Ok

I mean yesterday I was mugged, beaten to unconsciousness after they shattered a couple of my teeth, and then proceeded to dump me in a field when they realized the only thing of value I had on me was my phone. Don't remember when or why I left my house due to the massive concussion I sustained, but the neighbors have footage of some dude carrying me off into the darkness. Thankfully I didn't have my wallet on me (SS and credit cards all it it), but that's the only brightside.

Also, the job I literally moved six states away for straight up stated they'd filled my position the day before I left.

Shit could be worse bro.

Wtf, do you live in Detroit or Baltimore or something? Hope the scum gets caught.

Quote from: Busta Nut on February 10, 2021, 05:26:57 PM

I mean yesterday I was mugged, beaten to unconsciousness after they shattered a couple of my teeth, and then proceeded to dump me in a field when they realized the only thing of value I had on me was my phone. Don't remember when or why I left my house due to the massive concussion I sustained, but the neighbors have footage of some dude carrying me off into the darkness. Thankfully I didn't have my wallet on me (SS and credit cards all it it), but that's the only brightside.

Also, the job I literally moved six states away for straight up stated they'd filled my position the day before I left.

Shit could be worse bro.

Wtf, do you live in Detroit or Baltimore or something? Hope the scum gets caught.

The shittiest part of Salt Lake City. There's an apartment complex a street over where immigrants trying to get their Visas/Green Card reside, and there's a cop presence almost 24/7 due to robberies and GTA. Broken glass everywhere from all the smashed in windshields lol

I hope you're ready for some text. I'm going to cite two times in my life where I was at my lowest both physically and mentally. The first case was the winter after my significant other was killed. She was one of the only truly decent aspects I had going to my life. There was a future and plans there. All of it got ripped away and that pulled out the one hope I ever had in my life about anything. Compounded with all the other years of bullshit I'd gone through, it all caught up to me. Did a bit of tracking, swiped a shotgun from a farmstead I scoped out, and went off into the woods to kill myself on the coldest night during the winter.

The second time was a few years ago. Let a friend's ashes blow out to sea in Quebec. I made the wrong moves and swiped cash from the wrong person. Got my ass beat to shit by hell's angels bikers. At that point I was wanting to die as well. But I got back up. Put a splint on my leg, was as careful as I could be with what I knew or felt was fractured, and I walked back to the opposite coastline. I started trying again, sorting my shit out, and making plans. The initial time I tried to kill myself after my SO died, I made a promise to her that I'd never let it beat me. That I'd never bend again and that I'd get back up no matter what.

I treat this line of thought as a hypothetical. If I had to go through those bikers again, get my ass beat and busted up to be the half cripple I am today, if it could get the person I loved back, would I do it? Yes. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. Therefore that extends to my life in principle as well. If there's nothing I wouldn't do for her, then there's nothing I can't do for myself either. She'd want me to get my ass up and fight. She'd want me to learn how to be happy again, and undo or sort my baggage, and re-learn or discover the emotional parts of myself that are burnt out and missing. She'd want me to be alive again, like I felt when she was around. I also have my family to help and protect. To me their happiness is paramount. It's my job to protect them and help them until something kills me. I can't do my job if I'm dead or I'm a depressed wreck.

The point to all of that is, of course life doesn't mean shit to you if you can't feel it, or you feel like you have nothing. But you can always restart from zero. You can start again from nothing. Mainly, what you need to ask yourself is why you aren't happy currently? What feels wrong in your life, and how do you think it got this way? That's where you start at least. When you have that, then you can start thinking about what you can do to change it.

And it's not about asking why. When you ask why, in your condition the only answer you'll get is "I shouldn't bother." What you should be asking is how. How do I get out of this situation?

I'm not certain if you are depressed out of boredom or desperation of your situation.

For the former, there's always new stuff to get into. I got into photography a few years back and it got me outside a lot, talking to people for portraits, and seeing interesting things. It distracted me well enough from my otherwise depressing outlook on life. It doesn't have to be expensive either - I started with cheap film cameras, but there's always cheap paints, diy tools for making a shelf or frame for something...

For the latter, it always can get better. Think of small improvements.

Last week I had a bit of a panic attack over studying and deadlines, and I had been neglecting chores in my flat I needed doing. Taking the day off and cleaning up the dishes, hoovering, taking out rubbish etc etc got me in a better mood as when I woke up the next day I wasn't confronted by a shitty environment to work in.

I won't suggest this is in any way similar or worse than whatever your situation is. But starting small on little bothers you feel are insignificant to deal with are often the best to start with, and when their done you can feel a bit accomplished and use the rest of the day to think about the next insignifanct task, and the next. Eventually you'll start hitting the big ones and be in a better state to tackle them.