bit, and see if it rings any bells to you and makes some kind of sense.

I need to sleep. Ill get back to you.

Okay. I'll have to do this in chunks. But right now I can talk a little bit about what's up with your noggin and the way it's functioning.

For starters, this is depression. Plain as day. Now, keep in mind, depression is a natural aspect of the human emotional spectrum. But, when you go too low, it muddles you up a little bit and it warps your worldview.

Now, to break down what's happening to you. You don't connect to being loved. You just don't feel it. But you do want it. And you want somebody there, for you. This is hard. Multiple facets to discuss. But here we go.

Your depression is taking a golf club to your self esteem. Your life is in disarray and you dislike mostly all the facets of yourself. But you want somebody beyond your family to contradict that. You want somebody to pull you out of the mud.

But this is the thing. You're conning yourself. Sub-consciously. You don't even know it or likely see it.

Let this sink in here. We as people project signals to each other all the time. Through body language, through attitude, you name it. And, human brains pick up on it, sub-consciously, and actively depending on how astute the viewer is.

So, here is one of the issues. In order for people to become interested in one another, you need two things. A physical, and mental attraction. In well over 90% of all cases, a physical attractor is what starts key interaction between two people.

Now, your current state, of messy self loathing, and feeling unloved, is creating a signal that you give off to anybody who looks at you. Remember. They don't see it with  their active mind. Their sub-conscious does. And do you know what that signal does to you?

It nulls your physical attractor. People will look at you, and pass you over, because you want to be passed over. But you have a brain and it knows something is wrong. Which is why you still want love. Your head is now in the middle of a fight with itself. One part of your active mind wants to be fixed.

And there's another part that's hidden, that doesn't want that. That's the part that you're sub consciously projecting at all times. So right now, you're actually caught in a feedback loop.

You want to be loved. But you're projecting a sense of disinterest and disconnection. You don't feel loved and so therefore you can't find that spark to give off that lure. Which will never attract anybody to you. EVER. You're conning yourself. But you're not, not really. This isn't your fault.

That's the first portion. I'll see what I can get later when I wake up. But think about that for a bit, and see if it rings any bells to you and makes some kind of sense.

This isn't wrong.

But it isn't right either.

All a doc will do is either therapy or throw pills at him. Both don't get to the core of it, unless he is chemically depressed.

Therapy barely works. Drugs are a band aid on a gunshot wound.

He feels he needs affection to validate his self worth. The worst thing he could do is get advice that doesn't apply and change himself for someone who won't accept him for who he is.

It's better by far to just worry about tomorrow, and let the rest of the week sort itself out

Quote from: Deci on January 26, 2016, 01:50:49 AM

Quote from: TBlocks on January 26, 2016, 01:48:05 AM

Quote from: Deci on January 26, 2016, 01:46:48 AM

Seriously?

What? You don't like Stephen Colbert?

He's fine.

Just not really the time or place for the gif.

lol Really?

Defending OP now are we?

Quote from: Deci on January 26, 2016, 02:02:08 AM

lol Really?

Defending OP now are we?

Yes. He said a shit thing but it's not like you haven't done the same a million times to countless other people.
If people could be civil for once that would be just lovely.

You know that will never happen.

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 26, 2016, 02:00:18 AM

I'm gonna have to ask every single fucking person in this thread to drop the insults.

I don't care

That's okay because whatever I talk to him about will be done in private. Not out here. If people are going to cannibalize him and kick him when he's down then I'm not going to let that happen.

Simple. Me and him can sit down and discuss things in private. You never talk over serious stuff like this in public anyway.

So you can sit the fuck down and piss off.

Do you care now? Because you're not going to get what you want from this.

Quote from: SecondClass on January 26, 2016, 02:01:16 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 26, 2016, 02:00:18 AM

I'm gonna have to ask every single fucking person in this thread to drop the insults.

I don't care

That's okay because whatever I talk to him about will be done in private. Not out here. If people are going to cannibalize him and kick him when he's down then I'm not going to let that happen.

Simple. Me and him can sit down and discuss things in private. You never talk over serious stuff like this in public anyway.

So you can sit the fuck down and piss off.

Do you care now? Because you're not going to get what you want from this.

Yeah, this 200 reply bitching thread is real private.

Quote from: MyNameIsCharlie on January 26, 2016, 02:00:34 AM

Quote from: Sandtrap on January 26, 2016, 01:53:39 AM

Okay. I'll have to do this in chunks. But right now I can talk a little bit about what's up with your noggin and the way it's functioning.

For starters, this is depression. Plain as day. Now, keep in mind, depression is a natural aspect of the human emotional spectrum. But, when you go too low, it muddles you up a little bit and it warps your worldview.

Now, to break down what's happening to you. You don't connect to being loved. You just don't feel it. But you do want it. And you want somebody there, for you. This is hard. Multiple facets to discuss. But here we go.

Your depression is taking a golf club to your self esteem. Your life is in disarray and you dislike mostly all the facets of yourself. But you want somebody beyond your family to contradict that. You want somebody to pull you out of the mud.

But this is the thing. You're conning yourself. Sub-consciously. You don't even know it or likely see it.

Let this sink in here. We as people project signals to each other all the time. Through body language, through attitude, you name it. And, human brains pick up on it, sub-consciously, and actively depending on how astute the viewer is.

So, here is one of the issues. In order for people to become interested in one another, you need two things. A physical, and mental attraction. In well over 90% of all cases, a physical attractor is what starts key interaction between two people.

Now, your current state, of messy self loathing, and feeling unloved, is creating a signal that you give off to anybody who looks at you. Remember. They don't see it with  their active mind. Their sub-conscious does. And do you know what that signal does to you?

