I'm so tired

Jive Turkey · June 28, 2017, 06:59:19 PM

I want to go back to how I was before. I hate all this shit. Meditation spirituality enlightenment I hate it all.

Ingy · June 28, 2017, 07:02:06 PM

S A D B O I S

Elai · June 28, 2017, 07:07:46 PM

how are you any different than you were before?

Hahahaha very funny Zonda · June 28, 2017, 07:09:54 PM

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challengerX · June 28, 2017, 07:17:43 PM

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Hahahaha very funny Zonda · June 28, 2017, 07:30:02 PM

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Kitsune 狐 · June 28, 2017, 07:40:40 PM

Just be you. Just do you.

Doctor Doom · June 28, 2017, 08:16:00 PM

and i want abs

care to trade

maverick · June 28, 2017, 10:13:17 PM

lol seriously?

Jive Turkey · June 29, 2017, 05:03:33 PM

Quote from: 597 on June 28, 2017, 07:07:46 PM

how are you any different than you were before?

A few weeks ago, due to a combination of extreme life stress/emotional turbulence, very elevated anxiety from a certain powerful steroid(which has since been dropped), and overall overthinking, I had a major panic attack and in the middle of it disassociated from reality and my self. It was like I was basically viewing myself viewing the world. I basically came to the full belief/understanding that there is no "me", "I'm" just a combination of lots of different factors like sensation and memory that all experience the world. Intellectually I know this because we're basically just atoms etc blah blah, but this became ingrained in me for some reason. And I have no control over anything I do really and neither does anyone else, it's all just an illusion. Again it's one thing to know this intellectually but this became ingrained in my core

Ever since then I've been having on and off moments with experiencing the world like this, where I realize im not real, the person I'm talking to isn't real and they don't even know it. It really fucks with my head man smh. When I get in these moments I experience the world literally moment by moment and it's exhausting.

The other half of the time I experience the world how I used to, but in the back of my head I'm aware of which way I'm perceiving it.

Not sure if it's placebo, I'm going crazy, or I just have more awareness now but whatever it is It's my reality now

Jive Turkey · June 29, 2017, 05:05:16 PM

One cool thing about it is that sometimes(especially in nature) I get these really beautiful moments of bliss and euphoria where every single thing is right in the world no matter what my external circumstances are

Desty · June 29, 2017, 05:34:57 PM

Quote from: Jive Turkey on June 29, 2017, 05:05:16 PM

One cool thing about it is that sometimes(especially in nature) I get these really beautiful moments of bliss and euphoria where every single thing is right in the world no matter what my external circumstances are

For how long has this happened since the experience?

June 29, 2017, 05:38:53 PM

TB · June 29, 2017, 05:58:18 PM

On the contrary whenever I have those kind of experiences meditation is the thing that allows me to feel refreshed and normal again.

challengerX · June 29, 2017, 06:13:59 PM

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Jive Turkey · June 29, 2017, 06:47:27 PM

Quote from: Desty on June 29, 2017, 05:34:57 PM

Quote from: Jive Turkey on June 29, 2017, 05:05:16 PM
One cool thing about it is that sometimes(especially in nature) I get these really beautiful moments of bliss and euphoria where every single thing is right in the world no matter what my external circumstances are
For how long has this happened since the experience?

The experience happened like 2 weeks ago Thursday, and since then I've experienced the euphoria maybe 3 times. Once when I was driving and saw the clouds, once when I was reading at a park, and the most intense last night at 3am in the car sitting talking with a girl. She was getting really deep about her life and it just overcame me like a wave, lasted maybe a good minute or so. Afterwards I nearly cried from happiness and I just started laughing for no reason. Top 5 best moments of my life tbh

Jive Turkey · June 29, 2017, 06:48:05 PM

Quote from: TBlocks on June 29, 2017, 05:58:18 PM

On the contrary whenever I have those kind of experiences meditation is the thing that allows me to feel refreshed and normal again.

oh yeah another interesting thing is that since then my meditation can get pretty deep, like another layer of meditation/awareness

Jono · June 29, 2017, 06:49:34 PM

I'm already tired tomorrow

Jive Turkey · June 29, 2017, 06:51:46 PM

Quote from: challengerX on June 29, 2017, 06:13:59 PM

Quote from: Jive Turkey on June 29, 2017, 05:03:33 PM
Quote from: 597 on June 28, 2017, 07:07:46 PM
how are you any different than you were before?
A few weeks ago, due to a combination of extreme life stress/emotional turbulence, very elevated anxiety from a certain powerful steroid(which has since been dropped), and overall overthinking, I had a major panic attack and in the middle of it disassociated from reality and my self. It was like I was basically viewing myself viewing the world. I basically came to the full belief/understanding that there is no "me", "I'm" just a combination of lots of different factors like sensation and memory that all experience the world. Intellectually I know this because we're basically just atoms etc blah blah, but this became ingrained in me for some reason. And I have no control over anything I do really and neither does anyone else, it's all just an illusion. Again it's one thing to know this intellectually but this became ingrained in my core

Ever since then I've been having on and off moments with experiencing the world like this, where I realize im not real, the person I'm talking to isn't real and they don't even know it. It really fucks with my head man smh. When I get in these moments I experience the world literally moment by moment and it's exhausting.

The other half of the time I experience the world how I used to, but in the back of my head I'm aware of which way I'm perceiving it.

Not sure if it's placebo, I'm going crazy, or I just have more awareness now but whatever it is It's my reality now
If you abuse the wrong substances you can experience permanent dissociation from reality and it can happen in bursts as you're experiencing now. I'd recommend seeking help immediately.

What's the name of the specific steroid you used?

Its a derivative from the steroid equipose which can be known to cause anxiety in some. It's a shame I dropped it all because I was starting to look like a Greek god. I was getting bigger and leaner daily smh. Strength shot up and my muscles were diamond hard. I literally never looked that good in my life

Spoiler

I don't think it was just the roid. I think it was the combo of the extreme anxiety it gave me, plus the situation I got in that day which is when I discovered my ex was trying to get at my friends, all of it together was like the perfect recipe for an intense panic attack