Big Boss delivered so here I go.

I'm not someone who usually has regrets, but I felt my chest swell with unfulfilled desires and the pain of mistakes I've made, as I held the Ruger .32 in my mouth.

I was a little scared, but I knew my public demanded this review.
I pulled the trigger.

Some people say your last moments happen in slo-mo, this was not the case for me.
It was only a little pinch, and then darkness.

The brine of the afterlife was not quite air and not quite liquid, but it was solid and opaque in color. I swam up to the top, not to catch my breath, but out of curiosity. When I crested above that sea, I saw the brine was not black, but bright blue, it was the opaquity that led me to believe it was black.

I saw on the horizon a shining city, and I kept trying to swim to it, but it kept getting further away, eventually I gave up and let myself sink.

I surfaced on the other side, the sky was black and the sea was red, and I swam to shore with relative ease.
A beast of a man approached me and handed me a sword. "You will fight here for eternity." I asked him, "Is this hell??

He laughed heartily. "Young warrior this is Valhalla."

I say to him, "I don't think I belong here, I killed myself."
And as I uttered the words a bolt of lightning struck me and I was atop a mountain.

The sky was pure and the slopes magnificent.
I was sure this was the place I had come to rest, and Hermes stood before me, and said "No child, these are illusions, your mind is trying to comprehend where you are about to go. The way is through me."

I looked upon him in disbelief, and implored him, "Guide me."
The skies darkened and filled with energy and he issued a single command.

"Run."

So I ran.
I felt the world around me cascade me forward.
And soon I was not moving at all, rather, the world was rolling away beneath my feet.

And finally, the illusion broke.
I was among grassy hills and unending, winding roads.

Where Hermes stood above was now a familiar face.
"I have to go home, I have a review to write."

And then I woke up.
My wounds healed, the casing still hot.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, all the religions are wrong, there is no heaven.
We all go to the speedforce when we die.

I give it an 8.5/10