I'm fine now

Solonoid · March 11, 2019, 05:35:35 AM

Quote from: Verbatim on March 10, 2019, 10:42:57 PM

Quote from: Solonoid on March 09, 2019, 08:33:07 PM
This is evidence there's a God. I take back everything I said about this site needing to be shut down. As long as Verbatim reports on his pain to this website, it deserves to exist.
i still don't really know what's causing this vitriol towards me

pretty much everyone who's once disliked me has either gotten over it, or has decided i'm not so bad after all (whether they're right or not, it's what always happens)

the worst thing i could possibly have done to you is say something you dislike, either because it was mean, or simply because you disagreed with it

i think there's a case to be made for me "deserving" what i'm going through right now, but if i do, it's certainly not for whatever i've posted on the internet

i can say that i wouldn't wish what i'm currently going through on even my least favorite user of this website

the only things you don't deserve to come your way are positive

my single greatest desire in life is for you to suffer

I hope that in that way, I am very much like God

MarKhan · March 11, 2019, 07:27:48 AM

Quote from: Verbatim on March 10, 2019, 10:42:57 PM

Quote from: Solonoid on March 09, 2019, 08:33:07 PM
This is evidence there's a God. I take back everything I said about this site needing to be shut down. As long as Verbatim reports on his pain to this website, it deserves to exist.
i still don't really know what's causing this vitriol towards me

pretty much everyone who's once disliked me has either gotten over it, or has decided i'm not so bad after all (whether they're right or not, it's what always happens)

the worst thing i could possibly have done to you is say something you dislike, either because it was mean, or simply because you disagreed with it

i think there's a case to be made for me "deserving" what i'm going through right now, but if i do, it's certainly not for whatever i've posted on the internet

i can say that i wouldn't wish what i'm currently going through on even my least favorite user of this website

Sol just doesn't want to let down your expectations for humans in general

FatherlyNick - fuck putin · March 11, 2019, 01:18:30 PM

Hope you will pass them without much pain and I also wish you lots of health in general.

Jono · March 11, 2019, 03:23:06 PM

I'm scared to pee now after reading through this thread

March 11, 2019, 08:30:05 PM

Quote from: Verbatim on March 10, 2019, 10:50:20 PM

Quote from: Carmen on March 10, 2019, 10:30:00 AM
A drug gave me the courage to do what I never ever would've done sober. Can you honestly still cling to your "all drugs are bad" viewpoint knowing this? Again - not trying to get on your nerves or anything, really just trying to see how your logical process works.
the problem is that you can't really know that

i like to think that if i, of all people, with all my neuroticisms and mental issues with severe depression, social anxiety, sweeping misanthropy, an intense hatred of 99% of shit in general to the point where i'm not even comfortable breathing or inhabiting my own skin (last night, when i was in pain, i spent some time contemplating my own heartbeat, and how much it disgusted me), can still abstain from almost all drug and alcohol use and still be in a position where i'm content enough with my existence to better myself (at my own pace), then i honestly believe in my heart of hearts that fucking anybody can

to claim otherwise, i think, would be to claim that i'm somehow special, or an inherently stronger person than average, and i just don't think that's the case (as flattering as that would be)

so honestly yeah, i still don't think your drug abuse is all that helpful—i'm sure believing so feels validating in some way, and i guess that's fine, and it's great that you have this newfound courage

i just refuse to believe that you never could've attained it sober, and i think you have a bit of confirmation bias going on

I think I have it much worse than you. You don't know how hard it is to have this disease. Every day it's all I can think about, and I have to distract myself with TV, video games, social stuff (attention whoring), or drugs, or else I spiral and go crazy with depression and self-hate. Why don't you think it's helpful? Don't you notice a change in me at all? Why do you refuse to believe I couldn't have gained this newfound confidence sober? I really couldn't have.

