Why haven't you applied for the divorce yet?

Listen first thing first, find someone a friend preferrably who has practiced law.

Or just ask a lawyer for some help, not paid but just go lawyer up.

Honestly this will get messy, and you may want to find out who the guy is. Cause if this goes to court, you will need to have him to go on the stand. Honestly you can win this case quite easily if you want to. Also right now she may be irrational so let her be, go talk to the cops or call a friend someone you know or a workmate and ask them if you and your kid can stay at their place to avoid the comming shitstorm. Explain the situation clearly to them. Talk to a cop if need be to gain some witnesses if this goes to court. Honestly lawyer up and get out of the house with the kid and take care of the kid at a friends place.

Let the anger boil and then dissipate, the space is right now heavily necessary. You need some serious alone time and so does she. She has to decide on her own if she wants anything to do with this relationship.

Write a letter and leave it on the table before you leave.

We're in Florida adopting a child. We can't divorce until its final. Her timing could not have been worse. I haven't demanded divorce yet because its not that simple. 3 years ago, before we decided to adopt and been matched with a mother, we would have just called it a day. Now that kids are involved, its complicated.

Now, that does not mean I forgive or forget. I've made her call her family, and our friends to explain what she did.

My biggest problem is that she is insisting on going to see him to call it off.

Its this or a loud, catastrophic divorce as soon as the adoption is final. The kind of loud that ruins lives. And she has more to lose than me...

Now, in the six months we have to wait, we can see if I can ever trust her, and if our decade and a half relationship can be salvaged. 

We're in Florida adopting a child. We can't divorce until its final. Her timing could not have been worse. I haven't demanded divorce yet because its not that simple. 3 years ago, before we decided to adopt and been matched with a mother, we would have just called it a day. Now that kids are involved, its complicated.

Now, that does not mean I forgive or forget. I've made her call her family, and our friends to explain what she did.

My biggest problem is that she is insisting on going to see him to call it off.

Its this or a loud, catastrophic divorce as soon as the adoption is final. The kind of loud that ruins lives. And she has more to lose than me...

Now, in the six months we have to wait, we can see if I can ever trust her, and if our decade and a half relationship can be salvaged.

Let me ask you this.

Is the kid important to you or not?

If it is then you know what you need to do and honestly cut yourself, let her do what she wants to do, and call it off with him. Actually offer to accompany her, but honestly it might not be a good idea. She right now i bet knows that she did something wrong and has to fix it. Let her try to fix it, and see how the six months go.

As the six months carry on do not bring it up. Maybe start from when she returns do not bring it up. Sleep in a different room, or maybe on the floor in the kids room. Make the kid the important part of your life. Forgo sex for now, just forgo it masturbation can fulfill you. I know this sounds beta but honestly forgo sex. Let her make the moves to fix it. She made the mistake and let her prove that she actually loves you. You have feelings for her. Just sit back and let her make ethe moves. Just keep an open mind.

She may change in the next six months, then good. If not divorce after you get the kid. Remember you are doing this for the kid not for her. Just the kid. Make the kid one of the most important part of your life.

Honestly if the kid is the most important thing you will know what to do.

I will also add i have never been in your situation and i also understand that i have no idea how you feel. Expect to make irrational decision. Things are going to be chaotic. Just know this, if things go wrong, we guys will be there for you. Hell once i move out next year if you need a place to stay come over to my place.

I can't accompany her. I leave Florida with baby Alex and I am guilty of interstate family kidnapping.

But we have 6 months, like it or not, and we have a choice. Build a new relationship, or call it a day.

Having the two of us together is best for the children. That may not be possible. But we owe our boys to at least try.

If we separate it will be joint custody. 50% there, 50% here...

CA is a no fault state. That means cheating is irrelevant. I would have to prove the children are in danger, which I couldn't.

I have to stay level headed and not lose sight of what is best for my boys.

You're in California too?

Wow that sucks.
I feel for ya.

I feel you man its a terrible situation but you're going about it in a good way. Most guys would have done some really crazy shit in your situation.

Like you said, you have 6 months to see if you can salvage the relationship. If you can, Great. If you can't, it aint the end of the world.