It nulls your physical attractor. People will look at you, and pass you over, because you want to be passed over. But you have a brain and it knows something is wrong. Which is why you still want love. Your head is now in the middle of a fight with itself. One part of your active mind wants to be fixed.

And there's another part that's hidden, that doesn't want that. That's the part that you're sub consciously projecting at all times. So right now, you're actually caught in a feedback loop.

You want to be loved. But you're projecting a sense of disinterest and disconnection. You don't feel loved and so therefore you can't find that spark to give off that lure. Which will never attract anybody to you. EVER. You're conning yourself. But you're not, not really. This isn't your fault.

That's the first portion. I'll see what I can get later when I wake up. But think about that for a bit, and see if it rings any bells to you and makes some kind of sense.

This isn't wrong.

But it isn't right either.

All a doc will do is either therapy or throw pills at him. Both don't get to the core of it, unless he is chemically depressed.

Therapy barely works. Drugs are a band aid on a gunshot wound.

He feels he needs affection to validate his self worth. The worst thing he could do is get advice that doesn't apply and change himself for someone who won't accept him for who he is.

It's better by far to just worry about tomorrow, and let the rest of the week sort itself out

Wrong.  Fuck off. Jumping to conclusions. I'm not gonna tell him to go to a therapist. I know his situation inside and out. And if he talks to me, we can break it apart.

If I was going to tell him to go to a therapist I would tell him to stall off the pills as long as possible. Unless it's chemical inbalance. That's not in my range.

But for now, there needs to be a lot of talking between me and him.

And what? Push him to work his issues out to what you consider productive? Accept his personal demons and belittle them? His pain made him who he is. It's a process that starts when we realize our parents are just people and ends in the grave.

Eli is who he is. I don't think that he's wrong here. Life is too short to conform to what someone else thinks is normal. Especially since everyone and no one is normal.

Humanity is messy. We carry the same weight differently. He feels pain and my advice is unchanged: find someone for tomorrow alone. If the day after tomorrow everything falls apart, so be it.

For a day they both were themselves

Quote from: MyNameIsCharlie on January 26, 2016, 02:07:55 AM

Quote from: Kal on January 26, 2016, 02:00:53 AM

Quote from: MyNameIsCharlie on January 26, 2016, 01:50:48 AM

Quote from: Kal on January 26, 2016, 01:43:21 AM

Quote from: MyNameIsCharlie on January 26, 2016, 01:40:49 AM

Actually, for the first time in too long, yes. I don't feel I have to change. I just be myself. I am with someone who is herself. And we accept each other as we are. Neither of us thought it would last beyond 6 weeks. But we came to realize that life is too damned short for the drama we create for ourselves.

Okay one last question I guess before I stop bothering with this (I got shit I really need to work on and these threads need to stop distracting me) what advice would you give to someone who fundamentally hates themselves? Because that's the core issue here.

I think that very few people actually hate themselves. I think we all paint ourselves into boxes and hate what we become. All it takes is to find someone who cares, if even for a minute.

The trick is to just be who you are and make no apologies. If they act weird at your weirdness, then do not waste a second with them.

The sad truth is, we're all the same. We put on airs to make people think we're better, but we all share the exact same baggage.

That's why Eli should just find someone for tomorrow. Validate who he is, unchanged, and he restores his self value. What do you think love is? It's simply acceptance.

We agree on most things where with the exception of the relationship bit and the self hatred thing. His problems run a bit deeper than you're probably seeing, and the way I see it, he's got some shit to sort out before dumping his heart and soul on another person again.

Living together in mutual happiness is one thing, but making another person your entire life's purpose is a whole other thing. I've been there, and when I got cut off front that it almost completely destroyed me. But the other thing is, I dealt with really bad depression for just over a decade, which is almost half my lifespan. It clouds your mind and gives you tunnel vision, so it becomes easy to despise yourself but love someone else unconditionally. Fact is, it's suffocating for the other person and they probably can't handle being your entire life's purpose.

He is who he is. I don't feel he should change that. He has demons driving him. We all do.  No one is happy all the time. The best advice I can give is to find someone who accepts him for who he is right now and take it day by day. All a therapist does is help you channel emotions to what they think is productive. I have known a few therapists, and their lives were more fucked up than mine.

At the end of the day, we walk our paths alone. Best to be who we are and surround ourselves with people who accept us for just that. Even if they're only there for a day.

I guess it's not so much finding a "therapist" as it's more finding someone with the proper wisdom. Someone who has the experience and actually understands.

I'm not claiming to be wise. But I know pain and self loathing. The best advice I can give, the only advice I can give is for Eli to be Eli and find anyone who makes him happy tomorrow.

If he goes around holding out for Mrs Right, he'll search forever and end up conforming to a mode of life that deepens the pain he feels now.

OP left

finally

>Psychologists

The majority of them are all sheltered babies who went to college at 18 and never really experienced anything worse than a dead family member or friend.

They can't help you. You need to deal with this yourself. Talking to some random person who knows nothing about you and hasn't gone what you go through can never truly understand and actually help you. All they do is trivialize what youve been through and label you and label your problem with some jargon and it's mission accomplished.

If you can help yourself you don't need a psychologist.

A doctor doesn't cure you, a doctor does so that you body cures you, or they remove something. A doctor can't heal a broken leg, but a doctor can put a cast on that will make the bone grow correctly. In the same way a psychologist can only help you with curing yourself.

Basically, if you break a leg, but can fix it on your own, don't go to the doctors.

Get a cat