Quote from: Solonoid on March 11, 2019, 05:35:35 AM

Quote from: Verbatim on March 10, 2019, 10:42:57 PM
Quote from: Solonoid on March 09, 2019, 08:33:07 PM
This is evidence there's a God. I take back everything I said about this site needing to be shut down. As long as Verbatim reports on his pain to this website, it deserves to exist.
i still don't really know what's causing this vitriol towards me

pretty much everyone who's once disliked me has either gotten over it, or has decided i'm not so bad after all (whether they're right or not, it's what always happens)

the worst thing i could possibly have done to you is say something you dislike, either because it was mean, or simply because you disagreed with it

i think there's a case to be made for me "deserving" what i'm going through right now, but if i do, it's certainly not for whatever i've posted on the internet

i can say that i wouldn't wish what i'm currently going through on even my least favorite user of this website
the only things you don't deserve to come your way are positive

my single greatest desire in life is for you to suffer

I hope that in that way, I am very much like God

You're fucking disgusting. You're a worm, not God. You're beneath us all - certainly beneath even me, and that's fucking saying something. Get some mental help please.

Verbatim · March 12, 2019, 09:45:30 AM

Quote from: Carmen on March 11, 2019, 08:30:05 PM

I think I have it much worse than you. You don't know how hard it is to have this disease. Every day it's all I can think about, and I have to distract myself with TV, video games, social stuff (attention whoring), or drugs, or else I spiral and go crazy with depression and self-hate. Why don't you think it's helpful? Don't you notice a change in me at all? Why do you refuse to believe I couldn't have gained this newfound confidence sober? I really couldn't have.

i highly doubt that you have it "worse" (or "better") than me, but that wasn't really my point anyway, because it's not a contest and it's not productive to gatekeep people's suffering like that

you talk about having to do these things "or else you will" spiral and go crazy with depression and self-hate

you know, kinda like what i've been doing for the past 10 years? which you apparently haven't experienced yet

and guess what: STILL not doing drugs, STILL not an alcoholic

i'm not trying to boast about this or anything, just the opposite--it's not difficult for me in spite of my circumstances, so it shouldn't be difficult for anyone else, and i really don't care who you are

the only exceptions might be if you have fetal alcohol syndrome, or maybe were born an addict because your mother was a junkie, in which case i'd have to concede that you were literally fucked from the beginning

FatherlyNick - fuck putin · March 12, 2019, 01:38:48 PM

Quote from: Jono on March 11, 2019, 03:23:06 PM

I'm scared to pee now after reading through this thread

And never pee again.

Batch · March 12, 2019, 07:56:22 PM

Get some protein in ya boy

Verbatim · March 12, 2019, 08:21:33 PM

Quote from: Batch on March 12, 2019, 07:56:22 PM

Get some protein in ya boy

i already get more than enough

apparently protein is why you might get stones in the first place

what i need is water

Batch · March 12, 2019, 08:26:05 PM

Quote from: Verbatim on March 12, 2019, 08:21:33 PM

Quote from: Batch on March 12, 2019, 07:56:22 PM
Get some protein in ya boy
i already get more than enough

it actually doesn't help and makes things worse

what i need is water

I know you eat plenty of beans.

But yeah honestly I think you need maybe 2-3L a day? I dont know what itll be like coming out, RIP dude.

FatherlyNick - fuck putin · March 13, 2019, 11:25:27 AM

Is there not like a penis plunger that can help succ the stones out?

Verbatim · March 13, 2019, 08:46:12 PM

Quote from: FatherlyNick on March 13, 2019, 11:25:27 AM

Is there not like a penis plunger that can help succ the stones out?

No

there's something called laser lithotripsy which was previously alluded to, but it's only performed on patients where the stone is larger than 5mm and would thus be extremely damaging (or outright impossible) to pass

since it involves shoving a device up your urethra, i'm pretty happy it won't be necessary with me

Verbatim · March 13, 2019, 08:51:06 PM

there's also shockwave therapy where they use a fancy machine to break the stone externally using sound waves or some shit, but that is also reserved for medium-sized stones and would be very expensive

passing it manually is painful but free

DAS B00T x2 · March 13, 2019, 09:02:13 PM

sorry but I just need to do this when I read something new in this thread

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Dietrich Six · March 15, 2019, 08:21:11 AM

How goes it verb?

Verbatim · March 15, 2019, 08:24:40 AM

one thing i neglected to mention during my initial visit to the hospital is that they found several cysts all over my kidneys, and they also found one in my prostate

it's actually normal to have maybe one or two cysts on your kidneys, and prostatic cysts are common as well, it's not really a big deal

the problem is that i have several, and the one on my prostate is as big as a fucking golf ball

so i'm seeing a nephrologist for that, because while cysts are rarely malignant, the fact that i have so large and so many of them is very concerning (they never once mentioned cancer during my prognosis, but i have a hunch that it's only because they don't want me to get scared—having kidney stones is a symptom of renal cancer)

during this visit i will have (another) CAT scan that will actually take contrast (color) images this time, so i'll be able to know for sure what these things are doing to me, and whether i should be more worried for them than i am about my kidney stones

i just have one question about that: why the FUCK did they not just take contrast images in the first place? i didn't ask them because i didn't want to seem like a pedantic or insolent smart-ass or whatever, but goddamn that bugged the shit out of me

so anyway, back to the kidney stones

it turns out that if i don't pass them by the 22nd, they're gonna shove a rod up my cock and blast it themselves—it's a process they put you in anesthesia for, but it seems lately that all my biggest nightmares have been coming true (get your dick out, solonoid)

right now, i am experiencing some pretty intense pain in my groin (to where i cannot sit still or do anything besides wait for it to end), and i'm not allowed to take any painkillers containing aspirin on any of the seven days before my scheduled surgery—that mean no ibuprofen—i can take my hydrocodone, which is supposed to be my "good" drug, but i'm only allowed to have one pill every 24 hours

well i took it an hour ago and it hasn't done shit so i guess i'm just fucked for the day

for perspective i started typing this message an hour and 45 minutes ago

i'm also allowed to take tylenol, but it says on the bottle to not take it with drugs that have acetaminophen, which hydrocodone does

Batch · March 15, 2019, 09:22:54 AM

Dont wanna be that guy, but do you know anyone that can supply you with weed? Preferably butter, put that shit into brownies and itll seriously help with the pain.

Elai · March 15, 2019, 09:41:49 AM

jeez that sounds brutal. hopefully its nothing too serious.

Verbatim · March 15, 2019, 09:54:26 AM

Quote from: Batch on March 15, 2019, 09:22:54 AM

Dont wanna be that guy, but do you know anyone that can supply you with weed? Preferably butter, put that shit into brownies and itll seriously help with the pain.

100% out of the question outside of a prescription

DAS B00T x2 · March 15, 2019, 02:26:20 PM

fucking AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA my dude

Verbatim · March 15, 2019, 02:51:40 PM

just had throes of pain bad enough to leave work a couple hours early and tremble in my bed for those two hours instead

i wonder if the pain is really as bad as i think, or if i'm just a baby

whatever the case, somehow, my dogs knew to leave me the fuck alone when i got home

i love my dogs

Ásgeirr · March 15, 2019, 06:50:34 PM

Its been compared to giving birth so its most likely as bad as you think

Solonoid · March 15, 2019, 08:46:57 PM

I love this.

It's like Christmas for me.

Doctor Doom · March 16, 2019, 11:11:20 PM

Any progress?

also hey i didn't know you work, what do you do

Verbatim · March 16, 2019, 11:19:13 PM

Quote from: Doctor Doom on March 16, 2019, 11:11:20 PM

Any progress?

also hey i didn't know you work, what do you do

i've passed two very tiny fragments of stone, so... whatever that means, and the number of sleepless nights i've been experiencing has noticeably increased, so perhaps i'll get lucky and pass it before the operation, but i'm not gonna get all excited about that

clerk and assistant manager of my dad's record shop

not getting paid monetarily, but work is work

Mmmmm Napalm · March 21, 2019, 08:49:10 AM

Hope you get better

Verbatim · March 21, 2019, 08:51:55 AM

didn't pass shit, as far as i'm aware

it's possible that it broke down and i just didn't feel it, but the doctors need confirmation and i don't have any

so i'm getting probed tomorrow

Doctor Doom · March 21, 2019, 04:26:11 PM

at least you'll be numbed up and it's not like you were planning to do anything with your dick anyway

also review more anime

Verbatim · March 22, 2019, 03:05:12 PM

so i got my cock probed

it went fine, extracted the stone and be able to figure out what it's made out of within the next couple days

i was only a little sore when i woke up from the anesthesia

for the next couple weeks, i have a stent in my ureter (it's a little uncomfortable), so i'm gonna be pissing blood for a little while, but other than that, i'm feeling fine

i still have a stone in my right kidney, but it hasn't been giving me grief, so i'm not worried about it

my second CAT scan has been pushed back two months, which pisses me off a little, because i desperately want to know what these cysts are, but it can't be helped

Elai · March 22, 2019, 03:12:29 PM

hopefully the worst is behind you.